He hadn’t meant to say those words, and knew he’d probably only confused her more, but it was the truth. He didn’t have relationships with women. He wasn’t a jerk, but he also didn’t promise commitment. The only person he’d tried to do that with had left him. And left their daughter.
And Loch wasn’t sure he could handle Ainsley leaving him. Wasn’t sure he could handle her leaving Misty, even though he’d told her to stay away.
Because she would leave.
They all did.
“That doesn’t make any sense, Loch.” She licked her lips. “I’m not going anywhere.”
Then she kissed him, pressing her body against his. She fit perfectly, a fit that made him think of other things.
Things far dirtier.
Then he remembered that she’d locked the door.
“I didn’t plan this,” she whispered against his lips. “I only wanted to talk.”
He cupped her under her ass and turned them both around so she was sitting on the top of his desk, her legs spread, and his body between her thighs.
“This isn’t going to solve anything, you know,” she whispered. She arched her neck, and he sucked on her delicate skin, needing her taste.
“It’ll show you that I liked having sex with you. I had the best sex of my life with you. The fact that I stepped away? That’s on me. It’s only on me. It has to do with everything else going on around us. And the fact I don’t want to lose you.”
She bit his lip, and he growled. “You’re not going to lose me. I can promise you that. Because I don’t want to lose you either.” He licked her lips, and she opened for him. “What are we doing, Loch?”
“I don’t know, but I want to keep doing it.”
She grinned. “It’s the sports bra, isn’t it?”
He bit her jaw. “It was the box jumps, wasn’t it?”
“Maybe.” A kiss. “This is stupid.”
“Beyond stupid.”
He kissed her again, and she tightened her legs around his body, pulling his dick close to the heat of her.
“But we’re still doing it,” she whispered. “Then, we’ll talk.”
He cupped her face and looked into her eyes, knowing he couldn’t hide things from her. He’d always sucked at it, and he knew if he kept trying, he’d be the one watching her walk away.
“After.”
Her eyes widened. “Promise?”
He could kick himself for the hurt he saw in her expression. “Yes. I promise.” Then he took her mouth, needing her. They were at his damn workplace, and anyone could knock at any moment—and some would know exactly what they were doing in here. But he didn’t care.
He had to have her, had to show her that he wanted her, that he cared for her, that he wasn’t as much of an asshole as he had been lately.
So, he gave in.
And so did she.
He tugged on her sports bra, and she helped him take it off, not wanting to hurt her since the damn things always freaked him out. Then her breasts were right there, the pink-tipped nipples begging for his mouth. So he lowered his head and sucked on one, using his fingers to pluck at the other.
Ainsley gripped the edge of the desk, her legs around him as she let her head fall back. She looked like a fucking goddess, but she’d never believe him if he said that. She didn’t take his compliments easily, and because he didn’t speak unless it was important, he tended to hold back and not give enough.
That had to change.
With her in his arms, he knew that had to change.
“You’re so fucking beautiful.” Kiss. “I could taste you all day.” Bite. “All fucking day.” Suck.
“Loch. I need…I need…”
“I know what you need.”
He stood up and cupped the back of her neck as he lowered his hands between her legs and over her yoga pants. Even through the fabric, he could feel the heat of her. He rubbed the heel of his hand against her, and she moaned, arching into him. So he did it again. And again.
And when she squirmed, he quickly moved back, tugged on the waistband of her pants, and grinned when she raised herself up off the desk, helping him take them off along with her panties in one go.
Then, his mouth was on her, licking and sucking at her cunt, alternating between breathing hot and blowing cool air over her when she rested her legs to his shoulders. He ate like a man at a feast, lapping her up as her arousal dripped down his chin, her pussy so wet and ready for him all he’d have to do is stand up and strip to slide right into her tight, hot, wet sheath.
But even though his cock was so hard he was afraid he’d pop in one go, he kept his mouth on her, looking up her sexy-as-sin body as she came on his face. Her body bucked so violently when he flicked his tongue over and over on her clit that he had to hold her down by the hips so she didn’t fall off his desk.
Then he stood up, tore off his shirt, and shucked off his shorts before remembering he didn’t have a very important thing they would need to continue this.
He cursed, gripping the base of his cock as he looked down at her coming off her high. He squeezed, trying to hold himself back from coming on her stomach right then and there just at the sight of her. He wasn’t a teenager, he could last longer than this, but without a condom, they’d have to get a little more creative than they were already being.
She looked at him then, her pupils wide as she swallowed. “I’m clean. On the pill. I trust you, Loch. If you say you’re clean, then you’re clean. You’re not going to let something happen to your body because you’re stupid. You take care of yourself. Just like I do.”
He leaned down and took her lips in a searing kiss. “I don’t deserve you,” he whispered.
“Same. Guess that makes us even. Now, please, get in me. Because you look like you’re in pain standing there with that big cock of yours waiting for me.” Then she spread her legs while still seated on his desk, and he was pretty sure he’d never seen anything so hot in his life.
He moved closer, placing the tip of his dick at her entrance. And when she met his gaze, he slowly slid inside, inch by inch, pulling out each time he pressed in a little more. Her breaths came in quick pants, and he groaned when she tightened her inner walls around him. As soon as he was fully seated inside her, he hooked her legs over his arms and moved.
He thrust in and out of her, hard and fast, no longer able to hold himself back. And, this time, he met her gaze without straying, without pulling away and flipping her over so it wouldn’t be too much.
They’d already crossed that line. There was no going back.
She came first, her body shaking, her eyes rolling back, her breasts flushed, her nipples hard little points. And when she tightened even more around his dick, something he didn’t think possible, he came as well, following her into the abyss.
Loch licked up Ainsley’s neck again, their breaths mingling as they tried to come down from their high. He knew they needed to clean up, needed to talk, needed to do a lot of things, but when his cell vibrated on the desk, he knew their little bubble of just them was over. At least for now.
Ainsley’s eyes danced with laughter as she met his gaze. “Answer it while you’re still inside me. I dare you.”
His softening cock twitched, and he met her gaze, a smile forming on his mouth. “You’re bad.”
She tightened her inner muscles, making his eyes cross.
“Fine.” He picked up the phone, not bothering to look at the screen. “What?”
Ainsley slapped her hand over her mouth, holding back a giggle, and Loch couldn’t help but want to thrust just a bit, but the voice on the other end made him freeze, the blood in his body icing over.
“Good to know you haven’t changed, buddy.”
“Riker,” he growled. Ainsley gave him a weird look, and Loch knew he’d have to tell her about this man soon, but not when he was inside her, and not when he was dealing with this fucking dickhead.
“Ah, you remember me. You got my note?”
He’d known it.
“What the fuck do you want?” Loch slid out of Ainsley, not wanting her to be part of this any more than she already was. He met her gaze as he bent down to pick up his shirt so she could put it on. She did so, and he leaned down and brushed a silent kiss over her brow.
“I’m watching, Loch. And I think you know what I want.”
Then, Riker hung up, and Loch almost threw his phone. Instead, he glanced at Ainsley and knew the time for secrets was over. The time for a lot of things was over.
Chapter 11
“Who was that?” Ainsley asked, pulling the hem of Loch’s shirt down. “And why do you look like you’ve either just talked to a ghost or you want to hit something. Maybe both.”
Loch leaned down and kissed her quickly, surprising them both if the look in his eyes was anything to go by. She wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to the idea that this was Loch or that they were doing this, but maybe she could.
Once they talked. Because that sounded like a conversation Ainsley really wanted to have. But they were going to talk no matter what. Now.
“Let’s get cleaned up.” He cleared this throat. “Then we’ll go to my place so we can talk.”
“And the phone call?” she pressed. “Is that going to be part of the conversation?”
“It’s part of it.” He closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. The fact that he was still naked in his office was not lost on her, and it was really hard to pay attention to the severity of the situation when his cock was still semi-hard, and she still had his semen inside her.
And on that note…
“Can I, uh…have a tissue or something?”
He cursed and then went to a cabinet, bringing out a clean towel. Then he slid between her legs, his eyes on hers as he gently cleaned her up. When he was done, he used the same towel to wipe himself down before tossing it into the trashcan next to his desk. Without another word, the two of them got dressed, her stripping off his shirt so he could wear it again. It felt weird to get back into sweaty clothes after everything that had just happened, but she had a feeling something even more important was yet to come that evening.
“Your house?” she asked.
“If that’s okay. Do we need to stop by your place?”
She shook her head. “I have a change of clothes in my bag in the locker room, as well as some at your house. Though, when I locked the door, it was so we could talk, not so we could…you know.” She knew she was blushing, but he wasn’t smiling. Something was wrong, and she was finally going to find out what it was. “I hope the rest of the gym doesn’t know what we were doing in here.”
“My office is soundproofed.” At her look, he shrugged. “We were trying out the tech for the security arm of the business. If anyone says anything, fuck them. Let’s just get to the house. Okay?”
He was on edge, and not from what they’d just done. It had to be because of what they were going to talk about, as well as that phone call. So, when they quickly left his office and made their way to the locker rooms to grab their bags, she ignored any looks. Thankfully, she didn’t think there were many, if any at all.
Loch talked to one of his guys at the front, and then they were at her car. “I walked,” he said as he got into her driver’s seat. She wasn’t a fan of driving, so she didn’t mind. It was Loch, after all, he liked being in control. And as she’d just had him inside her, proving that, it made sense.
She wasn’t nervous, not really. Not when something was changing between them. So, when they got to Loch’s place, and he told her to shower and change into her normal clothes while he did the same, she went about the motions, wondering what he could be hiding, grateful that he was finally going to tell her. They couldn’t work it out if he kept it to himself.
The fact that something else could change between them after this had occurred to her as well, but she knew Loch. Loved him.
He meant something.
He meant everything.
And so does his daughter, she thought when she walked out and heard him talking to Misty on the phone. He was just hanging up when he caught sight of her and nodded.
“She was off to play with her grandma, and I didn’t tell her you were here or I’d have let you talk to her. I want to get this over with.”
She raised a brow. “Over with?”
“It’s not an easy thing to go over, and it’s complicated as hell, so I don’t know where to start. But that means I just need to start. Okay?”
She reached forward and cupped his face. When he didn’t pull back, she counted that as a win. “Okay. Tell me, Loch. Just…just tell me.”
He blew out a breath. “Just don’t hate me when I’m done.” When she lowered her hand, they didn’t move apart, remained so close that it was all she could do not to wrap herself around him and tell him that everything would be okay. She wasn’t sure that was the truth anyway.
“I could never hate you.” But she was still scared, that much she could admit to herself. If something had scared him enough to act this way, then she should be concerned, as well. “When I’m angry with you, and even the times I want to kick you in the shin for holding back and hiding…sometimes, I want to be able to hate you. but I can’t.” And maybe that was the problem.
Loch moved forward, tracing his finger over her cheek. She met his gaze, refusing to close her eyes and lean into him in case she missed something.
He studied her face for a few more moments before tugging her hand and bringing her to the couch. The same spot where he’d made love to her, with her. The same piece of furniture where they’d had endless nights of watching bad movies and bingeing TV shows. The same cushions where she’d splayed on top of him, wrung out after a particularly hard workout where he gave her no quarter. Where she cuddled with Misty, and where she watched Loch hold his baby girl after a long, sleepless night of cholic.
That couch held so many layered memories, but now she knew it might hold one more.
It was where he’d tell her what he’d been hiding.
Quite a lot of sentiment and meaning for a piece of wood and fabric.
“That phone call in the office, it was from someone I knew long ago. Someone I thought I’d left behind years ago.” He frowned. “Turns out, I couldn’t have been more wrong.”
Ainsley reached out and gripped his hand, the calluses of his fingers under her palm reminding her that Loch had always worked with his hands. Had always been a man of his mind and his body.
“Just tell me.”
“It’s a long and complicated story, and I’m having trouble figuring out where to start.”
“Then start chronologically. That’s what I tell my students. Start at the beginning if you don’t know how to set up an equation.”
He gave her a small smile before his eyes filled with dread. Then he continued. “You know I used to work in security, but I was always vague on the details.”
She knew her smile was weak, but it was real. “I always thought you liked the idea that people thought you were a spy with a secret or something like that.”
Loch shook his head. “No, not really. It was just…there wasn’t much to tell. I used to be a hired bodyguard for those who needed me. I did recon and other missions that were legal, but most were for people with the type of money I could never hope to have. My boss and mentor, the owner of the company, taught me everything I knew and had strong morals. That meant we were never mercenaries or the type of guys you read about who take the wrong jobs and end up either getting innocent people killed or getting killed themselves.”
He ran his thumb along her skin, and she swallowed hard, knowing this wasn’t going to end well.
“Jason, my mentor, was a good man, but he didn’t always hire good people. He brought in the best, and because he did that, sometimes, those people came with their own baggage. One of them, Riker, was a competitive asshole who was damn good at his job but didn’t mind cutting corners. And he never said no to a job, no matter the danger or
lines he’d cross to get it done.”
At the mention of Riker’s name, a chill slid down Ainsley’s back, but she kept listening, knowing there was more to come.
“Riker was, is a mercenary. He wanted my job, wanted Jason’s. He figured that if he kept in Jason’s good graces, kept being the best, no matter the cost, he’d get the company once Jason retired and could use it for his own not-so-aboveboard purposes. I left because of Misty, but I also left because I didn’t want to end up dead or in jail because Riker didn’t know when to stop. Plus, that world is for younger men. I might not be old and have many years until I’ll call myself that, but throwing my body headfirst into danger wasn’t something I wanted to do. So, yeah, I came home and built the gym and the security business on the side to keep my family and friends safe from the dangers of the world…and the world I used to live in.”
Ainsley frowned. “What do you mean by that?” She didn’t like that he talked of his death as if it were almost a certainty. No wonder just the mere mention of Riker’s name had made her want to burrow into Loch’s side and never let go.
“I worked with some bad people. It didn’t start out like that, but in the end, it’s what happened. Jason let in the wrong people like Riker, and I’ve always been cautious about what I let out into the world. Hard to do when one brother was a cop whose injury and past cases got national attention, and when the other brother is a freaking reporter. Not to mention the fact that Tabby had issues out in Denver, and I could never go into hiding.” He paused, looking into Ainsley’s gaze. “Not that I would ever do that. My family is everything. That’s why I left.”
“But you’re saying Riker and the others would want to…what? Hurt you? Because you left? But why?” She wasn’t sure she was quite understanding, but then again, this wasn’t her world, and she didn’t know all the details.
“Me leaving could be part of it,” Loch agreed. “Riker never liked losing. And he lost a lot when I was around. I was always Jason’s number-two man and I had more clearance than he did. I didn’t set out to be that way.”
Whiskey Undone (Whiskey and Lies Book 3) Page 11