“I saw Syndra, in my dream,” she said, and then added when she realized she hadn’t told Bleidd about that. “She comes to me sometimes when I’m sleeping and talks to me, mostly about the murders.”
“Her spirit is trapped here?” Bleidd said, his voice flat and emotionless, at odds with the deep sadness he felt at the thought.
“Well, yes. It seems that way. At the ritual site, although she can go other places sometimes too. She said she was here to get me when I died, except that I didn’t.”
Jess inhaled sharply at that. Bleidd’s arms tightened around her. Allie sighed. “Its okay guys, really. I didn’t die, so it’s not a big deal…”
“Allie,” Bleidd said, as Jess stared at her, speechless, “I’m starting to believe you have no sense of proportion whatsoever.”
“What do you mean?” Allie said, irritated. “I understand I almost died, but I didn’t – you, both of you, saved me. It’s not like she was saying she was here to take my soul or anything. I find it comforting that she would have been there for me, if you know…I’d gone.”
“Last night you wouldn’t sleep without both of us staying with you and now this morning you’re acting like nothing of import happened,” Jess said. “Can you not see how baffling that is?”
“I don’t want to talk about this,” Allie thought to them both, knowing she sounded like a pouting child and not caring.
“Allie,” Bleidd thought back, his words clumsy as he struggled with this form of communication. “You don’t have to be strong all the time. It’s okay to be frightened, and to admit that a situation is overwhelming.”
“I…” Allie started, then stopped, gathering her thoughts. She wanted to deny what he was saying, to insist that she was strong. But she couldn’t even sit up without help. It made her feel like she had after the Dark court elves had attacked her in her store in March, back when all of this had first started, and she hated the feeling. “Okay. Okay, maybe you’re right. Maybe I feel…weak, and helpless and frightened right now. And stupid for trusting someone…for loving someone…who tried to kill me. Maybe I’m really, really scared that I almost died and that makes me feel ashamed because Syndra did die, and you, Bleidd, you almost died too, and I should just be able to keep fighting like you do…”
“You judge yourself too harshly,” Jess thought, his emotions heavy and sad.
She sighed. “Listen. I mean really listen. Maybe I should just fall apart right now and be upset and cry and all of that, but I can’t. I can’t. You asked me to be honest about how I feel and that’s how I feel. If I sit here and really think about that it’s just too overwhelming. I have to keep fighting. I can’t just give up now because this is too hard. And so what if I did? It won’t change anything. If I say that I’m scared and I can’t do this it won’t change that we have to find Liz, that we have to root out this group before they complete the ritual cycle and rip a hole in reality, or whatever. It won’t change that the Dark court is still after me.”
“That is true Allie,” Bleidd thought. “But we are here to help you and it is concerning to see you rush headlong into danger as if you have no concern for your own life. When you speak of almost dying yesterday – yesterday! – as if it were nothing it frightens me. You take such risks already with yourself, it is…unnerving…to think that you have no fear for your own life at all.”
She could feel their concern like a joint force pressing against her, wrapping around her. It stopped her arguments before she could make them because she knew that what they were saying was born of a genuine worry for her. She didn’t know how to explain that she had grown up surrounded by death and learned early that life gave you two choices: you got up and kept going, or you laid down and gave up. She could not see any other possibility and she wasn’t ready to give up, which meant that her only choice was to get up and push forward.
“Alright, give me some time to process all that,” she thought slowly. “Back to Syndra, I told her that Liz was probably part of the ritual group and she didn’t take it well. She thinks that she’s earth-bound because her death was partially due to Liz in some way.”
“How so?” Jess asked.
It was Bleidd who answered, before Allie could even form a thought. “Because she trusted Liz and even if Liz was not directly involved with Syndra’s murder if she had told us what she knew about what was going on it could have been prevented. She certainly knew Walters was behind the killings.”
Jess tensed, his anger washing over Allie, sharp and bitter. “If this is so then she could also have aided us in finding Allie when Walters kidnapped her.”
“No,” Allie said firmly switching back to verbal communication to give herself some space from their emotions. Their feelings may have fed her but she was unused to trying to deal with two sources at once. Handling twice the intensity and depth of emotion made her head swim, especially when they were both upset. “No, I can’t believe she knew where I was. She was really shocked that it was Walters who had kidnapped me and genuinely upset that I was hurt.”
Bleidd took a deep breath and nodded. “Yes, we must be careful not to jump to conclusions. We know she is part of this conspiracy but we do not know how deep it runs or what exactly Liz’s involvement is.”
Jess frowned but was forced to agree. “Perhaps you are correct. Nonetheless Syndra believes Liz bares enough responsibility for her death to hold her spirit here.”
“Yeah, she does,” Allie said. “And she said she was going to look for Liz herself and try to see if there was anything she could do against her.”
“Hmmmm,” Jess said thoughtfully. “Interesting. That is good to know. Ghosts have limited influence on the earthplane, but even a small action, well timed, could be critical.”
“If Syndra finds Liz do you think she’ll tell you where your cousin is hiding?” Bleidd asked.
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
They were interrupted by a knock at the door. Bleidd tensed, his body rigid behind Allie, his arms tightening around her. Jess moved quickly around the bed, his hand reaching towards his empty belt only to have his sheathed sword appear just as his fingers touched the hilt. Allie had to admit that was an impressive bit of magic, and she felt a twinge of jealousy. Not that I’d know what to do with a sword if I had one, but I wish this elven ancestry could let me do things like that; it’d be nice to be able to call a weapon or shift my clothes, Allie thought wistfully. Like right now I’d kill to be able to change this stupid hospital gown for jeans and a t-shirt…
Jess opened the door slowly, hand still grasping the sword hilt. She guessed who it was as soon as she saw Jess relax, even before Jason stepped into the room. To her surprise a step behind him was Shawn. They both looked nervous. Jason saw Allie sitting up, more or less in Bleidd’s lap and he smiled, some of the tension going out of his face. Shawn, of course, was smiling widely at everything although Allie could sense his uncertainty.
“Hi Jason, hi Shawn,” Allie said, trying to sit up further. Bleidd pulled her fully onto his lap then and she prayed she wasn’t blushing, then fought back a nervous laugh. She was in the hospital after almost dying and she was embarrassed about her roommates seeing her sitting on someone’s lap? Even Allie couldn’t deny that it was a ridiculous thing to be worried about at the moment. Oh Gods she thought as the realization dawned on her that at some point she’d have to explain the new relationship situation to her other roommates. How the Hel am I going to explain this? After I spent all that time convincing Shawn that I wasn’t into polyamory and wasn’t dating Bleidd…now I have to tell him, well something. Something that doesn’t sound stupid. If that’s possible…
Shawn kept smiling widely, “Hey Allie. Wow, you look really good. I mean not good, but better than I thought you would. I mean…”
“It’s okay Shawn,” Allie said, feeling sympathy towards her newest roommate. He finally relaxed a little bit his smile changing from exaggerated to more normal.
Jason’s eyes were fixed on her
position in Bleidd’s arms. “Hey Allie. Feeling any better?”
“Yeah, much better today,” she answered honestly. “I remember you coming yesterday though. Thanks for visiting.”
Jason looked surprised. “You remember that? I didn’t think you would. You were pretty out of it.”
“Yeah, well,” Allie said, certain she was blushing this time. “I couldn’t tell you what you said to me while you were here, but I do know you were here.”
Jason’s lips quirked up in a lopsided smile. “No worries. I was just babbling on about how if you went and died on me I’d find some cut rate witch to trap your soul in a pickle jar for eternity.”
Allie giggled, even as the other three men in the room gave the two of them odd looks. “That’s low Takada. I at least rate a pretty decorative bottle.”
Jason chuckled, “Hey if you’d died you would have deserved pickle jar fate.”
“Wow, remind me not to die around you.”
“See now we understand each other,” Jason said, not entirely joking. Jess was giving him a quizzical look, but she could feel Bleidd’s amusement at the exchange. Jason walked over to the edge of the bed, his eyes still on Bleidd’s arms around Allie instead of Allie’s face. “But seriously, I’m glad to see you sitting up and talking. I’ve buried enough friends this year.”
She had been ready with another joke, but his words stopped her, making her reach out for him. Silently she grabbed his wrist and pulled him into an awkward hug, releasing him before Bleidd could complain. “Don’t count me out yet. Apparently I’m tougher than I look.”
Jason smirked, “Yeah, to be honest you don’t look tough at all. But after everything you’ve been through I guess you might be the toughest person I know.”
Allie snorted, “Hardly, but thanks for the thought. If it wasn’t for the healing Brynneth gave me in March and when I got shot, and Jess and Bleidd this time I’d be dead a few times over by now.”
Jason shook his head slightly as if he wanted to argue, but before he could Shawn said. “Oh, hey we brought you flowers. Seems like the thing to do. I mean I assume. I’ve never actually visited anyone in the hospital, er, clinic before.”
“Thanks,” Allie said meaning it. She normally didn’t like cut flowers, knowing that they were doomed to die just so she could look at them in a vase for a few days ruined the idea for her, but it was a nice thought. She really hadn’t expected Shawn to visit at all.
Jess continued to stand by the door, obviously on guard while Jason and Shawn went into the small bathroom to try to get the flowers set up in the little vase they’d brought. Allie relaxed back against Bleidd, watching. Then as it occurred to her he wasn’t long out of the hospital himself she thought to him “I’m not bothering your shoulder, am I?”
She felt his surprise, then his arms shifted slightly, holding her closer in an embrace rather than just holding her to keep her balanced. She felt an odd surge of longing and melancholy from him that puzzled her, then his voice was in her mind, “My shoulder is much better Allie. I barely notice any stiffness in it and the arm moves well now. Don’t worry that you are hurting me.”
“Oh good,” she thought back as Jason and Shawn emerged carrying the vase together as if it were much larger than it actually was. Her lips curved into a smile as they carefully discussed exactly where to put it in the small room. “Because I’m really comfortable and it’s nice to be sitting up, but I don’t want to hurt you.”
He whispered in her ear, his voice barely a breath against her skin, “I’ve waited a long time to get you in this position, and I’m thoroughly enjoying it.”
She turned her head slightly, keeping her eyes on the two men fussing over flower arraigning, and whispered back. “What position?”
“Half naked on my lap,” he said, and despite his amused tone she could feel the sharpness of his emotions increasing.
“Bleidd…” she started to say, but the phone ringing on the small table next to her startled her into almost falling out of his arms. He held her in place and she reached out instinctively and picked up the phone after the second ring. “Hello?”
“Allie?” Liz’s voice sounded tinny and far away but Allie recognized it immediately. She held the phone, speechless, as her brain tried to process this unexpected turn. Liz spoke again, uncertain, “Allie? Is that you? Are you there?”
“Ummmm. Yeah. Yeah. It’s me, I’m here,” Allie said reflexively. Jess’s head swung towards her, the tone of her voice giving away her shock.
His voice in her head was tense, “What is it?”
At almost the same moment Bleidd asked “Who is it?” their mental voices overlapping oddly making her eyes twitch.
“Hang on a second,” she mumbled into the phone, then to the chorus in her head, “It’s Liz.”. Then before they could react, she spoke to Jason and Shawn, knowing Liz could hear her too, “Hey guys? Do you think you could run down to the cafeteria and grab me something to drink? Maybe some milk? I’m super thirsty.”
Jason looked from her to the phone, obviously not fooled, but nodded, “Sure. We’ll be right back. Come on Shawn, let’s go make a snack run.”
“I thought she wanted a drink?”
“Yeah, a drink for her, snacks for us,” Jason said, already moving past Jess out the door. Shawn jogged behind him, hurrying to catch up.
As the door swung closed Allie focused back on the phone clutched in her hand. “Are you still there?”
“Yeah,” Liz said, her voice still distorted. “I’m here.”
Jess moved swiftly over to her side, his steps silent. Bleidd leaned forward resting his chin on her shoulder, almost against the phone, turning so that he could hear too. As good as elven hearing was she knew both men would be able to hear Liz as clearly as she could. She wasn’t sure how she felt about that but there was nothing to do to change it, except to let Liz know the conversation wasn’t private and she was afraid Liz would hang up if she thought anyone was listening in.
The silence stretched out until Allie started to wonder if Liz had gotten nervous and hung up, but then she finally spoke again. “Are you alone?”
Allie’s heart sank even before Jess shook his head slightly. “Do not tell her we are listening,” he said, his emotions equal parts fury and anxiety.
“Jason and Shawn were here visiting,” Allie said, hating herself for misleading her cousin. “I asked them to go get me a drink. They’re gone now – we should have a few minutes before they come back.”
“Allie…” Liz said, her voice thick. “I am so sorry. I know…maybe you don’t believe that…maybe you think I was trying to hurt you, but I really wasn’t. It was just supposed to make you sick. Just enough that you’d stop helping them.”
“I know Liz,” Allie said, resolutely ignoring the waves of rage coming off of the two elves. “I know you’d never do anything on purpose to hurt me.”
Liz started to cry, her sobbing crackling across the phone line. “It was just supposed to make you sick. I guess that doesn’t make me a good person either, that I’d do that to you, but after you were shot I was afraid if I didn’t do it they’d really hurt you.”
“Liz…are you…” Allie started to ask, and then switched to a different topic. “I mean, did you know I was going to get shot before it happened?”
“Not shot no,” Liz said, sniffling. “No, I wouldn’t have allowed it. She promised, after you were hurt so bad before that you wouldn’t get hurt again. But – it’s just so frustrating, you have no idea. You are such a stubborn person Allie. The more I did to try to drive you off the more you insisted on being involved. And you just kept handing them leads. They never would have found Walters without you and then after that they never would have known we were still working on the ritual if you hadn’t started helping the Guard look for Jerry.”
“So you were doing what exactly? To drive me off?” Allie asked with a sinking feeling.
There was a moment of silence, then, “I deleted part of your compu
ter program so that the cameras wouldn’t record and…I left the animals.”
“You did that?” Allie said, appalled. “You killed those animals?”
“They were just animals,” Liz said, her voice closer to it’s normal businesslike tone. “It was supposed to scare you. And when it didn’t, not enough anyway, I cut your tires…”
“Liz!”
“Just to scare you!” Liz said defensively. “And let me tell you that was a lot harder to do than you’d think. And how was I supposed to know that the knife Rick gave me for protection was a God damned murder weapon? But you just kept helping them, more and more. So she decided to… I wasn’t doing enough and she had Amy go to take that shot. It was just supposed to be a warning shot.”
“Well, it wasn’t,” Allie said, her voice bitter in her own ears. The two elves listened in absolute silence to the exchange between the cousins, but she could feel Bleidd’s fingers moving on her wrist where her hand clasped one of his around her waist. The touch was reassuring and she drew a long, shaky breath.
“That wasn’t my fault. I don’t know why she shot you when she wasn’t supposed to, and the damned Guard didn’t need to kill her. I’m not saying what she did was right, but no one died because of her,” Liz said. Allie closed her eyes and saw again Bleidd’s still bloody body on the ground, felt the dark magic twisting around her as she used the spell from the Grimoire to save him. Saw the dead birds.
“Liz, how could you do it though? You know I can’t…you know what iron does to me,” Allie whispered, her own pain and grief suddenly overwhelming.
“I’m sorry Allie. I already said I was sorry, but I’ll keep saying it if that’s what you need to hear,” Liz said, and Allie’s heart broke a little more at her cousin’s defensive attitude, as if she really believed that Allie was the one being unreasonable. “It was only a tiny amount. Just a little bit of powdered iron in your coffee. It should have made you sick, but not…not like it did. And that’s why I called the ambulance. I didn’t want you to die.”
Into the Twilight: a Between the Worlds Novel Page 24