She was surprised that he had set out to handle the situation outside the Law at all, but even more that he was hiding what he’d done. Then again it was his choice to tell or not tell the other Guard the truth. He had protected her not long ago by concealing her use of dark magic in the same way, so who was she to judge him now? Looking from one to the other she said, “Well then let’s go in and celebrate.”
Bleidd blinked, his emotions pleased but also unsure. Jess laughed and draped his arm across her shoulders. She reached back and took Bleidd’s hand pulling him along as they all walked up the steps into the house. For the first time in months she felt a sense of hope for the future, even though she had no idea how so many things were going to work out. The ritual site still needed to be cleaned up and the energy released; until that happened Syndra would be earthbound. She was still contracted to marry one person but psychically bonded to two, and she still only had minimal control of her abilities. There was Liz’s death to deal with, and her betrayal to come to terms with. But her life wasn’t being threatened by the ritual group anymore, and they couldn’t complete the ritual cycle. The worlds – both of them – were safe from whatever the ritual cycle would have done. And thanks to Jess and Bleidd the elf who had hurt her so badly was dead. Maybe she should be worried about the details of that but right in the moment she couldn’t find the energy to care.
She walked into the house, greeted by the smell of roast chicken and cooking vegetables, the two people she loved close at her side. Jason and Shawn were in the kitchen, their voices echoing cheerfully down the hall. Her home felt different without her cousin, but it still felt like a home, and she was determined to move forward and find a way to make everything work out. She’d manage to keep the house, she’d get the store back on track, and she’d find a way to convince Bleidd to give Jess’s suggestion a try.
After everything she’d been through, she was determined to find happiness, even if she had to make it for herself.
Epilogue
Allie knocked tentatively on Bleidd’s door, unsure of her welcome. After dinner was over he had immediately holed up in his room, and she struggled with the feeling that he was avoiding her. It made her nervous and she kept wanting to leave him alone, afraid that the last thing he wanted was for her to disturb him. She had asked Jess to come with her for this but he had insisted that she needed to talk to Bleidd by herself this time, and so she found herself standing alone outside his door, while Jess, Jason, and Shawn hung out in the den celebrating the successful capture of the coven.
“Allie?” the thought was loud in her mind, clumsy, but she was impressed by how quickly he was getting the hang of using their bond to speak to her. It had taken Jess much longer.
“Yes,” she thought back. “Can I come in?”
“Of course,” he thought, and she felt some relief that there was no trace of anger in him.
She slipped into the room, not entirely surprised to see that the light was off. He had always preferred to avoid electric lights when he could. Even with her ability to see well in low light conditions she found herself straining in the dim interior. He was lying on his bed staring up at the ceiling and she went and tentatively sat down on the edge of the bed.
She spoke out loud, staring at the bookshelf against the far wall to avoid looking at him, still unsure of her reception. “How are you feeling?”
“My shoulder is almost entirely healed,” he said. His weight shifted on the bed and glancing from the corner of her eye she saw him lifting and rotating his right arm.
“Good,” she said.
“And you? How are you feeling?”
“I don’t know how to begin answering that,” she said honestly. “Physically, I guess still tired. Mentally…I have no idea. I feel like my whole life has gone through a blender.”
“I’m sorry Allie,” he said softly. “I can’t even imagine how difficult this must be for you.”
“If anyone should be saying that it’s me,” she said.
He sat up and she could feel his uncertainty, his worry, swirling around her. “Why do you say that?”
“I never meant to tie you to me Bleidd, to take your freedom,” she replied sadly, looking down. “I don’t like to think that in saving my life you lost part of your own.”
“I knew there was risk when I did it…”
“Risk that what, though? That I’d drain all your energy maybe, despite what Jess said?” she asked.
“Possibly. Also the risk that you’d hate me.”
“For saving my life? That’s a hard thing to hate someone for doing.”
“You know what I mean Allie,” he said, his voice serious.
“Well, I would prefer being able to remember it, yeah. But that couldn’t have been a great experience for you either,” she said sighing. “But again, not dead, so….and you know I do love you.”
“Even now you can say that?”
“Of course,” she said surprised.
“Even though I…did what I did despite knowing how you felt about being loyal to one person?”
“You’re being too hard on yourself. Jess was the one who asked you to do what you could to save me,” she said. “How can I feel like I betrayed him – or we did, or whatever – when he was right there encouraging it?”
He was silent, but she could feel his thoughts shifting. It was hard not to let it draw her attention enough to listen to what he was thinking, especially when she was this close to him. Now that she was not fighting her own nature anymore, as Miss Amelia would say, she could feel her need for him, for his energy, and it made it difficult not to simply act on what she wanted.
“Bleidd,” she said into the silence, “I never meant to change you, and that’s what I’m sorry for.”
“You didn’t,” he said, puzzled.
“We both know I did,” she said. “I know you…I know about the woman the other day.”
“Ahhh,” he said slowly. “Indeed. Then you know that nothing happened with her.”
“I know that you wanted something to happen and nothing could happen, because of me,” she said. “You were right about Jess, that he is the way he is, so focused on me in defiance of elvish culture, because of me, because of this connection we have.”
“Allie I didn’t give a shit about that woman, or sleeping with her, I wanted to be with you,” he said honestly, “But I know, I understand that you aren’t comfortable with the idea. So I was just trying to do something to get you out of my mind.”
“Except because of me you couldn’t,” she pressed. “I don’t know, I mean we haven’t talked about this so I don’t know if you want to keep this connection or if you want me to try to find a way to break it, but I want to tell you…”
“If Jessilaen can get used to this then so can I,” he cut in. “I still love you Allie, that hasn’t changed. I was only trying to make you happy, to give you the space to be with him.”
“No,” she said finally turning to look at him. “that doesn’t make me happy though. I need you both Bliedd. Because I love you both and for me, because of what I am, that makes me…dependent on you. I thought that I’d ruined what was between us, that you were angry with me for this, being in your head thing.”
“Well, I’m not certain I like Jessilaen being linked to me in any way,” Bleidd said smiling slightly. “Although I suppose he has a few redeeming qualities. And I could get used to him; he’s quite…pleasant when he isn’t talking.”
“Bleidd!” she said, smiling despite herself at the innuendo.
“...and not acting like an arrogant prig,” he added. “But honestly I had been jealous of what you had with him. I don’t mind feeling like I have a piece of that now too.”
“Even if it changes you?”
“Life changes us every day we live it Allie,” he said reaching up uncertainly to touch her cheek. “Sometimes in good ways sometimes in bad. But what else do I have in this world that matters except you?”
“Okay,” she said,
leaning forward, “Because what I wanted to tell you is that I don’t know if I can undo this but if you want me to I will. I’ll try anyway. And I’ll release you from what you promised, if that’s what you want. But I’ve talked to Jess and I’ve thought a lot about it and you know I’m not an elf Bleidd and I’m not a human either. I’m like this town, I’m stuck somewhere in-between. I don’t think I can be monogamous without feeling regret about hurting someone I love, not now not after everything that’s happened, and that means Jess and that also means you. But I know I can’t – I just don’t have it in me to take the elven approach and sleep with everyone I meet that interests me either. Not when intimacy for me is so intense and means connecting to the person’s feelings and pulling those feelings in. I’m not sure it would be safe to do that either, since there could be consequences….And it’s okay with Jess if it’s okay with you for us to all be together, the three of us I mean, if you want to. To all court each other and see where that takes us. I already know you and he are more compatible than I’d thought, and I’m glad for that. Even if you don’t want to be with me, if you want to be with him, that’s okay. But I’d rather we all be together, even though that’s way outside my experience so you’ll have to bear with me and deal with me being stupid and naive and oh my gods am I babbling right now? But the thing is I want us to give this a try, all of us together. If you want to.”
“Allie….”he looked up at her momentarily speechless, but his feelings encouraged her to keep talking.
“You should know though I have a jealous streak and I’m really possessive, and apparently I engender those qualities in people I’m bonded to, and if you think this is a good idea it might only be because I want you to agree to it…”
He silenced her by pulling her head down to his and kissing her. His feelings swirled around her, and she absorbed them eagerly. The residual pain and aches from the recent events faded as she fed off of his feelings, finally not worried about hurting him.
She pulled back a little bit, “If you’re sure?”
“Absolutely,” he said. “Although you are still contracted to marry someone else you realize.”
“Yeah there is that,” Allie agreed. “Maybe I’ll just go truly traditional and elven and marry you both.”
He smiled. “Polyandry went out of fashion about a millennia ago.”
“So? Since when have I cared about being in fashion?” she said flippantly, trying not to get overwhelmed with worrying about how this was all really going to work. If it could work.
“Never,” he said trying to pull her down with him onto the bed. “And I’d rather share you with him than not have you at all, even if it means accepting all the unique things that you are.”
She smiled and let herself be pulled. “If you change your mind, tell me and I’ll understand. But for now – I think this can work. All three of us together.”
“I am willing to try, and knowing you, you will find a way to make it work. It occurs to me though that we seem to be together on a bed. Anything you can think of that we might do to pass the time while we’re here?” he said, laughing, the sound lighter than she remembered his laughter being before, and kissed her again.
She kissed him back wrapping her arms around his body as his emotions filled her, both of them surrounded by joy.
There were still many things to worry about, and wounds to heal, but for now Allie was content.
* * *
[1] Lawn-yuh
Into the Twilight: a Between the Worlds Novel Page 32