“Was Nick worth it?” I questioned.
She rolled her lips once, as if she were spreading lip gloss and nodded. “Yeah,” she faintly whispered with an equally faint smile. “He was perfect. Completely perfect for me. I don’t remember ever being so happy. But that one night when we got into that accident… and it tested us. I forgave him on the spot, but he was so sorry, Emery. It ate him up. I don’t think I’ve seen anyone more genuinely sorry... I didn’t see him much because I needed physical therapy for my leg and my dad was pretty pissed about the whole thing, but things worked themselves out. And then… um,” she paused, stuck on her next words.
“Lily, I’m right here,” I told her, watching as a tear slipped down her cheek. I was about ready to cry too; I hated seeing her so torn up. “I’ll stay all night if I have to; you need to let everything out.”
“I had this horrible pain,” she breathed, wiping a few stray tears and continuing on, “in my stomach, and I started bleeding. It was weird, ‘cause I had my period the week before. I didn’t really pay attention to it but it got so bad, and I just dropped in the kitchen after dinner that day. I told my mom and she took me to the doctor. She asked me a lot of questions, my doctor, and she seemed pretty confident in what she was telling me…” she was sobbing at this point. I moved closer to Lily and hugged her.
“You lost it,” I guessed, thinking back to health class in the beginning of the school year.
She let it all out, shaking silently into my shoulder. “Two months,” came a muffled cry. Tears welled in my eyes and I hugged her as tightly as I could until my right shoulder was completely soaked and she pulled away. “All I could think about was what I would’ve named him or her… if she’d have Nick’s eyes or if he’d have my thick hair, my stubborn head or Nick’s sense of humor…”
“You never told him,” I guessed again.
She shook her head, and a fresh batch of tears formed in her already glossy eyes.
“Did you ever tell anyone?”
She shook her head again and continued to cry. It was a quieter cry, but I could tell it’d be a long one.
“Why not?”
“I was ashamed,” she shrugged helplessly. “I didn’t want my family being disappointed. I didn’t want my friends thinking badly of me. I didn’t want pity from anyone.”
“Nick wouldn’t have felt any of that,” I reasoned.
“Nick would’ve blamed himself, because it happened about a week after the accident. He would’ve said it stressed me out and he would’ve never forgiven himself,” she explained. “I didn’t want him to feel guilty for something my body just couldn’t handle.”
“Lily, a miscarriage is something nobody should deal with on their own. It’s too much for one person,” I said, hugging her again. She cried some more.
“I know,” she said. “But I couldn’t do that to him.”
“It wasn’t your fault, or your choice. He deserves to know,” I told her. “I know it’s difficult, and it always will be. But that boy loves you just as much as he did then, and it’s killing him not knowing what he did to make you push away like you did. If anyone could’ve helped you through all this, it’s him.”
“You’re helping me now,” she sniffed sheepishly.
“I’m not the guy that wants to be with you, though,” I laughed. “I’m glad you can tell me all of this, Lil, ‘cause you’re one of my best friends but… you need to tell him.”
“I know, Emery, I know,” she said calmly. “But it’s just going to break us both all over again.”
“You’d have to be fixed to break all over again.”
“Gee, thanks.”
I laughed a little. “Lil, if anything, I think this is what could give you guys a chance to fix each other.”
She looked almost hopeful as she chewed on her lip in thought.
She finally looked at me. “I have to tell him today, because I’ll chicken out tomorrow. Thank you so much, Emery, I don’t know what I would do without you. I know I can totally trust you and you won’t judge me.”
“Never ever,” I promised. “Good luck with everything, Tiger. It’s going to be hard, but he deserves the whole story.”
“Before you go,” she asked, “can you wait until after I call him over? I don’t think I’m strong enough to do it unless you’re here staring me down.”
“Of course,” I laughed, putting on a serious staring face as she dialed his number with shaky hands. I held one while she put the phone to her ear with the other.
“Hey, Nick,” she said softly. She cleared her throat and squeezed my hand. “Could you.. please come over? …I um – there are things that I haven’t been able to tell you up until now… things you deserve to know.”
I nodded, hugging her reassuringly and walking to the door.
“You are the strongest person I know, Lily,” I whispered. “Call me after, okay?”
She nodded, looking beautiful even though she had just cried a Nile River full of tears… and the Mississippi was bound to flow in the next few minutes.
I wished I was that strong.
Chapter 27
Lily didn’t call me.
I figured everything was fine; didn’t stress it too much. Halfway through the school day I got a text confirming she was fine – for lack of a better term – and that she and Nick had fallen asleep and had decided to skip school to talk more.
I was hopeful for both of my friends. Because I wanted them to really get everything out and rebuild some kind of relationship, I didn’t mind sitting at the lunch table alone.
Fox Evans and his nosey self, however, seemed to mind.
“Hey. Where’re Nick and Lily?” he asked, running a hand through his hair before folding his arms against the table and leaning in.
My internal organs were doing acrobatic stunts at the sound of his voice. I fought the urge to blush and hide my face in shame.
Deciding to take Lily’s advice, I opted for the friendly route. I loved spending time with him; I figured it’d be easy enough. I’d just have to stop letting him phase me… and I’d have to forget that kiss.
“They skipped together,” I told him simply. “They’re talking more about… things.”
“How do you know this and I don’t?” he asked, arching a brow.
“People trust me more, I guess,” I smirked, tapping my yogurt with a plastic spoon.
“Yeah,” he laughed, “Okay, Em.”
“I don’t blame them,” I shrugged, taking a spoonful of raspberry-flavored goodness into my mouth.
“Tell me more,” he prodded, watching me intently. “What exactly are they talking about?”
“I’d love to,” I said indifferently, “but it’s their secret to tell, not mine.”
Fox stared at me for a long time with his classic, unreadable expression. Then he slowly and understandably nodded.
“You’re right, Em,” he said. “Lily would be proud to know you can keep a secret. So what’s up?”
That I did not expect. What’s up? This “friend” business seems easy enough.
“Um… not much, just eating lunch,” I smiled, gesturing to the desolate table before us.
“I see,” he nodded with a similar, awkward smile.
“Hey Fox?” I asked quietly, leaning forward a bit after eating another spoonful.
“Yeah?” he whispered back.
“Why aren’t you with your friends right now?”
“Who says I’m not?” he responded naturally.
Not even Justin could wipe the grin off my face in that moment.
“We’re friends, huh? You sure you wanna enter dangerous territory, Fox?” I teased – I don’t know what possessed me to initiate such flirtatious comments.
“I’m pretty sure I got it, Em, but can you handle it?” he smirked back.
“Let’s just say I’m more than ‘pretty sure’ I can handle it,” I said before ingesting the last of my yogurt.
“Okay there, champ, we’ll see,” he l
aughed, getting up from the table, “I’ll see you later, friend.”
“’Kay, friend.”
Mentally, I patted myself on the back for keeping my cool. I was confident I was becoming a pretty good liar around Fox – hiding my feelings didn’t seem too difficult.
***
I cautiously made my way to the RCC on a bright January afternoon after school. The forecast was showing more storms coming in, and with all the snow and ice still on the ground I was anticipating school cancellations galore.
Shaking at the sudden temperature change, I took off my scarf and coat and went to greet Nina.
“Hey you – where you going?” I asked as she picked up her bag and slipped some black gloves on.
“Ultrasound,” she said, patting her visible bump. There was a hint of nervousness in her chuckle.
“Oh wow,” I smiled, “Would you mind if I came with?”
She pondered the idea. “Who will stay here..?”
Ironically, Fox strolled in through the door. Snowflakes were melting in his spiked hair, loosening the gel’s bonds.
“I’m pretty sure he man the house for an hour,” I shrugged.
“Talking smack, friend?” he called from the lobby, sensing he was the topic of conversation.
“Actually, she was speaking in your behalf,” Nina cut in, hooking her arm around mine and leading me to the back door exit. “We’re going to my ultrasound, so you’re in charge. If anything goes wrong, call me. If anything goes really wrong, call the cops and then call me. Got it?”
He saluted her with a stern face before grinning sexily and hopping over the counter. I never heard him hit the ground, though.
“Off the counter!” Nina yelled, opening the door.
We heard a thud and laughed as we walked to her silver Corolla.
It was a short drive to the hospital, and we only waited twenty minutes before a nurse came in and got us ready. The doctor, a stout but friendly-looking woman came in with her clipboard and lab coat of authority.
“Hello, Nina,” Dr. Mason greeted, “and you are?”
“This is a family friend,” Nina introduced.
“Emery,” I offered, shaking the doctor’s hand.
“How are we today? How’s mommy feeling?” she asked, turning on the machines and lifting Nina’s shirt to expose her big, tan belly.
“Mommy’s good, and the baby seems to like to dance,” Nina laughed.
“Do you place a lot of music?” Dr. Mason asked with interest, finding a tube of gel and popping the cap.
“With or without music, the baby does the Bachata night and day,” she continued with nervous chuckles, “Definitely Latino blood.”
“Is Daddy a Latino?” Dr. Mason asked, smiling as she placed the cold gel on Nina’s stomach and started searching for the baby on the screen. Nina drew a sharp breath and adjusted to the cold cream before looking worriedly at the monitor herself.
“There’s the head,” Dr. Mason indicated with a grin, “and those are the little energetic legs right there.”
“Hear that? That’s the heartbeat; he’s definitely a strong one,” she continued as we listened to a muffled pounding sound from the machine.
“He?” Nina asked with wide eyes.
“Oh, I’m sorry! Did you want it to be a surprise?” Dr. Mason apologized.
“No, no surprises. I just… it’s so much more real now,” Nina admitted sheepishly. “It’s not an it anymore, it’s a he.”
“Congratulations, Nina, your son should be dancing his way out around May 2nd,” Dr. Mason concluded, shaking both of our hands, “Schedule another checkup and I’ll be seeing you soon, love. I’ll go print the pictures out for you.”
Nina’s eyes grew glossy as she smiled and squeezed my hand. She didn’t take her eyes off the monitor, even after it shut off.
“Nina…” I started, thinking back to the doctor’s unanswered question. “I know it’s not my place to ask, but–”
She looked over at me with her worried, dark brown eyes and I paused. She feared my question; she knew what I was going to ask.
“Where’s the father?”
She gulped, and looked down at her stomach.
When she stayed quiet I asked another question. “Why are you doing this on your own?”
“Because,” she smiled sadly.
“Because?”
“Because the father is better off without me. He got a promotion and I don’t want him stuck here with me because of some feeling of obligation,” she managed, wiping a stray tear from the corner of her eye and sitting up. “I can handle this on my own, Emery, don’t worry about me.”
“You deserve more, Nina.”
“No I don’t,” she chuckled sardonically. “The baby does, definitely, but I chose this and I have to live with that. I’m going to be fine.”
She was so assuring with her words, yet I wasn’t convinced.
“Do you love him?” I asked, referring to the mysterious father.
“Who?” She started cleaning her stomach.
“The father,” I stated. “Was he a boyfriend? Or a friend or…?”
She gave me a strange look.
“Nina I’m not trying to insult you, with these questions, I promise. I’m just trying to help you.”
“I know, Emery, I know you just want to help but I really am okay,” she assured me again. “He was a really good man, but I let him go and he hasn’t come back. I’m not going to trap him with me and the baby. He’s no longer in my life, and I’ve accepted it.”
She pulled her shirt back over her bump. We left the room and walked down the long hallway of bland-colored walls and boring carpet to the lobby where she scheduled another appointment.
All the while, I couldn’t help but think about the last time I saw her with a guy. The only consistent people in her life were those are the Red Cross Center and her gym. She would’ve told me about a boyfriend or mentioned someone she was seeing…
She was scared and alone. No matter how much she wanted people to think otherwise, I could tell she was dealing with some serious regret.
“Come on, Em!” she called, “We’ve gotta get you to work. Thank you so much for coming with me, pumpkin.”
***
Holly was as glad to see me as I was to see her. Her blonde curls seemed longer, and she her two front teeth had come in fully. She looked as adorable as ever, and she’d grown twice as energetic.
She grabbed my finger and pulled me over to play with the colorful clay laid out on the table. She grabbed the pinks and purples and started squishing them together. I grabbed green, yellow, and red and tried to assemble a flower.
“I like yours, Emmy,” she said after we spent a few minutes working.
White is for Virgins Page 28