by Claire Raye
“You know I love you, you shithead!”
Chapter Eighteen
Caleb
I feel like a hot fucking mess at work, my brain all over the place as I struggle to remember orders or give the correct change.
For once though, it has nothing to do with what happened back in Providence and everything to do with what’s happening here in Hawthorn.
I still have no idea what possessed me to kiss Ruby like I did. I mean, yeah, I really fucking wanted to, have wanted to for a really long time, but still. Wanting something and actually doing it are two very different things.
And as much as I’d like to blame it on the creepy ass professor or the whole panic attack thing and the way she took care of me afterward, I know it’s so much more than that. Both of us are dangerously close to crossing a line I’m not sure I’m ready to cross. And with the knowledge of a house to ourselves this weekend, I can already feel my resolve slipping.
“Caleb?”
I turn and find Adam laughing at me. “What?”
“Dude,” he quips, chuckling. “What’s up with you tonight, you’re like away with the fairies.”
I shrug, shaking my head once as I force myself to stop thinking about Ruby and get back to doing my job. “Nothing,” I say.
“Right,” he says, clearly not believing me. “Anyway, Ken’s on the phone. He wants to speak with you.”
I nod, heading back to the office to take the call. “Hello?”
“Hey, Caleb,” he says. “How’s things?”
I glance around. “All good. Pretty quiet but it’s Monday, so nothing unusual.”
“Good, good,” he says, almost as though he’s talking to himself. “Listen, I just wanted to call and say I think you’ve been doing a great job and I don’t need a week to know that, so if you’re still interested in the manager’s position, it’s all yours.”
I sit on the edge of the desk, the phone to my ear as I take in his words and what they mean.
“Caleb, hello?”
Shaking my head, my hand resting on top, I say, “Sorry, yeah I’m here and um, yep thanks, I would like the position.”
“Great,” he says. “I’ll get the paperwork in order for the change and your pay should reflect this in the next cycle. If you’re happy to carry on from tonight, I’m good for you to just roll with your ideas and whatever else you think needs to happen.”
I take a deep breath, my fingers gripping my hair. “Thank you, Ken, seriously,” I say. “This ah…this means a lot to me.”
“You’re doing a great job, Caleb,” he says again and I can hear the sincerity in your voice. “It’s unusual for someone your age, but I’m confident you can handle the role.”
We talk a little more and when I eventually hang up, I stay in the office for a few minutes, still sitting on the edge of the desk as the reality of what’s just happened hits me. I have a new job, and not just some shitty job tending bar, but actually running the place, being responsible for making sure everything is in order, that everything runs smoothly.
I don’t even realize how much I needed this until right now, until I hear someone tell me they have confidence in me, that they know I can do this.
“Fuck,” I mutter, my hand scrubbing down my face as a smile tugs at my mouth. “Fuck,” I say again, chuckling a little as I push off the desk and make my way back out to the bar.
Adam sees me when I walk out and he stops, giving me a funny look as he says, “What’s got you so happy?”
I shrug, knowing it will seem like nothing to him, but given everything that’s happened, it’s fucking monumental to me. “Looks like I’m your new boss,” I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest as I give him a look.
Adam bursts out laughing as he walks over and claps me on the shoulder. “Nice one,” he says, no hint of annoyance or animosity over the fact that I’m not only younger but have also been here for less time than he has. “So, let me tell you right now, I like to work the busy nights, okay? So if you can roster me on for the weekends, that would be great.”
I laugh, shaking my head at him. “Let me guess, more opportunities with the ladies?”
Adam winks. “Hell yeah.”
When I get home, Ruby is sitting on the couch, surfing her laptop. Although we both tried to play off the kiss we shared today as though it was all for the benefit of her creepy ass professor, deep down, I think we both knew it was something more.
And as I walk into the living room to say hi, I can’t help but wish I could kiss her again right now. “Hey, Ruby.”
“Hey,” she says, smiling as she slams her laptop shut.
I narrow my brows at her. “You hiding something?” I ask, gesturing toward her closed laptop.
“No,” she says, her eyes flicking around the room as she avoids my gaze.
I grin. “Ruby, are you looking at porn?”
“NO!” she shouts, her cheeks flushing.
I chuckle, walking over and flopping down beside her on the couch. “You sure?” I tease, reaching for her laptop. “‘Cause I’d totally get it if you were, I mean after that kiss…” I trail off as her blush darkens and she snatches her laptop away from me.
“I wasn’t watching porn,” she says, her words a little defensive as she glares at me now. “I was…well, you’ll just have to wait and see.”
“Ohhhh,” I say, my eyes widening as I smile. “Are you planning my birthday surprise?”
Ruby tries to maintain the glare, but eventually she can’t, a smile tugging at her lips. “Maybe,” she says.
I laugh. “Any hints?”
She scoffs now, mock rolling her eyes at me. “No, nothing and no snooping from you either, mister,” she says, jabbing a finger at me.
I grab her hand without thinking, pulling her close so she falls against me and I lean down and press a kiss to the top of her head. “You’re too good to me, Ruby, you know that?” I murmur, taking a deep breath in, her scent flooding through me.
She lets out a sigh, her arm half wrapping around my waist. “That’s because I’m awesome, obviously.”
I let out a laugh. “Obviously,” I tell her. “Reid and Sie in bed already?” I ask, knowing I’m home earlier than usual on account of a slow night.
“Nope,” she says, lifting her head from my shoulder. “They’ve gone to see a movie or something. Date night or whatever.”
“Ahhh, okay. We watching a movie then?” I ask, glancing at the TV.
“You up for it?” she asks, looking up at me.
I smile. “Of course,” I tell her. “I’ll just go take a quick shower.”
She nods, but I don’t move right away, both of us just looking at each other as she sits here beside me, my arm still wrapped around her shoulders. Our faces are only inches apart and it would be so easy to just close that distance, to lean in and kiss her like I’ve thought about doing literally every second since our first kiss this afternoon.
I want to and from the way she’s looking at me, I get the feeling Ruby wants me to as well.
My head is warring with my heart at the moment, one telling me to get up and go take a shower, the other telling me to say fuck it and just kiss her already. I want to, so fucking bad, but I don’t want to hurt her either.
Ruby lifts a hand, her fingers brushing against my cheek as she whispers, “You seem really happy tonight.”
I smile, my own hand moving to her neck, my thumb brushing along her jaw. “I am happy,” I tell her.
She smiles back at me. “How was work?”
My smile widens. “Good actually. I got the manager’s job.”
Ruby’s eyes widen as she throws her arms around my neck now and pulls me into a hug. “Oh my god, Caleb,” she squeals. “That’s fantastic!”
I laugh, even as she presses her mouth to my cheek, her lips so fucking close to mine that all it would take is me turning slightly and we’d be kissing again.
One simple move…
“Oh shit, I have the perfect movie for
us to watch, too,” she says, pulling back.
“Oh yeah?” I ask, my thumb now brushing against her bottom lip. “What’s that?”
I watch as her eyes darken, her breath catching as she stares up at me, the two of us suspended in a strange kind of limbo that neither of us know what to do with.
I don’t blame her for being confused. I’m fucking confused too; wanting one thing but telling her something different. Acting one way, but saying something else.
This is confusing and I know it’s not fair either. I can’t tell her I’m not ready for this and then kiss her like I did today, or sit here with her like this, contemplating kissing her again.
Ruby swallows hard, the movement of her throat intoxicating. “Go have your shower,” she says, her voice low. “You’ll see when you get back.”
I smile, leaning in to press a quick kiss to the end of her nose before pulling myself from her arms. “I’ll be back in a sec,” I tell her before disappearing into the bathroom.
As I step into the shower though, I can’t help but replay this afternoon’s kiss over and over again in my mind, my body responding to every memory I have, until I can’t deny myself any longer and I give in to what I want, what I need to do right now.
Sliding a hand down to my dick, I close my eyes, my head leaning against the tiled wall as I jerk off, thoughts of Ruby filling my brain even though I know this is totally unfair to her. But I’m so far gone at this point, that I just can’t stop myself, my hand working faster and faster until I’m groaning into my palm and coming hard, biting my lip just to stop myself from calling out her name.
My heart is pounding and my breathing ragged as I stand under the water, trying desperately to get myself under control, knowing that I’m fighting a losing battle the more time I spend with this woman.
When I eventually walk back into the living room, Reid and Sienna are back, sitting on the couch, chatting with Ruby. As much as I wish it were just Ruby and me, I know having the two of them here will stop me from doing anything stupid.
“Hey,” I call out as I walk into the kitchen. “Beers?”
“Yes!” Reid calls out and I grab four from the fridge and walk into the living room.
Sienna smiles up at me as she takes hers, before settling herself back against Reid. I hand one to him and then one to Ruby, before taking a seat on the other side of her.
She looks over and smiles at me and for a second I think I see the same look in her eyes, the tiny trace of longing, of wishing it was just the two of us out here tonight.
“Okay,” I say, smiling at her. “You gonna tell me what this perfect movie is?”
Ruby grins, turning to Reid and Sienna as she says, “So, tonight’s movie is in honor of Caleb’s recent promotion to—”
“Oh my god,” Sienna shouts, cutting her off as she jumps off the couch and comes over to hug me. “I’m so proud of you,” she whispers, her mouth against my ear.
“Thanks, Sie,” I tell her, returning the hug.
Reid raises his beer to me, a smile on his face as he also says, “Congratulations,” like this is some monumental achievement or something.
But as much as I don’t want to make a big deal about it all, I do get why they are so happy for me. Because with every step I take toward regaining my life, we all take another step away from the shit that happened in Providence. And even though neither of them know what happened on the weekend, this is something we all want to happen.
“Now, I’m not saying this is what you’ll be like,” Ruby says, giving me a mock serious look. “But it’s just good to know what not to do, if you know what I mean.”
I narrow my brows at her, wondering what the hell she’s chosen. She smiles at me now and clicks on the remote.
And when Horrible Bosses starts up, I can’t help but laugh, wrapping my arm around her shoulders and pulling her against me as we all settle in to watch the movie.
Chapter Nineteen
Ruby
The week passes quickly and by Saturday morning I’m up early and attempting to finalize everything I have planned for Caleb’s birthday. Reid and Sienna left early on Friday and the house has been quiet ever since, making it far easier to get everything done. Caleb worked late last night and is now still asleep, and there’s something about it that makes me smile. He slept so soundly last night, because even on the nights he doesn’t have nightmares, he still struggles to fall asleep and stay asleep.
Running and regular exercise has had a huge impact on his ability to control his PTSD, but we both know that isn’t a fix. Neither is celebrating his birthday, but these are all things that will help him gain back some normalcy.
I grab my car keys as I check the time. It’s only half past six and there’s no way Caleb will be up anytime soon. He sleeps his best in the mornings, especially when he gets in incredibly late after a busy night at the bar. He snuck in around three in the morning and crashed in bed next to me smelling of coconut body wash as I sleepily reached over, letting the weight of my arm fall against his stomach.
I slip out the back door, hoping I can get to the bakery before he wakes up. I want to surprise him with the best cinnamon rolls in California. It’s only a small part of what I have planned, because when I get home, I need to make the cake Sie gave me the recipe for. It’s the reason I’m up so early. I want to cram as much in as I can before he wakes up.
Luckily the bakery is dead and I grab a half a dozen cinnamon rolls with extra frosting. I walk into the house, listen as I stop in the doorway where the mudroom connects to the kitchen, but when I hear nothing, I exhale in relief.
I quickly get to work on the cake, grabbing everything I need. I’m glad baking is something I enjoy because this recipe is far longer than I expected, but it shouldn’t be too hard.
I’m about two hours in, the cake in the oven, the frosting whipping in the mixer, when I hear the toilet flush. I have no idea why, but I almost scream out loud, a jolt of nervous excitement shooting through me as I look around the messy kitchen. I thought I’d have at least another hour or two before he got up, but it looks like he’s up now.
“Morning, Ruby,” Caleb says, my back to him as I wash my hands at the sink. I turn around to find him rubbing at his eyes, his brown hair a tousled mess, his chest bare and somehow he can make just waking up look like the sexiest thing in the world.
“Good morning birthday boy!” I call out, turning the mixer off.
“What is this?” he now asks, a mischievous smile on his face, knowing exactly what’s going on.
“What?” I ask back playfully.
“Come here.” His words are low, his eyes tipped down as he looks at me and hooks a finger in my direction, calling me over to where he’s standing.
When I’m close enough, he reaches out, his fingertips tucking into the waistband of my running shorts as he tugs me nearer. The space between us is nearly immeasurable and he looks down at me with hooded eyes, a tension passing between us that has been here since he kissed me on Monday. We’ve stayed away from anything that would put us in a situation where we could be tempted to do it again. But right now, in this kitchen, alone and breathless and needy, I’m not sure if I can stop myself if he kisses me again.
“You have chocolate frosting on your face,” he murmurs and before I can figure out where, he leans down, taking my chin in his hand, he angles my face so I’m looking up at him. My heart is hammering in my chest, calling out, and begging him to just kiss me. Standing this close to him, remembering what it was like to feel his lips against mine, our tongues entwined, my body desperate and wanting him.
Just fucking kiss me!
The pad of his thumb presses firmly against my bottom lip, swiping to the side as he removes the chocolate frosting and sucks his thumb into his mouth. “Tastes like my grandma’s frosting,” he says, smiling at me with a knowing look in his eyes.
“Wait a minute! Did Sienna tell you?” I demand, pushing my lip out in a pout, my hands resting on his firm, bare
chest. She better not have ruined my surprise.
“Maybe she mentioned it, but only about the cake,” he says quickly as he now steps even closer, his hand wrapping around my neck, his forehead resting against mine.
He pulls in a hard breath, the closeness of his body sucks the air from my lungs and I struggle to breathe, struggle to keep myself standing, but more than that I’m struggling to keep my hands off him.
There’s a connection between us, built off trust and understanding and compassion, a link that makes being apart far more difficult than I ever thought. I hate to think it given what Caleb has been through, but without what happened in Providence, we wouldn’t be standing here today.
“Don’t be mad, Ruby,” he whispers, his mouth against my ear, tickling the sensitive spot on my neck, goosebumps rising on my skin. “Thank you. This is…” He stops, his lips resting against the hard pulse in my neck, kissing softly. “This is perfect. You’re perfect.”
I have to move away from him or I’m never going to be able to stop myself. I’m growing tired of this, all this push and pull, but he needs to be the one to make the first move. He needs to be the one to tell me it’s okay to get involved with him, for us to cross this line we’ve been so expertly teetering on the edge of.
“I bought cinnamon rolls and made coffee,” I spit out awkwardly and his face shows just how weird the shift in conversation is. He laughs a little, shaking his head. Maybe he thinks he’s being obvious, and I don’t think I’ve hidden the fact that I want him very well, but I just need him to come right out and say it. There will be nothing dubious or confusing about it, nothing that will one day come back to haunt us given how he’s still learning to navigate his life now.
If he wants to take this whole thing further, if he wants me, then he’s going to have to use those exact words. No more of this teasing.
“Well, then I guess we eat birthday cinnamon rolls,” he now says, walking over to the kitchen table. “Guess this one’s my chair?” He tries to make his question sound serious, but it just comes out playfully as he motions to the balloons I’ve tied to the chair.