“What do you mean before?”
“The Seers are gone, Nes. And Azza has no army.”
“What if he didn’t fail? What if the Seers are still alive and in hiding?” My mind whirls around tonight’s events. The mist swirls at my feet, matching emotions swirling through me.
“Impossible,” Zane says. “The Council would know if he had raised an army. And the Seers are dead. We’ve had no reports of their presence for more than a century.”
I turn away. I don’t care what the Council thinks, the Seers are not dead. Not all of them.
Azza just took one.
“Nes, what aren’t you telling us?” Zane’s tone is laced with impatience, frustration. And worry. “Nes?
“Lori saw us. In angelic form. You know what that means. She must be a Seer. It’s the only explanation.” I inhale the rest of my thoughts, not willing to tell them—tell him—everything. “That’s why we have to find her; before Azzaziel can kill her.”
“If she is a Seer, Nes, she’s already dead.”
Anger coils around my body.
“There’s more, isn’t there?” Cass asks. “Lori called you by your name, your past human name. Nesy, is she—?”
I can’t answer the question; can’t force myself to say the words. I’m not ready to accept that truth, no matter how much I may want it. I’m not ready to accept the emotional torrent it would bring.
“Is she what?” Zane looks from Cass to me. “Nes?”
Nothing. Only silence.
“Lori is Nesy’s human sister, Lorelei.” Cass looks at me. “Isn’t she?”
I can’t speak, can’t think, can’t breathe. I walk away, anger and pain filtering through my thoughts.
The breeze, the unholy stench, wraps around me, reminding me of where I am. I have to find Lori before Azza ends her life.
Something warm drips down my neck and arms, a thick silver liquid that sizzles as it hits the ground. My blood.
Perfect.
My head is woozy and I grab one of the moss-covered stones, trying to steady myself.
“Let me look at your wound,” Zane says, reaching for my arm. There is no anger now, no frustration. Only concern. “Please.”
I flinch and pull my arm close. “It’s fine. A scratch.”
“That isn’t a scratch. It’s deep. You need a healer to look at it.”
“No!” I snarl. “I’m fine.”
Zane sighs. “You aren’t fine.” He walks away, his wings rippling as his shoulders tighten. “In fact,” he says as he faces me again. “You haven’t been fine since we took this assignment.” Zane’s eyes narrow and he clenches his jaw.
So much for his concern.
“What are you talking about?”
“You. The way you've been acting over the last two days.” His venom-filled tone matches mine.
I turn away, a storm of emotions smoldering through me. “I said, I’m fine,” I hiss. “Now drop it. We need to find Lori.”
“Azryel’s Wings, Nes. Wake up.” Zane grabs my arm and spins me towards him. I wince, my skin still burning from Aydan’s sword.
“Zane, stop.” Cass stands between us. “This isn’t the time. Besides, Nesy isn’t herself tonight. Think of what she must be feeling.”
Cassiel. Always trying to calm every situation.
“That’s exactly my point. She shouldn’t be feeling anything. She is a Sentinal.”
“Zane, come on,” Cass pleads.
“No, she needs to hear this.” He looks past Cass to me. “Something’s wrong with you. Ever since you met Aydan, you’ve been sloppy. You’ve had three chances to vanquish him and what have you done? Run away. Hesitate. Feel something for him. You’re acting like a confused little girl. Where’s the five-hundred-year-old warrior, huh? Where the blazes did she go?”
“I am not acting like some little girl.” My anger burns through my cells.
“Yes you are! And you’re risking all of our lives in the process.”
“When have I ever taken unnecessary chances with my life? Or yours?” My voice pounds against the stones.
“Since the moment you looked at that UnHoly.”
Here it comes. Another infamous Zane lecture.
“You’ve allowed yourself to wallow in some memory from your past—a memory you were supposed to have released,” Zane continues, anger pouring from his words. “You refuse to attack him when he’s alone, but you confront him when Azzaziel waits in the shadows. You run off to chase some girl you think might be your human sister, even though your orders are clear. You’re letting your childish human emotions rule your well-trained mind. And you expect us to play along like everything is okay.
“Well Nesayiel, guess what—everything is not okay.” His voice booms around me.
He’s voiced every one of my fears, every concern. And right now, I hate him for it.
“Zane, stop.” Cass’s soothing voice floats through the air, providing a fragile veil of serenity.
“Don’t try to use your power on me, Cass.” Zane steps away from her, still glaring at me. “Look, I know you’re used to being in control. Always right, no mistakes. And I can deal with that holier-than-thou attitude. But you’re acting like a first-year Sentinal, and you’re going to get yourself killed.”
I’m sick of his accusations, his interrogation. It’s time to remind him who’s in charge. I draw my sword, aiming it at his neck.
Zane remains where he stands, his shoulders square and his jaw clenched. “You’d strike me down? Risk Mikayel’s wrath, your life, just to avoid hearing the truth? Really?”
Blazes.
I growl, slamming my sword against the stones next to us. Sparks shoot in every direction. It isn’t enough. I need to release this rage, need to hit something. Vanquish something. Again I slam my sword against the stones and walk away; before I do something really stupid.
“We’re both worried about you Nesy,” Cass says, the soft, timbre of her voice filling my thoughts. She’s using the powers of the Anointed again. “We know something’s going on between you and Aydan, something beyond your human emotions. Something...wrong.” She approaches me, putting her hand on my shoulder and lifting my chin.
Our eyes meet and I feel the comfort of the Anointed pass between us. She enters my heart, my feelings. My pain and confusion fade almost immediately. But I know it won’t last. It never does.
“You’re confused. Hurt. So many unanswered questions.” Cass smiles. The burdens of the past few days continue to lift from my shoulders. “Questions about Aydan and Lori. Your life before.”
The relief isn’t real. Or deserved. I shove her out of my heart and walk away. Her words are too much for me right now. I want my pain and torment. Need them to remind me of my oath, my duty.
“Your feelings scare you, Nesy. And more than anything, you hate being scared.”
I can’t look at her, can’t let her see the truth reflected in my face. I am scared. Too scared.
“It’s okay. This is just part of the human experience.”
Enough lectures for one night.
“Stop patronizing me, Cass.” My fear and pain turn to anger in a single heart beat. “I’m not scared,” I say through gritted teeth.
Not much.
Before Cass can respond the corridor explodes in a blaze of indigo light, stopping time. A winged being, larger than the rest of us, emerges from the light. He wears long purple robes that flutter in the breeze. His auburn hair hangs down his back in waves. His piercing green eyes look as though they could reach into the depths of your soul.
They can.
“Nesayiel!” His voice booms causing the stones to vibrate.
Raphael. A member of the Council.
Awesome.
I’m in some serious trouble.
“Let me see your arm,” Raphael says.
I face the angel, my heart beating too fast against my ribs. “Raphael. Why—?”
“I came at Mikayel’s request to tend to your injuries.
” His indigo tinged wings tuck in as he reaches for me.
“There must have been others who could have done this.”
“Yes. Many. But I also bear a message from the Council.”
I stare at the Healer, anxiety permeating every cell. This is so bad.
Raphael takes my arm and examines the still bleeding wound. “It has been a long time since you allowed an UnHoly to pierce your armor.”
“Yes.” I choke and I remind myself to breathe.
Raphael smiles, quiet as usual.
Sometimes the Council really annoys me.
“And you have had an encounter with Azzaziel that you have not reported?”
I can’t seem to figure out how to form the word “yes”, so I say nothing.
“You are to report to the Council.” Raphael says. He turns to Cass and Zane. “All of you.”
“But, the girl,” I say too fast. “We must find—”
“She is safe. Her memories, purged.” Raphael wraps his large hand around my laceration. “And she is not your assignment.”
Why do people keep saying that?
Raphael squeezes my arm, whispering “Apage.” He blows on the wound and I watch it fade into nothing. “Now, the Council is waiting," he says, his voice firm.
I flex my healed arm. “Thank you.”
“Thank Mikayel. You should have come to me yourself. The Council will want to know why you did not. And why your duty has not been done.”
Just what I need, another guilt trip.
Raphael walks to my friends. “You both would be wise to remember your duty as well.” As the last word fades, Raphael vanishes in a burst of blinding light.
“What the blazes did he mean by that?” Zane asks, stretching his wings behind him.
“What do any of the Council ever mean?” Cass replies. Her body shudders slightly. “But I think we’d better listen.”
Zane smiles and nods. “Like it or not Nes, we’re going to Celestium.”
“No. Not yet. First I need to find Lori. Talk with her.”
“There’s no way I’m letting you violate a direct order. Raphael said she was fine. Whatever it is you think you need to say to her will have to wait. We need to go. We’re in enough trouble already.” Zane glares at me. Again.
“You mean I’m in enough trouble.”
“Yeah, well, you are the one with the most to answer for.” A smile plays on his lips as his voice relaxes. I don’t know what he finds so amusing in this. “You know we’ll protect you as best we can with the Council.”
“I thought you were angry.”
“Oh, I am. I’m pretty certain you’ve lost your mind actually.” Zane puts his arm around my shoulder, avoiding the gash that remains on my neck.” But, that doesn’t mean I won’t stand up for you.”
“Thanks,” I say. I like the feel of his arm around me, like the safety he always represents. “I don’t know what's wrong with me. Something about this case, about my stupid human form, it’s just so dang—”
“I know. Hard.” Zane squeezes my shoulder and for a moment I can believe things will be okay.
“Yeah.”
“You need to figure out why it’s hard, Nes.” Zane pins me with his stare, reaching my soul. “Before you see the Council. Before they ask questions that could land you in the Abyss too.”
Time stops for a brief moment before Cass sidles next to us.
“It’ll be fine.” Cass’s eyes hold the concern her words hide.
“Yeah, sure. Fine.” I push away the smoldering feelings that burn through me. The Council will never understand any of this. Heck, I don’t understand it.
Mikayel expects more from me than this. So much more.
And so do I.
“I’d better go. You guys find Lori, okay?”
“No. You heard Raphael. We’re coming with you. Lori will have to wait.” Cass says.
“But—”
“But nothing. We’re all going to the Council. Now.” Zane and his sense of duty.
I force my thoughts into the shadows behind us, filling it with a piercing golden light. The ground shakes as the scene fades and a void forms—our portal home. I think of the questions the Council will ask, the kinds of answers they’ll expect to hear. Explanations about Lori and Aydan. My emotional connections to them. The memories of a human life long gone. Without the right answers, my fate with the Council will be grim.
We step into the portal.
And I pray for a miracle.
Chapter 14 - Complications
Aydan
The angels disappear into the darkness, along with the shattered pieces of my world.
Elle.
It can’t be her. It just can’t. I watched her die. Held her lifeless body in my arms. All the intimate moments, the tight embraces, the shared kisses. I would have known if she were anything other than human. There’s just no way.
It’s not possible.
My mind caves in on itself as I think about every moment Elle and I shared. Every moment I need to forget.
If I can…
She stands in the fields, herding the goats. I am in awe. Her soft hair and pale skin. Surely nothing in Celestium is as beautiful as the girl standing before me.
My skin prickles in the cool breeze that wafts past. I have to meet her. Talk with her. The Council has warned against interfering with humans. But they couldn’t have meant her. This apparition.
This angel.
“Hello,” I say as I approach.
She looks down, shy.
And even more irresistible.
“I’m new here,” I say, tripping over my words. “I work on the Stubbe farm, keeping things in order when Mr. Stubbe is away.”
She stays silent.
“My name is Adam.”
Her face flushes as she steals a glance.
“What is your name?”
“Elle,” she says, her voice barely audible.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite get that.” I have to hear her voice again.
“Oh,” she whispers. She lifts her head and looks at me. “My name is Elle.” Our gaze meets and I’m locked in a sacred moment, just the two of us. Her eyes search mine and I wonder if she knows what I am. But it isn’t my wings or my glowing skin she seems to see. It’s my soul—the part of me I show no one.
In that second I know. . .
I will never forget her.
I scroll through the times Elle and I shared, still unsure if Nesy could really be her. But even as I try to find a way to convince myself it isn’t true, I know the truth.
Nesy and Elle are the same person.
And things just got complicated.
Too complicated.
Chapter 15 – Moral Obligation
Nesy
My life as a Watcher was nothing like it should have been. Taking human form was so different from what I’d expected, what I was prepared for. To begin with, I’d never imagined I could forget being an angel. I never thought I’d fall in love. And I certainly never expected to be murdered.
Mikayel saved me from that life. Just as he’d saved me during my training as a Sentinal. He seemed to understand the permanent stain the human emotions had left on my soul. Understood the nightmares that plagued me during those first centuries—the time before I learned to master my weaknesses. Before I learned control.
His teachings had helped me in ways I could never quite express. Ways that forever defined…
Me.
And now, as my weaknesses, my flaws, resurface and my emotions unravel, I realize the truth.
I never mastered anything. I am damaged. Broken.
And I always will be.
I shake my head and shove aside my self-pity. This is not the time to wallow. Broken or not, I’m still a warrior.
I just need to remember everything that means.
I abandon my shame and push through the vortex into Celestium. The entire landscape glows like a prism in the sun. Streaks of emerald, indigo, ruby and gold d
ance around the sky. Inhaling deeply, I reach for the calm that always flows into me at home.
But I find no solace this time. Neither the love of my realm, nor the peace that surrounds me can dislodge the rock of fear growing in my stomach.
“Come on,” Zane urges. “They’ll be waiting for us.”
“You mean me,” I correct, my voice as shaky as I feel.
“Don’t worry. You’ll be fine. Just answer their questions and keep the whole ‘I can’t control my emotions’ thing to yourself,” Zane says.
If only it were that easy.
I walk into the massive Council chamber with my friends. Large bronze doors carved with intricate reliefs of angels and demons greet us. The doors open and we pause.
Cass squeezes my hand, Zane nods, and we begin to walk into the enormous room.
“Just Nesayiel.” Mikayel says, his voice echoing off the gilded walls. “We will speak with you two in a minute.”
I inhale my fear and step forward. I have no answers to the questions they’ll no doubt ask. No way of explaining my mistakes, my feelings for the UnHoly.
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