by Cary Hart
My hands shake, I struggle to breathe. I’m nothing without her. I gave up on her. I can’t do this without her.
I thought I was doing the right thing by sending her there, but did I? If this is how it’s going to be, how can it be a life worth living? There has to be something more.
More.
More.
More.
Is there more? Is this it? Oh God, please don’t let this be it.
I need her to be the Grans I remember her to be. Just one more day. One more second to tell her I love her.
There are promises of tomorrow, of a good day, but what if there isn’t? What if today was her tomorrow?
I need Ellie. I need her to tell me it’s going to be okay. I need her to hold me and make me feel the way only she can. I need her to tell me I can get through this. I need her to give me more.
More.
More.
More.
There is more than this. Ellie has shown me that she makes everything better just by being her. And I pushed her away.
It’s late. I should have called. I should have explained. I should have done everything different, but I didn’t.
I told her to go. I sent her away when she tried to be there. Now, I’m sitting in front of her door, hoping it’s not too late. Hoping she stayed.
“Lee?” Ellie whispers.
My eyes drift up to see my beautiful dreamer standing there with a bag in tow, and I lose it.
Sobs rack my body as I let it pour out. I cry for the woman who raised me and the woman I wanted to spend my life with. Both gone. I’ve lost them both.
“Oh Lee.” I hear the bag fall and Ellie is right in front of me, on her knees. She pulls me into her lap and I let her. I’m a weak bastard who is willing to take everything she has left.
“They diagnosed her as stage five with a rapid decline. I’ve lost her, Ellie. I’ve lost her.”
“Oh God.” She brushes hair out of my face. “I’m so sorry, Lee. So, so sorry,” she repeats over and over again.
“And I lost you.” I look up into her eyes, which mirror mine—bloodshot and teary.
“Lee.” She shakes her head.
“Just tell me it’s not too late.” I stand up, taking her with me. “Tell me that isn’t what I think it is.” I nod to the suitcase behind us.
“We need to talk.” Tears stream down her face. I reach to wipe them away, but she catches my hand, letting them fall.
“Ellie.” I shake my head, not wanting to accept what just happened.
Broken promises.
“Let’s go inside.” She walks past me and unlocks the door I fixed. The memory of our first kiss replays in my head as she continues. “I think we need to start from the beginning.”
Following her in I turn, pushing her up against the wall, in a desperate move to make her remember.
“Are you a time traveler? Because I can see you in my future.” I choke back the tears and force a smile.
“Don’t.” Ellie gives me a look, her lips tight. She is fighting back more than I realized. She can see right through me. She knows why I’m here. “We really need to talk.”
She steps away from me. “Lee, please come sit down with me.” She extends her hand in an offering.
I accept. I try to take control and move us to the bed. “No.” She shakes her head and pulls us toward the couch. “Over here.”
“Okay.”
We sit down beside each other. She continues to hold my hand,
bringing it to her lap where she rubs circles with her thumb, comforting me.
This is it.
“I know about the check,” she blurts out.
“Ellie, It’s not what you think.” I turn to look at her. “I promise. I didn’t cash it. I wouldn’t. Your father—”
“I know, Lee.” She gives me a weak smile.
“Ellie, you have to know you are more to me than just a piece of paper. You are worth so much more.”
“Thank you.” She continues to rub circles. “That’s not all. Your mom. She left because of my father.” Ellie looks at me out of the corner of her eye.
“What?” I stand up, yanking my hand out of hers.
“My father, he paid your mother to leave. The same amount he offered you.”
“Why would he do that? What does my mom have to do with us?”
“I’m so sorry, Lee.” She gulps. “Because of me. He wanted you out of my life and he thought he could either pay you to leave or he would pay your mom and you would react to her skipping out again, thinking I was just like her.”
“That’s fucked-up on so many levels. Fucked-up that he even thought of something like that.” I begin to pace the floor. “Fucked-up that he would do that to hurt you. Fucked-up that it worked.”
“It only works if we let it.” She stands in front of me, reaching for my hands.
“I saw the contract.”
She takes in a deep breath and exhales. “I was planning to tell you
about that, but then we got the call—”
“You’re leaving me, too,” I interrupt.
“Yes.” She nods. “But no. I’m here Lee, with you.” She brings my hand up and places a kiss on my knuckles. Everything I should be doing to her, but I’m the selfish bastard. I’m the one who is taking everything I can get to just make it through the day.
“It’s not forever. It’s just a few weeks.”
“Were you going to tell me?” I nod at the bag over by the front door.
She looks over her shoulder to see what I am suggesting. “No. I wasn’t, but I was angry. I thought you took the money, Lee.”
“I would never.” Her thinking I would do that stings.
“I know, but a part of me almost understood why.”
“Ellie?” I laugh in disbelief.
“Once I found out, I knew I had to see you. I knew we needed to talk.”
“Ellie? What are you saying?” I drop her hands and move to the bed to get some distance.
“I’m saying that I love you Presley Aaron Scott.” She comes to stand in front of me, her beautiful hazel eyes capturing my heart. “I’m saying that I never even thought about staying, until you. You are my family. You are my heart. You are my home.”
She stretches her neck, asking for me to kiss her. So I do. I take her mouth. I own it. I claim this moment and every memory before. This kiss is accepting what I have done. I made her stay when she
needs to go.
Breaking our kiss, breathing erratic, I try to form the words I
never wanted to say. “You. Need. To. Go.”
Looking around she laughs. “It’s my place, silly.”
“No. You need to go to Nashville.” I pull her over to sit next to me. “I did this to you. I made you want to stay when you have always wanted to go.”
“That’s not true.” She begins to get irritated.
“Yes, it is. You were headed out before your father took everything. It was your dream. Me? Having a family? It’s not what you want.”
“How do you even know what I want?” She jumps up, obviously angry.
“We want different things. Nashville, I can’t make it part of my dream. Not right now, and how is that fair to you?”
“You don’t have to make it your dream. You just have to support mine,” she fires back.
“Listen to me.” I stand face-to-face with the woman I love. The woman I’m setting free. “My love can’t heal your scars when they can’t even heal my own. My love can’t rescue you. Only you can, by seeing your dreams through. No regrets.”
She leans forward, her lips brushing mine, tears soaking her face. “You will never be a regret.”
I look at Ellie, accepting her words. You will never be a regret. I wanted for this to be a tender moment, for her words to heal me. So I’ll use my touch to do the same for her. To give her something to
remember me by and hopefully bring her home to me.
Home.
Thinking about everything she is
to me makes my heart dance and
I no longer can contain myself. This isn’t going to be slow and soft. We don’t have time for that. Every moment I have left with Ellie, before she leaves, is precious and I’m going to make use of every. Last. Second.
I reach for Ellie and she wraps her arms around my neck. I find the spot on her, my spot. Her pulse, jumping erratically, matches my heartbeat. I grab her waist, pulling her up, and she wraps her legs around mine.
We become a desperate tangle of limbs and mouths, saying everything with touch we don’t have a chance to say with our lips. It’s like coming home and saying goodbye all at once.
I lay her on the bed and we take turns stripping each other bare. A beat passes as we drink each other in, one last look of her perfect body, to keep me warm on lonely nights. Until she comes back to me.
She has to.
I shake away the dark thoughts and focus on the fact that she’s here now. Grabbing a condom, I climb between her legs and the moment our lips connect we’re back to a frenzied pace, relishing each other’s embrace. Every touch accepting what we can’t control. Every touch trying to heal but accepting it can’t.
As I slide into her, she moans into my mouth and hearing her calling my name in the throes of passion is the sweetest sound I’ve ever heard.
My lips hover over hers, drinking her in. Her passion, her ecstasy,
her song.
Our song.
“Ellie?” I turn my head to look at the woman who saved me from myself. The woman who breathed life back into my soul.
“I know,” she admits. The unspoken words were all that need to be said.
“I don’t want you to go,” I confess. “I’m scared to face this alone.”
“No,” she whispers, reaching down and grabbing my hand. “You’re never alone, Lee.” She takes our joined hands and places them over her heart. “You’re here. Always.”
Leaning in, I gently claim Ellie’s warm lips with a kiss that is shaky and unsure. A goodbye.
“Now what? Where do we go from here?” She turns her head so we are looking eye to eye, and a lone tear slowly falls down her cheek. Bringing my hand up, I capture it with my thumb and put it in my mouth, taking everything I can before she’s gone.
“You go.” I curse the words I don’t want to say, silently begging for her to not listen.
Don’t go.
“I go.”
Please don’t.
“We heal.”
We will.
“We will.”
Together.
“I love you.”
Forever.
“I love you too.”
Stay.
“So much for taco Tuesdays.” Ellie kicks the rocks around in the parking spot she forgot she had.
“Yeah. They kinda suck,” I agree. “What time did Rain say she will be here?” I look at my watch for the millionth time, willing it to stop. To give me more time. Just one more day.
“Any minute.” She turns her head to the side, sucking her lips in.
“Ellie, don’t cry.” I bring my hand up to her face and get her to look at me.
“I’m not.” She laughs as I wipe the tears away. Not one falling.
“You’re a bad liar.”
“Stop.” She smacks my chest. “Lee?”
“Yeah?”
“Ask me to stay. ’Cause I will. I’ll do it for you.” She says it. The words I have craved to hear.
“I can’t do that.” I pull her face to mine. “Not because I don’t want you to, but because you deserve more. I can’t give you more until I can move on. I have to forgive and forgiving is a work in progress.”
“You are a good man, Presley Aaron Scott.”
“Ahhh.” I pull her in, my mouth instantly going to my spot. “Go. Show Nashville what I already know.”
Her hands fly up and rub my back, silently reassuring me that I’ll be okay. And I will. She’s shown me that.
Pulling away, I see Rain parked across the street. “Your ride’s here.”
“Don’t look. I can’t leave if I don’t know.” She begins to frown.
“Don’t do that.” I touch her lips, anything to feel her one last time. “You smile. You show the world that contagious smile of yours.”
“Ellie!” Rain shouts. “We have to go or you will miss your flight.”
Grabbing Ellie’s hand, I walk her to the car and open the door for her to slide in.
“I guess this is goodbye.” I pull her to me and wrap my arms around her one last time.
“Don’t.” She puts her hand between us, holding a finger up to give her a minute to say what she needs to say, fighting back the tears. “You don’t get to say that. You don’t get to say goodbye.”
“Ellie, you need to get going.” I help her in the car, but just as I’m about to close the door she jumps back out.
“See you later. Because I will. I’m coming back for you, Lee Scott.” She smacks me with a kiss before hopping in and closing the door. She waves at me as Rain pulls off.
Promise me, Ellie. Promise me you will come back.
Chapter Thirty
Lee
“Excuse me?” I say, staring across the desk in confusion at Sandy, the co-owner of Lavender Springs. “How is that even possible?”
I had a meeting scheduled for today to finish the paperwork and pay the deposit for Grans since moving day is tomorrow, but instead of taking my money they are telling me it’s been paid for.
Impossible.
“The next year, it’s paid in full.” She clicks on the mouse, running through Grans’ account. “Ah! Yes, you see, right here.” She turns the screen to me. “It was paid by a Samantha Scott two weeks ago.”
“That can’t be right.” I shake my head. “She left town two weeks ago.”
“It’s possible for a mistake to be made, but Mr. Scott, we are not going to make…” A few more clicks. “As I was saying, the money was dropped in our account the same day as it was credited.” She pulls open a drawer and digs through her files. “Here it is.” She passes me an envelope.
“What’s this?”
“There was a comment here that I’m to give this to the person
who comes in to pay for your grandmother’s suite.” She stands, and I follow. “Please, take your time. I know this can be a difficult adjustment. I’ll give you a moment.” Sandy reaches out, shaking my hand in both of hers. “We look forward to having Jean stay with us. See you tomorrow.”
“Thank you.” I nod as she walks out, shutting the door behind her.
The envelope is from my mother. The penmanship is unforgettable as it’s the only thing I had from her for years. A store-bought birthday card with a simple To Presley, From Mom on the inside. No words of wisdom or well wishes, just a card that I’m sure my Grans forced her to sign on one of her visits.
Sliding my finger under the flap, I open the envelope to pull out a handwritten letter.
Presley,
I know you don’t like your name, but to me, you are Presley Aaron Scott and you will forever be mine.
I have failed you so much as a mother and I have apologized time and time again, but the past few weeks I have spent with your grandmother and seeing the way you are with her, I’m not going to apologize anymore. I know I made the right decision.
Lee, as much as you want to think things would have been better if I had been home, they wouldn’t have. You, my son, are amazing and I’m so proud of the man you have become, but that was because of your Grans. She loved you as if you were her own. She is your mom, Lee. No matter how desperately I want to be, she holds the title.
Your grandmother brought me back to you. She called me upset. She knew, Lee. She knew she was slipping under and she didn’t want you to bear the burden. All she wanted was for you to be happy and have a family of your own. To experience the joy you gave her. And if I could help, I wanted to.
Ellie is a sweet girl and looks so much like her momma. Anna, her mother, w
as my best friend and had so much talent. I was often jealous of how it came so naturally to her, but in the end we both had to choose. I was the selfish one. I’m sorry.
But if I could do one thing, if I could make things easier on you now, I would and that is why I did what I did. Nate Hawthorne came to me with an offer I couldn’t refuse. The agreement was that I leave town.
Just know, I didn’t spend the money. As soon as I cashed the check, I paid for a year for your grandmother. The rest is in your grandmother’s savings account. I’ve added you to the account. They just need your signature and are expecting you.
I hope you can forgive me, but Lee, I needed to do this not only for you, but for me, too. I have taken so much from your grandparents with nothing in return. I just wanted to do something this time. This is all I had. It’s all I could give.
Please forgive me.
I love you! xoxo
Mom
They say time heals all wounds. I’m not sure I believe that to be a hundred percent true, but it has helped. And this letter, it’s the start to forgiveness and moving on.
“Knock knock.” I rap on the door to Grans’ hospital room. The
nurse already gave me a heads-up that she was having a good day, which is just what I need. Especially after the letter I received.
I just need her. I just need to hear her voice and know that it’s my Grans.
“Hello.”
“Tomorrow is moving day. How are you feeling about it?” I set the flowers I got her by the windowsill and pull up a chair.
“I want to go home.” Grans’ bottom lip begins to quiver.
“I know.” I take her hand in mine. “But Grans—”
“It’s what’s best. I know. The nurse was telling me all about it today.” She turns her head to look the other direction before she comes back to me.
Even though this is a good day, the spark that Grans used to have in her eyes is gone, but today she knows my name, she recognizes me. And for that, I’m grateful.
“They have bingo.” I try to perk her up. When I was younger, Grans would drag me along to Friday night bingo. “Presley, you’re my lucky charm. Better than any fluffy-haired troll,” she would say as she ruffled my hair.