by Amy Sparling
“He’s the one who promised,” she says. “It’s his responsibility.”
I stand, too. “The job is mine, dude. Don’t you remember? I was the one who wrecked the greenhouse in the first place. Not anyone else. Just me, according to Coach, and the principal.” There’s a warning in my voice. A dare, just begging him to come clean about his involvement. But I know he won’t. I smirk. “That means the job is all mine. And if Clarissa wants to spend the evening with me, she’s free to do so.”
TJ scowls. “That’s all you’re ever going to be to her, Gavin. Don’t get any ideas. She’s mine.”
“I’m no one’s,” Clarissa says. “God, ya’ll are just a couple of cavemen.”
“He’s the one treating you like a piece of property,” I say. “I’m the one coming through on my promise.” I lower my voice and talk directly to her. “We’re friends, and I’d never push you to be anything else.”
“Shut the fuck up, man.” TJ says. “You had your chance and you ruined it.”
Anger rises up so fast inside of me that I’m not sure I can control it. I am two seconds away from doing something stupid. But I can’t. Not in front of Clarissa. All I can do is leave.
I grab my backpack and storm out of the classroom, noticing one very confused homeroom teacher watching me go.
“Gavin!”
I stop at the corner of the hallway when I hear Clarissa call out my name. I’m afraid to turn around, because she could be with him. What if she’s holding his hand? What if they’re both wanting to continue the conversation about how I’m nothing but a vandal to Clarissa and that TJ is the guy who has her heart now?
I grit my teeth. Then I smell her strawberry shampoo as she rushes up next to me, grabbing my arm to get my attention. I blink, wishing she’d keep it there, but of course she doesn’t.
“Gavin,” she says, taking a deep breath. I glance behind her, but I don’t see TJ. Thank the heavens.
“What?” I start walking.
She keeps pace with me. “Don’t let TJ get to you like that. He’s, ugh, he’s such an idiot.”
“You shouldn’t talk about your boyfriend that way.”
“He’s not my boyfriend.”
“It sure feels like he is.”
“Gavin.” She says my name like she’s exhausted. “Please don’t let him get to you.”
I walk toward an alcove near a window to get out of the rush of students heading to their first period class. She follows me, her expression sorrowful and yet still as beautiful as ever.
“Listen, Clarissa. I know I fucked up. I know I ruined the perfect thing we had between us, but please keep in mind that TJ used to be my friend before all of this. I know the kind of guy he is, so trust me when I say that you are too good for him.” I put my hands to my chest. “You don’t want me, I get it. And that’s fine, but you don’t need him, either.”
She tilts her head and peers at me. “Did you only start helping me with the greenhouse because you’re jealous of TJ?”
I snort. “You’re too smart of a girl to believe something like that.”
“I don’t know what to believe,” she says.
“I know that you don’t seem too happy with him.”
She stiffens. “We’re just…hanging out.”
“Are you trying to convince yourself or me?”
She rolls her eyes. “Gavin, it’s over between us. I’m glad you’re helping me with the greenhouse, but I can’t trust you.”
Her voice cracks, and I can see it. Right there in her eyes, those deep pools of copper, she regrets what she just said. It gives me a hope like I’ve never had before.
“I lied to you, okay? And it was stupid. But I’ve never cared about anyone as much as I cared about you. If I could change your opinion of me, I would. In a heartbeat.”
Her breath hitches. I have to grit my teeth to stop myself from leaning forward and kissing her. She watches me for the longest moment, and I’m certain that at any second the bell will ring and we’ll be late to class.
“Ditch class with me,” I say. Holy shit. I said that. I can’t believe I said that.
Her eyes widen. “What? Why?”
I shrug. “Spend the day with me. I’ll win you over. I’ll show you that I’m better than him.”
Dammit, dammit, Gavin. No. I told myself to be better than this.
She looks at the floor, and then gradually brings her gaze up to mine again. “Gavin…” I can see the regret in her eyes. Sense the thoughts in her mind that swirl around, and then eventually land on what I don’t want to hear. “I can’t trust you. I’m sorry.”
“If you knew the real TJ, you wouldn’t trust him either.”
Her jaw flexes. “Yeah, well, he never lied to me.”
The bell rings, and we’re officially late for class. I take a deep breath. “Maybe you should read my letter.”
Chapter 23
I can’t stop thinking about that strange talk I had with Gavin this morning. Our words replay in my mind as I go from class to class. As much as I want to be mad at him, I can’t ignore the fact that he’s hurting. I could see it all over his face.
His eyes, and the pain in them, haunts me as I work on my math test. I think about it during lunch when Erin talks nonstop and doesn’t seem to notice that I’m not adding to the conversation.
I’ve been avoiding reading his stupid letter, but I did keep it in my nightstand. I guess I’ve been wanting to read it, thinking that one day I might actually do it, otherwise I would have thrown it away. But I can’t ever bring myself to do that.
TJ catches me in the hallways before our last class. He’s all energetic like he always is at the end of the day. It’s the mornings when he’s sleepy and sluggish.
“Hey there,” he says, grinning at me from ear to ear. “How was your day?”
“I think I passed my math test.”
“Cool, cool.” He goes to put his arm around my shoulders, but I conveniently have to tie my shoe. It’s not even that loose, but I pull the shoelace and redo it anyway. I don’t want his arm around me right now. It’s so awkward. We’re not together-together. I don’t know what we are, but all the progress I’d made in trying to make myself like him went right out the door after that talk I had with Gavin today.
Only Gavin and I can have heartfelt talks like that. With TJ, everything is so superficial.
“You want a ride home after school?” he says.
I stand back up. “Um, no thanks.”
He looks offended, so I say, “I promised my friend I’d ride the bus with her so she can tell me some crazy story about her boyfriend.”
“Lame. We should hang out this weekend though, when you’re done with that jackass Gavin.”
I nod, but I don’t really feel it. Luckily, he doesn’t seem to care.
On the bus ride home, I sit alone like I usually do, and I text Livi in the hopes that it’ll take my mind off Gavin.
Livi: Dude! It’s totally going to snow tonight!
Me: Really?
Livi: the weather app says so. WOOT!
I switch to Gavin’s text and send him a message.
Me: Apparently it’s supposed to snow tonight so you should stay home and we’ll work on the greenhouse another night.
Contractor: This is Texas…even when it snows, it doesn’t snow that much.
Me: lol, I know but still. Just be safe and save it for another time
Contractor: if you insist
I stare at the phone for a long time, wanting to reply. But I don’t have anything to say. At least not right now.
As soon as I get home, I go to my nightstand and pull out the envelope. Before I can talk myself out of it, I rip it open and take out the letter. I push my door closed and sit on the bed, and then I read Gavin’s words three times to let it all sink in.
#
I hadn’t said anything to TJ when he texted me asking if he could stop by my house to hang out before going to the diner with his friends. I just texted back
sure.
And then I waited.
Right around seven o’clock, TJ’s SUV pulls into my driveway. He’s never been inside my house, and I don’t plan to let him in this time. I pull on my heaviest winter coat and I meet him outside.
“Hey, beautiful,” he says, his breath making puffs of white smoke in the chilly air. “You gonna invite me inside, or are we gonna freeze out here?”
I fold my hands over my chest. The air is colder than ever, a crisp winter chill. But there’s no snow anywhere yet. TJ’s golden hair glows from the porch light.
I stare at him so long, his smile fades away. “Well?” he says.
“Did you vandalize my greenhouse?”
The question hangs in the air for so long I start to wonder if I actually said the words out loud, or if maybe I just imagined that I did.
“No,” TJ finally says, but it sounds like a question. “What makes you ask that?”
“Did you vandalize my greenhouse?” I ask again. “With Gavin?”
“What the hell has he told you?” TJ exhales through his nose, his nostrils flaring. “He’s just jealous that you’re mine now.”
“I’m not yours,” I snap. “Answer the question.”
“I didn’t do shit to your greenhouse. Damn.” TJ rattles his car keys in his hand. “If you’re gonna be a bitch, I’ll just go home.”
“If you’re going to be a liar, you should go home.”
He shuffles on his feet. “I didn’t do anything.”
I’ve never seen someone so bad at lying. “We’re done,” I say, taking a step backward. “Don’t call me anymore, don’t text me. Whatever this is, it’s over.”
“Clarissa, seriously?” he says, throwing his hands in the air. “Are you serious right now?”
“Yeah,” I snap, turning around and walking toward my door. “Bye.”
I feel a rush of adrenaline as I walk back inside my house and close the door behind me. I stood up for myself and I told off a guy and it felt great. I lean against the wall and peer out the crack of the window to watch TJ get back in his car and leave.
“What are you doing?” Grandpa asks.
I look over and find him sitting on the couch, the TV turned to the news.
“Just looking out the window,” I say.
“I hear it’s supposed to snow tonight,” Grandpa says. “I wish I could see it.”
“Maybe you can go outside and feel it.”
He considers it for a moment. “That would be nice.”
I smile even though he can’t see me, and I squeeze his hand on my way to my bedroom. Then I call Livi and tell her every single detail of what just happened.
“Whoa,” she says. “But you don’t even sound upset.”
“Why would I be upset?” I lay on my bed and stare at the ceiling. “I feel like a badass telling him off like that.”
“Yeah, but, he was like…kind of your boyfriend.”
“TJ?” I groan. “Not really.”
“You’ve been sort of dating him for a couple weeks now,” she says. “And now you find out he lied to you and he was part of the greenhouse vandalism and you’re totally fine? No tears at all?”
“I guess I am fine,” I say with a shrug. “I definitely don’t feel sad.”
“Okay, but you were devastated when you found out that Gavin had lied to you about the exact same thing.”
I swallow and run my hand down my face. “That’s…different.”
“That’s the point I’m trying to make,” she says slowly. “It is different. Because you actually liked Gavin.”
“I liked TJ too,” I say.
“No, no you didn’t. I’m your best friend and I know these things. You wanted to like him but you didn’t.”
“Yeah, well they’re both liars,” I say with a sigh. “I can’t deal with liars.”
“I think you should give Gavin another chance.”
“What!” I sit up in bed. “How can you say that? He lied to me!”
“And then he explained it all in his letter,” she says. “You like him a lot. I know you do. He made a mistake and he’s trying to make up for it. You should meet him halfway.”
My eyes flood with unshed tears. I think deep down I know she’s right. I suffered when I found out about Gavin’s lie. I was heartbroken. When I read his letter and realized that TJ also lied to me, I just wanted revenge. I wanted to tell him it was over and then be done with it. I didn’t hurt at all.
“Gavin is the guy your heart wants,” Livi continues. “You should talk to him.”
I look at his letter and think about how he’s been the last few weeks. He’s quiet. He sits there and ignores the world, and then he leaves school for lunch. He doesn’t seem to have any friends anymore. This entire thing has ruined his life lately. TJ still has his soccer team and his friends and his reputation. He hasn’t suffered at all, and yet the guy who was noble enough to admit he made a mistake has had all of the suffering heap onto his shoulders.
When we get off the phone, I send Gavin a text.
Me: Hey, are you awake?
It’s only eight-thirty so he has to be awake. But I sit around and wait for a reply that never comes.
Then I pull on the warmest clothes I own and go out to the living room. Mom is asleep but Grandpa is still up listening to the TV.
“Can I borrow your truck?” I ask him.
He frowns. “How late is it?”
“Not that late,” I lie.
“Okay then. Be careful, it’s cold out there.”
“Thanks, Grandpa,” I say, giving him a hug. “I’ll be back soon.”
Chapter 24
With one final nail in place, I step back and admire my creation. The greenhouse is almost completely finished, and it only took about nine hours of straight work in the freezing cold.
I’ve never felt so freaking accomplished as I pull my gloves off my hands and tuck them into the sleeve of my jacket for warmth. I was only going to put the roof on tonight as a surprise for Clarissa, but after that was finished, I decided to attach the green wall panels. Then, the door. Then frame out the window in the door. Then I just kept going. The frigid cold was only quelled by moving around, so I kept moving.
Now the greenhouse stands tall and proud, brand new and untarnished. I’m standing outside, my tools sitting on top of the table I made.
The official plans for the greenhouse have shelves going all around the inside walls, but there’s enough room for a table in the middle, something counter height so you can plant flowers or do work in there before you move it to its place against the wall. Clarissa had briefly mentioned how she’d like to have a table one day.
So I made one.
I exhale on my fingers in an attempt to warm them up, but it doesn’t do much. I glance at my watch. It’s just after midnight. First thing tomorrow morning when the stores are open, I’m going to find a gigantic bow, like what dealerships put on cars. I’ll put it on the front door and then let Clarissa discover it on her own.
My heart warms at the idea, even though it’s actually freezing.
Headlights blast against the greenhouse, the rumble of an engine following along behind it. I whip around, hoping it’s not a cop coming to bust me for being out too late, but it’s an older Chevy truck. I’ve seen it in Clarissa’s driveway.
My heart races and I don’t know why, but it feels like I’ve been caught doing something wrong. The truck shuts off and Clarissa tumbles out, walking quickly to me, her eyes wide.
“You finished it?” she shrieks. “Is it done? It looks done?” Her cheeks are pink, her expression bewildered. She looks so beautiful in the moonlight.
I laugh. “Yep. It’s done.”
“Why?” She throws her hands in the air, but she’s not mad. She smiles as she looks over the greenhouse, running her fingers across the outside wall. “I told you to wait until it wasn’t so cold.”
I shrug. “The weather channel lied. It’s totally not snowing.”
She tur
ns to me, her smile lighting me upside like it’s Christmas morning. I realize why I did all this work tonight. For that smile. It was totally worth it.
“I made you a promise and I hated making you wait any longer to see it fulfilled.”
She walks closer to me, her gaze never leaving mine until she notices the table I’m standing next to. “What’s this?”
“It’s a table, you know for the middle of the greenhouse? I heard you say you wanted one, so I looked up some building plans online and got some extra wood.”
She places her palm on the tabletop. “It’s perfect,” she breathes, her words coming out in little clouds of white.
The next thing I know, she’s throwing her arms around me. Her cheek is cold against mine, her thick jacket so puffy, she feels like a cloud as I wrap my arms nervously around her.
“Thank you,” she says so softly I barely hear it. “Thank you for this.”
“Don’t thank me,” I say, still holding onto her, my eyes closed as I soak up her presence like it’s all the fuel I’ll never need to survive. “I should thank you for not killing me when you found out what I did.”
She pulls away slowly, then gazes up at me. “I read your letter.”
I don’t know what to say, so I glance down and then at the greenhouse, suddenly unable to meet her gaze.
“Thank you for writing it,” she says, taking a step back. “I ended things with TJ.”
“That was…probably for the best,” I say.
She snorts. “Yeah. Honestly, I didn’t even like him. I just—”
“You just what?” I say. It suddenly means a lot to me to know exactly how she felt about my former friend.
She shrugs. “I wanted to like him because he liked me. He didn’t have a problem with my height, and he was nice and—”
“Your height?” I ask.
She shrugs, one hand holding onto her elbow. “My last boyfriend broke up with me because I was too tall.”
“That’s bullshit,” I say, as anger warms my insides. What a dick. Who would throw away a girl as amazing as Clarissa just because she was a little taller than average? I walk closer to her, standing tall, until I’m just a few inches away and have to look down on her. I pat the top of her head. “You look pretty short to me.”