The last thing Roam’s father had done was lay his wife onto a bed; he held Roam close to his chest for a long time. Roam had pleaded with his father to keep his shield up, to live, but he knew it was hopeless. His parents had been together for three thousand years. Roam was their only child. Roam’s father had lain on the bed beside his mate, he gathered her into his arms and his shield dropped.
“Roam?” Macey asked.
Feeling wounded, Roam glanced at Taz. His heart hurt and he felt his armor slam over him, cocooning him in a hug.
“I need some time,” Roam said.
His need to be away, far away, consumed him. Roam took off into the jungle. His body ate up the ground beneath him as though death were at his heels. Farther he went, not certain he wanted to ever go back. How dare a Tonan infant judge him a threat? How dare a Tonan ever come into the Castians’ lives.
Blinding rage engulfed him. Anger seared his soul. The bitter taste of fury was on his tongue. Tonans had murdered his family; Cobra had no right to accept them back into the fold unless every warrior was in agreement. Because of human females, the Tonans were accepted back; because of human females, he was stuck on this hateful planet.
Roam stopped dead in his tracks. He never realized the real root of his anger. No wonder the babe wouldn’t let him near his mother. The babe sensed his anger toward human females when even Roam had been oblivious.
Roam went to sit on a high branch which bowed with his weight. Did he hate human females? Or did he hate Tonans? Did he hate the planet he was on and why? Roam loved Tia; he would give his life to save her. Why would he? Was it because if she died Slay would die? If Slay died he would be alone, there would be no one left for him. Slay was vulnerable because he mated with a human female.
Pondering his thoughts, Roam looked for his anger. His mother had died, then his father. Tonans had killed his parents. His father didn’t have to die, he chose to leave him. Roam’s chin fell to his chest. He was angry at his parents. His mother died, she had no desire to leave Roam, but she had killed his father with love. But she wasn’t human, she had been Castian.
The reasoning was irrational. His mother was poisoned. She died. His father dropped his shield to be with her, not away from his son. Taz was only a child; he had nothing to do with Roam’s parents’ deaths. Roam couldn’t imagine losing his parents at such a young age. Taz must have been devastated, then to be raised by a cruel Tonan, it was a wonder he could have a heart at all.
If anyone would understand Roam’s loss, Taz would. Slay understood, but had been away when his parents died. He hadn’t come across his dead mother; he hadn’t witnessed his father’s demise. He hadn’t been there to plead with his father to live. Roam had never begged for anything in his life until the second he realized his father would go away. He had felt like a helpless child.
Life had drained from his father as Roam watched. His father’s shield had hovered, squealing the loss of its host. The shield had been a gift, after all, from his own father. Roam felt his shield falter as he witnessed his father’s shield turn to dust and roll lazily on the ground. Roam thought his heart would explode, not only from his pain, but his anger. His father left him. Who else would leave him?
Chapter 5
“Roam where have you been?”
When Roam walked into the cave three days later Jinx was tempted to fling herself into his arms. Her fear kept her immobile. He had kissed her—then left her. She was so afraid he was gone for good, back to his friends without even giving her a choice as to whether or not she would join him. Who else would leave her? Now he was back. He looked a little worn but healthy.
“I needed time to think about things,” he replied.
“What things?” Taz asked.
Jinx had watched Taz go from anger to hurt to anger since Roam had left. Their entire group had walked on egg shells for days while around him. He looked wary now, as though protecting his emotions from hurt. For the hundredth time, Jinx wondered what had happened in the jungle when Taz, Macey and Roam went for a walk. When only Taz and Macey returned, Jinx had a horrible suspicion Taz might have done something to Roam. She knew the idea was shameful, but she knew how protective Taz was.
Roam was staring straight at Taz. “I needed to think about how was the best way to help Taz protect all of you.”
“By disappearing?” Jinx was incredulous. “You take off without a word and stroll on back and claim it was all to protect us?”
“I thought my choice was a sacrifice, but then realized it was a boon. Jinx, I’ve lost a lot of people in my life too. Letting someone in can be scary even for a big strong person.”
He had a point. Jinx had been so worried about him, she hadn’t realized how much he had come to mean to her in such a short time. Did he mean he thought he was sacrificing his hurt to caring? Caring about her? She hoped that’s why he returned, because he felt what she did. She was frantic while he was away. Everyone was. He looked the same, but there was something in his eyes. Roam always appeared to look ancient with his deep gaze, but there was more maturity in its depth. He hadn’t lost his sparkle; it just seemed a bit subdued.
“Taz, we need to talk,” Roam said.
Taz nodded. Evening had approached; the partitions were settled into place before the two men left. Rain began to fall. Jinx watched droplets bounce on the ground right before they were sealed in. This time of year was so depressing. Thunder crashed. The cave seemed gloomier when the men left.
Jinx settled down near the fire. Macey sat across from her watching Ally play with a few dolls. Skylar and Haven pretended to be interested in a game of cards, their gazes glancing fitfully to the entrance of the cave. Aunt Greta fussed around the clean clutter of the cave, rearranging items. They all knew if Roam didn’t return with Taz, they would never see him again.
“What do you think they’re talking about?” Jinx asked no one in particular.
“I think they’re trying to decide where they fit,” Macey said. “It’s been only Taz for the longest time.”
“You’d think he would welcome any help,” Jinx said. “Roam is a good man, he hunts well.”
“Taz has made a lot of sacrifices for all of us.”
Jinx knew Macey was right. “I wasn’t knocking Taz. I just feel with Roam here it makes Taz’s burden less.”
Macey gave her an odd look. “I want you to remember something, Jinx. No matter what happens, Taz is a good man. He cares about all of us, he protects all of us. He cares about you, he loves you.”
“I know that,” Jinx said.
Macey seemed so serious. It was apparent there was some information she was withholding. When Jinx tried to question her, Macey declared it Ally’s bedtime. She scooped up her daughter and headed behind the hanging blanket to her sleeping section. Jinx’s gaze kept vigilance at the cave partitions.
* * * *
“What’s it like to be a Tonan?” Roam surprised Taz with his question; he saw Taz stumble and scented his thoughts take flight. Confusion—caution—worry.
“It’s, ah, well, Tonan-like. I guess.”
Roam settled down onto a large rock protected from the rain by a huge tree. Neither wore their armor. Roam had had a long time to think. One of his biggest worries was of Taz’s memories. If they warrior mated and Taz had been horrible, Roam would know everything.
“What were you like before mating with a human?”
Taz slumped down near Roam. “You want to know if I was a blood-thirsty killer.”
“I want to know what memories I’m looking at. You have Castian memories from long ago, I haven’t got any Tonan memories. The line was severed with the first Tonan. It’s why I can’t lie, I don’t know how.”
“Sometimes, I think a Tonan behaves the way he does because of the memories. We look back to see what to do in a situation and the closest memories are destruction.” Taz looked thoughtful. “My father behaved one way when he was around my mother and me and another way when he was with other Tonan males.
He had to throw a switch of sorts on his emotions. Tonans sense deception, but do so because they are deceitful by nature. For a Tonan, it’s a normal thing to sense in another Tonan.”
“Were your parents capable of love?” Roam asked.
“Tonan females weren’t cruel. They turned off their emotions to tolerate males. I still have urges I fight with. Hunting is a very powerful experience. Life and death is in your hands. Tonans are bred to kill, inhumanely, sometimes humanely, but destruction of life is key.”
“So you weren’t loved?”
“Probably not as you were. Not the way I feel for Ally; that emotion is much stronger because Macey is human. I can feed off of her emotion through Ally’s mother’s scent and hormones. My specific line, my father’s line, is genetically geared to science. I’m guessing the Tonans who were able to find a human female mate are of the same line I came from. The rogue Tonans are from the barbaric killing line. They stem from the Castian turned killer. The first Castian turned Tonan stole a female, though not from Earth. She wasn’t Tonan and had no way to turn her emotions off. She was capable of cruelty though it wasn’t first nature. Because of that the line split. Their children were evil, yet some were born with compassion. It takes a certain someone to bring out the empathy.”
“Like Macey?” Roam asked.
“Macey hit me with a sledge hammer,” Taz said and laughed.
“So she was able to get through to your emotions right away?”
“Nope,” Taz said, chuckling. “She actually hit me with a sledge hammer. Bonked me right on the head. Never saw it coming. My shield of course went up; I had been posing as a human male. No easy feat in the beginning, so I understand what you’re going through. I had some interesting moments to say the least. I scared the shit out of Macey when my shield went up, I sensed it, but she stood there with that hammer daring me to do my worst. So I kissed her. Nothing prepared me for her taste.”
Taz was looking past Roam to a place in his life that obviously gave him great comfort and pleasure. Roam realized Taz didn’t have only bad memories, he had good ones. Roam wouldn’t suddenly turn evil if he had the memories. If Taz could remain decent, so could Roam.
“I have two choices, Taz. So do you. I can stay away during the rainy season or warrior mate with you and become part of your family. If I stay away it will be harder to convince the others to come to Bagron with me when Cobra arrives. I feel things, good things, for Jinx. I don’t want to stay away.”
“I thought long and hard while you were gone. Until Macey came into my life, all I knew was rejection. Then I had my family and all I knew was acceptance. When you raced off, the old feelings of hurt hit again. Macey is human, but you, you’re part of me whether we like it or not. It’s hard to be rejected by your own.”
Roam supposed it was. All of Roam’s life he’d had acceptance, love. The other warriors were respectful of one another. Then the human females came along and Roam knew rejection, the bitter taste of it. Jinx accepted him; Roam knew she had feelings for him. The feeling was wonderful. He had missed her while away.
“You realize warrior mating exposes you to your mate, everything you’ve done, good, bad, evil. It’s why we take warrior mates so young, they help keep us in check when we understand there is someone to judge us. Like a living breathing conscience.”
“There are parts of me you won’t like,” Taz admitted.
“Forgiveness is also part of being mated.”
“You need to understand any evil I did I don’t regret. It was who I was. I like who I am now better, but that part of me is always near the surface.”
Roam gazed at him thoughtfully. Taz had a strong character. Internally, Roam could feel Slay; either choice Roam made would affect Slay. Slay would be less susceptible to any Tonan rage; he was mated to a female. Roam was the only unmated male in their bonding circle. He would need to count on Slay and Taz to keep him grounded.
Warrior mating was very personal. It wasn’t just the exchange of a mere bite; it was becoming one with another. To a Castian, emotions were everything and more. The two warriors stood face to face. Roam sensed Taz’s worry, his interest, and something else. It was the something else which bothered him.
Roam knew he didn’t have to do this. He could walk away, let Cobra deal with the humans and Taz. But he knew what Jinx had been through. The pain and terror he sensed when she spoke of the night her family was taken, leaving her alone, was brutal. With a warrior mating, Roam would be able to look back on Jinx’s life, help ease her fears, see what Taz had seen. In a few moments, he would bond not only with Taz but with everyone at the cave, including the little one Macey carried.
“What do we do?” Taz asked.
“We bite each other to exchange blood and essence. No Castian has ever warrior mated with a Tonan. I know of a hybrid who warrior mated with his Castian brother. We may be making a huge mistake, or a great decision. Are you ready?”
“I guess. Castians are kickass warriors but too compassionate, I won’t be shitting flowers from now on will I?”
“As long as I’m not shitting nails.”
Roam felt awkward as he leaned in to bite Taz on the neck. His fangs grew; he knew the tips were covered in his essence. Normally a bite from a Castian warrior or Tonan was meant to subdue, or render motionless. If Roam took a female mate, he would need to bite her to mark her, but first he would need to completely relax her, especially during must when his cock would grow huge to accommodate a part of shield it carried for his child.
Warrior to warrior, the bite was different. Blood to blood, the exchange of emotions both warriors would fight to control. Human females couldn’t control a warrior’s thoughts; they could direct them to their needs, but not control. Two highly powerful males with hundreds of years of emotion would be a culture shock. Roam hoped they could cope with their joining.
Roam’s fangs sunk into Taz’s throat. When he felt Taz pierce his skin he fought the need for his shield to go up. Immediately, he felt a shock to his armor. His mind was assaulted with graphic images. The urge to end the bond was almost too great to control. Back through time his thoughts spiraled, back to a new beginning where everything cold and dark, cruel and evil was welcome. Roam stumbled back.
Howling, Roam gripped his head in his hands, his shield slammed over him. It was awful feeling the thrill in wanton destruction, satisfaction with the death of a female. Power, too much power. Power over his emotions—the ability to lie. Taz was there, beside him, his unmasked face saddened.
“Now you know what I am and why. You gave up some of your humanity, it let in a darkness. I deal with darkness, but I have never felt so much compassion.” Taz fell onto his ass.
Roam knew what he said was true. Taz had his shield down, the ultimate test of trust. Roam could kill him; his ways might die with him. Roam wanted to kill him; he hated Tonans, he hated how they laughed when the females died. Roam howled again, wanting to strike out.
“I’m sorry for the way your parents died.” Taz’s words were quiet.
“I—hate—you,” Roam stated.
Hate was consuming him. Never in his life had Roam felt the emotions he loathed. He had done this, turned into a filthy Tonan for the sake of a handful of humans. What was he thinking? What had he done to Slay? Where was Slay? His shield searched his mind until a thought gripped him.
Calm down.
“Slay?”
You are strong, I need to focus on Taz. Trust me; he’s shitting daisies and he’s not happy either.
“How can that be?”
“I’m so horrible,” Taz whimpered. “I can grow a tail, like a dog. I’m grey. No one likes grey. I don’t like grey.”
When Roam glanced at Taz he looked lost. Roam staggered and dropped to his knees. The memories were drifting back to where they belonged; back to be used only when he needed them. Roam’s shield dropped and he crumpled the rest of the way to the ground. Emotionally spent, he was exhausted.
“So much fury,”
Roam gasped.
“So much compassion,” Taz moaned.
Slay was obviously having the time of his life. Roam could hear him in his thoughts. The power of compassion made a Castian heart strong; the fury of a Tonan was where they garnered strength. Roam had both abilities now. The first Tonans had thought breaking from the Castians was the better solution, but it wasn’t. The one hybrid on Bagron was half Castian, half Tonan; his shield was pale. His mother had been Tonan, and not a warrior. This bonding was different. Not exactly hybrids, the bonding warriors were a new breed, a new species.
Roam knew he could lie, he knew if he did the consequences would be a tail. His shield rolled through his veins with power. The ebony he was used to oozed from his skin. Roam held out his talon claws. On one talon was a hook. The entire talon was snow white. A brutal contrast to his ebony shield. A feeling of being incredulous washed over him. He had the power to kill, to rip through armor with that single pure white claw.
“Taz?”
“I see it.” Taz let his armor go up. He too sported one single white claw at the tip of one long white talon.
“I wonder if this has affected Ally or the babe Macey carries,” Roam muttered aloud.
“I think we better go and see.”
The two warriors helped each other stand. “We just created a new species,” Roam said with wonder.
“Yeah, well I’ve heard all about the Bible from Aunt Greta,” Taz said with irony. “I’ll be Adam, you can be Eve.”
“Funny, very funny.”
Chapter 6
Jinx wasn’t certain what to make of Roam when he and Taz returned. The partitions were thrust aside for their entry. Roam entered first. Almost cocky, Roam went right up to Macey and crushed her in a bear hug. Macey was wide-eyed before laughing and hugged him back. Ally, not only demanded a hug from her father but also from Roam when before she was shy around him.
Roam went to Aunt Greta and gave her a gentle hug. When the older woman stared into his eyes something passed between them, some kind of deeper bond. Jinx knew Greta had her secrets, now it appeared she added one more. Haven couldn’t contain herself. She declared she was getting her hug before they were all gone. When Roam lifted the teen into his arms she looked like a small child. Laughing he grabbed Skylar with a free arm. It was as though he had been gone for longer than a few days and was reintroducing himself to each person. Including inhaling their scent. Next Roam went to Jinx and kissed her full on the lips. Eyes wide, Jinx stood motionless.
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