by Cathie Linz
Kayla sighed. He didn’t look pleased to see her. It seemed she’d walked in on a poker game or something. “The weather service has had a snow advisory every other week since Christmas,” she said. “How was I supposed to know that this time they’d finally be right?”
“Hey, aren’t you going to introduce us, buddy?” Boomer asked hopefully.
“Sure. Boomer, Sam...this is Kayla White and her daughter.”
Jack frowned at the way Boomer fawned over Kayla while Sam charmed Ashley. The little girl even left the safety of her mother’s arms to laugh at Sam’s impersonation of a teddy bear.
Jack watched Ashley. The first and only time he’d seen her, she’d been just a kid. Now she was Kayla’s kid.
He saw the resemblance, the same baby blue eyes full of life. Ashley’s hair was more red than brown and she had plenty of freckles on her little nose.
Looking at Kayla, he noticed the way the overhead light in his hallway was shining down on her hair, highlighting the occasional streak of red in the otherwise quiet brown. The fire hidden beneath the surface, that was Kayla, all right. At first she might seem haughty and stand-offish, but beneath those classy features and prim exterior lurked the heart of a passionate woman.
He’d felt her heart beating when he’d kissed her. He’d tasted that passion and found it addictive. He’d never kissed such luscious lips. Lips that his buddies were looking at much too intently.
“Weren’t you guys leaving?” Jack reminded Sam and Boomer.
“That wasn’t very hospitable of you,” Kayla chastised him once the two men had gone.
“Yeah, well I’m not exactly known for being hospitable.”
“I’s not goin’ to a hospitable,” Ashley declared with a nervous look in Jack’s direction. “They got big needles there.”
“Tell me about it,” Jack agreed. To Kayla he said, “You still haven’t told me what you’re doing out in this weather?”
“It wasn’t that bad when we started out,” she said defensively. “This is our last stop. I thought we’d be here earlier, but Ashley had a dance recital this afternoon and that ran long, and then the snow delayed us...but your place is on our way home, anyway. I just stopped to give you your groceries. There isn’t much food in the refrigerator, in case you hadn’t noticed.”
“The guys brought food with them for the poker game.”
“You didn’t tell me that.”
“I don’t see any groceries.”
Kayla looked down before flushing. “I must have left them in the hallway.” Opening the door, she grabbed the plastic bag and carried it to the kitchen, with Ashley sticking to her like a spooked shadow. With quick efficiency Kayla put away the perishables and had the bag folded in less than a minute. “Now that that’s done, we’ll get out of your hair.”
Jack blocked her way to the front door, crutches and all. “If you think I’m going to let you out again in this weather,” he growled, “you’re crazy.”
Four
“I’m not the one who’s crazy,” Kayla said.
“No?” Jack impatiently jerked his head toward the living room window, which was now open a crack to air out the place, thanks to Sam and Boomer’s smoking. “Take a look outside.”
Kayla did, in time to look down and see a cab nearly slide into the back end of a stopped bus on the slippery, snow-covered street. The near miss shook her, as did the rapidness with which the snow was failing—blowing sideways in a wind that was definitely picking up. She couldn’t even see across the courtyard of Jack’s apartment building.
Smoothing her daughter’s hair back from her forehead, Kayla smiled down at her reassuringly before speaking to Jack. “So what are you suggesting? That we should stay here?”
“Is that such a wild idea?” Jack countered. “The couch turns into a pullout bed. You and your daughter can sleep out here in the living room. You didn’t double-park out front again, did you?”
“No. I learn from past mistakes,” she informed him with double meaning.
“It would definitely be a mistake to go back out in that.”
Kayla bit her lip and murmured, “I don’t know....”
“I do,” he stated. “You’re staying. That’s final.”
She narrowed her eyes at him in a look that Ashley could have told him meant trouble. “I don’t respond well to orders.”
“Neither do I.” Far from being abashed by her reprimand. Jack actually had the nerve to smile at her. It was one of those wickedly knightly smiles of his. “But you’ve ordered me around plenty. Now you know how I feel.”
Ah, but Kayla didn’t always know how he felt—about a lot of things, including her. She couldn’t tell if the flashers of hunger she saw darkening his turbulent eyes was his reaction to every woman who crossed his path—or if it was her. But why would a man like him, who could have any woman he wanted, be interested in a woman like her, a working mom who was nothing special to look at? And if he was, what did she plan on doing about it?
“Mommy, you said we wasn’t staying long,” Ashley stated. “Hugs wants to go home now.”
“I know he does, sweetie. But you see how hard it’s snowing outside? I think it would be safer if we stayed here.”
“I wanna go home.”
“You like pizza?” Jack suddenly asked Ashley. “I’ve got a pizza on its way up here anytime now. A big one.” After all, Jack had thought he’d be sharing it with three guys who had the appetite of six. “And I’ve got cable TV—I bet there’s something good on for kids...someplace.” He sank onto the couch and reached for the remote with the air of a man grasping at a life vest.
Fate took pity on him, for Jack quickly found a channel geared for children, and it featured a cartoon that was one of Ashley’s favorites, distracting her enough to allow Kayla to remove the little girl’s coat and boots without her kicking up a fuss. But she stuck to her mom like glue, even following her to the window to close it.
Things proceeded smoother than he could have hoped, with the pizza arriving soon thereafter. The carton of chocolate mint ice cream he had in the freezer was a big hit with Ashley and lulled him into a false sense of security.
A quick switch to the weather channel confirmed that all of northern Illinois was under a winter storm warning, with upward of ten inches expected. Seven inches had already fallen, and the winds of over forty miles an hour had created white-out conditions across the Chicago area.
Ashley didn’t set up a fuss again until it was time for her to go to bed. She clutched her mother with one hand and her teddy bear with the other. “I don’ wanna stay here no more,” she declared in no uncertain terms as only a three-year-old can. “I wanna go home. Now!”
“We can’t, sweetie. There’s too much snow. It’s safer if we stay here, just for tonight. Then we’ll go home tomorrow and play in all the snow in our front yard. We’ll make a snowman, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Hugs can help.”
“Hugs don’ wanna help. We wanna go home.”
“We can’t go home,” Kayla said in exasperation. “We have to stay here.”
“Don’ want to. I wanna go home,” Ashley wailed. Pointing at Jack, she added, “He’s the monster man!”
Jack, who’d been wincing at the shrill tone of Ashley’s childish voice, suddenly looked as if he’d been viciously struck with a whip. A second later his face went blank.
“I’m so sorry,” Kayla quickly apologized. “She didn’t mean that.”
But Jack didn’t hear her. He was lost in his own personal torment as the memories of another child who had thought him a monster came rushing into his mind.
It had happened his first year in the department, and he’d been trying to forget it ever since. Most days he was successful, although there were some at the firehouse who said that that single incident still governed Jack’s actions ten years later. But they never talked to him about it, he made sure of that. Because no amount of talking could make the horrible reality go away.
He h
ad to get out of here. Pivoting sharply, Jack left the room without saying a word.
Even Ashley was aware of the abrupt difference in Jack. She’d stopped crying and started sucking her thumb instead, something she did when uncertain or nervous.
“Ashley, you shouldn’t have said that to Jack,” Kayla reprimanded her. “Would you like someone saying that to you?”
The little girl removed her thumb long enough to mumble, “I’s not mean.”
“You don’t think it’s mean to call someone a monster? Would a monster share his pizza with you? Jack isn’t mean, honey. You remember, when I read you that story about fire and not playing with matches, I told you that Jack is a fireman. He saves people.”
“He didn’t save us.”
“Because we don’t need saving. We scared him that first day we came, that’s the only reason why he shouted at us then.”
“He was scared of us?” The concept seemed to fascinate Ashley.
“That’s right.”
“How come?”
“Because he didn’t know we were coming. Remember, I told you all this before?”
“Can’t we go home?”
“No.”
Ashley sucked her thumb for a few minutes and eyed her mother warily as Kayla made up the bed with the sheets Jack had brought out earlier. Then, nodding her head and tightening her hold on Hugs, Ashley made up her mind. She would fix the monster man just like in Beauty and the Beast.
At first the soft little voice didn’t break through the darkness of Jack’s memories. He’d been that wrapped up in the horror that he’d lost track of his surroundings. To his astonishment, Ashley was standing nearby, only a few feet from where he sat at the kitchen table. She was nervously running her left foot against the back of her right leg and tugging on the seat of her corduroy pants as she repeated her earlier words. “Is you sad?”
Jack didn’t answer. He couldn’t.
But Ashley proved to be as stubborn as her mother. “Did I make you sad?” she persisted.
Jack didn’t know what to say.
But Ashley did. “I’s sorry.” With a shyly uncertain little smile that reminded him of Kayla, Ashley held out her teddy bear and said, “You wanna hug Hugs? Hugs make boomies better.”
“Boomies?” Jack repeated, his voice rusty, as if his lungs had been burned by smoke.
“Boomies. When you hurt or is sad,” Ashley explained. “Hugs from Mommy are best, but Hugs is good, too. Aren’t you gonna hug him?”
Jack looked to Kayla, who was standing in the kitchen doorway, for guidance. She just smiled.
“A hug from your mommy would be better,” Jack murmured. Seeing the way the little girl’s expression fell, he hastily added, “But teddy bears are nice.”
“Hugs has magic,” Ashley informed him.
“I can tell that,” Jack said
When he continued to hesitate, Ashley asked, “Don’ you know how to hug?”
“It’s been a while since I hugged a teddy bear,” Jack gruffly admitted.
“Want me to show you how?” the little girl offered.
“Okay.”
Ashley took the bear and, wrapping both arms around the bedraggled-looking stuffed animal, gave it a giant bear hug. “Now you,” she said, handing the bear to Jack again.
Feeling rather idiotic, he nonetheless did his best to imitate her efforts.
“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?” Kayla noted, her voice warm with approval.
It was harder than she thought. And so was he, Jack silently noted. Hardened by the realities of life, by the fact that he’d lost his faith in miracles when he’d lost his parents in that car accident. He loved fighting fire because he was good at it and he could make a difference, could save lives. Sometimes.
But it was the failures that haunted him at night, one failure in particular.
What would Kayla think of him if she knew about the darkness within him? Would she still smile at him or would she take her daughter and run? Why did he care so much? But care he did.
“She’s finally asleep,” Kayla whispered as she returned to the kitchen an hour later. “I’m sorry about what she said earlier. She was tired and crabby about not getting her way.”
“You don’t have to make excuses.”
“I’m not. Well, maybe I am,” she ruefully admitted. “I just...” How could she explain that she’d hated seeing that stricken look on his face, that haunted look in his gray eyes? “I’m sorry it happened.”
He shrugged. “I told you I wasn’t any good with kids.”
“That had nothing to do with it. Swinging your crutch at us that first day is what scared Ashley. And that hug you gave Hugs was a big hit with her.”
“Yeah, right.”
“It was,” Kayla insisted.
“So I did one thing right.”
Kayla didn’t know what had happened, but something else was going on here. Jack wasn’t the type of man to get upset by something said by a child. His ego was much too strong for that. “You want to talk about it?” she hesitantly asked him.
“About what?” he countered. “The one thing I did right?”
“No. About what made you look so...I don’t know. Stricken, I guess. There was something else going on.”
“Bad memories.”
“Of what?”
“Don’t worry about it. I’ve been called worse things in my life,” he mockingly assured her.
“Maybe. But maybe none as devastating. Why is that?”
Jack had never been one to spill his guts and he certainly wasn’t about to start now, although there was just the slightest urge to let down his guard for once and confide in her. He squelched it immediately.
Instead of confiding, he joked. It was his way. “Did I tell you I’m going in to the doctor’s office on Tuesday for my twenty-thousand-mile tune-up on these crutches?”
To his relief, Kayla played along. “Twenty-thousand miles already, hmm? Gee, how time flies when you’re having fun.”
“As soon as I see the doc I plan on returning to work.”
“How can you do that? Your leg will still be in a cast for another two weeks yet.”
“I won’t be on active duty, but I can push papers for a while. Besides, I’m a fast healer. I’ve been banged up enough times to know that.”
“You’ve broken bones before?”
“Nothing major. Got a half-dozen stitches on my left arm a few years back.” He proudly showed her the scar. “And a hot ember once fell down my collar and left its mark. Want to see?”
His teasing smile was leaving its mark on her, tempting her, tugging on her heart and making it skip with unspoken longing.
“No, thanks,” she said, hoping to sound nonchalant but the breathlessness of her voice gave her away. “I...ah...I see you’ve added some more signatures to your cast?”
“Yeah, some of the guys from the station stopped by the other day, but you’d better not read what they wrote...”
His warning came too late. Kayla was already bent over his leg, her dainty hand on his knee as she tried to decipher what had been written. Jack was chagrined at some of the raunchy stuff the guys had put on there. He’d never dreamed that Kayla would read it.
“Your friends have an overactive imagination,” was all she said. “Including the female ones with the flowery handwriting who put their mark on you.”
“On my cast, not on me,” Jack replied.
Kayla could see that. She had a feeling Jack didn’t allow anyone to put their mark on him to touch his heart as well as his body. Not in a very long time.
But confronting him about it wouldn’t accomplish anything, so she said, “That’s a cute little happy face Sammi put over the i in her name.”
“We’re just friends,” he maintained.
“You being the friendly sort and all that, right?” She grinned at his discomfiture.
“How did we get started on this subject?”
“You asked if I wanted to see your scars,
a line that’s no doubt worked well with the other women you’ve tried it on.”
“You think I go walking down the street, asking strange women if they want to see my scars?”
“You wouldn’t have to walk very far to get a yes.” What had started as a thought somehow became the spoken words. Now it was Kayla’s turn to squirm in discomfort.
“I wouldn’t, huh? Nice to know, but the thing is that I’m not interested in any strange woman on the street. I’m interested in you.”
“Meaning I’m a strange woman?”
“You’re a beautiful woman.”
She rolled her eyes. “Now I know you’re full of hot air.”
“What, you think you’re not beautiful?”
“I know I’m not.”
“You’ve never heard that beauty is in the eye of the beholder?”
“I’ve heard it, I just don’t believe it.”
“What do you believe in?”
“My daughter.”
“And is she the only thing that makes you happy?”
“Not the only thing, no. But the most important thing. What about you? What makes you happy?”
“Embarrassing you,” he promptly replied with a naughty grin.
She laughed. “If that were true, then your face wouldn’t have turned red when I was reading the words on your cast.”
“My face did not turn red,” he denied. “I was hot.”
“I would have thought a firefighter would be used to heat.”
“Not the kind you make me feel.”
His quiet admission dazzled her. Their eyes met. His smoky gaze locked on to hers and pulled her in with the promise of forbidden pleasure. Logical thought skittered away, replaced by a visual communication that evoked images of satin sheets and naked bodies. His. Hers. Entwined together in search of satisfaction...and finding it.
She had to say something to break this expectant silence. What had they been talking about before? His job. “Umm...” She had to pause in order to clear her throat and her thoughts. “Did you always want to be a firefighter?”
“Yeah, I guess so. I didn’t adjust well to most of the foster homes I was in, but when I got to my adopted parents’ place I was impressed by the fact that Sean was a firefighter. I used to dog him all the time, following him around and asking him questions. It’s a wonder he didn’t toss me out on my butt. But he was always patient and he told the greatest stories—still does, now that he’s retired. He’s a real ‘smoke eater,’ an old-timer.”