She desperately needed to talk with someone. Elisabeth was the first person who came to mind. Josephine needed a female who would understand the emotions surging through her. Even Uncle Roderick would not be a great help at such an alarming time.
When her train arrived at Winthrop-on-Hart, David collected her at the station. Her mind was still in turmoil when the auto drove through the gates of the estate. However, Josephine was delighted when she saw that both Elisabeth and Tom were on the terrace in front of the house. Instead of continuing to the garages with David, she requested that he pull up directly in front of the entryway. Wasting no time on preliminaries, she walked to the couple, and blurted out the astonishing news that she was carrying Oliver’s child.
Elisabeth’s first reaction to Josephine’s announcement was horror. How could such a thing have happened to the beautiful woman her brother had loved with all of his heart? “Oh, my dear Josephine. Are you absolutely certain? What can I do to help?”
“Yes, I’m certain. I saw an excellent physician in London today. I don’t believe there’s anything you or anyone else can do, Elisabeth. I only need a friend. I’ve already given this a great deal of thought. I’ll tell people that Win and I conceived the baby before his tragic death.” She turned in Tom’s direction. “Tom, I assume you’ll act as my doctor. I’ll need someone close to Winthrop Manor.”
“Of course, Josephine,” he replied. “You must be about four months along. We’ll need to arrange an appointment at my office.” He sounded professional, and she appreciated the fact that he wasn’t acting emotional.
“Oh, how can you have this baby?” cried Elisabeth. “Josephine, how can you, really? I can’t imagine carrying and delivering the child of a rapist.”
“I must, Elisabeth. There is no other answer. It isn’t the baby’s fault.”
“I know. Still, under the circumstances, I’m sure Tom would be willing to help you, er...” Elisabeth turned toward her husband.
Tom nodded in the affirmative. “You needn’t go through such a wretched experience.”
“I know you would help, Tom. Nevertheless, I could never live with myself. It’s difficult enough knowing that Win would never have been in the middle of that street if he hadn’t been following me, upset and begging me to allow him to explain everything. You see, I feel responsible for one death already. Besides Win, I also murdered his brother. I can’t say I’m sorry. He deserved it. However, that action still makes me a murderer twice over.”
“This nonsense must stop, Josephine. Ridiculous misunderstandings happen in life. You’re no more responsible for Win’s death than you are for this pregnancy. As for Oliver, that was totally self-defense. No court in the land would have found you guilty. I truly don’t know how you can carry a child and go through the anguish of bringing it into the world, knowing how it was conceived. I think you should take a few days to ponder this further. You have to be in shock.”
“Will you stand by me, if I decide to go through with the pregnancy?” Josephine asked.
“Of course, I shall. Only you can make such a decision. If you’re going to go through with it, I admire your courage. Perhaps you’re right. I don’t know what I would do. Do you honestly think you can love the baby, knowing who fathered it?”
“Yes, I believe I can. When I was first given the news, I thought loving the child would be an impossibility. However, the more I turned it over in my mind, I began to think that I’ll feel sympathy towards the baby. What a terrible way for an infant to begin life. Of course, I’ll never want him or her to know about the assault and rape.”
“No, no. Of course not.”
“All right. I knew I needed to tell you at once. Yes, I probably am in shock. I’ll be all right, though. I feel better knowing I’ve told you.” She turned again toward Tom. “Can I come over to your office tomorrow?”
“Of course,” he murmured. “Call in the morning. I don’t know my schedule, but I’ll definitely fit you in.”
Josephine opened the front doors and entered the house. She was terribly distraught, but the staff assumed all the recent events had brought on a sad mood. She told Radcliffe and Mrs. Shellady that she was tired and needed to take a lie-down.
Throwing herself upon the bed, she lay on her back with her hand on her abdomen. Yes, it was swollen and enlarged. Not a lot, but enough so that she could ascertain a difference. Suddenly, she came to the realization that she’d been living in complete denial.
My God, how could I have been so foolish? Soon she began to weep. She’d longed for another child with Win. Now, instead of happiness and joy at the thought of another infant in the nursery at Winthrop Manor, all she could do was remember the horrific attack she’d endured at the hands of Oliver.
What if the baby resembled that ghastly man? Oh, heaven above. She had always thought that Oliver’s face resembled that of a horse–protruding teeth, a long face, and a receding hairline, although he was not nearly old enough to be bald. His hair was sandy-red, and he was quite short with a stocky build. The look was not appealing on a man, but what if she had a girl? Win and Oliver were brothers. They were products of the same parents. All she could do was pray that the child would look more like her husband than Oliver. Win had been such a dear, genuinely kind man. He could never have performed the degrading act Oliver had perpetrated. What if the baby inherited Oliver’s cruelty?
She sighed, proceeded to undress, and slipped on a nightdress. Then she crawled into her bed. She’d have a tray brought to her room for dinner, since she felt a need to be alone. She yearned for uninterrupted time to think. The most important decision had already been made, but there were still many, many aspects of the unholy mess that she needed to sort through. She tossed and turned all night.
Finally, when morning came, she’d reached the conclusion that the news should, without delay, be shared with the household. She knew she’d passed the point where miscarriages were most prevalent. She would definitely be showing soon. Naturally, everyone at Winthrop Manor would be excited because they would believe Win had left her with a part of himself. Somehow, she would have to act as thought that were true. It was not going to be easy.
Very few people in the mansion knew about the rape, so there was little to no possibility that anyone would guess that the baby was Oliver’s. She was glad she’d told Elisabeth and Tom. It was far better that they both knew the truth. Radcliffe, of course, would also figure it out. That didn’t cause Josephine undo concern. If anyone in the entire world could be trusted, it was Radcliffe. Sometimes he seemed like a father to her.
Then, there was Uncle Roderick. She would have to be honest, but she trusted him with her life. He would be kind and understanding. As for the rest of the staff at the manor, they would have to believe the child was Win’s.
The person she considered most was her son. Andy was not the sort to be jealous. In fact, she expected him to be overjoyed. He had been so concerned about leaving her to begin his new adventure at day-school. When he found out she was going to have a baby, he would undoubtedly rejoice. A part of her felt it was unfair to allow him to believe the baby would be his full brother or sister when it wasn’t true. On the other hand, it would break his heart to know his beloved mother had been attacked by the uncle he had always loathed. As the new “man of the house” he had been unable to protect her, which would cause him great distress. No, she would never allow him know the truth.
Finally, she rose, ran a bath, and dressed. Normally she would have rung the bell for Emma, but she wasn’t ready to make the announcement to her lady’s maid yet. She’d be ready to share the news with her Emma by evening when she made preparations for bed, for it was her intention to make the announcement the next evening. It was all rather silly, since Tom and Elisabeth already knew the truth, but it seemed necessary to act out the charade, just as she would have had it been a surprise to everyone. She needed to tell Andy too. She was making decisions in a fog and was well aware of not yet absorbing the full impact of
what lay ahead. She was thankful that a baby required nine months to develop, which meant she still had five months to mentally prepare for its arrival.
An hour later, she descended the staircase and entered the dining room. Tom and Elisabeth stood at her arrival. A footman pulled the chair out for her, and Mrs. Shellady brought a plate filled with her favourite breakfast dishes. After Josephine was seated, they all tucked into their food.
“Did you rest well?” asked Tom.
“Yes, thank you, Tom. I did. I’m rather surprised. I suppose I’ve been going at full speed, what with getting Andy ready for school, and adjusting to my new status in life,” she replied.
Both looked at her with concern. Josephine glanced back at them and smiled sweetly. “It’s good to see you,” she murmured. “I had a rather difficult time falling asleep, but when I finally did, I slept like a baby.”
The word baby reverberated off the walls. She noticed Elisabeth react to the word with a sudden nervous tic. Josephine tried to ignore it. Footmen stood behind each chair ,and it was imperative for her to act normal.
When breakfast was over, everyone went their separate ways. Tom had patients to see, and Elisabeth announced her intent to drive over to Cloverdale to pick up the post. Josephine quietly asked if she might ride along with Elisabeth. Josephine planned to have Tom examine her.
Elisabeth knew exactly why Josephine wished to accompany her and quickly answered in the affirmative. Tom left in his own auto and the two women followed shortly thereafter. They spoke as they drove along the empty, country road.
“How do you really feel this morning?” Elisabeth asked.
“Honestly, quite well. You can’t know what a relief it is to know I can speak with you and Tom about this. I didn’t really sleep all that well, but I did a lot of thinking throughout the night. The more I thought, the more I became a bit aflutter at the idea of having a baby. You know I always have adored children. I wanted to have more with Win. Obviously, knowing the baby is Oliver’s blunts my enthusiasm, to put it mildly. Still, I’ve decided to try to feel as positive as possible. Everyone is going to think this child is Win’s. I need to force myself to think that way too.”
“Josephine, that will not be easy,” Elisabeth said.
“Of course, I know that. But, please, help me try. Let’s pledge not to refer to the baby as Oliver’s. You don’t need to pretend it’s Win’s when we’re alone, but I’d appreciate it if nothing is said to dampen my spirits or to remind me of that atrocious man.”
“I’ll do my best, Josephine. When do you plan on letting everyone in the house know?”
“Tonight,” she said.
“So soon? I thought you might wait a bit.”
“No. I probably would wait if four months hadn’t already passed. I don’t think it would be wise to postpone telling people any longer. I’ll be showing soon, and the staff will guess. So will my uncle. It’s also important that Andy be told.”
“Yes. I see what you mean. It will be fun to have a newborn in the house.” Elisabeth smiled. “I hope Tom and I can announce that we’re going to be parents someday soon too.”
“I didn’t know you wanted a baby yet.” Josephine was somewhat surprised.
“Yes. We’ve spoken about it. We aren’t desperately trying, but we aren’t not trying, if you know what I mean.”
“Yes, of course. I hope you become pregnant soon. It would be lovely if our children could be close to one another in age.”
“Um hum,” Elisabeth murmured. “Little cousins to play together. I’d like that.”
“Me too.”
On the return trip to Winthrop Manor, there wasn’t much conversation. She’d seen Tom at his office, and he’d confirmed what she already knew. He said her overall health was excellent, and he expected the pregnancy to go well. It was rather comforting to know Tom would be living in the same home with her for the duration.
As the car pulled into the gravelled driveway, Josephine asked Elisabeth to stop to allow her to step out. She announced her intention to walk to the chapel for a visit to Win’s resting place. “I think I’ll stop and pick a bouquet of flowers for tonight’s dining table. The autumn flowers are in full bloom. I think the house needs some cheering up.”
It was another spectacular autumn day. The sun shone brightly and bathed everything in a warm glow, reminiscent of the long-ago May morning in 1914 when Win had ridden past Uncle Roderick’s cottage on his favourite stallion, Black Orchid. That had been springtime, and now it was the end of lovely, summer days. Funny, 1914 marked the beginning of so many major changes in her life – the Great War, falling in love with Win, their marriage, and her first pregnancy. It was difficult to believe things could change so dramatically in what seemed the blink of an eye. Eleven years had passed since the beautiful morning when Win had dismounted Black Orchid and a new chapter in her life began.
Following the flagstone path that led to the ancient chapel, she reached the family cemetery in short order. She walked straight to Win’s tomb. The inscription had been etched upon the marble sepulcher. She silently absorbed the simple words etched there. James ‘Win’ Bradley, Earl of Winthrop. Born, 1890 – died 1925. Dearly Beloved Husband, Father, and Son.
Such uncomplicated words to describe such an extraordinary man. Josephine sat on the marble bench next to the mausoleum. “Win. My darling, darling Win. I’m so sorry I doubted you. It all seems so foolish now. I should have known you would never have betrayed your vows. I’ll pray for the rest of my life that you’ve forgiven me. Oh, my dearest, I’m going to have a baby, and I’d give anything if it were yours. You know everything that happened, don’t you? That’s what the vicar told me on the day of the funeral. He said you’re always with me. I need you, Win. Please be close to me during the coming months.”
She laid a single chrysanthemum at the bottom of the tomb. Then turning, she walked slowly back along the path home.
Chapter Eleven
On her way back to the house, Josephine stopped and picked a large bouquet of flowers from the garden in front of the steps leading to the main entrance—asters, carnations, chrysanthemums, and calla lilies. She took them to the kitchen and asked for a vase. Mrs. Boyle produced a lovely cut-crystal piece that fit the flowers perfectly. “Leave them to me dear. I’ll arrange them and see that they’re placed on the dining table.”
“Thank you so much,” Josephine answered. “It seems we’ve had enough sadness ‘round here. I thought perhaps some flowers would cheer things up.”
“Absolutely.”
Josephine turned, walking back up the stairway, and made the decision to do something she’d never done during the entire time she’d been in residence at Winthrop Manor. She would rummage through the attic and see what old items might be stored from long ago when the nursery had been in use at the manor. It was a bit of an effort to pull the ladder down, and it also seemed to have been some time since anyone had done so. Finally, she succeeded.
She climbed carefully up to the enormous space under the roofline. Cobwebs had to be brushed away and spiders could be seen scurrying about. The entire place needed a good scrubbing. Trunks, boxes, and old pieces of furniture were scattered everywhere. It was hard to know where to begin. She decided to establish a plan. Starting to her right, she worked across the entire area to the wall, and then repeated the same procedure over and over. She made a mental note to remind Andy that if the time ever came when he wished to have his own flat, he should look in the attic for possible furnishings. There were some lovely items.
She came upon a baby cot in the fourth row. It must have been Win’s, Oliver’s or Elisabeth’s when they were infants—possibly all three. She adored it. It was constructed of wrought iron and had elongated poles on all four locales where a canopy could be attached. She had a picture in her mind of the sort of fabric she’d like to choose to have a canopy made. She had already decided that she wanted an all-white room. Later, she would add bits and pieces to add some colour. She noti
ced various boxes and trunks marked with their contents or the rooms they had come from. This made the task much easier.
After a good deal of searching, she found a trunk labeled Nursery. Opening it, she found it jam-packed with adorable, hand-knit baby sweaters and myriad other pieces of infant’s clothing, adorable stuffed toys, and embroidered small pillows. Evidently these had been used for all three of the children. Lovely cashmere baby blankets also lay carefully packed away. She found a box that read Win’s Baptismal Gown. Between two pieces of tissue paper, she discovered an indescribable christening gown. What a treasure. Smiling, she carefully lifted the container from the trunk and set it aside, along with some articles of clothing. In a soft cloth bag, she found a sterling silver cup, baby spoon, and rattle. Another contained a larger set of sterling flatware for a child of perhaps six or seven. She was delighted to have made such a discovery. For the first time, her heart stirred with true happiness at the prospect of having a baby to care for again.
She made several more trips down the ladder, careful not to drop anything or to stumble and fall. She would have to ask Radcliffe to select a good, strong worker on the property to carry the baby cot to the bedroom level and place it in the room adjoining her own. Surely it had at one time served as a nursery. A door led from it to another bedroom, which certainly must have been the nanny’s quarters. She realised she had only five months left to prepare for the child’s arrival, and much had to be accomplished. Josephine was pleased that she’d made up her mind to announce her pregnancy this evening. In her heart, she was beginning to think of the baby’s father as Win. If she allowed her mind to face the reality that it was Oliver’s offspring, her joy dissipated. The next five months would be the longest of her life.
Once she returned with the treasures from the attic, she carried them to her chambers. There, she placed them on a top shelf in the room she planned to convert to a nursery. Thank goodness Emma wasn’t there. Suddenly, she remembered that she needed to ring Uncle Roderick, inviting him to dine with them at the manor that night. There could be no announcement of the pending birth without him present. She walked to the hall telephone and gave the operator his number.
War Comes Home to Winthrop Manor: An English Family Saga (Winthrop Manor Series Book 2) Page 9