by Leanne Banks
She sniffled. “You didn’t ask.”
Well, hell, he thought. How was he supposed to know he should have asked?
“Anything else I should know?” he asked and slid his hand around her waist.
She gave a soft teary chuckle. “Oh, Zachary, that kind of stuff takes a lifetime.”
“Dinner’s ready,” Hildie called from the doorway. “Oh, no. Did they leave already?”
“Yes, Stefan is gone,” Tina said.
Hildie crossed her arms over her chest. “Well, that’s a darned shame. I made a fresh apple pie.”
“If you put some ice cream on it, I bet we can talk Tina into eating a slice,” Zach said.
“I don’t feel very hungry,” Tina said.
“I bet Kiki would like a bit of that pie,” he said.
She shot him a sideways glance. “Maybe.”
He coaxed her into joining him for dinner. At first, she wouldn’t eat a bite, but she gradually ate part of her meal.
“So what is it about flop-eared bunnies?” he asked.
She smiled and took another bite. “My uncle gave me one before I was even born. He’s passed away since. But that flop-eared bunny was the first stuffed animal I remember. He was also the first I remember losing.”
“He?” Zach echoed.
“I named him Erie because of his ears,” she said, her gaze growing distant.
Zach frowned. “You don’t talk about your mom much. Did the two of you get along?”
Tina shrugged. “We weren’t very close. She gave birth to me, then had her duties. I had mine.”
“That sounds a little cold,” he said.
“We weren’t close,” she said. “After I went away to college, I realized I would want to have a different relationship with my children. Keely and her mom are so close, yet her mom gives her space.”
“And your mom?” Zach asked.
“She bred heirs to the throne and made appearances. She became ill and her health quickly deteriorated when I was in college. She died my junior year. I graduated early, so I could go home and contribute to a sense of continuity and comfort.”
“What about your father?” he asked.
“He died soon after, which put Stefan under the microscope,” she said. “That’s why we’re close.”
“He’s lucky that you were there for him,” he said.
She shrugged. “Maybe,” she said and glanced away. “What about your sister? What is she like?”
“She’s strong and independent. She’s in Chicago. I haven’t kept in touch like I should, but seeing you and Stefan makes me want to call her.”
Tina met his gaze and slowly smiled. “Do that. You won’t regret it. Invite her here for Christmas,” she said and leaned her head against her hand as she studied him. “What about you? Any favorite stuffed animals from childhood?”
He racked his brain. “A hippopotamus,” he finally said.
She laughed. “But they hurt people,” she said.
“Not when they’re fluffy and stuffed full of cotton with painted-on smiles,” he countered.
“I guess that’s true,” she said and slid her hand in his. “Do you remember your favorite childhood song?”
“If you’re happy and you know it, stomp your feet,” he said. “I didn’t have to sit down for it. What about you?”
“Frérè Jacques,” she said. “My nanny sang it to me before I went to sleep.”
“Oh, a night-night song,” he said. “My father tried to sing a song about the moon and me. I don’t remember the words.”
“What about your mother?” she asked.
“She hugged me a lot,” he said.
“Did you sing anything to the baby before—” She broke off and dipped her head. “Before he passed on?”
Zach frowned. “How did you know the baby was a boy?”
“I didn’t,” she said. “I just guessed.”
He thought back to his time with Jenny and how erratic her behavior had become later into her pregnancy. After they’d married, he’d wondered about her dramatic high and low moods and how the pregnancy had seemed to accentuate them. When they’d learned she had a mental illness, he’d kept tabs on her several times a day…except that one day when he’d been tied up with a crisis. As soon as he’d learned Jenny was in trouble, he’d scrambled to take her to the E.R.
Zach had sped toward the hospital, but Jenny had bled out. By the time he’d arrived, the doctors had been unable to rouse her and the baby was dead.
He would never forget the helpless feeling he’d experienced speeding toward the hospital. Even now, it made him break into a cold sweat. The doctor had told him they couldn’t have saved her even if she’d been in the hospital at the time of her crisis. She’d lost too much blood too quickly.
“Zach,” Tina said. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m okay. Not great, but okay.” He forced a smile. “Do Kiki and her mom want a bite of that apple pie?”
Tina paused as if she suspected he was remembering something painful. “I can’t believe you’re in the mood for apple pie.”
“I’ll take a bite if you will,” he said. “You know, we haven’t talked about names.”
Surprise flitted across her face. “We haven’t. You haven’t been around very much.”
“That will change,” he said, lacing his fingers through hers.
“Starting when?” she asked.
“Now.”
“Really? Why is that?” she asked.
“Last week, I told Daniel I wasn’t coming back to the city until after the baby was born. I wanted to stay close,” he said. “And because the damned cell phone isn’t dependable, I bought some two-way radios. Old school, but they should work.”
“So you’ll be here for a while?” she asked, her gaze filled with a combination of relief and pleasure.
“Yeah,” he said. “As long as you need me, Tina. Now about those names,” he began.
“I’ve thought of a thousand,” she confessed. “Stella, McKayla, Lucia, Camille, Delphine, Martina. Of course there will be more than one name to choose.”
“I think one of her names should be Valentina,” he said.
Her lips lifted in a soft smile. “Why is that?”
“Because she’s a busy girl and that’s partly a testament to her mother. On another subject, Hildie tells me you haven’t ordered any baby furniture. Even I know we need to cross that off the list.”
“I hadn’t really figured out where to put her. I don’t think I’ll need much more than a bassinet to start, especially since I’m not sure how long—” She broke off and shrugged her shoulders.
Her uncertainty twisted something inside him. “What do you need to be sure?” he demanded, struggling with his impatience.
“This is one of those areas where you and I don’t share the same opinion,” she began.
“You don’t share the opinion that we would be better parents together than apart?” he asked, rising from his chair.
“I didn’t say that, but I have a lot of things to consider. I promised you I would stay for a month after the baby is born. Isn’t that enough for now?”
“No, it isn’t,” he said. “I want us to get married. We can work out what you need to do about visiting Chantaine and your family, but I think you know deep down that you belong here with me.”
She opened her mouth and her eyes deepened with an emotion that sliced through the steel vault around his frozen heart. That was what she wanted from him. His heart. What she didn’t understand was that he’d lost the ability to give it three years ago.
He watched her pull back her emotions and close her mouth, whatever words she’d thought left unsaid. He felt the twist of the knife inside him again. The feeling always surprised him because he’d felt like he’d turned into a man who couldn’t be reached.
Tina and Hildie wrapped donated gifts for the elderly. Tina shifted in her chair, feeling generally uncomfortable. She wasn’t sleeping well and she wasn’t su
re about her future. Despite the holiday music playing in the background, she felt a little cranky.
She tied a red ribbon around the tissue paper and reached for an indoor geranium kit and began to wrap it. “Do you think Zachary will ever be able to fall in love again?” she asked.
Silence followed as Hildie tied her own bow. “That’s a tough one,” she said. “He had such a hard time with Jenny. She wasn’t who she thought she was.”
“What do you mean?” Tina asked, searching Hildie’s face.
“Jenny had problems. They seemed to get worse the further into her pregnancy,” Hildie said, tying a firm bow.
“What kind of problems? Other than her pregnancy?”
Hildie sighed. “I really shouldn’t be talking about this, but the girl had some kind of mental problems. I don’t think Zach knew about it before they got married. After Jenny died, though, it seemed her parents knew something. They blamed Zach for not watching her more closely. They even demanded that she and the baby be buried somewhere other than the Logan family burial ground.” Hildie shook her head. “Heaven knows he hovered over her night and day. After she got pregnant, she would leave the house in the middle of the night. We’d all panic and go searching to find her.”
“Oh my goodness. I had no idea,” Tina said, imagining how trying that must have been for all of them.
“Toward the end, Zach wouldn’t go anywhere. She was about seven months along and started cramping and bleeding. We called Zach and he came right away. He took her to the hospital, but it was too late for Jenny. Too early for the baby. He blamed himself. The doctor said she had an undetected abruption. She started bleeding and didn’t stop.”
Hildie wrapped a bundle of sudoku books and tied a ribbon around the top. “You’re nothing like her,” she finally said.
“Is that good or bad?” Tina asked.
“Good,” Hildie said. “But you have to realize what a terrible experience that was for a man like Zachary. He’s a man who prides himself on fixing things, on taking care of people. In his mind, he failed in the worst way imaginable. Thank goodness you don’t have mental problems,” she said.
“Oh, I don’t know,” Tina said, absorbing the information Hildie had disclosed. “Depending on the day, all of us can feel a little off center, don’t you think?”
Hildie met her gaze and gave a sassy smile. “Speak for yourself. I’m always on target.”
“Show-off,” Tina teased.
Hildie just grinned, but Tina’s mind was spinning with what she’d just learned. Her heart ached even more for how Zach had suffered. Was he so scarred, however, that he would never be able to love again?
Chapter Sixteen
“Is there a reason we had to stop by the barn before going back to the ranch?” Tina called from Zach’s SUV after she’d finished her latest appointment with the obstetrician. “I’m hungry.”
“Eat your crackers,” he said as he stalled for a little more time. Grinning to himself, he killed some time talking to his beauties in the barn while Tina waited in the car. It was for a good cause. She would ultimately be pleased.
Hearing her footsteps behind him, he wiped his grin off his face and looked busy.
“You hire people to take care of your horses. Why are you doing this?” she asked.
“I may hire people, but I still check on them. It’s a good practice. And it’s not as if Eve has had any spare time lately,” he added.
“True,” Tina said. “She’s working crazy hours.”
“And she hates it,” Zach said.
“I wonder if my brother really would—”
Zach lifted his hand, finding the possibility untenable. Eve was the equivalent of his youngest sister. He didn’t want to see her hurt. “Your brother is a bulldozer.”
“You may be underestimating Eve. She’s pretty strong,” Tina said and sighed. “Can we please go now?”
Zach glanced at his watch. “Yeah, let me check the rest of the horses,” he said and slowly walked through the rest of the barn. When he was certain he’d taken enough time, he returned to escort Tina to the car.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked. “You seem like you’re out of breath a lot.”
“The baby’s riding high. That’s what Hildie says. Causes indigestion and short breaths,” she said, wobbling into her seat.
“Sorry about that,” he said.
“If she was riding low, I’d have to run to the powder room all the time,” she said with a shrug. “It’s just part of pregnancy.”
“Would you ever want to do it again?” he asked, holding the door open.
She scrunched up her face. “I’d prefer to reserve judgment on that decision. This isn’t the best time to ask.”
“When is the best time?” he asked.
“Maybe a year after the baby is born,” she said.
He chuckled and nodded. “I’ll make a note of it,” he said and closed the door.
Climbing into the driver’s side of the SUV, he took his time starting the engine and putting it into gear.
“Is there something wrong with the car?” she asked.
“No,” he said. “Why?”
“Because you’re moving so slowly you’re acting like you’re doing an inspection on it.”
He swallowed a chuckle. “Just being careful. I’m carrying precious cargo.”
“Precious cargo that is hungry,” she said.
He drove into the back garage so she wouldn’t see the other cars out front, then helped her out of the car.
“I guess it’s a good thing that the doctor said the baby probably won’t come until after Christmas. That means we can enjoy the holiday without worrying.”
“Speak for yourself,” he muttered. Zach couldn’t stop worrying. He was losing more sleep with each passing night.
“What do you mean?” she asked. “The doctor says I’m totally healthy. You should rest easy and let me toss and turn,” she said.
Zach, however, saw the faint shadows beneath her eyes. The doctor said it was normal for her to lose sleep, but Zach wanted Tina and the baby safe and happy. He could tell Tina wasn’t at all comfortable as she grew larger with each passing day.
“Even the doctor says he thinks she’s a big baby,” he said.
“Hildie tells me that means she’ll sleep through the night sooner,” Tina said, rubbing her back as she climbed the steps from the garage.
Zach opened the door and ushered her down the hallway.
“It’s so quiet,” she said as they turned the corner to the den. “I wonder—”
“Surprise!” a chorus of voices called.
Tina blinked in shock at the crowd of men and women greeting her. She put her hand to her throat. “Oh my goodness, what is this?”
Keely rose and embraced her. “It’s a baby shower,” she said and guided her to a wing chair. “We had to limit the guest list. A lot more people wanted to come.”
“I don’t know what to say,” Tina murmured, glancing around, recognizing some of the faces, but not all.
“I’m Sienna,” a woman standing in the background said. “I’m Zach’s sister. Haven’t been here in a while, but I couldn’t miss this.”
Tina automatically stood and stretched out her arms. “Thank you so much. I can’t tell you what this means. Zach,” she said, glancing toward the doorway.
Zach immediately stepped forward and gave his sister a hug. “Thanks for coming. I know I’ve been difficult—”
“You always were,” Sienna said in a dry voice. “Daniel and I had a chance to talk before the party got started, but he looks a little distracted right now,” she whispered.
Zach’s younger brother, Daniel, appeared totally focused on one of their neighbors, Chloe Martin. Zach remembered Daniel’s past with the woman and lifted his eyebrows. “That could be interesting,” Zach said in a low voice.
“You’re telling me,” Sienna said.
“Any chance you’ll tell me what this is about?” Tina whisper
ed.
“Later,” Zach said and brushed her nose with a kiss. “You have gifts to open.”
Zach slipped Tina a small sandwich before she opened the shower gifts because he knew she was hungry. He counted how many times she rubbed her back and how many times she insisted she was just fine. The correlation was one to three. Tina was not a whiner.
She alternated between princess mode and sincere delight throughout the party. A few times, she brushed tears from her eyes when she received homemade gifts of quilts, crocheted afghans and painted pictures.
He could see that she was overcome with the generosity and thoughtfulness of the attendees and it occurred to him that she truly didn’t realize what kind of affect she had on people.
“I don’t know what to say,” Tina said, her voice breaking. “Who’s the baby now?” she said as tears slid down her face. “You’ve all been way too generous.”
“You’re the generous one,” Hildie said. “You just burst right in here and shook all of us up.”
“We have a few more gifts,” Keely said. “This one’s from Ericka.”
Tina opened a package of a beautiful baby carrier and a bottle of French wine. “That’s Ericka,” Tina said, with a laugh.
“And from Stefan,” Keely said, giving her an envelope.
Tina opened it and smiled. “One round trip charter to Chantaine on Stefan’s royal jet.”
“I’ll go,” Eve said, raising her hand.
“Those tickets are spoken for,” Zach said and met Tina’s gaze.
Her eyes welled up with tears. “You have done too much for me. I’m humbled by your generosity. Thank you so very much.”
Deciding she needed a moment to gather her emotions, Zach nodded in Keely’s direction. “Time for food?”
Keely took the cue and stood, clapping her hands together. “We have all kinds of wonderful food, punch and wine. Please enjoy.”
Zach took Tina to a small formal greeting room. “You okay?”
She took several deep breaths, her eyes wide. “I’m shocked,” she said. “I haven’t even been here that long and look at what these people have done for me. Those homemade quilts and knitted afghans must have taken hours and hours of work.”