Infuse: The Band Book 1

by Lara Wynter

  “So the thought of never seeing her again doesn’t bother you?”

  “When did you become my therapist?” I turn back towards the house. This conversation is getting to be too much.

  “Just own it brother,” Wes shouts at my retreating back.

  “Go back to your plants man. I’ll see you later.”

  “Yeah, later Finn.”

  I don’t head home. It’s not really somewhere I’m that comfortable. I bought this fancy penthouse apartment all white and shiny and I hate it. It’s so sterile and cold. I much prefer to hang out at Wes’s place. It feels like a home, something we both missed out on growing up. He’s been bugging me to buy my own place near his, and maybe I will. When we’re touring it doesn’t really matter anyway. At least I don’t have to worry about a freaking garden while I’m away.

  My thoughts continue to spiral, I try to avoid thinking about the past. After my Mom passed life was pretty bad at our place. It’s been years since I’ve seen my father. Last time I saw him his mind was so addled he didn’t even recognize me. My older brother’s still in prison. Let’s just say when I had my music, he had his own ways of escaping reality.

  My Jeep comes to a halt in front of her house. Already my thoughts are becoming clearer, I feel the past slipping away where it belongs. I just need to see that she’s okay. Then if she wants me to leave her alone I will. I knock on the door berating myself for coming empty-handed.

  Faint strains of music escape from within. I recognize it immediately. It’s me singing. The door opens and the music intensifies. Autumn looks adorable in a pair of oversize sweats and a large purple hoodie. Her face flushes as she sees it’s me. She’s so beautiful, it takes my breath away. No one speaks and I start to feel like a class A jerk.

  “Hi,” I finally manage to speak.

  “Hi.”

  “You have great taste in music.”

  More color fills her cheeks, I want to reach out and touch her skin.

  “Um, thanks.” She smiles and it’s like the sun coming out after a month of rain. “Would you like to come in for a drink…a coffee or something?”

  Wild horses couldn’t stop me. “Sure.”

  The tiny living space is still immaculate. Autumn makes herself busy in the minuscule kitchen so I take a seat at the small dining table that takes up most of the space.

  “Coffee or tea?”

  I laugh, I can’t even remember the last time someone thought to offer me tea. Usually it’s coffee or alcohol as if I’m incapable of wanting to drink anything else.

  “Tea sounds great.”

  “Peppermint or herbal.”

  “Surprise me.”

  Autumn

  I can’t believe I just offered Finn Holloway a cup of tea. Did he just say yes to be polite? I put peppermint tea bags into two mugs and fill then with boiling water from the kettle. I can’t believe I’m going to serve Finn herbal tea. He looks stunning as always in a simple black t-shirt and jeans. My eyes are drawn to the the dragon on his arm. The way it seems to come to life whenever he moves his arm is hypnotizing. My fingers ache to reach out and touch it. Instead, I place a mug in front of Finn and take the seat opposite. My table is so small, it wouldn’t take much for our hands to touch as we hold our mugs of steaming tea.

  Finn takes a sip of tea. “Mmm nice.”

  “Really? I didn’t pick you for a tea drinker.”

  Finn raises one eyebrow. “What, selfish pricks can’t drink tea now?”

  I spit my mouthful of tea back into my cup before coughing. “You’re hardly that.” I manage to choke out.

  “I think I know me better than you.”

  “Yes, you’re so selfish. You have a whole foundation set up to help underprivileged kids.” I’ve been googling since I heard about the Holloway Foundation that’s paying my medical bills.

  “Other people run that though, I just send them money every so often.”

  “Maybe you should learn to take a compliment.”

  “Ditto.”

  The room seems to close in. My heart races and I feel dizzy. I’m glad I’m already sitting down.

  “Shoot, are you alright?” Finn reaches out and places his hands over mine.

  My heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of my chest. No one touches me – I don’t let them. But rather than increasing my panic, the feel of Finn’s calloused fingers rubbing along the top of my hand and my wrists, seems to slowly calm me and bring me back to myself.

  My lips curve into a weak smile. “I’m fine, just a bit light-headed, I forgot to have lunch.” The lie feels uncomfortable as it stumbles off my tongue.

  “Well, you need to eat, I haven’t had anything either. Should I call for take-out? Or would you rather go to a restaurant?”

  The thought of going out into a public place with Finn ties my stomach in knots. “I’m not really dressed for going out, take-out sounds fine.”

  “You look adorable, but I’ll order in if you’d prefer. Do you like Italian?”

  “Yum, that’d be great.”

  Finn releases my hands, and I feel bereft. He stands and walks outside to make the call. He forgot to ask me what I want, but I’m not sure I’m going to be able to eat anything anyway with the butterflies that have started fluttering inside me.

  Infusion Deep is still playing on repeat from my phone which is connected to my speakers. I use the time to put my whole music collection on random, so at least it seems like I’m not obsessed. After that, I straighten the cushions on the couch and look for any mess to clean up. Seeing none, I use the time to make some fresh tea. Eventually Finn comes back inside. He’s too big for my tiny house. He looks out of place here. Which of course he is. I still don’t understand why he’s here.

  Finn grins at me. “All set.”

  “What did you order?”

  “Ah, that would be spoiling the surprise.”

  “You did order Italian right?”

  “Yep. Why, what don’t you like?”

  “Ah, I’m not that keen on Indian food.”

  “Right, no Indian. Got it.” Finn sits on my two-seater couch and pats the spot next to him.

  There are no other chairs, apart from the ones around my dining table, so it makes sense I should sit next to him. Somehow, I can’t seem to make my legs work.

  “If you keep standing up over there Blondie, I’m going to feel bad sitting here.”

  “Blondie?”

  “No good? Well I can’t call you Muse, seeing as how they’re another band and all.”

  “Autumn is fine,” I say, taking a seat on the far edge of the lounge.

  Finn laughs. “It’s okay, I won’t bite.”

  Images of Finn biting me fill my mind and I blush. To hide my face, I slide closer so I’m sitting on the actual cushion and let my hair fall in a curtain, hiding my face.

  “Hmm, did you have a nickname when you were at school?”

  “I’d rather not say.”

  “Was it Fall?”

  I glance up. “How did you know?” The name brings back memories of kids trying to trip me on my way to class as they said things like ‘don’t Fall,’ and laughed while I stumbled.

  “Well it’s obvious, isn’t it? Autumn means Fall. But I can see that one doesn’t hold pleasant memories, so I’ll have to keep trying.”

  “I still don’t understand why you can’t just call me Autumn.”

  “We-ell,” Finn draws the syllables out. “Everyone calls you that, and I want to be different.”

  “What about you? Do I get to call you by your nickname?”

  “Um Dogface? If you want.”

  I snort laugh. “Who would dare call you that?”

  “Drew and Adam, but at least they don’t usually call me the one my Trent uses when he’s mad at me, which is most of the time.”

  “What does he call you?”

  “Pass.”

  I tuck my hair behind my ear, my discomfort long forgotten. “Please, you know about mine.”
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  “Yeah, but I guessed, so you have to do that.”

  “How on earth am I supposed to do that?”

  “We’ll play Hot and Cold.”

  “What are we like six now?”

  “We can be. Just let loose and go with it.”

  I sit back and fold my legs underneath me so I’m facing Finn. He’s so close I can smell the scent of his aftershave. It’s a pleasant scent that reminds me of being in the woods after the rain. “Can you at least give me a hint to start?”

  “Well, maybe. Seeing as how you’re so pretty and all. It has something to do with my appearance.” Now Finn is the one looking uncomfortable. It’s reassuring to know he isn’t as confident as he always seems. I guess no one is always at ease.

  “Um Bluey?” I take a punt, because nothing is more appealing than those dark blue eyes of his.

  “Warmish.”

  I run my eyes over Finn again, it’s nice to have an excuse to look. “Dragon?”

  “Cooler.”

  So it must have something to do with his face maybe? But it’s something he sees as a negative thing. His face is perfect, what could it possibly be? His almost black hair has a slight curl to it. “Poodle?”

  Finn laughs and his eyes light up. “Warmer, sort of. And no, you are never to mention that again. If Drew or Adam were ever to hear that name my life would be over.”

  His casual mention of his bandmates reminds me again of just who Finn is and the comfortable feeling starts to unravel inside me.

  “How about another clue? It starts with ‘P’.”

  “Poodle starts with P.”

  “Alright, P R.”

  “Um, Pretty?”

  “Getting hot.”

  His words make me warm all over, even though he’s not using them that way. I make the mistake of looking into his eyes again and he’s looking right at me. Our faces are only inches apart. How did that happen? He’s moving closer and I freeze, I’m unable to blink or move or think. My eyes flutter closed as his lips gently brush against mine. Chills race through my body and I feel as though I might disintegrate as every particle in my body explodes. I’m sure I’ve come apart and so I’m surprised when I open my eyes to find myself still sitting on the couch. As if mundane reality could still exist after that. Finn is looking at me intently as if he sees my coming apart as a real possibility.

  “Autumn?”

  “Finn.”

  “Are you alright? Was that…?”

  “Yes,” I breathe.

  The doorbell rings and my body takes the opportunity to fly to the safety of the every-day.

  Chapter 9

  Finn

  My mind is blown. It was a tiny brush of lips, hardly even a kiss but it was like nothing I’ve ever experienced. How could one barely-there kiss have me feeling so jittery and unlike myself? Luckily the food arrived before she could see how unsettled I was. She seemed to enjoy my surprise. I ordered one of every dish on the menu. We were able to return to our flirty casual banter and things returned to normal. But now it’s getting late and I really should go home. This is not the sort of girl who casually invites you to stay over and I’m glad. The thought of her with another man makes me feel things, dark things best kept hidden.

  I stand up from the table so full I can barely move. “I really should get going.”

  “Of course.” Autumn stands and walks ahead of me to her door. As cute as she looks in her oversized clothes, I prefer the jeans she wore yesterday that showed off her curves. Autumn opens the door and I step out into the brisk night air. I didn’t even think to bring a jacket, I guess I wasn’t thinking at all when I came here. It’s gone so much better than I thought. I’m not sure how to leave things. Do I kiss her again or hug? Shake hands – yeah even I’m not that much of a douche.

  “Goodnight Finn. Thanks for coming. It was fun.”

  “Um, yeah it was. Do you want to do something tomorrow?”

  “I have to work, but I guess I could spare a couple of hours. Um, what did you have in mind?”

  Inappropriate thoughts flood my mind and I stamp them down. She deserves more than that. I want to be the sort of man she deserves.

  “Do you want to go house hunting?” The thought comes unbidden to my mind, but the idea of looking for a house with Autumn is enough to make me want things I can never have.

  “Don’t you already have an apartment?”

  “Yeah, but I hate it there. I want a real house, a home I guess.”

  Her eyelids flutter, so delicate, so perfect. “I know what you mean.”

  “You have a lovely home.”

  “Yeah, if you like living in a shoebox.”

  “I can think of worse things.”

  Her shoulders hunch forward. “Yes.”

  Crap, I shouldn’t have gone there. Best to steer clear of anything to do with the past – for both of us. “So I’ll pick you up around two?”

  “That should give me time to finish for the day.”

  I grin like an idiot at the thought of seeing her tomorrow. “See you then.” Before I can change my mind, I sweep her up in my arms and cradle her against my body. Placing a gentle kiss on the top of her head, I’m surprised how soft her hair is. There are no tell-tale dark roots showing through either. Of course, it’s bound to be natural. She doesn’t seem like the type to spend hours getting stuff done. Why would she, when she looks like an angel already? How could I ever have thought otherwise?

  Autumn

  At five minutes to two, I’m standing in my driveway waiting for Finn to pick me up. I couldn’t stand to be inside a minute longer without going crazy. How is it possible that I’m actually going house hunting with the lead singer of Infusion Deep? And even better yet, even though I’m nervous, it feels like a regular ‘you’re getting picked up by a rock star’ sort of apprehension, rather than a panic attack anxiety-induced nervousness. Unfortunately, I have ugly grey smudges under my eyes because I couldn’t sleep last night. I smother a yawn as a black Jeep turns onto the street. Sadly I’m wearing the same blue shirt and jeans again as it’s the only appropriate outfit I own. As soon as I can get up the courage to go to the mall again, I need to buy more clothes. Even better still, now that I know my size, I can just order them online. Smacking my forehead, I silently berate myself for not thinking of doing that sooner. Although ordering online would be a step backwards according to my therapist. Well, she’d be impressed if she could see me now. That would have made me happy a while ago, but now it doesn’t seem so important.

  As the car pulls up beside me, I jump in before Finn can even think about getting out to open my door.

  “Hey, Goldilocks.”

  “Hi, Poodle.”

  Finn puts up his hands in mock surrender. “Okay, so that’s a no to Goldilocks, but I’ll keep trying.”

  I can’t suppress my giddy grin as we tease each other. I’ve never experienced this sort of fun banter before, but I like it.

  “So, where are we going to look at houses?”

  “Back across to where Wes lives. There are a few properties I’ve arranged to view this afternoon.”

  “Am I allowed to ask what your budget is?” I fiddle with the hem of my shirt.

  “I should be able to get something nice for around three-to-five.”

  My eyebrows lift. “Million?”

  “Yeah,” Finn chuckles. “Crazy huh?”

  “Um, yeah. Did you ever think about living in L.A.?”

  “Yeah, but Wes has Soph and we didn’t want to have to uproot her, you know. Wes doesn’t have custody either, so there wasn’t much choice in the end.”

  “So, if you could live anywhere?”

  “Ah, dunno. Maybe the French countryside? Renovate an old castle or something.”

  “Really? Wouldn’t you miss the spotlight?”

  “Nah, the paps can get crazy invasive. They aren’t usually too bad here though.”

  Crap, I hadn’t even thought about that for some reason. What if someone photogr
aphs me while I’m with Finn? What if they come to my house? My breath comes in short sharp jags. I need to stop, I need to get out of the car. I struggle with the buckle of my seatbelt, but it won’t come free.

  “Whoah, Autumn what are you doing? You need to stay buckled in. Just hang on for one sec, I’m going to find somewhere to pull over.”

  Focus. I try to focus on my breathing. In and out. In and out. Nice and slow. The car comes to a stop and I’m out the door and running, heedless of my surroundings. Strong arms sweep around my waist and hold me still. Turning my body, I bury my face into Finn’s dark grey shirt. His woodsy scent calms me like nothing else ever had. My mind starts to clear and I realize what a crazy person I must look like. Finn’s hands are rubbing comforting circles on my back. I want to stay like this forever, hidden and safe from the world. Where things like paparazzi don’t exist. Minutes drift slowly by and if I wasn’t standing up, I’d probably be asleep by now.

  “Autumn?”

  “Finn.” Finally, I take a step back. Time to face reality.

  “I can take you home if you want?”

  “I…I think I’m alright now. I guess I just hadn’t thought about the fact of who you are. That you have crazy people who invade your life. I’m so sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. I’m the one who should be doing the apologizing.”

  “It’s not your fault that people chase fame like it’s a prize.” I reach my hand towards Finn. Before I touch him, I let it drop back to my side.

  “Well, it isn’t your fault either.” Finn looks me in the eyes until I drop my gaze.

  “No, but you don’t need the hassle.”

  “Oh babe, you are not a hassle. You are sweet and beautiful and I want you in my life. No, I need you in my life.”

  “Then I guess you’re just as crazy as I am?”

  Finn

  Autumn lifts her gaze to look at me. She’s so brave it takes my breath away. Even though I can tell she’s terrified, she’s still willing to come with me despite her fears.

  “You are so brave.”