Is he saying he thinks he could fall for me? “Me either. This is all pretty new to me, which is why I don’t want to give it up just because you’re a T.A.”
“Not just a T.A. Your T.A. That makes it so much worse. The college severely frowns upon T.As dating students, but when they’re enrolled in our class, it’s strictly forbidden.”
“So we’re back to square one,” I say, fidgeting with my hands in my lap.
“Looks like it.” He reaches for my hand, lacing his fingers through mine. “Did you eat?”
I look up at him, confused by the sudden topic change. “Um, no. I told Noelle and Andy to go to dinner without me.”
“Want to go somewhere where no one will recognize us?”
I narrow my eyes at him. “What do you have in mind?”
He laughs. “It’s this diner where everyone wears costumes, even the customers. Most of them anyway. You sort of need to see it for yourself.”
“Why do I have a feeling this is going to be really bad?”
He leans forward, his lips brushing against mine and teasing me. “I can’t imagine time with you being bad.”
I grab his face and pull him to me. He doesn’t need much encouragement. He leans me back on the bed, his hands running down my body and then sliding up my dress. Why did I instate the no sex rule? He kisses my neck, my earlobe, and my shoulder, making my body shudder. Everywhere he touches is like fireworks against my skin.
“I take it back,” I say, cupping his head in my hands and forcing him to look at me.
He smiles, as if he knew I was going to say that. I know he’d stop if I asked him, but I’m not going to. Not now. Not ever. Darren McEntire has ruined me for other men.
Even though I’ve given him permission, Darren spends the next half hour focusing solely on me. I’m about to burst out of my own skin when the fire alarm sounds. At first I think it’s in my head, but the terrified look on Darren’s face lets me know it’s real.
“Shit!” Darren scrambles out of the bed and tugs his clothes on.
“Is there a fire?” Besides the one inside me?
He frantically looks around. “I have to get out of here.”
“Hang on. I’m sure we’ll figure this out.”
“How?” He looks pale, like he’s about to be sick. “I shouldn’t have come here.” He stares at me, and I realize I’m still completely naked. He grabs my dress and helps me slip back into it. “I can’t talk to you while you’re like that. I’ll lose it again.”
Lose it? “What do you mean? You make it sound like a bad thing.” This isn’t the first time he’s hinted at what this is between us—the way I make him feel—being a bad thing.
“Never mind. I have to get out of here.”
“Darren.” I grab his arm. “What aren’t you telling me?” I search his eyes, wanting to know what it is that he’s hiding.
“I have to get out of here.”
“If you leave now, everyone will see you.”
“If I stay, I may burn in a fire.”
Oh God, is there really a fire? “I figured it was just a drill.”
“You’re not in high school anymore. The alarm was pulled. It must have been.”
I rush to the window and see the crowd forming downstairs. No one seems to be panicking, but I can hear the fire trucks in the distance. “We have to go.”
Darren looks petrified, frozen in place. “I don’t know how to get out of here unseen.”
“What’s going to happen if someone sees you? Can’t you say you were visiting someone? They don’t need to know the details.”
“Imagine the rumors that will start. I’ll be called into Monahan’s office.”
I reach for his hands. “And you’ll deny it.” Seeing someone as big and muscular as Darren so scared is unnerving.
“Room check!” Mindy yells, knocking on the door.
Darren rushes for my closet and gets inside. I don’t have time to do the same. My door swings open with Mindy’s keys inside the lock. She looks down at her clipboard. “Noelle or Julia?”
“Julia,” I say. “Sorry, I was just heading downstairs. I was asleep when the alarm went off.”
“Sound sleeper. It’s been going off for a while.”
I force a nervous chuckle. “Yeah, I can sleep through just about anything.”
“Well, it’s a false alarm—something went screwy with the alarm in the lobby—but you still need to evacuate. It’s protocol.” She motions for me to exit, and I glance at my closet door once before obliging.
I walk down the six flights of stairs and out of the dorm. Noelle and Andy are near the door, and they wave me over.
“Why were you still inside?” Noelle asks.
“I was…” I look around, realizing I shouldn’t say anything out in the open like this. The alarm stops, and the firemen let us back inside. With the crowd around the elevators, we decide to head for the stairs. Andy has a thing for the stairs anyway. He says they’re good exercise. Whatever. He’s the swimmer. I just want to get back to my room and finish talking to Darren. I need to know why he keeps getting so freaked out about me. One minute he clearly wants me, and the next he’s saying it’s a bad thing.
Since we’re on the top floor, most of the crowd disperses before we reach the landing at the top of the stairs. Noelle tugs on my arm. “Were you with him?”
A few people push past us, and even though Noelle didn’t say Darren’s name, I still tense up. I nod. “He just showed up.”
Andy opens the door. “I’m sensing you two need to talk, so I’ll meet you in the room.” Noelle hands him her keys, and he disappears into the hallway.
I sit down on the top step, no longer anxious to get to the room because I know Darren won’t tell me what’s bothering him with Andy and Noelle around. “I can’t figure him out. He obviously likes me, but something is holding him back.”
“Holding him back? You’ve slept with him twice already.” She sits down and eyes me. “Or is it three times now?”
“We didn’t have sex again. We were…doing other stuff.”
She nods. “Did you tell him what you want?”
“Yeah, but it doesn’t matter. There are fifteen weeks in the semester. We can’t be seen together until then. It’s going to be us sneaking around all the time.” As I say it, I realize how much it truly sucks.
“I’ve never seen you like this, Jules.”
“I know. I hate it. The first guy I’m really into and I can’t have him.”
“You’ve already had him. Twice.” She bumps my shoulder with hers. I know she’s trying to lighten the mood, and I love her for it, but it’s not working.
“He won’t let me drop the class, even though it would make things a little easier for us.”
“Good.” Noelle takes my hand in hers. “You shouldn’t drop the class. This is your college experience. Don’t let—”
I stand up, yanking my hand from hers. “Don’t tell me not to blow my freshman year over some guy. Because Darren isn’t some guy.” I clamp my mouth shut, realizing that not everyone has returned from the evacuation yet.
Noelle stands up and whispers, “I wasn’t going to say that.”
“Yes, you were. You’re looking out for me. I get it, but it’s not what I need right now.”
“I’m sorry, Julia. I wish I could make this better for you.”
“The worst part is that I think there’s more at stake than just his job.” This time I’m careful not to say Darren’s name. “I just don’t know what it is yet.”
“Then ask him.”
“I intend to.” Because I have a feeling what he’s hiding is the real reason we can’t be together.
“Wait.” Her eyes widen. “Is he still—?”
“Yeah, in my closet.”
“Unless Andy found him.”
That would make for an awkward conversation. Darren was freaked out enough already. Getting caught by Andy without me there might send him over the edge. “Come on.” I t
ug Noelle’s elbow and yank the door open. The hallway is filled with people, all talking about the evacuation.
I race to our room and open the door. Andy is lying on Noelle’s bed with the remote in his hand, flipping channels on the TV. I look at him briefly before rushing to my closet and pulling the door open.
It’s empty.
Darren’s gone.
Chapter Seven
I text Darren a few times, but he doesn’t answer. Finally I crawl into bed, staring at the double lump in Noelle’s bed. Andy’s become a permanent fixture in our room. I’m happy for Noelle. I really am, but seeing Andy just reminds me of what I don’t have. I want Darren in my bed next to me. I roll over and face the wall, sighing and holding back tears. My pillow smells like Darren, and I pull it closer to my face. I close my eyes and try to pretend it’s him I’m holding in my arms.
Tuesday passes without a word from Darren, and since I only have Intro to Art on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I don’t even get to see him in class. By evening, I’m a mess.
Noelle opens our door and flings her bag onto her bed, something she learned from watching me. But I don’t even have the energy to fling my bag, so I let it drop to the floor. She pulls Andy’s keys from her pocket and waves them in front of my face. “Go clean yourself up. We’re going to McEntire’s for dinner tonight.”
My face brightens. “Seriously?”
“Yup. Andy has swim practice tonight, and I’m not going to sit around here while you mope over Darren.” The swim team usually practices early in the mornings, but once a week they have evening practice. It’s just about the only time I get to spend with Noelle without Andy attached to her hip.
“And Andy said you could take his car?”
“Not exactly, but I’ll make it up to him later.” She winks. That’s my girl.
“Give me five minutes.” I rush to the bathroom to wash my face and fix my hair. I stare at my freckles in the mirror, completely exposed after I rinsed the makeup off my face. Maybe if I’d gone to the pub like this the night I met Darren, he wouldn’t have asked me to go back to his apartment with him. Maybe he has the same dislike for them. But as I look at the freckles I realize covering them is ridiculous. They’re part of me, and I want Darren to see me the way I really am. I decide to skip the makeup tonight.
Noelle smiles when I walk back into the room. She notices my freckles, but isn’t about to comment. “Ready?”
“I think so.” I’m still not sure if just showing up at the pub is a good idea, but I have to see Darren. I need to know what he’s keeping from me. Not that he owes me any explanations, but with how close we’ve gotten in the few days I’ve known him, I think I have a right to ask why he’s pushing me away.
Noelle puts her arm around my shoulders as we head out of the dorm and to Andy’s car, which is parked in the lot across the street. The drive to the pub is silent. I’m collecting my thoughts and trying not to freak out at Darren’s possible answers—if he’s even willing to talk about it.
Even though it’s early, McEntire’s is packed. My hopes for getting a chance to talk to Darren plummet, but Noelle makes me go inside anyway. “What if he’s not even working tonight?” I say as we walk up to the hostess station, which is crowded with people waiting for tables.
“Let’s find out.”
I stretch up on my tippy toes and see Darren at the bar, reaching for a bottle behind him. I stare, enjoying the view. He must make a killing in tips from his female customers. The thought sends jealousy coursing through me. He’s not mine, but God do I want him to be.
“Do you see him?” Noelle asks, still trying to look around people.
“Yeah, he’s at the bar.” That poses another problem. I don’t recognize most of the staff tonight. They aren’t the same people who worked the other night when I was with Darren. And without him at my side now, I’m bound to get carded, which means I’m not getting anywhere near that bar.
“Just tell the hostess you’re here to talk to Darren.”
“He’s swamped. He’s not going to leave the bar to come talk to me, and she’s not going to let me sit a the bar without showing ID.”
Noelle looks at me, and I can see the wheels turning in her mind. “What would you do if it were Andy at that bar and I needed to see him?”
I think for a moment, and a laugh escapes my lips. “I’d distract the hostess so you could slip past her and get to the bar.”
Noelle smiles. “Done.”
“What?” She’s never pulled a stunt like this. It’s my thing, not hers.
“Count to ten and get ready to walk up to that bar like you own it.”
I have no idea how she’s going to distract the hostess, but I hug her, thankful that she’s even willing to try this for me. She turns and walks up to the hostess, her arms flailing all around her. What the hell?
“I’ve been waiting for an hour. The whole point of making a reservation is that you don’t have to wait.”
“But you never even—”
“The reservation is under Peterson. Don’t pretend like we haven’t already had this conversation,” Noelle continues, making it up as she goes.
The hostess frantically searches the reservation book in front of her. “I’m sorry, but your name isn’t on my list.”
“Then get me your manager,” Noelle yells.
The hostess turns and walks off toward the kitchen. I don’t waste time. I head straight for the bar, my eyes locked on Darren. He looks up briefly before pouring a shot, but he does a double take and winds up spilling the Grey Goose all over the bar. He quickly mops it up, giving me a chance to squeeze myself at the end of the bar next to the same guy who gave up his seat for me the other night.
“Hey, it’s you,” the guy says with a smile.
“Hi.” I smile back. “Crowded in here tonight, huh?”
“Where are my manners?” He hops off the stool. “Please, have a seat.”
“That’s so sweet of you,” I say, sitting down.
“Hey, Darren, this girl of yours needs a drink,” he calls down the bar.
Darren looks up at me. He’s not going to serve me now that he knows I’m only nineteen.
“Actually, I’d love some coffee.”
He nods and heads to the coffee pot on the side of the bar. When he returns with my cup, he leans close and whispers, “What are you doing here?”
“That was my line, remember? When you showed up yesterday?” I leave off the part about my dorm, not wanting anyone to overhear. “How did you get out, by the way?”
Darren wipes the bar with the dishcloth, most likely because he has built up nervous energy. “I took the stairs to the laundry room and waited in there until the coast was clear.”
“Clever. You could’ve stayed though. It wasn’t like we were finished talking.”
“You shouldn’t have come here.”
“Then you should’ve texted me back.” Now I’m getting angry. He’s calling all the shots, like he’s the only one who gets to make the decisions. Show up when he wants to. Ignore me when he wants to. I’m done with it.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t get angry with me.”
“Too late.” I stare into his eyes. “I need to know what you’re keeping from me. It’s not just about your job.”
“Murray!” Darren yells, tossing the dishtowel onto the bar. “I’m taking ten. Cover the bar.”
The guy who gave me his seat nods, joins Darren, and drapes the dishtowel over his shoulder.
“Does he even work here?” I ask.
Darren waves it off and meets me at my stool. “He’s here all the time. He knows what to do.” He leads me out the back, through the employee entrance. The back parking lot is full of cars, too. He walks over to his BMW and opens the passenger door. I’m not sure if he just doesn’t want to talk out in the open or if he plans to take me somewhere. Maybe his apartment. My pulse quickens at the thought.
I get in the car and wait for him to join me. He gets in but do
esn’t start the engine or say a word. “Darren—”
He puts his hand up. “I need a minute.” God, how bad can his secret be? He sighs. “My dad used to teach at Timberland.”
“Really? I thought you said he’s always had this pub.”
“He has. Ever since he got fired.” He stares through the windshield at the back of the pub, and I can tell this isn’t easy for him to talk about.
“What did he do to get fired?”
“I think you mean who.”
Who? Oh my God! “Did your father sleep with—”
“One of his students. My mom.”
“Oh.” That’s not so bad. “Well, at least it worked out for them, right?”
“My mom was expelled, and my dad was canned. How did it work out for them?” He leans his head back on the seat and turns so he’s facing me.
“Because they’re still together.” Rooming with Noelle is certainly changing me. She’s acting more like me and I’m acting more like her. I even sound like her now.
“My grandfather owned the pub, and when Dad’s career went to shit, my grandfather gave the pub to him.”
“So your grandfather was rooting for your parents?”
“More like trying to save the family’s reputation. He told my dad he could have the pub if he married my mom. You know, so people wouldn’t think he was the type to just screw around with his students.”
I can’t help wondering how old his mother was at the time and how they’d met. “Did they meet without knowing he’d be her professor?”
“Not exactly. Mom was a senior. She knew Dad was a professor, but he didn’t know her. She came into the pub one day with a few friends, but she ditched them pretty quickly and hung out at the bar with Dad.”
Dear God! Their meeting is sounding way too familiar. The only exception is I didn’t know who Darren was when I approached him.
“By your expression, I’m guessing you see the connection, too. Believe me, it’s more unnerving when it’s your parents. The last person I want to compare the girl I’m sleeping with to is my mother.” His words are like a knife in my gut. “Mom didn’t tell Dad that she knew who he was.”
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