I get that attraction isn’t always explainable, but it seems like there must be some reason he’s going through all this trouble for me. It can’t just be because he’s attracted to me, can it?
“I know that’s not the explanation you’re looking for, but it’s all I can give. Sometimes you just have to follow your gut about these things.”
He isn’t budging, and I don’t want to push him and risk being “that girl”—the one who needs to define the relationship. I said I was going to stop questioning things, and that’s exactly what I need to do.
We finish our food and Ben stands up, reaching for my hands. “Come on. We don’t want to be late.”
I cock my head. “Late for what?”
“We’re going out with Mike and the girl I promised to set him up with.”
“You actually went through with that?”
“It was the only way I could get him to agree to tell me about you.”
“Why am I not surprised?” I laugh, imagining Mike giving Ben this ultimatum. “So who is she?”
“A girl from my dorm. Mike will like her. I’m sure of it.”
I stand up and lean into him. “Oh, so what you’re telling me is she’s hot.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“But you think she is.”
“I think you are.” He pulls me closer, closing the distance between us.
“You’re avoiding my question, Benjamin.”
He leans down, pressing his lips to mine. His hands run along my sides, pausing as his fingers gently lift the bottom of my shirt and brush my bare skin. “I don’t know why hearing you call me that has such an effect on me, but it does.”
“Another thing you just can’t explain?” I smile to let him know I’m only teasing. I’m past the point of needing explanations. I know how Ben makes me feel, and how I make him feel. That’s enough for me.
“We better go before I take this to a point where I can’t stop.” His fingers crawl up my shirt, but he clenches his jaw, exhales long and hard, and slowly removes his hands from my body. I can’t say I’m happy about it, even if he did go through the trouble of setting up my best friend with a date.
I take his hand and lead him out of the room, locking the door behind us. Noelle and Andy are in the hallway on their way to Noelle’s room. Sometimes I wonder how Andy monitors anything in his dorm. That could be one of the reasons why his father doesn’t want him involved with Noelle. An R.A. who is never around could lead to a lot of problems for Dean Decker to deal with.
“Hey, Mindy,” Noelle says. She loops her arm through Andy’s and leans into him. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen them together and not touching. They’re like magnets, drawn to each other. I can relate now that I’ve met Ben.
“Hey, guys. Calling it a night already?” I look at Andy, and he shrugs.
“Early practice in the morning.”
“Don’t forget we have that R.A. meeting tomorrow afternoon.” It’s the only way I can think of to bring up the whole R.A. responsibilities issue without being too obvious in front of Noelle. I don’t want to freak her out. She’s already worried about Andy’s dad not liking her.
“Yeah, I’ll be there,” Andy says.
“You’re an R.A. in my dorm, aren’t you?” Ben asks, cocking his head at Andy like he’s trying to place his face.
“Um…” Andy clearly doesn’t have a clue. Things are worse than I thought.
I turn to Ben and whisper, “Can you give me a sec?”
He nods and starts asking Noelle how her first year is going. I smile, loving the way he can fit in anywhere and with anyone. I wave Andy toward my door so we’re out of earshot.
“I know,” he says. “It’s just tough. With swim practice and classes, I barely have time for Noelle. Being an R.A. is just not for me. It was stupid for my dad to force it upon me like this.”
“Did Noelle tell you that she and I talked about your dad?”
His eyes widen. “What? When?”
I’m not surprised Noelle chickened out of talking to Andy about his dad. “Look, she thinks he doesn’t want you dating her, and she’s worried he’ll make you dump her.”
“But I’d never—”
I hold my hand up to stop him and then motion to Noelle. “Don’t freak her out. Just do something to fix this. Have her stay in your room. At least then you’ll be in your dorm to keep an eye on things.” I pause. “Or an ear if you two are…busy.”
Andy smiles and leans toward me. “Don’t you love the part of the relationship where you can’t keep your hands off each other? It’s like no matter how much you’re together, it’s never enough.”
I know. When I’m not with Ben, I’m thinking about him. And when I am with him, I want to touch him. And when I’m touching him, this insatiable desire takes over. Oh my God! I am falling for him. I can’t believe I’m feeling this way already, but that’s what it is. I’m falling in love with Ben Whitmore.
My gaze falls on him, and I must have a weird look on my face because Andy nods and says, “Sometimes it just hits you. You don’t plan on it, but it happens. I never believed in love at first sight, but when I met Noelle, it was like my entire world changed. All I saw was her. All I wanted was her.”
“It’s kind of…”
“Amazing.” He smiles.
“And overwhelming and totally terrifying.” My chest rises and falls faster than I can keep up with.
Andy reaches for my arm. “Are you okay? You’re hyperventilating.”
Ben sees me and rushes to my side. “What happened?” He looks back and forth between Andy and me.
“She…” Andy’s not sure what to say, what I want Ben to know, so he stops there.
“I’m fine,” I manage to get out.
“You should sit or lie down. I’ll cancel our plans.” Ben tries to lead me back into my room, but I place my hand on his chest. His heart is pounding with worry for me, confirming what I already knew. We’re both in over our heads, but we wouldn’t have it any other way. I smile and wrap my arms around him.
“I’m okay.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
He kisses the top of my head. “You had me worried.”
“I’m sorry. I just…figured something out, and it was a little…”
He gently takes my arms and pulls me back so he can look into my eyes. “I think I know what you mean. When I thought you were in trouble…”
Andy motions for Noelle and they head back to the elevators. I hope he is taking my advice and they’re going to his room for a change. He waves to me as they get on the elevator, and I start to feel a little better about where their relationship is heading.
“Are you listening to me?” Ben asks, still looking at me even though I’m watching the elevator doors close.
“Yeah, it’s just something Andy said—that’s what made me realize that I’m…” I meet his eyes, but I quickly turn away.
He turns my chin back toward him. “You’re what?”
Do I tell him? It’s still so soon. I know he said it first, but what if hearing me say it is too much. I might scare him away, and then what?
“You have that look again. Am I doing something wrong? Did—” He turns toward the elevators. “What did Andy say to you?”
I take his hands in mine. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” He still won’t look at me, so I reach up and kiss his cheek. He turns toward me, and I kiss his lips. I’m about to pull away and tell him the truth. All of it. Throw my cowardice right out and be honest about my feelings for him, but he lets go of my hands and grabs my face, deepening the kiss. I smile when he finally pulls back. “See? I don’t think you’re capable of doing anything wrong.”
“Believe me, I am.”
I touch his check, and he leans into my touch. “Why do you suddenly look like your favorite team just lost the Super Bowl?”
He shakes his head. “I don’t give a damn who even makes it to the Super Bowl. Fuck, Mindy.” H
e looks up at the ceiling, and I have no idea what’s bothering him. “All I care about right now is you and making this right between us.”
“It is right. That’s sort of what I’m trying to say.” I give a small laugh, hoping to lighten the mood. “Except I’m doing a really shitty job of it.”
“You?” He looks at me again. “You’re perfect.”
“Not even close.”
He cups the side of my face. “No. Don’t ever say that. You’re the most perfect person I’ve ever met. I mean that, Mindy. No matter what, I need you to know that.”
I nod because I know he means it.
“I’ve been trying not to say this, but I can’t stop myself. I’m probably going to fuck everything up, but I don’t know what else to do.” He’s still all agitated, and I don’t have a clue why. He’s already admitted his feelings for me. Telling me now, even if he says the L-word, can’t be that nerve-wracking for him.
I decide to help him out. I’ll say it first. At least officially. “Ben.” He won’t look at me so I say the one thing I know will get his attention. “Benjamin.” He swallows so hard I can see it, but he looks me in the eyes. “What Andy made me realize is that I’m falling for you. Hard. I was so drawn to you when we met, and every minute we spend together just makes it…” Damn it, Mindy! Say it already! “I think I love you.”
Ben’s expression is a combination of relief, happiness, and terror all rolled into one, which is good because it’s exactly how I feel. “Mindy, I love you, too.”
“Hey, Ben,” comes a voice from down the hall.
I turn to see one of the freshman guys who lives in the opposite wing heading our way. He has a huge grin on his face, like he’s really happy to see Ben, but the feeling clearly isn’t mutual. Ben’s face is bright red, and he’s clutching my hands like he doesn’t ever want to let go.
Chapter Eight
“I knew it, man! I knew it!” the guy says.
I’m searching my brain for the guy’s name, but I’m too preoccupied with Ben’s reaction to him to focus. Why does Ben look so angry with someone who seems genuinely excited to see him? It doesn’t add up.
Ben holds his hand up to the guy, indicating that he should wait. Then Ben turns to me and says, “Mindy, I need you to do something for me without asking why.”
I study his face, looking for some clue as to what’s going on. Is he going to fight this guy in the hallway? Because my R.A. duties would have to kick in and I don’t want to get the guy I’m in love with expelled from Timberland.
“Ben, I—”
“I just need to talk to him. Alone. That’s all.” He squeezes my hands. “Please.”
I nod, give the guy and Ben another look, and turn back to my room. Inside, I close the door and lean against it, listening for sounds of a fight. If I have to, I’ll lie and say the guy hit Ben first. But I’m dying to know what is really going on between them.
After a few minutes, Ben knocks on my door. I open it immediately, wanting an explanation for the third time tonight. But before I can ask him anything, Ben grabs me, scoops me up, and lays me down on the bed. His lips find mine. His kiss is hungry, urgent. I hate not knowing what’s going on, what’s causing him to act this way, but when he kisses me I lose the ability to think straight.
His hands are all over my body, frantic at first, but then he pulls back. “Promise me you aren’t going anywhere. Even if you change your mind later, promise me that right now you’re mine.”
My eyes dart back and forth between his, trying to make some sense out of the way he’s acting. “You’re really scaring the crap out of me right now.”
His head jerks back, and his eyes widen. “You’re afraid of me?”
“No. God, of course not. I’m worried about you. Whatever that was out there, I don’t want you to get into any trouble.” I rub his arm, trying to reassure him of my feelings for him.
“It’s not like that.”
“Then what is it?” I just want him to tell me. If he loves me, why won’t he be honest with me? This isn’t how I want to start a relationship with him. It’s bad enough that guy ruined the moment when we both said I love you. “Ben, please. I want to be with you, but I can’t if you’re going to keep secrets like this.”
“He’s a guy I know, and he’s a major asshole. I don’t want him talking to you.”
“So this is about you being worried about me?” Here I was worrying about him.
“Yes. I don’t want you getting hurt.” The look in his eyes overwhelms me. He seems terrified of the idea of something happening to me.
“How would he hurt me? I don’t even know his name.” Even though I should, considering he lives in my dorm.
“It’s better that way.”
“Why? How can—”
He presses his finger to my lips. “Mindy, I need you to promise me. I need to hear you say it.”
I hate that he won’t tell me the whole story, but I’ve never seen him look so freaked out. I’m going to have to let it go for now and make him tell me later, after he’s calmed down. I look into his eyes, and he lowers his finger from my lips. “I promise. I’m here. I’m yours.”
He studies my face for a moment, as if he’s committing it to memory, and then he kisses me like the world is about to end. His hands slide up the side of my face and into my hair, but they don’t stay there. They travel back down my body. One hand cups and massages my breast, making me moan and wrap my arms around him. That’s all the encouragement he needs. He yanks his shirt over his head with one hand, only letting me glimpse his naked chest before he’s back on top of me.
His lips trail down my jaw and neck as his hands continue to explore my body. My clothes are annoying me in so many ways, creating a distance between us, so I gently push Ben back. But as I reach for the bottom of my shirt, he stops me, taking my hand away and gently raising my shirt inch by inch. And with each bit of skin that is exposed, he presses his lips to my stomach. He keeps working his way up until my shirt is over my head, and he tosses it onto the floor.
He looks me in the eyes again as he unbuttons my jeans. I can’t help feeling that he’s trying to remember every detail of my face. He pauses for a moment, my jeans only partially lowered. “Did you mean it? What you said in the hallway?”
Was that the problem? Did he think because that guy interrupted us I’d had time to reconsider and take it back? Or did he think I was embarrassed that someone heard me say I love him? I know questioning him further will only make him act weird again, so I reach for his face. “I meant it. I love you, Benjamin.”
He has my jeans off and is kissing me again in seconds. I tug his jeans off, forgetting all about Mike and the girl Ben is supposed to be setting him up with. We’ll catch up with them later, or maybe I’ll just let Mike wing this one on his own.
Ben’s fingers roam across my body, only lingering long enough in one spot to drive me crazy. My head is spinning and I’m about to explode when he finally reaches for a condom, which he must have taken out of his jeans before he tossed them onto the pile of our clothes on the floor. The moment our bodies connect, Ben whispers, “I love you, too, Mindy.”
***
By the time we get to the theater, the movie is half over. Mike widens his eyes at me, like he’s going to kill me for being late, which means he wasn’t doing well on his own. So much for thinking he has game. I sit down next to him and whisper, “Sorry.”
“Yeah, well you just better be keeping track of how many times this makes.”
“I’m never late to meet you. You’re the one who usually makes me wait.”
He nods toward Ben. “Not what I meant. Don’t think I don’t know why you missed half the movie.” He leans across me to do some weird handshake with Ben.
“What is that?” I ask them. “Are you two old friends or something?” I wouldn’t put it past Mike to set me up like that. He could’ve grown up living next door to Mike and planned the entire serenading thing.
“Nah. We’v
e just talked an awful lot. Mostly about you.” Mike pretends he’s already bored talking about me.
“Whatever. You love me.” I lean across him and extend my hand to the petite blonde sitting next to him. “Hi, I’m Mindy, Mike’s best friend.” Looking closely at her, I notice she sort of looks like me. She even has green eyes like I do. The comparison freaks me out a little, and I can’t help wondering if Mike’s noticed it, too. That would explain why the date isn’t going well. He might look at her and see me.
“Kiera. Nice to meet you,” she says, shaking my hand. “Hey, Ben.”
“Hey, Kiera. Sorry we’re late.” Ben wraps his arm around my shoulders and pulls me to him. Then he leans his mouth down to my ear and whispers, “No, I’m not. That was amazing.”
I couldn’t agree more. I smile. Suddenly, I don’t care if my best friend hooks up with my doppelganger. “You know, if you can smooth things over between Mike and Kiera, we could get out of here.”
Ben arches his brow and starts to get up. “Seriously?”
I laugh, tugging him back down into the seat. “I don’t mean right this second. I was thinking after the movie. I’m guessing you planned on heading out for dessert or coffee, right?”
“That was the plan, but I like yours much better.” He winks and pulls me closer.
“Me too.”
Ben and I spend the rest of the movie cuddling and stealing kisses. We missed most of it anyway, so I see no point in trying to catch up. I’d much rather study Ben. Even though we were just together in my room, all I can think about is going back there for round two. Something about Ben makes it impossible for me to get enough of him.
His finger lightly trails from my shoulder down my arm, making goose bumps pop up at his touch. “It’s nice to know I don’t need to do much to get a reaction out of you,” he says, motioning to the bumps on my arm.
“No, you don’t.”
He smiles and lowers his mouth to mine. “Good. That’s the way I want it to be.”
He couldn’t get more perfect. Before I know it, everyone is clapping and the movie is over. We stand up, both thinking the same thing. We need to ditch Mike and Kiera.
Campus Crush Page 20