And all she could do was shake.
“Fight me off, Deborah.”
Through the fear that was choking her she spoke, “I…I can’t.”
“Yes you can. Fight me.”
“I don’t know how,” she whimpered.
“Use what you’ve got available.”
“My arms are pinned.”
“Use your head, Deborah.”
“I’m trying, damn it, but I’m scared.” Her heart was hammering in her chest like a tribal drum.
He leaned in closer, whispering in her ear, making her shiver. “Literally, use your head. Slam it back into mine.”
“But that will hurt.”
“Damn straight it will.”
“I meant me.”
“I know. You want to be a victim all your life, Deborah? Or do you want to take charge again?”
Clenching her jaw, she took a deep breath, then slammed her head back, hard, into his face. He backed off, faking a stumble. Her head didn’t hurt as badly as she’d thought it would.
“Now what do you do?”
“Run.”
“And…”
“Scream for help.”
The smile was barely visible beneath the ridiculous helmet. “Good girl. Let’s try another one.” He came at her so fast she barely knew what was happening and in the speed of a moment, he grabbed her hand and yanked her against his chest.
She quivered, her breath coming out in short pants.
“What do you do?”
“I…” Then she remembered and lifting her right foot, slammed it down on his. She yelped, jumped back hopping on one foot as she cradled the other that was throbbing severely.
“That was good, and the right thing to do, only I’m the one who should be in pain. Where are your shoes?”
“Upstairs.” She sat on the floor to examine her heel.
With great difficulty, he knelt down beside her, taking her foot in his hand. “I don’t think it’s broken.”
“I know it’s not broken but it sure as hell smarts.” It hurt worse than her head did.
“I bet. Knee to the groin might have been a better choice.” Giving her foot a good rub, he released it then in a surprising move, pushed her to the floor and climbed on top.
She was in shock, her pulse racing, her heart pounding and her vision began to blur.
“What do you do now, Deborah?”
Chapter Sixteen
The air grew so thin she couldn’t draw it into her lungs. She gasped, choked, shook then it all began to blur.
“Deborah, stay with me now. Come on, fight it. I won’t hurt you. Remember that.”
His voice broke through the fog but she just wasn’t strong enough to fight it.
“Come on, Deborah. Stay with me. Stay with me now.”
Something cool was on her face and opening her eyes, saw Zach leaning over her, his blue eyes steady on hers. He no longer wore the protective suit.
“There you are. Good to see you back.”
“What happened?”
“You hyperventilated then passed out. I brought you some water. Do you feel up to sitting?”
“Yeah…” Carefully, she sat up and saw the protective suit scattered on the floor beside them. “When did you change?” It seemed like seconds had passed to her.
“Right after you blacked out. I couldn’t work on you in the suit. Here you go. Slow sips.”
She took the glass and drank the tepid water. Feeling utterly foolish, she hung her head down as she set the glass aside. “I’m sorry.”
“You need to stop apologizing. It was a natural instinct for you to panic. That’s why I’m helping you. To change your instinct from panic to self defense. I shouldn’t have pulled that move. It was too soon.”
She wiped her eyes, rubbed her neck and thought of the last time she’d been pinned down with a man over top of her. “I should be stronger. I should be able to get past this.”
“Why?”
She blinked in response. “Because I…I just should. It’s been over two weeks now.”
“Oh, so because it’s been two weeks you think you should be over something as traumatic as what you went through? Deborah…you’re not a foolish woman.”
“No, I’m not.” She got to her feet, a little annoyed. “But I should be able to get past this already.”
“Why?”
“Because I’m better than this,” she blurted out.
“Yes you are.” He clapped his hands, drawing her curiosity. “You just made it through the first phase.”
She stared at him, her mind racing, her emotions scattered. “The first phase?”
“Not wanting to be a victim.”
She pursed her lips, thinking about it. “How many phases are there?”
“It all depends on the person and the severity of their atrocity. With you, I’m thinking we have a long road ahead of us.”
“Oh…” she dropped back down on the floor and began to sob. She felt him sit down beside her and when she opened her watery eyes, noticed the box of tissues he’d set between them. She took one, blew her nose, took another and wiped her eyes. “I just want it all to go away.”
“It will never go away. It will always be a part of you, but it’s up to you to find a place to put it. Do you want it to rule your life, or do you want to rule it?”
“What’s the point in trying if it’ll never go away?”
“Then you’re allowing him to win.”
She sniffled, took the glass of water. “He won the moment he captured me.” She gulped it down to sooth her burning throat.
“Thinking like that will only make you weaker.”
“I am weak,” she hissed, setting the glass aside. “If I wasn’t weak he wouldn’t have been able to grab me, tie me up and nearly ra—” The word caught in her throat, jamming everything down until she coughed out a sob.
He took her in his arms, stroked her back and let her cry. “Let it out, Deborah. Let the bad air out.”
Her throat ached with the pain she cried out. Her chest burnt and her belly rolled. She remembered how she’d felt, tied to the bed, her bed, how the ropes had cut into her wrists, how his hands had felt on her bare flesh.
“I’m going to be sick.” She darted up, running for the washroom and made it just in time. When she’d spilled the contents of her stomach into the porcelain, she sat back, resting against the cool tub. Zach was right there with a cold cloth and another glass of water. “Thank you.” She rinsed her mouth, then sipped the water slowly.
“Feel any better?”
She set the glass down on the floor, nodded. “No,” she sighed.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
She looked up at him. His blue eyes were so sincere she felt herself sinking into them. And she felt herself letting it out. “It’s not considered rape because he never penetrated me. That’s what the courts said. He sexually assaulted me but didn’t rape me, but if Bruce hadn’t come in when he had…the creep would have taken it further. And because he had no prior assaults on record, he was released on bail.” She took another sip of water to wash down the rising bile.
“Our justice system is more than flawed,” he said with deep raw anger.
“That’s an understatement.” She took a deep breath before continuing, “I see him, in my sleep, when I’m awake. I feel his hands on me, in me. I taste him, all the time. He’s inside of me despite what the courts say.”
“Then are you ready to push him out?”
She closed her eyes, drew in a deep breath before opening them. “Yes.”
“Good.”
***
Zach stepped out of the elevator to find his bar quiet. Checking his watch, he was surprised to
see it was after three in the morning. It should be quiet, considering it was closing. He found his employees sitting at the bar, enjoying a nightcap.
“Your usual, boss?”
“No, tonight. I think I’ll indulge a little. Glass of Chardonnay please, Wade.”
“Coming right up.”
Zach took a seat on one of the barstools, looking around the room as Ginny came up beside him. “Busy night?”
“And then some. Where’s Deb?” Ginny asked, her eyes darting around the room.
“Sleeping on my sofa. We had a rough session. She’s fine…now,” he reassured Ginny when her eyes went wide. “Can you cover the next week, J.J?”
The curvy redhead nodded, setting her martini on the counter before replying. “I could use the money.”
He knew she could, being the only one to support her mother and pay for her care in a nursing home. “Great to know. Did you get a hold of Kat, Wade?”
Wade slid the glass of wine over to Zak, shaking his head. “I’ll try her again in the morning. She’s probably out with Nick for the weekend.”
“We’ll need her in for the rest of the week. Anyone see Simone in here, let me know.”
“Will do, boss.” Wade acknowledged. “Is she going to be okay?”
“She had a setback,” he informed after a sip from his wine. He didn’t want to get into all the details.
“That’s too bad. She was doing so well,” J.J. sighed.
“We all know what it’s like to falter. She’s going to need our help.”
“We’ll be here for her, boss,” Wade stated with a tip of his head.
“Good. Now, any casualties this evening?”
“My feet.” Ginny lifted her bare feet, wincing. “I ran a marathon tonight.”
Taking her feet, Zach rested them on his lap and began to rub them. “Soak them in some baking soda and sprite and they should be as good as new.”
“Where do you get these remedies?” she sighed in delight.
“Do they work?” he asked, still rubbing her feet.”
“Well…yes, still…baking soda and sprite?”
“Trust me. How are we doing on supplies?”
Wade pulled out the log book. “We’re running low on O neg and B pos.”
“Must have been a busy night.”
“Beyond. Word on the street is that the law lifted the midnight curfew for the weekends. That should bring in more customers.”
“I guess we should be ready.” Sliding off the stool, releasing Ginny’s feet, Zach gave a nod to his employees. “Cleaning crew should be here in an hour. Go home and get some rest then do it all again tomorrow.”
“Zach …wait up.”
He waited for Ginny as she hobbled towards him. “Sensible shoes for the next few days,” he instructed.
“You’re telling me. How is she, really?”
He stopped at the elevator, resting his shoulder on the steel doors. “Drained. She let a lot out tonight. Do you know the name of her abductor?”
“Yes.” She narrowed her eyes at him.
“Can I have it?”
“I’m not sure that’s such a good idea.”
“I merely want to investigate him.”
“I know.”
“I can get it myself, I just thought I would try getting it from you first. Go home, Ginny and get some rest.”
“What about Deb?”
“She’ll be fine where she is for tonight. I’ll see to it. Rest your feet.” When the elevator doors opened, he stepped inside, saluting Ginny as the doors closed.
Nothing bad was ever going to happen to Deborah again.
Not as long as he had his way.
Chapter Seventeen
Deborah woke to unfamiliar surroundings and for a brief moment was panicked by it. Then her eyes and her brain began to focus and she realized she was in Zach’s living room, on the sofa. There was a soft chenille blanket covering her which smelled fresh and rather floral. The lights were low, not so dark that she couldn’t make out her surroundings and as she rolled over, she saw Zach sitting across from her.
“I didn’t want you to wake up afraid.”
She wiped under her eyes imagining she looked like a raccoon since she’d had no time to remove her make-up and lord almighty she’d been crying before she fell asleep. She probably looked atrocious.
“Did you sleep well?”
He got up from his chair to walk to the kitchen. With his back turned to her, she wet her fingers and did her best to scrub under her eyes. “I…think so. What time is it?”
“Nearly seven.”
“In the morning?” When he turned around, a glass in his hand, she yanked her hands down and tried to look nonchalant.
“In the morning. You look fine, Deborah.” He handed her the glass then sat directly in front of her on the coffee table.
“I’m sure.” He was polite to tell her otherwise though. She looked down into the glass and saw it was orange juice. “Thank you.”
“Anytime. How do you feel?”
She drank a little before responding. “Like someone sucked the life out of me.”
“Understandable, considering…”
She rested the glass on her lap, staring down into it as she spoke. “I cried like a baby for most of the night.”
“You’re not a baby, Deborah. Would you like some eggs and toast? Or I could make pancakes if you’d rather?”
“I should get back to Ginny’s—oh man, she’s probably worried sick about me by now.”
“She knows you slept here. If you’d like, you could take a shower while I prepare breakfast.”
“You don’t have to bother.”
Reaching out, he cupped her face in his palm. “It’s no bother, Deborah.” Releasing her, he stood. “You’ll find everything you need in the washroom. Towels are in the cabinet to the left, toiletries to the right. How do you like your eggs?”
“Scrambled.” She didn’t know what to make of his touch but she did know one thing, it gave her a warm sensation she hadn’t felt in a long time.
“Scrambled it is. Enjoy your shower.”
He took the glass from her with one hand and held the other out to her. Relenting, she took it and let him help her to her feet. As he walked to the kitchen, she headed to the washroom to shower. Stepping up to the threshold, Deborah stared at the closed shower ahead of her with a great deal of reluctance to move forward. She knew she was being silly; still…she couldn’t bring herself to step forward.
“You’re in control, Deborah. Remember that,” Zach called out annoying her that he knew she was standing in the doorway and not moving forward.
She was in control…yet she still couldn’t bring herself to move forward. “This is stupid,” she mumbled to herself. Then she drew in a deep breath and took the first step…then the second…and third. She was in the room. Staring at the closed curtain hiding what was inside, Deborah felt her pulse speed up and her heart began to hammer.
She couldn’t do this.
Spinning around, ready to run, she came up short when she saw Zach standing behind her.
Before she could say anything, he walked past her and yanked the curtain open. Saying nothing, he smiled as he left the room.
Feeling like an utter fool, she stood there a moment.
“Small steps, Deborah,” his voice trailed off.
Small steps. Sure. Now she had to get up the nerve to close the door and close herself in the room. No problem.
She turned to leave, unable to do the simple task of showering with the door closed. At least at Ginny’s she could leave the door open. She couldn’t very well do that here. Besides, she could wait until she got back to Ginny’s to shower. It was no big deal.
You�
��re letting him win.
She closed her eyes, drew in a deep breath and turned back to the room. He wasn’t here. She was safe here. He would not be waiting for her on the other side of the door when she was finished showering. Taking another deep breath, she closed the washroom door.
And she laughed.
Disrobing, she stepped into the shower and started the water.
Zach had a variety of shampoos, conditioners and body soaps, all rather feminine. It made her wonder about the woman he’d escorted home and wondered if she was his girlfriend. Of course she was. They seemed very close. Intimately close.
She showered quickly, lathering her body and hair wanting to be out of the room as soon as possible. She rinsed off, and stepped out of the shower…and realized she’d forgotten to grab her change of clothes.
With a heavy sigh she wrapped the towel around her body then cautiously turned the door knob.
She could do this. She was better than this. She was stronger than this.
Thrusting the door open, she saw her change of clothing folded neatly on the floor. Grabbing them, she closed the door, drew in a deep breath, then dressed. She brushed her hair, ruffled it up a little with her hands, and wished she’d brought her purse into the washroom so she could at least apply some mascara. Oh well…
Once again she opened the door cautiously, her heart pounding, her pulse racing. She could hear dishes clanging, smelled the eggs and coffee and focused on that rather than the fear that her abductor might be hiding in any one of the bedrooms across from her.
Racing from the room, she hurried down the hall then slowed her steps as she came to the living room.
“Breakfast is ready.”
“It smells great. Thank you for putting my clothes by the door.”
“You’re welcome.” He turned with two cups in his hands and a tilt of his head.
“I know…I’m not wearing make-up. I have some mascara in my purse. I’ll just grab it and—”
“You look perfect without it. I was just noticing the color in your cheeks. It looks good on you. What do you take in your coffee?”
Shiela Stewart - [Darkness 08] Page 10