“No. It’s okay, I don’t need it.”
“I know. But you’ve earned it.” He winked at her.
Did he really think of her like that? Was he buying her like a prostitute? “No,” she insisted. “Take it back.”
He looked at her and shrugged. “Spend it, save it, throw it in the trash. It’s up to you.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “Next week, dinner. Somewhere nice. Tell you what. We’ll go Mexican. I know you enjoy a bit of Mexican.” He smiled at her and left the apartment.
Chapter Sixteen
The next day, Katie caught up with her on her way into work. “How’s it going? Did you get anywhere with Ed?”
Ruthanne laughed. “Yes, I did actually.”
“He’s great, isn’t he? So, you’re going down the whole secret filming route?”
Ruthanne nodded, keeping her voice low. “Yes. In fact it’s all happening already. Daniel came over last night.”
“And you filmed it?” Katie exclaimed. “How did it turn out?”
“I haven’t watched it yet,” admitted Ruthanne. “I couldn’t face it last night.”
“And Ed is going to edit it as well?” Katie asked.
Ruthanne nodded.
“So how much is he charging you?” Katie asked.
“Nothing. It’s free.”
Katie laughed. “He told me he’d charge you a bit less if he liked you. He must like you a lot. The stuff he does doesn’t come cheap.”
“He said it was a favor for you for everything you’ve done for him.”
“I haven’t done anything. Except just introduced him to the love of his life by the sound of it. You’d better invite me to the wedding. “
“Don’t be silly. Once he sees these films he’ll be running a mile.”
“I don’t know,” said Katie. “That was one reason I thought of Ed. Apart from the fact he’s my buddy and he’s Ed the editor, he’s also into the scene. I hear he can be pretty hardcore himself. I wouldn’t worry.”
Ruthanne was dying to ask more but the lift opened and they were at their floor. There were too many people around and Katie rushed off to talk to someone else.
The words kept going through Ruthanne’s mind all morning. “He can be pretty hardcore himself. He’s into the scene.”
Was she into the scene? Was this what people would say about her now? “Oh Ruthanne, she’s a sub, she’s into the scene.” Was she?
She liked some of the games Daniel played. She liked the way he pushed her and made her do things she perhaps secretly wanted to do. After all she’d been letting him have his way with her for months—months in which she’d done things she’d never done with any man before. She wasn’t just dazzled by his money and his status and his own sense of self-worth. She actually enjoyed it. She had to. She kept going back for more.
And the main reason she kept going back, she had to admit, was because she’d never experienced orgasms that powerful, that intense and overwhelming at any other time. But she had to end it with Daniel. She didn’t trust him and she didn’t even like him very much anymore.
After Mexico she felt he was capable of anything. Mexico. Had she really had two men at the same time? Had other men, other strangers, been watching? She shuddered at the thought. The man’s lips, his tongue, his mouth on her and the way she ground herself against him, crying out, wanting it. She had thought it was Daniel but of course it couldn’t have been.
Daniel just wouldn’t kiss her or touch her or pleasure her like that. But he would stand there and watch while another man did it. He would delight in the knowledge that she didn’t know that she was letting a stranger dip his head between her legs and lick her until she came.
Daniel would watch Jose Luis entering her, thrusting into her while Daniel was coming in her mouth. He would enjoy that. And she had enjoyed it and Daniel knew and she hated him for that. It was really wrong and she would never have agreed to it. And Daniel should never have done it.
It was the worst breach of trust there could be. And if he hadn’t done it—if it was all an elaborate double-bluff, one of Daniel’s mind games—that made no difference to the way she felt. She knew he was capable of it and if he hadn’t done it yet he would do it one day, one night. Even though she felt a flicker of arousal whenever she thought about having two men at once or about other men watching her, she knew it must never happen again.
Daniel had to go but maybe Ed would be a good replacement in more ways than one. He was clever, he was kind, he was into her and if Katie had her facts right he was “pretty hardcore.”
What would it be like to do that stuff with someone who really liked you, loved you even? Just because she wanted to be rid of Daniel it didn’t mean she had to leave behind that kind of sex too.
That night she made herself watch the film—or films, as there were so many cameras all taking different angles. She focused on the ones from the front room, the camera in the TV and the one on in the air freshener. They gave clear views.
Even though the lights in her front room weren’t that bright, the image quality was good as the cameras were designed to work in all conditions. She skipped forward until the part where she was on the coffee table. If she could show Ed that she could show him anything.
As she found the right place in the tape and pressed play, an image of her lying back on the table was clear on the screen. She drew in a sharp breath. Seeing herself like that—she looked like someone you might see in the darker recesses of the internet. It was hard to believe it was her. The ripped clothes, the spreader bar, the handcuffs—it all looked so intense.
And Daniel moving around her body with purpose and elegance like he had done this so many times before. Why did she let him do it? Because there was a part of her, a part of her she had never known was there before Daniel that wanted it, that needed it, that liked it.
When he started forcing the huge dildo into her she closed her eyes. It looked obscene. She couldn’t watch. She focused on the audio, on her pleading with him not to put it in her and his insistence that she would take it, that he would strap her down and force it in.
She flicked forward again to the part where he said he liked to see her struggle. She listened again—he said he liked to see girls struggle. That was even better. That showed that he was always doing this kind of stuff. She watched the screen, taking in the details of the cuffs, the bar, the holes cut in her bra, the clamps and chain and Daniel’s tone of voice and wondered how it would look to someone else.
Anyone would think he was a monster if they saw this—and that she was totally depraved. Is that what would Ed think? Would he be shocked how quickly she had agreed to Daniel’s demands? How she had let him cut her clothes, expose her, put clamps and chains and cuffs on her and then force the biggest dildo she had ever seen inside her and whip her until she came? What would Ed think of her? Surely he wouldn’t still want her?
Her phone rang. It was Ed. Embarrassed even though she knew he couldn’t see anything, she paused the tape.
“Hi, Ed,” she said, suddenly shy.
“Hey you. How are you?”
“Good, fine.” She wondered why she felt so awkward. She caught a glimpse of herself on the screen her head back and Daniel positioning himself to enter her mouth. That was why.
“Have you got anything on tape yet? Did it work?”
“Yes. He came round here last night and I got it all.”
“Have you watched any of it back yet?”
“I was just starting to.”
“What’s the quality like?”
“Okay. You can see who it is pretty clearly and what he’s doing.”
“And the sound?”
“Good, clear.”
“Can you hear everything he says?”
“Yes.” And more. The panting, the moaning, the crying out, the screams of “I’m coming I’m coming.”
“Good. All good. So do you think there’s anything we could use against him?”
We. She liked t
he sound of that. She was part of a team now, part of…she didn’t want to say couple. She didn’t want to tempt fate, not before he’d seen what she had done with Daniel.
“I think so. There’s a bit where he kind of threatens me, another bit where he says he likes watching girls struggle.”
“Sounds promising. Don’t go enjoying yourself too much, though,” he warned. “I still want you to dump him.” He laughed but Ruthanne wondered if she could hear real worry in his voice.
“Are you still free on Saturday and Sunday?” he asked. “Two dates, you remember?”
“Yes,” she said.
“Great. I’ll see you on Saturday.”
He gave her directions to his studio and instructions on how to unplug and carry the receiver.
She hung up, hoping that Ed would be able to stomach what he saw, hoping even more that it wouldn’t change the way he thought about her. But how could it not? Who would show a film like this to a new prospective partner and expect them still to be interested? Someone on the scene, she thought. Someone who was “pretty hardcore” might like it. Would Ed like it?
That night she dreamed of Ed, of Ed acting out Daniel’s role, of Ed cuffing her and making her kneel in front of him, of Ed tying her to the bed.
But then he brought Daniel into the room and Daniel pushed himself into her mouth and she tried to stop him, wanting Ed instead. Then Jose Luis appeared and forced himself between her legs, his penis looking huge, thrusting into her while Daniel was in her mouth. Somehow Ed was still spanking her, telling her off for letting Daniel and Jose Luis near her.
It’s not my fault, she was saying, despite Daniel in her mouth but he kept spanking her with a paddle on her bare behind. She woke up hot, the bedclothes tangled round her, feeling anxious but aroused at the same time.
She slipped her hand between her legs. In her dream she’d been so close to coming. She closed her eyes and touched herself again, trying to think her way back into the dream, remembering the sensations of being spanked, focusing on Ed touching her, imagining her fingers were his.
She pinched her clit, rubbing it, a finger each side of it, then all four fingers flat across the top of it. She wanted Ed. She wanted him to do things to her, things Daniel hadn’t even done. Her hand moved faster and she pictured all three men pleasuring her, spanking her, forcing her to take their enormous cocks in her mouth, between her legs.
She rubbed harder and faster, imaging three pairs of hands pulling and pinching at her, touching her, squeezing her nipples and rubbing her clit, spanking her and using her. And then she was coming, the pleasure intense and she cried out in the night. Then the images faded and she was left with just Ed’s face, smiling at her like he did when he was about to kiss her.
She drifted back to sleep.
Chapter Seventeen
Saturday seemed to come around too soon. She wanted to see Ed again but she didn’t want him to see the tapes. And he wouldn’t just see them. She knew from what he’d told her about the editing process that he’d watch them again and again, cut bits, re-edit them together and then do the same with the soundtrack.
One way or another he would spend hours and hours and hours looking at and listening to her having sex with another man. And not just ordinary, everybody-does-it sex but sex that involved pain, humiliation, suffering and her doing things she would never ordinarily do. Even if that was the reason she liked it.
She got ready to go, the receiver in her bag. She checked her hair again and reapplied her lipstick. She straightened up the apartment even though she was going out. Then she went to the mirror again. Her hair still looked fine, her makeup was fine. It was time to go but all she could think about was what Ed would think when he saw her doing those things with Daniel.
She almost called him to tell him she wouldn’t come, not to bother waiting for her at the studio. She would learn to edit herself and put something together. But that would be too hard and then she pictured Ed’s face, his disappointment, his sense of rejection. No. He would be on his way to the studio already, waiting for her. She closed her eyes and breathed deeply. It would be okay.
He opened the door to his studio, looking tall, scruffy and rough around the edges but all that disappeared when he smiled—when he looked at her with those big green eyes.
She smiled at him and followed him inside. “I’ve brought a picnic.” She started getting the food out of her bag, telling him what she’d bought, the words tumbling out.
Then she spotted the coffee brewing in the tiny makeshift kitchen. “I’ll pour us drinks.” She carried on, finding mugs, a spoon, sugar. But her hand was shaking and the coffee slopped over the side of the mug. She stared at the mess like it was a huge disaster, not a little spill of coffee and a tear rolled down her cheek.
“Hey, hey,” said Ed. “What is it?”
“Nothing. I’m just being silly.” She started looking for a cloth to wipe up the spill, not wanting him to see her face.
He reached out and took her hands, making her be still. “Now.” He looked down at her. “What’s wrong? “
She shook her head.
“Is it me? Do you want to leave?”
She shook her head again, still not wanting to talk.
“Is it Daniel?”
She nodded.
“Look, this is your easy way out, the way to get rid of him without any comeback. That’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”
“But it isn’t an easy way, is it? There is no easy way out. Because of the tapes, because…” she started then felt her throat closing up. Don’t cry, don’t cry, your nose will go red and your makeup will go everywhere. But she couldn’t help it. Her eyes filled and the tears rolled down her face.
“You feel nervous about me watching them.” He grinned. “I suppose it is a bit unconventional to spend a date watching tapes of one of you making out with someone else.” He was still smiling. “But like I said, Ruthanne, it will be nothing I haven’t seen before, really. Stop worrying.”
“But it’s me,” she said, not knowing how to explain it without seeming as though she really cared what he thought of her.
“True. I haven’t seen that before. But as to what you’ll be doing, well nothing will shock me. Or put me off you. Now come sit with me and let’s get this over with. The sooner I see you naked and crawling around on the floor begging him to whip your behind the better.”
She laughed, the tears still wet on her face, knowing he was joking, hoping he realized how close to the truth he was.
He put his arm around her and led her firmly out of the kitchen and to the old squashy sofa in front of a projector. Next to it was a long desk with a lot of techie equipment and an office chair. She could see another room through a window. She sat down on the sofa.
“Now you sit there and I’ll get things set up. Then we’ll watch together and if you get too embarrassed you can close your eyes.”
He fiddled with the projector and the receivers. “So,” he said, businesslike. “Where do we start? Hall cam? Bedroom?”
“Hall,” she said. “Then front room.”
He found the feed from the camera in the smoke alarm in the hall and an image flashed up on the screen.
Relieved, she saw that the picture was odd, just showing the tops of their heads and it wasn’t clear what was happening. But the voices were clear. She could hear the way he was almost bullying her and the satisfaction in his voice when he said “you’ll be punished for that.”
“Bingo,” said Ed. “That’s what we need. More of him saying stuff like that.”
The images from the hall cam went blank for a second and then stopped.
“Okay.” Ed got up again. “Which camera now? There were a couple in the front room. How about the one from inside the TV?”
She nodded. It didn’t matter. Whichever view he saw it would be the same—the same images of her begging Daniel to carry on, being abused and whipped until she came.
“So where were you mainly?” he said
, as if they were just chatting about anything.
She hesitated.
“You know, while you were doing the deed? Where in the front room were you?”
“The back of the sofa first, then the coffee table.”
“Good,” he said.
She looked at him.
“For picture quality. If you’d spent half the night cowering in the corner we wouldn’t have much to work with.”
He flicked between the feeds, locating the right ones. He forwarded the TV cam slightly then paused it. On the screen she could see Daniel leaning forward, then ripping her blouse open. A moment later he was cutting her bra.
“Good image.” Ed looked at it closely. “Good resolution and if we cut it right it’ll look like he tears open your blouse then comes at you with scissors like he’s thinking about cutting you. And we can keep that in,” he said as Daniel’s voice came out of the screen saying “like you’ve just been attacked.”
“Perfect. Nice look by the way.” He grinned as the tape continued and her nipple and breast were clearly visible through the hole in her bra.
“Thanks,” she said, not sure she meant it.
“No really.” He was watching the screen carefully. “I’d love to take you shopping for some kinky clothes, some stuff you could wear for me in the bedroom.” He stared at the screen then turned slowly to face her. “Oh god. I said that out loud, didn’t I? Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize.” She smiled at his embarrassment, her tears dry now. “I might like that.”
He grinned at her and turned back to the screen. “So things are getting interesting. I’m gathering,” he said, turning his head and leaning in to the TV, “that you have some kind of device connected to that remote he had.”
“Yes,” she said. “Two actually. “
“What were they?” Ed tried to sound casual but his voice was getting a little huskier.
“Love eggs. He could turn them on and off. And another one, a bullet thing, which was in these panties that I wore.”
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