“From your point of view, I can see that,” B.J. responded, remembering when his daughters were Erika’s age. “But from a parent’s position, it’s not so easy to reveal something this major to their kids. My daughters are very sensitive and even more so since their mother’s death. As their father, it’s only natural that I want to protect them from any kind of pain, especially news as serious as this.”
“I can understand that,” Jan interjected. “If I was in your position, I’d have a hard time tellin’ Star about my illness.”
B.J. sighed, picking up a pencil lying close by and tapping it on the table. While the room went quiet again, and B.J. thought about this a bit more, he realized what he must do and came to a final conclusion. “You know, Erika, maybe you’re right. I probably should have told my children. No matter how you look at this, it’ll be distressing all the way around. Some days I feel ready for the outcome of this, but when it comes to my children, I’m not ready to say good-bye. Even though I don’t know how to easily handle it when I go home, I plan to break the news to my daughters.”
“Psalm 46:1 says, ‘God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble,’” Emma said, her eyes tearing up. “He will give you the strength that you need to tell them, and we’ll certainly be praying for you.”
B.J. gave a slight nod. “Thanks, I appreciate what you said.”
As Noreen sipped her tea, she reflected on all that B.J. had shared. Just because she felt vengeful, was it right to keep the truth from him about his and Judy’s son? Was it fair to Todd not to let him know about his birth father and mother?
But if I tell B.J. or Todd, what good would it do? she wondered. If B.J. really is dying, what’s the point in revealing the truth? They would no more than get to know each other, and B.J. would be gone. Maybe it’s better if I remain quiet about this.
Noreen’s gaze came to rest on the zippered pocket of her purse where she’d put her husband’s ring. She couldn’t help wishing Ben were here now to tell her what to do. He’d always had a way of knowing what was best and had set Noreen straight many times when her feelings ran amuck. But Ben wasn’t here, and Noreen knew she had to make this decision on her own.
“B.J., do you feel up to continuing with the class today?” Emma asked. “You look awfully tired. Maybe you should go back to the place you’ve been renting and rest.”
“Better yet,” Lamar interjected, “you should go to the hospital or clinic and be checked out.”
B.J. shook his head with a determined expression. “I came here to complete a wall hanging, and no matter how rotten I feel, I’m going to get it done.”
That man is so stubborn, Noreen thought. But then, I guess most men have a determined spirit when it comes to getting something done. For a minute, when B.J. had first announced that he was ill, Noreen wanted to say that he deserved it. But her conscience quickly reminded her that it was wrong to think such thoughts, and pity for the man took over.
“If you need help with your quilting, I’m here to assist,” Emma said, smiling at B.J. before she got up to open the curtains wider, letting more sunshine into the room.
“I appreciate that,” he said with a nod.
Noreen could see by B.J.’s pained expression that he wasn’t feeling well. I think he’s trying to put on a brave front, but B.J. shouldn’t even be here today, she thought. I hope he goes home to his family so they can take care of him.
Star felt relief when she pulled up to the Millers’ house and saw no cars. She and Dad could take off on his bike and do something together. While she’d been driving around by herself, Star had discovered that Sarasota had a zoo. Thinking it would be something fun for her and Dad to do, she’d waited until shortly after noon, when she was pretty sure the quilters would be gone, to return to Emma and Lamar’s.
After parking her dad’s bike in the driveway, Star removed her helmet and sprinted up to the house. Guess I’d better change into some shorts. Maybe I’ll work on my tan while Dad and I are walking around at the zoo.
When she stepped inside, Star found Emma and Lamar in the kitchen, eating lunch.
“You’re just in time to join us. There’s ham and cheese for a sandwich.” Emma motioned to everything set on the table. “Let me get you a plate.”
Star shook her head. “I appreciate the offer, but I’m hoping Dad and I can go to the zoo today, and I thought we’d catch a quick bite on the way. I just need to change into something a little cooler. It’s really warming up out there.”
“I’m sorry, Star, but your dad’s not here,” Emma said. “He and Kim decided to take her dog for a run on the beach.”
“You’re kidding, right?” Star mumbled. Then seeing their serious expressions, she realized that Emma was telling the truth. “That’s just great! Dad didn’t even have the decency to tell me he was going.”
“Jan didn’t know this morning,” Lamar spoke up. “I heard him and Kim talking about it during class. Guess it was something they decided to do on the spur of the moment.”
Star frowned. “Well, he could’ve at least called and let me know. Seems like he cares more about Kim than he does me.”
Emma left her seat at the table and gave Star a hug. “I’m sure that’s not true, dear. I know from the things Jan’s said that he loves you very much. He’s a different person now that you’re back in his life.”
“He has a funny way of showing it,” Star said as she walked over to the window to look out. With her chin sticking out stubbornly, she turned back to the Millers and said, “Believe me, I get it. This change in Dad has nothing to do with me.”
“I’m not making excuses for Jan,” Lamar said, “but the two of you will be leaving soon, and he probably wants to spend as much time with Kim before then as he can.”
“Whatever.” Star turned away, struggling not to give in to the tears pushing at the back of her eyes. “That Kim!” she fumed. “She’s ruining everything. I should have known better than to come here to Florida, thinking I’d have Dad all to myself.”
“Aren’t you going to join us for lunch?” Emma asked as Star moved toward the door.
Star shook her head. “No thanks. I’ve lost my appetite.” Without saying anything more, she rushed out of the room. For two cents I’d book a plane ticket today and head back to Indiana. What point is there in waiting to ride home with Dad, anyways?
C
HAPTER 35
Jan laughed as Kim’s dog darted into the surf, chasing a couple of seagulls. “I’ll bet if my Brutus was here now, he’d be right in there with Maddie, havin’ the time of his life.”
“I’ll bet, too,” Kim said. “It would be fun to get our two dogs together sometime,” she added.
Jan nodded. “Why don’t we take a seat over there?” He motioned to the only wooden bench on this stretch of beach. “As long as Maddie doesn’t stray too far, you should be able to keep an eye on her from there.”
“Sounds like a plan.” Kim followed Jan to the bench.
As soon as they sat down, he reached over and took Kim’s hand. “I know it hasn’t been that long since we first met, but I feel like I’ve known you for a long time.”
She smiled. “Same here. I’ve felt it from that first day we ate lunch on the beach together.”
Jan swiped at the sweat on the back of his neck, feeling nervous all of a sudden. “I really enjoy being with you, and I think if we had more time…” He stopped talking and drew her into his arms for a kiss that took his breath away. How was he ever going to say good-bye to this woman who had stolen his heart in such a short time? He couldn’t ask Kim to give up her job and move to Shipshewana, and he couldn’t give up his business and move here.
“Our friendship doesn’t have to end after you leave,” Kim said when the kiss ended. “We can keep in touch through phone calls, text messages, and e-mails.”
“The phone calls I can do,” Jan replied, “but I ain’t that computer savvy, and my cell phone’s just the basic kind, so I can’t
send text messages, either.”
“After I’ve worked at the restaurant long enough to get some vacation time, maybe I can make a trip to Shipshewana to visit you,” Kim said.
“I’d like that.” Jan bobbed his head. “And I’ll come back to Florida to see you again, too.”
Who knows, he thought, maybe after Kim visits Shipshewana she’ll like it there well enough to stay. She could always get a job at one of the restaurants in the area. Jan didn’t voice his thoughts, though. He figured it would be better to wait until she visited and saw whether she liked it there or not. Maybe Kim was thinking the same thing and would suggest that he move to Florida.
It was hard not to let his thoughts run away with him, but he decided to keep these things to himself for now. Nonetheless, Jan couldn’t stop himself from wondering what it would be like if he were married to Kim. Would she be okay with the small house he lived in? Would their dogs get along? Could Star accept Kim as her stepmother?
I wonder if my neighbor Selma would like Kim? Jan mused. Selma was hard to please, and it had taken him awhile to win over the elderly woman. But paying for her to take one of Emma’s quilt classes had done the trick. Ever since then, she’d been sweet as cotton candy and had even brought Brutus a few doggie treats.
“Say, isn’t that Erika Wilson over there?” Kim asked, breaking into Jan’s thoughts.
He turned and looked in the direction she was pointing, where a teenage girl sat in a wheelchair with larger-than-normal wheels—apparently made for use on the beach. A man was crouched in the sand beside her. “I think you’re right, Kim. That does look like Erika. I’m guessin’ that’s her dad with her.”
Kim smiled. “I’m glad to see her here. From some of the things Erika has said during our quilting classes, it doesn’t sound like she does much for fun.”
“Now you’ll have to admit,” Dad said, grinning at Erika, “it feels pretty good to be here on the beach.”
She grimaced. “Going to the beach might be fun if I had two good legs and could play in the water or run through the sand. Instead, I’m just sitting here wishing for something I can’t have.”
“While it’s true that you can’t run or walk anymore, you still have your senses of taste, smell, hearing, touch, and sight. Unlike that group of children over there,” Dad said, gesturing to his right.
Erika turned her head and was surprised to see that the children Dad was referring to were holding on to a rope. “What are they doing?” she asked.
“Looks to me like those kids are blind. See that young man over there? He’s leading them down the beach, using the rope so none of them wander off.”
Erika’s eyebrows shot up. “If they’re blind, why would they come to the beach? I mean, they can’t see the color of the sand or watch the waves.”
“That’s true,” Dad said, “but they can smell the sea air, hear the roar of the waves, and listen to the call of the gulls overhead. Those children can also feel the warmth of the sand beneath their feet, as well as the breeze coming off the gulf.” Dad smiled. “Just listen to the sound of their laughter. It’s obvious that they are having the time of their lives.”
Erika reflected on that. She watched as one blond-haired little boy tugged on the rope to get everyone to stop. The child couldn’t have been more than six or seven years old, yet he seemed thrilled to share with the others what he’d felt beneath his feet when he shouted, “The sand feels warm!” Then bending to pick something up, he turned the item over and over in his small hands.
From where Erika sat, she could see that it was a seashell. The young boy continued holding the shell and turning it every which way. He seemed to be using his fingers to touch each part of it. Then he said something to the little girl next to him and passed it over to her.
Erika watched as the girl, with dark hair full of curls, held the shell and became familiar with it, just as the young boy had done. She even held the shell up to her nose, apparently smelling it. Then she passed it on to the next child in line, and each one did the same, until all the children had taken a turn holding, touching, and smelling the shell. The last boy held the seashell up to his ear and said something to the rest. Then the children passed the shell around again, and this time, everyone held it to their ear.
Erika was impressed watching all of this and realized that if the sightless children could enjoy their time on the beach without seeing, than she could do the same without the use of her legs. “Guess maybe I need to appreciate things more and quit feeling sorry for myself,” she murmured. “At least I can see how beautiful it is here, where some of those poor kids may never have seen anything in their lives.” Erika couldn’t imagine what it must be like to have never experienced the gift of sight.
Dad took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. “Now that’s the old Erika talking.”
Erika glanced down and noticed something in the sand below her footrest. She repositioned the wheelchair and reached down to pull a seashell out of the sand. It reminded Erika of a snail-like creature she’d seen on a cartoon years ago. The dull white on the outside of the shell couldn’t compare to its interior of smooth light pink. On one end were rows of little spikes that decreased to a smaller single point.
Erika ran her fingers over the surface, and then she held the shell up to her ear, just as the sightless children had done.
Dad looked at her and smiled.
She grinned back at him. “It’s a great day to be alive and here on the beach.”
“You look miserable, honey. Is there something I can do to make you more comfortable?” Randy asked as he and Jennifer sat on the couch watching TV.
“Not unless you can make the baby come early.” She placed both hands on her stomach and leaned slightly forward. “I feel top heavy, and it’s hard to find a comfortable position anymore. My back is just one big ache.”
Randy rubbed the small of Jennifer’s back. “Your due date’s still two weeks away, so it’s probably best if the baby doesn’t come early.”
She sighed deeply. “You’re right; I’m just anxious for her to get here.”
“So am I, Jen. And I’m thankful I have a job now, because I was beginning to think I would never find one.”
“I knew you would, but I’ll admit I was worried that we might go under financially. I was beginning to think we might have to move back home and live with one of our parents.”
Randy shook his head vigorously. “I would have borrowed the money from my brother, Fred, before even considering moving into my parents’ home. Dad’s health isn’t good, and the last thing they need are three more mouths to feed.”
She nodded slowly. “My folks aren’t much better off—not with having kids still living at home.”
Randy clasped her hand. “We don’t have to worry about that now. Thanks to an anonymous donor, our baby has everything she’ll need.” He realized now that his pride had gotten in the way when he’d first lost his job, but the evening they’d had the Millers for supper had made him see things in a different light. Talking with Lamar had helped Randy’s attitude improve, and now that he had a job, things looked more hopeful for him and Jennifer than they had in a long time.
“Yes, we have much to be grateful for. I just hope and pray that when our little girl is born she’ll be healthy and that the delivery will go smoothly.”
“Don’t be nervous,” Randy said, hoping to relieve her anxiety. “I’ll be with you through the whole process.”
“I’m thankful for that, because I don’t think I could do it without you.” Jennifer paused and tipped her head. “What was that?”
“What was what? I didn’t hear anything.”
“It sounded like someone stepped onto our front porch.”
Randy listened intently. Sure enough, there was a thump, followed by the sound of footsteps.
“Guess I’d better go see who it is,” he said, rising from the couch.
Randy opened the door just in time to see a young Amish woman running away fr
om the house. He glanced down and noticed a box of food on the porch. Cupping his hands around his mouth, he hollered, “Hey, did you leave this box on our porch?”
The young woman kept going, until she climbed into the passenger’s side of a car parked down the street.
Randy squinted. She looked familiar—like one of the Amish waitresses he’d seen at work. But if it was her, why would she leave a box of food on their doorstep?
He bent down, picked up the box, and stepped back into the house. If he saw the Amish waitress at the restaurant when he went to work on Monday, he would ask if she was the one who’d left the food.
C
HAPTER 36
B.J. yawned as he lay curled up on the couch. Today had been tiring, and he’d done nothing but rest since he got home from the quilting class this afternoon. Exhausted as he was, B.J. felt somewhat relieved that he’d let slip to the other quilters how cancer was slowly robbing his life. He hadn’t felt that way at first, but after thinking things through, he’d come to realize that keeping his illness to himself had done him no good. Telling the quilters about it had sort of prepared him for giving the news to Robyn and Jill.
B.J. had left the Millers’ today without saying anything more to Noreen and had given up asking her anything about his and Judy’s son. She either didn’t know the whereabouts of the boy or didn’t want to tell him. As difficult as it was, he had to accept her choice.
Guess it shouldn’t really matter, he told himself. With the way my health is failing, even if I did know my son’s whereabouts, I doubt I’d have the energy to go see him. It’ll take all my strength just to get on a plane and return to Chicago, where my daughters are waiting. Maybe I should ask one of them to come down here and accompany me home. It’d be easier than trying to make it on my own.
B.J. rolled from his side onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He’d had a good life with Brenda, raising their two beautiful daughters, and he was grateful for that. He’d also been blessed with grandchildren. Why then, did he feel the need to meet the young man who might never have been told about his biological father?
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