by Judi Fennell
Bryan stood up, hiked Maggie up under her arms, and tossed her above his head.
Beth had never heard a sound so sweet as Maggie’s laughing shriek.
“Do it again!”
Well, maybe that was just as sweet.
Bryan did it again. And again. And again.
He did it so much that tears of laughter were running down Maggie’s little cheeks.
Tears of a whole different kind were running down hers.
“Aw, don’t cry, Mommy. Bryan won’t hurt me.”
Beth knew that. She also knew he just might break her heart if she let him.
He glanced over with a worried expression. “Beth?”
She bit her lip and shook her head, clearing her throat to get the words out. “I’m fine. It’s fine. Go right on—” She waved her hands and ran into the kitchen, mumbling something about dinner.
There was no dinner to see to. She hated cooking. Hated the planning and the preparing and the cleanup and who liked what and who had what practice and, oh God, she was going to fall apart again.
Beth gripped the edges of the countertop by her sink and sucked in a couple of ragged breaths. She should be over this by now. Or, at the very least, have a better handle on it, but the word daddy had the power to set her back eight hundred and eighty three days in one fell swoop.
It wasn’t fair.
“It’s not fair. I know.” Bryan echoed her thoughts as he walked into her kitchen.
Beth glanced over her shoulder at him. It also wasn’t fair how composed and put together and perfect he looked as she stood here, hunched over with bloodshot eyes she was sure, trying to catch her breath and still her racing heart while putting on a brave front for the kids.
“You don’t have to be so brave.” He was behind her now. “The kids will be okay. I know. I’ve been there.”
That’s right. She remembered something about him being raised by his grandmother. But he’d only carried his loneliness. She was carrying the kids’ and hers. It was too much to bear. Too big of a burden. These past two years . . . She’d gotten through them; she hadn’t lived them.
“Beth.” Bryan’s hands skimmed up her arms. He squeezed her shoulders gently. “It’s okay to break down once in a while.”
“No it’s not. I can’t.” Her voice came out a hoarse whisper, but at least it came out.
He put some pressure on her shoulders and the next thing she knew, she was in his arms. Surrounded by him, his arms wrapping around her, safe and tight and blocking out the crushing pain in her soul. And when he pressed her face into his shoulder, when he gave her the permission to lean against him, it was almost her undoing.
She hadn’t been held like this . . . since Mike. And she’d been carrying the burden ever since. The lone parent. The lone source of income. The only thing standing between her children and destitution or not having a family. Instability. She had to hang on. Every single day. There’d never been a respite and, oh God, it was hard. So hard to bear all the responsibility.
“Maggie’s okay, Beth. She’s going to be okay. All of you are.” His words were soothing and so were the soft strokes against her hair.
Beth drew in a ragged breath and clamped her eyes shut, allowing herself to feel the warmth. To accept his comfort. If only for a few short moments, she needed this. Simple human contact and compassion. So easily taken for granted and so very much missed when it was ripped away by the fickle nasty whim of fate. Or sheer winds on an icy runway.
“It’s okay, Beth. It’s okay.”
No it wasn’t, but she wasn’t going to argue with him. For this moment, now, here, she was going to take this from him.
She clutched the sides of his shirt, not quite willing to wrap her own arms around him, but she hung on. She buried her face into his shoulder, inhaling the warmth and scent of him. It’d been too long since she’d smelled that masculine scent. Too long since she’d felt strong arms around her, the tickle of his arm hair on her skin, the taut hardness of his abs against hers, the breadth of his shoulders harboring her from all the pain.
God, he felt good. So good. Too good.
Beth inhaled. One last time. That was all she needed. Just a moment more. A moment to compose herself. To settle her world back into its rightful order. Bryan didn’t belong in that order and she couldn’t forget it. He was being kind. Compassionate. Anything else she turned it into would just be foolish. But she’d always be grateful to him for this moment.
Another deep breath and she pulled back. “Thank you.”
She cleared her throat and sniffed, thankful she hadn’t gone all blubbery on him. It was one thing to allow a guy to comfort you, another to turn into a dishrag while he was doing so. Especially since the guy—for all she’d seen of him on screen and heard about him around town—was essentially a stranger.
But this stranger slid a hand beneath her hair and cupped her cheek, tilting her face to look into his. “It’s okay, Beth. I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I do understand what Maggie is. She needs her mom to be there for her and you’re doing a great job. She’s always going to miss him, but as long as she knows you love her and are here for her, she’ll be okay. But don’t forget to allow yourself to grieve, too. To feel the pain. You don’t have to be a rock all the time.”
He was right, she knew that, but the reality was that she could only be so strong and if she let her guard down, it might not come back up.
She licked her lips and swallowed, trying to rein in her careening emotions. “Thank you. For this. For . . . that. Tossing her. I didn’t know she missed it so much.”
“And you’re not supposed to. You do other things for her. Don’t forget that.”
She worked a smile onto her face. Probably not her best, but then she wasn’t exactly at her best right now. Probably had blotchy red cheeks and eyes brimming with tears and, hell, her nose was probably running. “I won’t. Thank you.”
He looked at her a little longer, his green eyes searching hers, his fingers tightening just a bit on her scalp, then he took a quick breath and let her go. “You’ll be okay.”
She would. The question was, when?
• • •
BRYAN didn’t know how he managed to get out of there without embarrassing himself. He’d been this close to offering her comfort of another sort but sanity had reared its head and saved them both the awkwardness of that. Jesus. What was wrong with him? Okay, so she wasn’t married, but still. A mother. Of five. Suburbia. And harboring a boatload of emotions for her dead husband that, even if she was ready to move on, would have him triple-thinking it even if he was interested in starting something with her. Which he wasn’t. Not really. Sure, his body was all set to go, but Beth Hamilton wasn’t made for a casual fling. Her kids certainly weren’t and Bryan had been in their position. Knew what they were going through. The man who came into Beth Hamilton’s life had better be not only prepared to take on five kids, but ready, willing, and able to do so. He was able, but the ready and willing parts? Not quite.
So he walked out of her kitchen, met all the kids’ friends, finished his job for the day, and left the domesticity behind. He ruffled Mark’s hair on his way out, gave the high sign to Tommy, returned Jason’s nod, and gave Kelsey the Manley smile that would make her the envy of all her friends, his good deed for the day.
Beth stood at the front door with Maggie on her hip, waving as he pulled out of the driveway. Okay, so maybe the nod to Kelsey was his third good deed of the day.
Those deeds felt good. Not that that was why he’d done them. He’d heard the pain in Maggie’s voice and it’d reached into his soul and twisted. He hadn’t had anyone to toss him in the air. Hadn’t had anyone to show him how to make a tree fort or mow the lawn or fix the bathroom sink when he’d leaned on it a little too hard. Life was tough enough; without a dad, it was even tougher.
Get off it already, Manley. You are not the kids’ father.
Yeah, he knew it. Prided himself on not being a
nyone’s father. Not until he was good and ready. And that meant a bank account hefty enough to cover any eventuality and a woman who’d be on board with his crazy lifestyle.
Chapter Five
WHERE’D you learn to do that?” Tommy asked for the sixth time since Bryan had arrived.
“I bet it’s from a movie,” said Mark. “I bet you were a supersecret agent who pretended to be a maid so he could learn the bad guy’s plans, right?”
Bryan grabbed the wrench to turn the nut on the sink drain. “Right now I’m fixing the plumbing, guys, not cleaning.” Yeah, it was semantics, but the meaning was important to him. He didn’t want the guys to think this was a maid’s work. It was plumbing, completely different.
Yeah, his masculinity was driving that sentiment. Sue him. Thankfully, Beth had taken him up on his handyman offer. He had to tell Mac—it’d be that extra something to set her company apart from her competition.
“Can you hand me the bowl? There might be some water in this trap and I don’t want to end up wearing it.”
They handed him a pink bowl. Covered in pictures of little white kittens.
So much for his masculinity.
Luckily for his ego, he managed a clean separation of the trap from the wall pipe with minimal leakage, directed the boys to hand him the new trap, and showed them how to replace it. Little fingers couldn’t close the PVC nut tightly enough, so he made a few last-minute adjustments after they extricated themselves from the tight confines of the cabinet, the boys none the wiser that they hadn’t done it all.
“What are you going to teach me, Bryan?” Maggie stood in front of him as he sat up from the uncomfortable position of lying partly in the cabinet and the bottom half of him on the kitchen floor.
His back hurt like a son-of-a-bi— “What do you want to learn, Maggie?”
“Mommy says girls should know how to change a tire. Can you show me? ’Cause she doesn’t know how.”
“Maggie, Bryan isn’t here to do everything. I’ll have Grandpa show you how to do it,” Mommy said.
Maggie wrinkled her nose. “Grandpa smells funny,” she whispered to Bryan. “And he’s not our real grandpa, so I don’t see why you can’t show me.” Maggie tapped his nose, then spun around to face her mother. “No thank you, Mommy. I want Bryan to do it.”
Bryan got to his feet, wincing at the twinge in his back. Those stunts in Sri Lanka had pushed him almost beyond his limits and he was paying for it now. “It’s okay, Beth. I don’t mind. And if you don’t know, I could show you, too. You’re right; it’s something everyone should know, not just guys.”
“Can we learn?” asked Tommy.
“I already know how.” Mark crossed his arms.
“Do not.”
“Do too.”
“Do not.”
“Do t—”
“Guys.” Bryan stepped between them. “Ten minutes. Driveway. Tire-changing lesson. Anyone who wants to learn, be there. Or don’t call me when you get a flat. You’ll have had your chance.”
He strode out of the kitchen, flicking Beth on the chin as he passed. “That means you, too, cupcake.”
“Cupcake? Did he call you cupcake, Mommy? That’s silly.” Maggie giggled.
Bryan wasn’t giggling. He’d said it to be flippant, but, yeah, Beth was as sweet and tempting as a cupcake. He wouldn’t mind licking icing off her, either.
He took a deep breath and headed for Jason’s room. Nothing like teenage-boy grunge to put his hormones on hold.
• • •
BETH reached for the kitchen chair once Bryan walked past her and sank into it. Cupcake. She ought to be offended. Disgusted. But all she could think of was Bryan licking icing off of her, one long, slow lick at a time.
“You feeling okay, Mommy?” asked Tommy.
“Yeah, you look kinda funny.”
That’s because she was having a hot flash and she didn’t mean the menopause kind. Hell no. Bryan Manley could set her hormones buzzing with one glance, start them boiling with a word, and incite an inferno with a touch so insignificant that it shouldn’t even be called insignificant.
“I’m fine, guys.” Though that term was relative. “Why don’t you go round up Kelsey and Jason? They could both use this lesson as well, since they’ll be driving in a few years.”
Wow. Thank God she was already sitting because that thought would have knocked her legs out from under her. Jason driving. He’d have to cut his hair first or he’d never pass the vision test. They frowned upon a kid having to look sideways and up from beneath his hair to drive.
Her baby driving. Wasn’t it just yesterday that she’d brought that squalling bundle of energy home from the hospital? She and Mike had sat on the sofa with Jason between them and stared at each other, petrified out of their minds. What had they been thinking? They’d practically been kids themselves, yet there they were with the infant they’d created.
It hadn’t gone too badly. It’d been chaos at first, a little more when Kelsey had come along, but by the time the twins were born, they’d found their rhythm. They were a good team. So when Maggie, the “oops,” had arrived, she’d fit in seamlessly. Then fate had struck.
Beth inhaled and shoved the nightmare aside. The family counselor she took the kids to every few weeks—and who she saw on a few others—said not to dwell on what ifs. That what ifs got you nowhere. This was their reality and living in La-La Land would only do more damage than good.
Still, it was nice when she was alone to imagine what could have been. If Mike hadn’t picked up that flight. If the weather had held off even a few more minutes. If they hadn’t been late leaving the gate. There were a whole bunch of variables that had put him on the tarmac at that moment and any one of them could have changed the outcome, but the reality was, none had. Everything had conspired to put Mike and his passengers and crew at the wrong place at the wrong time, and she and the kids had to deal with it.
Still, life really sucked sometimes.
• • •
THE six of them gathered round Bryan’s truck in her driveway, paying attention as he showed them where the jack was, how to set it up, how to remove the lug nuts and change out the tire. The twins wanted to climb in the tire well to see the truck’s “guts,” but Bryan yanked them out by their waistbands before they could.
“You could knock out the jack, guys, and the truck will fall on top of you. Remember, safety first. And never change the tire next to oncoming traffic. It’s not worth the risk.” He looked at Kelsey. “What do you do if that happens?”
Beth had to bite her lip to keep from laughing at Kelsey’s rapt expression. She doubted her daughter had understood a word of what Bryan had said. Since he’d arrived, Bryan’s movies had shown up on the DVR schedule to be recorded and there’d been a flurry of googling on the family room laptop. Beth knew who’d done that.
“Um, call someone?”
“Exactly. Who?”
Kelsey twiddled her hair and looked up at Bryan from under her lashes. “You?” She held out her cell phone.
Beth wanted to groan. Bryan Manley was not the guy for Kelsey to practice her feminine wiles on.
Beth on the other hand . . .
Bryan, bless him, chuckled softly, took Kelsey’s phone, and programmed something into it. “No. You call your mom. She’ll call a roadside assistance company.” He held up the phone. “This says ICE. In Case of Emergency. Emergency responders look for this in your phone, so you want to make sure you have your mom listed as your contact.” He handed the phone back. “Any questions? Jason?”
Jason shook his mop. Beth wished he’d cut it, but she kept her mouth shut. There were fights she needed to have with her son and there were ones she didn’t. His hair fell under the Didn’t category, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t hope.
“No, I’m good.”
“Glad to hear it.” Bryan flipped the tire iron over. “Your turn.”
Jason’s face turned white beneath the mop. “My . . . my what?”
“Your turn. You’re going to change the tire.”
“But . . .”
The twins started giggling and imitating Jason’s stutter—
Until Bryan put a hand on their heads and tilted them back to look at him. “And when he’s done, you guys are going to do it.”
“But we don’t know how,” said Tommy.
“That’s what we were learning, dufus,” said Mark.
“Good,” said Bryan. “Then Mark, you can show Tommy how to do it when Jason’s finished.”
Kelsey, wisely, kept her mouth shut.
But Bryan wasn’t kidding. He made each one of them—all six of them—change a tire. Even Maggie, but that was more to make her feel a part of the crew as much as the rest of them. She did look awfully cute sitting on Bryan’s knee as she helped him crank the lug nuts with the tire iron.
And after six reviews, Beth was no longer surprised that she knew what a lug nut and tire iron were.
“Okay, then.” Bryan set Maggie on her feet and stood up. “Anyone have any questions?”
“Yeah,” said Tommy. “Can we learn how to change the oil, too?”
Kelsey and Jason groaned and Mark cuffed his twin on the back of the head. “You’re a dufus.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
“Am not.”
“Are too.”
Bryan shook his head and laughed, leaving the two of them there to duke it out verbally, and held out a hand toward the house for Beth to precede him. “I hope that was okay with you.”
“The lesson? Why wouldn’t it be?”
“I don’t want to overstep my bounds, but since all the kids were here, I figured it was as good a time as any for them to learn. They’ll probably forget, but it might come back to them should they ever need it.”
“I don’t have a problem with it. It was a good idea. Thank you. Not that I ever want to change a tire. I do have roadside assistance on my insurance, but it can’t hurt to know what to do just in case. And the kids really appreciated it, I think.”
“They will if they’re ever stuck. It gives them some comfort in knowing they can handle a flat tire if they need to. Make them feel more confident about going places.”