by Ashlee Price
Ingrid, what have you done?
Turning on the faucet, I roll up my sleeves and wash that sad look off my face with a handful of water—only to see the marks on my wrists.
I rub them, frowning.
I should have known the night would end the same way since it started the same way—with drinks and a walk through a corridor with strange paintings. Like before, I should have turned back when that voice in my head told me to. Like before, I should have kept my mouth shut and bolted. Like before, I should have resisted Conner, or at least fought harder instead of allowing myself to be seduced into surrender, to be swept away by that devilish mouth that has miles of experience on me and those wicked fingers.
Like before…
I turn off the faucet and step out of the bathroom, grabbing the overflowing laundry hamper in the bedroom. I’m supposed to bring it to the laundry room in the basement of the building so I can wash and dry the clothes like I do every Thursday. Instead, I stop just behind the front door, setting it down and backtracking to slump on the floor against the counter with my hands clasping my hair in frustration.
Why the hell did I make the same mistake last night that I made six years ago?
Alright, maybe I’ve told myself I would no longer think of that first night as a mistake, because someone as wonderful as Alexa came from it. But last night clearly was.
Why?
I thought I’d be wiser by now, stronger. Hell, I’m a mother now. I’m freaking thirty years old.
The first time I faltered, I blamed it on the alcohol and my virginity and maybe a suspicious substance. Last night, there was no such substance, I barely had any alcohol, and I definitely no longer had my virginity.
What’s your excuse now, huh, Ingrid? And no, don’t say it’s because you haven’t had sex for the past six years.
Letting my hair go, I pull my knees to my chest, letting out a breath to blow away the strands that have fallen across my face.
Alright. Maybe that was a factor. But that’s not an excuse, not a good excuse by any measure nor a valid one, not for having sex with Conner again or for getting swept away by that whole BDSM thing again.
Frankly, I don’t know which is worse.
What is with me and BDSM? Why do I somehow end up getting tangled up in it? And why do I end up enjoying it? Do I really like being spanked that much? Is it because I wasn’t spanked as a child?
I bury my face in my arms.
Letting him spank and cuff me was humiliating enough. Getting turned on from the spanking and the cuffs—that’s sick.
Am I sick?
Maybe I am. I feel sick. My stomach is a mess. My head is a mess. My heart is a mess. My body still feels sore. I don’t even know how I managed to bring Alexa to school.
It’s a good thing Conner isn’t around. He’d be fawning over me, and I don’t need that right now. The ride back home last night was unbearable enough.
I’m not ready to face him yet.
A knock on the door jolts me out of my thoughts. I lift my head and my feet slide across the floor as my arms fall to my sides and panic seizes me.
Don’t tell me he’s back already.
“Ingrid? You there?”
My shoulders sink in relief. It’s just Janine, the brilliant, geeky home-based computer programmer who lives two floors above me. And I mean she lives there; she barely gets out, which is convenient because she’s usually available to babysit Janine when I need her to, like last night. She also happens to be my best friend. We’ve bonded through our struggles—mine with being a single mom, hers with living in the real world. Not that she’s anti-social. She just… doesn’t like most people, or so she says.
“Come in,” I tell her, knowing she has a key.
If she’s here, it must be important. Besides, I can’t deny I need a bit of company other than Conner’s right now.
Keys rattle, and seconds later the knob turns and the door opens—knocking down the hamper and sending its contents spilling across the floor.
Janine hurriedly picks them up. “Oh, I’m so so—”
She stops as her eyes find me, eyebrows bunching up.
“What are you doing there?”
I shrug. “Talking to myself. Well, more like beating myself up.”
“You sure look beaten.”
Janine walks over to me, offering me her hand. I grab it, but since I barely have an ounce of energy to lift myself and my body is too heavy for her petite frame, my hand slips out of hers and I fall back to the floor.
“Ow.” I rub my backside, which is still bruised.
“Are you okay?” Janine asks, offering both hands this time.
I take them, getting up slowly. I walk to the couch and sit down. She sits beside me, tucking chocolate-brown strands of hair behind her ears before pinning her hands between her thighs.
“Care to tell me what happened?”
I look at her, saying nothing. It’s not that I don’t want to tell her. It’s just that I don’t know where to start.
“Let me help.” Janine moves closer to me. “Does it have something to do with the man who’s been staying here?”
My eyes pop.
“I know you haven’t told me about him,” she goes on. “But I couldn’t help but notice the men’s clothes in Alexa’s bedroom and the aftershave in the bathroom. Plus, Alexa keeps talking about him. Conner, am I right?”
I nod.
“So, new boyfriend? Not that I remember any old ones.”
“No,” I refute the suggestion immediately.
Janine lifts her hands as she leans back. “Okay. Not boyfriend. So…”
I sigh, facing her. “I’m sorry I haven’t told you about him. I wasn’t trying to hide him from you or anything.”
She waves her hands. “No apologies required.”
“The truth is, he’s…” I take a deep breath.
Janine makes a rolling motion with her hand, urging me to continue.
“He’s Alexa’s father,” I blurt out.
“What?” Janine stands up, her jaw dropping.
I nod. “Yup.”
“But I thought you said…”
“He’s dead. I know that’s what I said, but it’s not true. Conner is Alexa’s father.”
Janine sits down. “Okay. What else should I know about him?”
“That he’s a journalist like me. That he works for The Dallas Times, the paper I used to work for before moving here. And that we met while I was working there.”
“And why did you break up?”
“Well, technically, we weren’t ever together. It was just… a one night stand.”
“Wow,” Janine gasps. “I seriously never saw that coming. No offense, but you don’t strike me as a one-night-stand kind of girl.”
“I’m not,” I tell her. “It was unintentional, an assignment that went all wrong.”
She nods slowly. “I see.”
“After that, I moved out of Dallas. I didn’t even know I was pregnant, and when I found out, I didn’t even think about telling him. I stayed with my mom until I gave birth and… you know the rest of the story.”
“Not the most recent events. Why is he here?” Janine glances around. “Why is he staying here?”
“He’s here in Boulder because of a job offer, the same job offer that was made to me.”
“What? So the two of you are after the same job?”
“Yeah.”
“That still doesn’t explain why he’s staying here.”
“He found out about Alexa,” I explain. “He wanted to be in her life and he just looked so earnest about it that I couldn’t refuse. I mean, he does have a right to get to know her and let her get to know him.”
“Okay. So he’s here to get to know her?”
“Also because he has no place to stay here in Boulder.”
“Convenient.” Janine stands up, leaning against the counter.
“We also decided to work together so that one of us would get the job. W
hoever wins, Alexa wins.”
“Ooh. You’re a team already.”
“I wouldn’t call it that.”
Are we?
“But Alexa doesn’t know, does she?”
“Nope.” I shake my head. “And please don’t tell her. Conner and I will tell her when the time is right.”
“Of course.” She rests her elbows on the counter. “So, what is the problem with him exactly?”
“I hate him,” I confess.
“No you don’t,” Janine disagrees. “If you hated him, you wouldn’t have let him stay here with you.”
“Alright. Maybe I don’t anymore, but I still haven’t forgiven him for what he did to me all those years ago. He stole my story.”
And my virginity to boot.
Janine gasps. “He didn’t.”
“He did. It was the story about Damien Shore. A big one. It was what led to him being in jail.”
“Wow. What can I say? He’s a jerk.”
“I know, and yet he’s not all that bad. He’s a good father, and…”
“Wait a minute.” Janine returns to the couch. “You’re in love with him.”
I gape. “What?”
“That’s why you were beating yourself up. Because you’re in love with him but you’re not supposed to be, or at least you don’t want to be because of what he did to you.”
I blink, unable to believe she put it all together just like that. Still, I have to admit it makes sense.
“You know, sometimes I forget you’re a genius and then you say stuff like this and I remember.”
She snorts. “I’m not a genius. You know what’s going on. You just don’t want to admit it.”
I sit up, an idea sinking in.
“Wait. I’m in love with Conner?”
Janine nods. “You definitely are.”
I get off the couch and walk around the coffee table. “No, that’s not what’s going on.”
“You sort of just admitted it.”
“No.” I shake my head. “I’m not in love with him. I never have been and never will be.”
“But you want to be. And yet you don’t want to be.”
I place my hands on my hips. “Now you’re not making any sense.”
“Have you slept with him?” Janine blurts out the question.
My eyebrows dart up. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me.”
“Of course. That’s how Alexa was born.”
“That’s not what I’m talking about.” Janine places her knee on the couch, her arm on its back. “I mean since he got here.”
I start pacing the living room. “If you’re asking if we’ve had sex here in this apartment, the answer is no.”
“But elsewhere?”
I sigh. This is what I get for having a perceptive best friend. Then again, I suppose that’s why she’s my best friend.
“Okay.” I stop and look at her. “We did it. Last night.”
“Any details?”
I think about telling her about the BDSM thing but decide against it. Even best friends are entitled to secrets from each other.
I shake my head. “That’s all you’ll get.”
“Okay. I’ll take it. And I’m guessing you regret it now, which I don’t really understand. He’s Alexa’s father. You don’t hate him. I’m guessing he’s attractive…”
“Very.” The word just comes out of my mouth.
“Okay. He’s very attractive and you’re both single. You have a kid together. What’s the problem again?”
I shake my head some more. “This isn’t going to work.”
“Aren’t you even going to give it a chance?”
“No. I don’t need this. I don’t want this.”
“You’re sure?”
I run my hands through my hair, pursing my lips.
“You don’t look like you’re sure,” Janine says.
“Listen. The first time was never supposed to happen. Now, I know Alexa came out of that, and I’m forever grateful, but my life still got messed up. That’s what Conner does—he messes my life up. I don’t need that.”
“But what if he loves you?” Janine asks, standing up.
I snort. “No way. This is a man who doesn’t fall in love. He sleeps with women for stories, for Christ’s sake.”
“Like we said, he’s a jerk. But that doesn’t mean he can’t fall in love.”
Conner? In love? I can’t even imagine it.
Yes, he smiles at me, and he gets this look in his eyes when he’s looking at me, but that’s not love. That’s lust. Or maybe fascination. Whatever it is, it’s not love.
Janine stands in front of me. “Do you maybe not want him to fall in love with you because that would mean you’d fall in love with him?”
I raise my hands. “You know what? I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It was a good talk, but it’s starting to get nonsensical now, and… Let’s just stop, okay?”
For a moment, Janine just looks at me. Then she nods. “Okay. Fine.”
I smile. “Thanks.”
She grabs her bonnet, which is on the armchair. “I forgot this last time. I just came back for it.”
“Okay.”
She wrings it with her hands. “So, just for the record, what are you and Conner right now if you’re not in love?”
“Colleagues,” I say. “Professionals who are working together on a story.”
“Right. And what story is it, exactly?”
“A love story,” I answer without thinking.
“Right.” Janine nods. “I rest my case.”
I sigh. “Janine…”
She raises two fingers in the air. “You said you wanted to stop.”
I cross my arms over my chest. “You just had to have the last word, didn’t you?”
She gives me a sheepish grin as she holds the doorknob.
“I’ve got to go. See you when I see you.”
“Not if I see you first,” I respond as I usually do.
As soon as she’s gone, I pick the laundry up, tossing it back in the hamper.
Well, that conversation was… confusing. I’m just going to pretend it didn’t happen, just like I’m going to pretend last night never happened, which was what I intended to do the first time I had sex with Conner, except I couldn’t because I had Alexa.
This time, I will.
And I swear if Conner brings it up, I’ll punch him.
~
“I punched him,” Conner relays as he eats a sandwich, having returned to the apartment shortly after lunch.
“You punched a man?” Alexa’s eyes grow wide as she pauses in the act of eating her own sandwich.
I cover her ears. “But what did your friend say? Why did he… point us there?”
“He said he didn’t know what it was and he seriously believed Ed was going to be there.”
“And you believed him?”
“No.” He takes another bite off his sandwich. “That’s why I punched him.”
I nod. “Serves him right.”
Alexa glances at me. “Are you done? Because my ears are hurting.”
“Sorry.” I take my hands off her ears.
“Another friend of mine said he knows something about the lead Ed might be pursuing, though,” Conner adds.
“No.” I shake my head. “No more spying.”
“We weren’t…” He takes a deep breath. “Okay. Fine.”
“I should focus on finding my own leads and pursuing them,” I say.
“Oh, speaking of which, this other friend of mine might have something for you.”
My eyes narrow. “What?”
Conner takes a business card out of his pocket and hands it to me.
“Unpetty,” I read the word at the top of the card. “What is this?”
“Apparently it’s a new business that opened in Colorado Springs just a few weeks ago,” he tells me. “It’s supposed to be this place where you can spend a day with your pets or arrange play dates with other
pet owners. It’s owned by a couple, both award-winning dog show handlers. They competed against each other a lot but somehow fell in love after one of the worst dog shows ever. Or so my friend told me.”
“And this friend of yours isn’t lying this time?” I ask.
I had to.
“She’s more trustworthy.”
“Oh, she’s a she, huh?”
“Ingrid…”
I cut him off. “I have to say the story’s got potential. At the very least, my curiosity is piqued.”
“And Colorado Springs isn’t far,” Conner says. “We can give them a call now and maybe arrange an interview for tomorrow?”
I look at the business card in my hand once more, then tap it with my fingers. “Sounds like a plan.”
Chapter Eleven
Conner
“We never planned to open this business,” Eliza Richards says as she strokes the long-haired white cat curled on her lap. “Just as we never planned we’d fall in love. Then again, nobody really plans on falling in love, do they?”
She turns to her husband seated in the wicker chair beside her with an adoring smile, and he returns it while stroking the tabby cat on his own lap.
They’re both in their late thirties, Eliza with a platinum blonde bob that has not a strand out of place beneath a crimson beret and Jack with darker curls and black earrings. Both are wearing matching calico silk scarves.
They’re seated right across from us in the closed gazebo in the middle of the garden of their pet haven. Outside, snow is falling softly past the glass.
“I guess not,” I answer as I sit back, elbows falling on the armrests of the chair.
Beside me, Ingrid says nothing, a somber expression on her face.
I frown. It’s not like her to be so silent during an interview.
“Would you tell us how the two of you met?” I proceed.
“You’ll never guess.” Eliza holds her husband’s hand. “It was at a pet shop. I was looking for a new collar and so was he. And we both went for the same thing.”
“I saw it first,” Jack teases.
“You did not,” Eliza protests. “Anyway, it’s like… serendipity, right? Except they happened to have two pieces, so we got one each. But while we were waiting for them to get the other from the stockroom, we started chatting and we were just so attracted to each other that we decided to go somewhere together afterwards, since we both happened to have some free time. We had dinner, went to a bar after, got a little drunk…”