“Bullshit.”
I looked back over at her, raising both brows. “Excuse me?”
“Bull. Shit.”
I took another slow pull of vodka, watching her as I did. I’d never seen my sister look down at me the way she was now. It made me feel even more ashamed of myself than I already was,
“Enlighten me, what, exactly, is bullshit, as you so eloquently put it?”
“Everything you just said,” she said. She waved her hand at me. “All of this. This, I don’t give a shit, attitude you’re trying to give off especially.” She walked toward me and damn if I didn’t want to retreat a bit. My little sister looked fierce, her green eyes bright with anger.
“You can try and tell me that Chloe wasn’t different all you want, but I know for a fact that you never sat back here on Sunday morning, drinking a bottle of vodka over any of your other lays. What you felt for her was real. And I don’t understand why you would ruin it the way you did.”
My head dropped as I fought back the emotion clogging my throat. Clearing it, I looked back at her and decided it was better just to be honest with Cat. Otherwise she’d never let me be.
“It was bound to happen anyway,” I said. “This wouldn’t have lasted forever, and it would just hurt more if I’d let it go on. That’s what caring for someone does to you, it hurts you.”
Cat shook her head disbelievingly. “You screwed everything up so you wouldn’t get hurt? Well, guess what, Kyle? It happened anyway. You’re so blind you can’t even see that the only one hurting you is you. And on top of it all, you hurt one of the sweetest people I know. I hope you’re fucking proud of yourself.”
She didn’t wait for my reply either, turning to walk back inside the house. It seemed everyone wanted to chew me up and spit me out. Fuck. I was not in a good place. I took another swig, wondering how much longer it would take to get me drunk enough to pass out. Anything to ease the pain.
It took me two weeks to work up the nerve to pick Cat up from school again. Dad was constantly back and forth at the hospital during that time, so luckily he had offered to grab her instead. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was more than relieved.
I didn’t know how I would feel seeing Chloe again. It actually scared the shit out of me. Every night I dreamt of her, and every morning I had to wake up to face the reality that I’d royally screwed everything up.
Mom was coming home today though, so Dad had asked if I could grab Cat. There was no reasonable excuse I could give to get out of it, so now I sat in front of the school, waiting for my sister.
I gripped the steering wheel when the bell rang, as if holding it tightly enough would keep me from getting out of the car and going to her when she came out. I’d done the right thing ending things, I reminded myself.
Sure, I’d been miserable the past two weeks, and my own sister wouldn’t talk to me, but I still knew it was better this way. Chloe would find some guy in college, who was as nice as she was, and who wouldn’t break her heart.
And if he did, I’d break him.
I snorted. As if she’d accept any help from me. Not likely. My palms started to sweat as more people came out.
I don’t know if Dad dropped Chloe off too. I never asked, but I knew she wouldn’t get in my car. Or maybe she would, I thought, unease slithering through my stomach. What if she was over me? What if I’d been struggling and she was past everything?
The memory of the look in her eyes that day told me it was unlikely. No, there was no way she’d let me drive her home. Which meant she’d either have to walk, or ask one of these young morons to drive her.
I didn’t like either of those options.
How was I going to convince her to let me drive her? I spotted Cat’s strawberry blonde hair as she made her way toward me.
My mouth went dry. Would Chloe even look my way? What if she didn’t acknowledge me at all? It would hurt, no doubt. But maybe I needed it.
The look on Cat’s face told me she was less than happy to see me there. She got in the car, dumping her bag on the floor and immediately twisting to get her belt on.
“Hello to you too,” I tried.
Nothing.
I wasn’t used to this - the silent treatment. Cat and I never fought. I mean, we did, obviously, but never so badly that she wouldn’t speak to me. I had no idea how to fix things.
My eyes went back to the crowd, skimming over each face to find the one that haunted my dreams.
“What are you waiting for?” Cat snapped.
“Look at that, she does know how to speak.”
“Ha. Ha. Can we go please?”
I went to drive away, but I couldn’t. Not until I saw her. At least for a second. My eyes scanned the faces outside the school, like a man starved. But I couldn’t find the face I so desperately wanted to see, those strange eyes that wouldn’t ever look back at me the same way again.
Cat huffed with annoyance. “What are you waiting...” I heard her suck in a breath, which made me give up my search to look at her instead. She was staring at me with a mixture of outrage and disbelief.
“What?” I asked.
“I can’t believe you’re actually sitting here watching for her,” she said with a shake of her head. “You broke her heart and you’re seriously hoping to what? Give her a ride home like you did before? As if everything was completely normal again?”
I shifted in my seat, unable to meet her eye. “I didn’t say that.”
“You don’t have to. I can tell.” She looked away with a short laugh. “You’re unbelievable, you know that? Let’s just go home.”
I tried again, but I still couldn’t seem to make myself drive. “How will she get home then?”
“It’s not your concern.”
“Damn it, Kitty. Stop giving me this fucking attitude. I just want to make sure she has a safe way home.”
Her eyes flared. My sister was seriously scary sometimes. But I was scarier, and we both knew it. Even Cat didn’t like facing my anger and it was starting to slowly boil.
“You don’t have the right to care about her safety. You lost that when you threw her away like a piece of trash. Why don’t you go ask Hilary if she wants a ride home instead?”
I slammed my palms on the steering wheel. “Enough! Just tell me someone else has her, and we can go.”
Cat turned away from me, her shoulders stiff as she stared out the window.
“Cat,” I said warningly.
“I don’t know,” she bit out.
“What do you mean?”
She turned back to me, her eyes now brimming with tears even through her anger. “I don’t know if someone has her since she’s gone.”
What. The. Fuck?
“What do you mean gone?” I forced out. The air I’d been breathing was sucked out of the car.
“She’s gone, Kyle. She left the same Monday after you dumped her.”
No. That wasn’t possible.
“Where did she go?”
“California with her dad.”
I looked out the windshield in a daze, guilt and a sense of loss eating at my insides.
“For how long?” I asked.
“The rest of the school year. That’s it,” she said, sniffling. “She’s gone for good. All because of you.”
I flinched. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel, needing something to hold me in place. I felt as though the ground was about to open up and swallow me whole.
This couldn’t be really happening. Sure, I had broken things off, but I had fully expected to still see her around. Those moments were what was going to get me through not actually being able to touch her and be with her. I never expected...
“Can we please go now? I’m done talking to you about this,” Cat said.
All I could manage was a stiff nod before finally driving forward.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry,” I said.
Cat sighed. “I know you are, Ky.” We drove the rest of the way in silence.
29
Chloe
Nine Months Later…
I didn’t want to think of it as me running away. But that’s exactly what it was.
Moving to California with my dad was the only thing that had made sense to me at the time. As much as I knew I’d miss Cat, there was just no way I could handle seeing Kyle.
So I’d told my parents I wanted to stay together while Dad was in California. While at first they’d seemed suspicious, I’d finally convinced them I missed having Dad around, and that I was okay moving again. If they’d noticed that day that I had been crying or upset, neither had said anything.
Cat and I had both cried over the phone when I’d told her, but I think she had understood. My heart was broken, and it would never be able to heal if just the sight of Kyle ripped it apart again and again.
When I’d gone in early Monday morning to get my records for my new school, I’d run into Hilary in the halls, and the entire encounter had solidified for me that leaving was the right decision.
“I bet you thought you’d be different, didn’t you?” She’d sneered at me.
I had stopped and looked at her, dread washing over me. “What do you mean?”
“Briggs?” She said as though I were an idiot. “He never stays with a girl for more than two weeks. Everyone knows that. You’re no different than the rest of us, even if he paraded around with you more than anyone else.”
I had swallowed the pain and gave her an indifferent look. “I never said I was different.”
“Yeah,” she said with a short laugh, “right. I know heartbreak when I see it.”
That had made my weak facade crumble. And for a moment, I almost thought I’d seen sympathy on her face.
“You should stick with the good boys. Guys like Briggs only ever leave broken hearts behind. You two were never a good match.”
I’d watched her walk away, and still months later her words had stuck with me. When I’d enrolled in my new school, I’d taken her warning to heart, and never looked twice at any guy who fell into the “bad boy” category.
My heart never really healed completely, but I’d given it my best by opening myself up to other guys. I’d even dated one for four months. I’d tried so hard to fall for him, even sleeping with him after the third month. But it just wasn’t the same. My body didn’t ignite under his touch, or ache to be as close to his as possible.
And no matter what I did, when I went to sleep at night, Kyle’s dark gaze would be waiting for me. Always. He wouldn’t leave me.
The six month transfer had been extended to nine, which suited me just fine. The last month of school in California was amazing. I had loved the summer sun and ocean, and I’d even met a few girls that had become friends. Of course, I still considered Cat my bestie, and even flew her out for spring break. It had been amazing. Neither one of us had mentioned her brother, which I had appreciated more than I could say.
“There,” Gus said, fluffing my newly cut hair. It still fell past my shoulders, but it was shorter than I usually wore it, and he had added different shades of brown to it, creating depth and shine. I looked at my reflection, twisting my head from side to side, loving the way the warm tones highlighted my tanned skin.
“I love it,” I said, meeting his eyes in the mirror.
He gave me a big wink. “You, my beauty, are going to have those college boys going nuts over you.”
I laughed. “I doubt it.”
He hummed to himself. “Just you wait and see. But you better make them work for it. Anyone worth having a sweet girl like you needs to prove himself.”
Too bad I couldn’t seem to like anyone enough to give them a chance, I thought. If I’d thought this time away would lessen my feelings for Kyle, I’d been sorely mistaken. The pain was gone, mostly, but my heart still raced whenever I thought of him. God knows what would happen if I ever saw him again. Hopefully that wouldn’t happen.
Cat and I had been accepted to the same University, and would be getting an apartment together, but there was no reason for Kyle to ever visit her, so I was pretty sure I was safe. I was going back to Bloomfield this weekend to spend the two months of summer with my parents at our house. I missed the old place, and Dad was officially done here in California.
Cat and I would be driving up to school together in the new car Mom and Dad had bought me for graduation. As much as I was terrified to go back to Bloomfield, I was also excited to be able to see my best friend, and my brother. Colt never asked directly what had happened with Kyle, but I could tell by the way he purposely avoided the subject whenever we spoke over the phone that he knew things hadn’t ended well.
“When am I going to see you again?” Gus asked as he whipped the cape off me, brushing stray hairs from my shoulder.
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I’ll try to come back sometime, and when I do, you will be the first person I visit.”
He smiled, his one gold tooth flashing in the light. “I’m going to hold you to that, my pretty.”
The yellow walls surrounded me as I stood in the middle of my old bedroom, my suitcases at my feet. A small smile lifted my lips as I breathed in the familiar scent. I had missed the old house, so different from the modern place we’d had on the coast.
The flight hadn’t been long, but I was exhausted. Cat and I were supposed to meet up for dinner later, leaving enough time for me to have a quick nap.
“Chloe!”
I jumped as the deep voice yelled up the stairs. Giving my bed one last fleeting look, I turned to head downstairs, finding Colt and Olivia in the family room.
“Hey,” I said, surprised to see them.
Colt walked over and wrapped me in a hug, another surprise that had me grinning like a fool when he finally pulled away.
“It’s nice to see you, sis,” he said, chucking me lightly on the chin.
“How did you know I was back already?”
Olivia laughed as she nudged Colt to the side to give me a hug also.
“Your dad called him last night to let us know when you’d be landing. He’s been waiting all day,” she said.
“That’s so...nice,” I said, shocked. I hadn’t expected him to actually miss me.
Colt shrugged, looking slightly embarrassed.
“So, what have you guys been up to?” I asked as we all went to sit.
Olivia sighed, rolling her eyes. “We’ve been running around like mad this week to get ready for Ella’s wedding.”
“That sounds fun,” I said. “I love weddings.”
“Yeah, it’s just a lot of work. We’re having it at the farm, so there’s just so much to do since we’re doing it all ourselves. And Ella’s busy with a toddler running around, so Mina and I have been trying to make it as easy as possible for her.”
“If you need extra help, let me know,” I offered. “I’ll be around until the end of summer.”
“Thanks, girl,” she said. “I’m sure we can manage. So long as Mina and Gage’s brother Cam can start getting along.”
Colt snorted. He leaned forward. “So, how was Cali?”
“It was awesome. We had a place right by the ocean.”
“That’s cool,” he said slowly, nodding his head. “And...you’re okay being back here?”
Shoot. I knew what he was inferring, and I really didn’t want to have this conversation. “I’m fine,” I said, plastering the biggest smile on my face that I could manage. I could tell that neither of them bought it, but they were nice enough not to push.
We talked for a bit longer before they had to leave. When I walked them out, Colt stayed back, pausing at the top of the porch steps beside me.
“Listen,” he started, looking out at the street. “If you run into any problems, I want you to come to me. It’s what I’m here for, you know? I’m your brother. I want to be the one that you can go to when things get tough.”
My cheeks heated even as my chest warmed with his open concern. “Thanks, Colt. I appreciate it.” I took a d
eep breath. “I know what you’re referring to, and you don’t need to worry. I’m going to be fine.”
He turned his head toward me, one brow arched. “So you’re not going to go running away to another state again?”
I winced. “No,” I said.
He nodded slowly. “Okay. Just don’t forget if you need me I’m here. And I can take Briggs any day of the week,” he said with a smirk.
I chuckled. “That won’t be necessary, but I’ll keep it in mind.”
He leaned in, kissing the top of my head before heading down the steps.
“Talk to you later, sis.”
“Bye, Colt.”
Going inside, I fell back against the closed door and took a deep breath. I was going to be fine, right? It had been nine months, I could handle being in the same town as Kyle Briggs now.
Of course I could. I was stronger than I was when everything had first happened. I’d show everyone there was nothing to worry about.
I threw on a long shirt that fell off one shoulder and some tights, figuring it would get cooler when the sun went down, and it was unlikely Cat and I would be going anywhere fancy to eat. She’d texted me an hour ago telling me to pick her up at the tattoo shop she worked at downtown.
Relief had washed over me knowing I wouldn’t have to go to her house. Yes, I could handle being in Bloomfield again, but that didn’t mean I was anxious to come face to face with Kyle again.
“Where are my flats?” I wondered out loud. Finding one, I rummaged through my suitcase to find the other, when my fingers touched a hard surface at the bottom of my bag. Grabbing it, I sat back on the edge of the bed, staring down at the thin folder in my hands.
Swallowing against the dryness in my mouth, I slowly opened it, slipping out the piece of paper I kept inside. The two pieces of paper were held together by tape, but it didn’t take away from the drawing. I traced the lines of my nude body as I had so many times before. After I’d ripped it apart, I’d caved in and taped it back together as soon as I’d gone back to my room. Did that make me weak? What did it say about me that I had kept it with me this whole time?
Deciding Love (Bloomfield #3) Page 19