by Jane Godman
But there were such things. And if she had to be stuck in the middle of them, she was glad to be on the same side as the brotherhood. Seven powerful Arctic werewolves offered all the comfort and protection she needed. The brotherhood couldn’t stop the bad guys turning up, but they could kill them when they did. If she couldn’t have the former, she’d take the latter.
Sebastian and Wilder appeared to be deep in conversation. Cindy was so busy watching them, she didn’t notice Hendrik until he was right behind her. When he spoke, she started in surprise.
“What do you suppose they’re talking about?”
Annoyed that she had allowed him to startle her, she tried to regulate her breathing before she spoke. “Why don’t you ask them?”
He smiled. “I wonder if they’d tell me the truth? Just like Sebastian’s trip to New York. Will he tell me why he’s going?”
This touch of paranoia wasn’t a feature of Hendrik’s personality. It was coming from somewhere outside of the impersonation. It unsettled her. There it was again. The sensation that this counterfeit was a conduit for Chastel to get an impression of what was happening inside the brotherhood. “He’s chasing a story.”
His expression wasn’t quite a smile. It certainly wasn’t Hendrik’s smile. “I meant the real reason.”
When she didn’t answer, he gave a short, harsh laugh and walked away. The encounter unnerved her and she was glad when Sebastian came into the kitchen soon after. Although they had to keep up a pretense that they weren’t together, the look in his eyes when they rested on her was enough to soothe her jangling nerves.
“Is everything okay with Wilder? That looked like an intense conversation.” She held up the coffeepot as she spoke.
Sebastian nodded with a smile of thanks. “Everything is more than okay. They are having a baby.”
“Jenny told me. She is so happy.”
He took a sip of his coffee. “It’s wonderful news.” He didn’t sigh, but it was there in his voice.
Cindy said it for him. “But it leaves the brotherhood with a problem.”
Sebastian did sigh then. It came from so deep within him it could have been dredged up from his soul. “There is never a bad time for a baby to come along.”
“Let’s not make this about their baby. Just tell me what it would mean to lose any member, for whatever reason.”
“Okay.” That seemed to make it easier for him to talk about it. “If I’m right and we are facing the combined forces of Fenrir and Chastel, we need the brotherhood to be at full strength. We are seven. It’s our number. At full strength we are greater than the sum of our parts. If we lose one, we lose more than one.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Am I making sense?”
“You are saying that without Jenny you’re screwed.”
He started to laugh, a deep, rich sound that warmed her from the ends of her fingers to the tips of her toes. “Unless I can find a replacement pretty damn quick, that’s exactly what I’m saying. And where am I going to find another Arctic werewolf who is willing to step in and join the brotherhood at short notice? He or she could have to understand who we are, what we stand for, how we work—”
“There’s Maria.” Even as she said the words, Cindy winced. Sebastian’s expression told her he understood why.
“It’s true that Maria knows the brotherhood, and she is certainly brave and strong. She proved it when she survived after she was abducted by the Cage Killer. But that was only six months ago, and she was badly injured by the killer before Madden rescued her. I wouldn’t put her in a position where her recovery was endangered.” He grinned. “And I wouldn’t risk my own health. Madden would kill me if I asked her.”
“And Valetta couldn’t do it because she’s a Shadow Wolf and she has a unique role to protect Samson, is that right?” He nodded. “Does the person who joins you have to be one of the seven bravest and strongest Arctic werewolves?” Cindy asked. “Isn’t that part of your creed?”
“It is. But right now, I’ll settle for a seventh member even if he or she isn’t one of the bravest or strongest. Making sure we have seven in the team means more than anything. But hoping we find someone is like hoping for a miracle.” He finished his coffee. “I guess I’d better go and pack for my trip.”
Cindy nodded, her thoughts preoccupied by what he had been saying. She watched him walk out of the door before mechanically picking up the coffee cups and taking them to the sink. Turning on the faucet, she watched as the leftover coffee mingled with the clear water before draining away. It was like her thoughts. Darkness and clarity swirling together. She couldn’t really be contemplating the sort of insanity that was gripping her right now. Could she?
Before she could talk herself out of it, she placed the unwashed coffee cups in the sink and followed Sebastian out of the room.
* * *
Sebastian threw a few items of clothing into his bag. The bad feelings he had about this trip were only getting worse the closer it got to the time of his departure. He had only ever run from a problem once in his life—and it had led to a lifetime of regret and nightmares—but he longed to run out on this one. Not because he was afraid for himself. The fear that gripped him was for the mayhem he was about to unleash if he was right.
And I am right.
The mighty god Fenrir, destruction incarnate, wasn’t going to do things quietly. His ambition to destroy the world was not an idle boast. At the same time, Chastel was trying to rid the world of werewolves . . . starting with the Arctics.
Whichever way he looked at it, the brotherhood was screwed. If Chastel didn’t get to them first and kill them in wolf form, they would be wiped out by Fenrir with the rest of humanity.
Unless we can put a stop to their latest plot.
But how were they going to do that with a depleted team? Particularly since they didn’t know what the latest plot was. It seemed to involve brainwashing people through an online gaming channel, but what then? World domination, one game at a time? Fenrir may have that sort of patience. Lying chained in his cell for centuries, the great god of destruction could probably bide his time and take it nice and slow. Even though Fenrir was chained and had a sword between his jaws, the son of the trickster god Loki and the goddess Angrboda had incredible powers that made it possible for him to exert long-distance mind control. And there had been plenty of time for him to hone his skills.
Chastel was likely to be less tolerant about waiting for their plans to come to fruition. Tricky and volatile, the bounty hunter liked the flash and fire of magic tricks. He didn’t care whether he got applause or condemnation. As long as he got attention. Being ignored was Chastel’s worst nightmare; silence his biggest fear. He couldn’t play a long game.
It made for an unlikely, probably uneasy, partnership. The thought stirred a memory of something Odessa had told him about Chadwick and Fenk. He frowned in an effort to remember. She had they hated each other and that Chadwick had tried to double-cross Fenk. Sebastian was trying hard not to get ahead of himself. Not to make reality neatly fit his theories. But if he was right. If Chadwick was an alias for Chastel, then going behind Fenrir’s back would fit with his impatience to move things along. It was also a bad move. A partnership with Fenrir was never going to end well, but double-crossing him? He might be at the other end of the world in a prison cell, but that didn’t make him any less dangerous.
Sebastian was still pursuing this line of thought when Cindy walked in without knocking.
If he didn’t already know he loved her, the way his body reacted in that instant would have confirmed it. That expression about butterflies in the stomach? Not even close. His butterflies had set up a trampoline and were having themselves a party in his gut. And all because Cindy was here and he hadn’t been expecting her.
She leaned against the door, her expression half scared, half excited. Before Sebastian could speak, words came tumbling out of her mouth. “I thought of a way.”
He moved toward her, concerned by her obvious agita
tion. “Cindy, what—”
She held up a hand, indicating that she needed to finish what she was saying. “What we were talking about just now? How you need another member of the brotherhood and how it’s more important to have that seventh person right now rather than spending time searching for the one who is the bravest and strongest?”
He watched her face, fascinated by the changing emotions flitting across her delicate features. Clearly, she was in the grip of some strong feelings and she needed to communicate them to him. He wondered what could have happened in the short time since he’d left her.
“That’s right.”
Sebastian sensed her tensing her whole body in preparation for what she was about to say. “Do you love me?” She drew in a lungful of air, plunging on before he could answer. “I think you might, and I know I love you.” Tears sparkled on the ends of her long lashes. “I never thought I’d get to say that to someone. And I never thought I’d say it first. Because my life has been a scary place. I’ve been hurt so many times it’s left me scarred and vulnerable and I’d rather hide away than put myself out there to be kicked again.” She smiled as the tears spilled over and ran down her cheeks. “But you’re worth taking that chance for, Sebastian. You made me brave enough to take the risk.”
She was in his arms, crushed against his chest before she had finished speaking. “It’s not a risk.” He was shaking so much the words were barely intelligible. “I love you so much it’s killing me.”
“Then the solution to your problem is easy.” Cindy rose onto the tips of her toes, pressing her lips to his. “Bite me. Make me the seventh member of the brotherhood.”
Chapter Ten
Cindy waited for Sebastian to speak. She had told him how she felt, had offered him herself as his mate. If, as she believed, he wanted her at his side as his equal and his love for the rest of eternity, he was going to have to trust her with the secrets he kept buried in his heart. However hard that might be. He remained silent, so still he might have been carved from stone. Except for one hand stroking the length of her hair.
Finally, he spoke. “There are things in my past I have sworn never to talk about.”
“Sworn to others, or to yourself?”
“The others are long gone. This is about opening my heart.” He gave a shuddering sigh. “I’m afraid of what is inside.”
“You’ve worked very hard to keep your heart so tightly closed that no one can get inside. Not even you.” Cindy lifted a hand to his cheek. “But maybe it’s time to let go of the past. Can you try?”
As he looked into her eyes, and she wondered if he was about to speak, or break away from her and flee. “I was responsible for the death of the woman I loved. And for the deaths of other innocent victims.”
She drew his head down until it rested in the curve of her neck. “Tell me.”
He was silent for so long she thought he wasn’t going to speak at all. When he did, his voice was husky with emotion. “I was raised in northern Alaska, in the area now known as Kaktovik. This was centuries ago, back in a time when the supernatural was accepted, even welcomed, by mortals. It is only over recent centuries that fear of the unknown, including werewolves, has become rife. We lived as a wolf pack close to a small village. We didn’t shift in front of the humans, but our presence was an open secret. They were glad of us. We protected their community from bears and other predators.”
“And you fell in love?” She couldn’t feel jealous about something that happened centuries ago, but she was curious. “With a human?”
He raised his head and she could see the memories in the golden depths of his eyes. “Her name was Mya and she lived in the village. Within our pack, there was an unspoken agreement. We learned the ways of both wolf and human, and then it was our decision how we chose to live. Once I met Mya, I decided I wanted to be a man. My inner wolf never left me. I always had the urge to shift regularly, but my human became my dominant being. That remained the case, even after the horror that followed.”
Horror? It was the first clue he had given about what had happened to him.
“Mya and I were betrothed. The preparations for our marriage were underway.”
“Did she know you were a werewolf?” Cindy asked.
“Yes, she knew.” He smiled. “She understood what being the lifelong mate of a werewolf meant. Like you, she was prepared to take my bite and become a werewolf herself. But Mya and I had never made love. The culture in our village would not have permitted such intimacy between an unmarried couple.”
Was it wrong to feel a tiny bit of relief at those words? To know she wasn’t being compared to another woman he had loved? Cindy brushed the feeling aside, the past could only hurt her if she let it. There was too much going on in the present to occupy her thoughts.
Sebastian’s next words ricocheted through her body with the force of an electric shock. “On the morning of our wedding, Mya was found dead in her bed with her throat torn out.”
Cindy blinked so hard it hurt. “What?”
“It was a wolf attack, but she had been raped first”—he swallowed and she knew it was because he was struggling to continue—“and I was the chief suspect.”
“But you loved her!”
“The village elders tried to say I couldn’t wait for the wedding, that I tried to force her and when she resisted, that I killed her.” His breathing was ragged, the rise and fall of his chest betraying the intensity of his emotions.
At the start of this conversation, Sebastian had said he was responsible for the death of the woman he loved . . . Cindy shook her head to clear it. She knew he wasn’t capable of murder. So what had he meant by those words?
“What did happen to Mya?”
“She was killed in the way they described. But not by me.” He took her hand, drawing her toward the bed so they could both sit on its edge. “I was a twin. I had a brother called Oscar. We were identical, but we were unusual for twins. There was no closeness between us; we took sibling rivalry to a whole new level. We always had to outdo each other in everything we did. Each of us wanted to be the fastest runner, the best hunter, the strongest swimmer. Most of the time we were fairly evenly matched, but I always came out on top. I knew it bothered him, but I never knew how much until it was too late. Until we were faced with a situation in which he wasn’t prepared to back down . . .” His face was haunted. “We were both in love with Mya.”
“Oh, Sebastian.” Cindy twined her fingers with his. “And he killed her? Because he couldn’t have her?”
“Once Mya and I announced our betrothal, Oscar became increasingly angry and withdrawn. But I never thought he was capable of something like that. We may not have been close, but he was still my brother, for God’s sake. When I confronted him, he admitted it. Even boasted about it. He told me how elated he was to know I hadn’t won this time. I would never be the one to take her virginity.” He rubbed a shaking hand over his face. “I’m sorry. I thought I could do this. I thought I could talk about it . . . but I can’t.”
Cindy wrapped her arms around him, feeling the shivers that wracked his whole body. She held him until the trembling stopped. When he lifted his head and kissed her, it was as if he were drowning in her.
“You don’t have to finish the story if it’s too hard.”
“I have to do this. You need to hear all of it.” He gripped her hand tightly. “I’d been so focused on beating him throughout our lives, I hadn’t seen what I’d done to him. I’d turned my own brother into a monster, and I’d caused Mya’s death as a result.”
“You didn’t cause Mya’s death.” Cindy was outraged that he could think that way. “There was only one person responsible for that. Oscar murdered her because he was jealous. I hope you are talking about him in the past tense because you killed him for what he did.”
“Not then. I wanted to, but I listened to what he was telling me. I let him convince me it was all my fault. And I was half crazy with grief.” His voice was choked with guilt. “
So I let him go.”
Cindy covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh, no.”
Sebastian got to his feet, pacing the room in agitation. “Oh, yes. Now do you see what sort of man I am? To what sort of hopeless coward you are offering yourself? I knew what Oscar had done. He had raped and murdered the woman I loved, but I let him go. I told him as long as I never saw him again, I wouldn’t betray him.” His face was contorted with grief. “You can’t love me Cindy. No one could.”
She was across the room and grabbing his arm faster than she knew she could move. He didn’t resist her when she pulled him around to face her, but he didn’t look at her either. Reaching up, she gripped his chin, forcing him to make eye contact.
“I didn’t fall in love with you because I thought you were only capable of heroic deeds. Believe it or not, I can accept that you have flaws. My life hasn’t been a fairy tale up until now. I wasn’t looking for a prince to sweep me off my feet. I wasn’t even looking for a man . . . or a wolf. But I found you, Sebastian. We found each other. We may not always get this right, but we love each other. The same way you loved Mya. You didn’t hurt her. You couldn’t, because you are a good man. And killing your brother for what he did wouldn’t have brought her back. Do I think you did the right thing when you let him go? No, I don’t. But I wasn’t there, so I can’t judge you. Does it make me love you less? No, it doesn’t. Because nothing ever could.” She ran a finger down his cheek, smoothing away the single tear that had spilled over from his shining eyes. “That conversation is finished. We are never having it again. Now tell me what happened to your evil twin. I hope he died a horrible death.”
Sebastian gave a shaky laugh. “He did. Eventually. I left the village. Even though no action was taken against me after Mya’s death, I was always viewed with suspicion. And I couldn’t cope with the memories. I moved south and was recruited to the brotherhood by Gunnar who was the leader back then. As time went by, I began writing for different publications and news stories from different regions filtered through to me. Including murder stories.” His expression darkened. “It was impossible to ignore it when I began to hear about women who were being killed in the same way as Mya.”