He kissed her on the nose again. "Now," he said sternly. "Are there any other tattoos you must tell me about?" He reached for the sole of her left foot. "Is there one here?"
"No!" She laughed.
He reached behind a knee and tickled. "Here?"
"No. You know I do not have any more. I have none to hide from you!"
He went still at that and a solemn light shone in his dark eyes as he regarded her. "No," he agreed at last. "You have nothing to hide from me, Star." He bent to kiss her lips. "And I am glad of that."
She wondered at the seriousness in his voice; then she shrugged and yawned. "I am tired. I want to sleep."
He chuckled. "And I."
They fell asleep then, Star snuggled in Falcon's arms. When they awoke, the sun had set and a chill breeze blew.
He patted her naked buttocks. "Come, let us get dressed, wife. I hear the drums and singing. They are dancing."
"I like to dance," she said.
"Do you dance as well as you make love?" he asked as he put on his leather pants.
"I dance about as well as you hunt for tattoos."
"Ah, that must be very well indeed. I cannot wait!"
When she was fully clad, he took her hand and they started the walk back to the fire. They had taken but several steps when he halted and swung to face her. "Star?" He ran his hand along her hair, his fingers gentle, then along her cheek, his eyes searching hers for something.
"Yes, Falcon?"
"I" He hesitated.
She waited. Instead of speaking, he continued to caress her face and her hair.
She ceased his movement by taking his hand in hers and moving it to her lips. She kissed the back of his hand softly.
He stared at her, and she felt herself becoming lost in those black eyes.
"I"
He looked lost to her as well, as though hope and fear warred within him. She reached up and touched the long scar that marred his face. "Tell me," she whispered.
He flinched then and drew back. "I cannot."
He bent and kissed her. A jaunty smile was on his lips, but there was still that lost look in his eyes. "I thank you," he said. "I thank you for what you gave me back there."
"And what did I give you?"
"You gave me a beautiful gift. Your virginity. I am your first man." Then he suddenly seized her by both arms and held her firmly. "And I will be your only man. Do you understand?"
Puzzled, she searched the depths of his eyes and saw a tortured look therein. "What is it, Falcon? Why do you hold me like this, as though I would run from you?"
He laughed, but there was no amusement in the sound. "I do not fear your running from me because I will hunt you down if you flee me."
She shivered suddenly at his words. "What do you fear then?"
He laughed again. "Nothing," he said at last. "I fear nothing."
She did not believe him.
After several heartbeats, he dropped his hands from her arms. "Come," he said, "let us join the dancers."
Her heart pounding, she followed him up the path to the Jaguar festivities. What had just happened between them?
Chapter Nineteen
Star poked her head out of the tent and looked around for Falcon. Where was he?
She stepped out of the tent, yawned, and stretched. How good she felt this morning after a night of tender lovemaking with him! It had been that way ever since that first time. She counted on her fingers. Yes, ten days ago. It seemed so long ago that the Jaguars had given the huge feast to celebrate the new marriages.
Unwillingly, her eyes skipped to the tent where Chokecherry stayed with her new spouse, Cat Lurks. For many nights Star had heard sobs coming from that tent. In the daytime Cat Lurks walked around looking haggard. In the nighttime Chokecherry cried out for Finds the Marten.
Star shook her head. Poor Chokecherry.
In the distance a woman was walking down to the river, carrying a basket. Dread coiled in
Star's stomach. It was Tula, her baby cocooned on her back.
In the time that Star had lived with the Jaguars, she had had ample opportunity to observe Tula. From what she had seen, Tula was a very unhappy woman, and she was making everyone around her unhappy. Star had learned to avoid her.
Where was Falcon? Had he gone to the river for a swim? Even though the leaves on the trees were turning to yellows and reds, and Star found the river water too cold for her liking, she knew that Falcon liked to swim in the chill water in the mornings.
Careful to keep a good distance between herself and Tula, Star wandered down the path that led to the riverbank. As she entered the screen of trees that hid the path from the encampment, she heard a little cry and saw a flicker fly to a branch. The red stripe on the bird's cheek reminded her of Falcon's scar.
She was about to step out into the open along the riverbank when she caught sight of Tula. She must have taken another trail to get to the river, thought Star. I must hide. I do not want her to see me.
Then Star gasped. Standing naked in front of Tula, his body glistening with drops of water from his swim, was Falcon. Star frowned. While many Badger men customarily went naked from time to time when hunting or swimming or in hot weather, it unsettled her to think that Falcon would appear that way in front of his former wife. But Falcon did not seem to mind; he was too involved in his conversation with Tula.
Jealousy pricked Star. Squashing the protests of her conscience, she crept closer, shielded from their view by scraggly bushes.
''Do not think I care," Tula was saying.
"I know you do not care," Falcon answered, crossing his arms over his wide chest.
Star swallowed. He looked so handsome standing there. Oh, why was he allowing Tula to gaze upon his nakedness?
The baby started to cry, drawing both Falcon's and Tula's attention. Tula swung the baby off her back and cuddled him in her arms.
"You have your son," said Falcon stiffly.
"I do." Tula brought out her breast and put her nipple in the baby's mouth. He stopped crying.
Falcon was staring at Tula's naked breast. Star's fists clenched.
"If you had not left me, I could have given you a son," said Falcon.
Star gasped.
"Ha! You give sickly sons!" retorted Tula.
Falcon flinched. Star could see his scar throb.
"We had a sickly son. Remember?" Tula's face grew ugly and she spat on the ground. "I was the one who rubbed his legs with medicine leaves. I was the one who sat beside him at night. I was the one who called for the shaman when my son fell into a thrashing fit! I was the one who loved him!"
Falcon looked as though she had struck him. "You think I did not love him? I loved him! I paid the shaman with antelope meat whenever he brought Hawk's spirit back from its wandering!"
"You hated Hawk! You wanted a whole, healthy boy. Many times I saw you look at him, contempt upon your face."
"I never said"
"You did not have to! I know how you thought! I saw it! You hated him! You wanted a boy who could run, who could talk like other boys"
"I did," yelled Falcon. "I admit it! Many times I prayed to the Great Spirit to heal him. To take the strange look from his eyes. To give him understanding so that he would know our words and know me, his father."
"Ha. The Great Spirit would not listen to words from such a man!"
"That may be. He certainly did not answer my prayers."
"Ah, but he did." Tula's face grew cruel. "He took our son, just as you wanted!"
"I did not want our son to die!" Cords stood out on Falcon's neck. Star wanted to run away, but she was frozen. If she moved, they would see her.
"You did! He was not perfect. He was not strong and healthy. He would not grow to be a fine hunter. He was not good enough!"
"I knew he was sick." Falcon drew in a deep breath. "I accepted that. I did not like it, but I accepted it."
"No, you did not! You wanted nothing to do with him!"
"I hun
ted for him. I brought him the best meat I could. I gave him lions' hearts to make him strong. I fed him the meat from antelope legs so he could run swiftly. I gave him the brains of foxes so he would grow wise. I did everything
I could to help him. I wanted him to grow strong and powerful. What is wrong with that?"
"It was not what he was supposed to be," screamed Tula. "He was supposed to be a great shaman! When he would fall down on the ground and kick and froth at the mouth, that was important work for being a shaman. Rapt told me that!"
Falcon's chest rose and fell with each word. "Well, Rapt told you lies! He said our son would grow to be a great shaman and you believed him. But our son is dead. Our son is dead!"
"And it is all your fault," screamed Tula. "You are the one who killed the bear! It was my father's animal. He saw the grizzly in his vision quest when he was but a youth. You should never have killed that bear! The bear's spirit told the Great Spirit to take our son!"
"I had to kill the bear," cried Falcon. "You were pregnant, you had tripped, you were lying on the ground! The bear was going to kill you! I had to do something!"
"You could have chased him away!"
"That bear was not afraid of me! He was laughing at me. It was only my spear that saved you that day, saved our son." Now Falcon's voice grew deadly. "It was not my fault; it was your fault. You are the one who fell while carrying my son. It was your clumsy fall that crippled Hawk."
"I did not!" screeched Tula. The baby at her breast started to cry. Tula shoved the nipple at him and Star heard the baby's muffled protests, but Tula did not seem to notice. "I did everything I could. I almost died giving birth to that baby! It
was long and agonizing. Many times during that birthtime I cried out your name! It was so cruel that you should give me a baby that took so long to be born!"
Falcon glared at her and her son.
"Now Marmot's son, this baby," said Tula, beaming at her child, "his birth was swift and smooth. Was it not, my little butterfly? Oh yes, it was, it was." She lifted her head and glared at Falcon. "It was all your fault.''
"It was yours!"
They glared at each other. Star wondered if she could just tiptoe away.
"You were unfaithful," snarled Falcon.
"I could not stay with a man who did not love his own child!"
"I loved Hawk! I did everything I could"
"You did nothing! I did it all! I put the leaves on his legs, I"
Falcon held up a hand. "We are beginning to repeat ourselves," he said wearily. "There is no winner in this fight between us."
Tula's mouth was tight. "Yes, there is," she cried. "It is I! I have a healthy son! I have a husband who loves his child, who loves me!"
"Marmot stole you from me!"
"Marmot did not steal me! I went willingly. He is more man than you."
"He is a sly, sneaking wife-stealer."
"Well, I love him. He's better than you. And he is better under the bedrobes than you are!"
Falcon snorted. "Do not try to provoke me, woman. The Badger woman has no complaints."
Tula's lips curled in a snarl. "She is a dog-girl.
A slave. She is ugly. I do not know why you chose her. Never have I seen such a tall, ungainly, ugly woman in my life! She is just right for you!"
Falcon's lips set in a bloodless line. "She is not your concern. You leave her out of what is between us, Tula."
"I will not! I cannot stand the sight of her, I can tell you that!"
Falcon turned away. "Go, Tula," he said. "Get your water and leave. I wish to be alone."
The baby began to cry.
Tula hushed him and then swung him to her back and tied the blanket securely to hold him. She bent and scooped water into the tightly woven basket lined with clay; then she hurried off.
Star tried to duck into the bush when she saw Tula headed her way, but she was too slow.
"Aha!" cried Tula triumphantly. "Look what we have here!"
Her black eyes glowed as though she were hungry and had found a cache of meat. "Oh, Falcon," she said in a singsong voice, "do come here. I have something interesting to show you."
Falcon was swimming in the middle of the river. "Go back to your husband," he called. "I do not want to talk with you any longer."
Tula ran back to the riverbank, her baby bobbing on her back. "It is your dog-girl! The Badger! She heard every word we said! Ha ha!"
Falcon said nothing, only stood looking at the two women on the riverbank. He struck out across the river and swam with vigorous, powerful strokes to the other side.
"He knows," said Tula to Star. "He knows you were spying upon him, dog-girl!"
Star blushed. She was too embarrassed to speak.
"Let me tell you something, girl-who-scratches-fleas-and-sleeps-with-the-dogs." Tula came so close that Star could see her left eyelid twitch. "He will never love you." Her eyes shot to Star's flat stomach. "Or any child you give him."
Her expression was triumphant and malicious. "He cannot love anyone. He hated our son!" She turned to watch Falcon as he swam. "Good fortune in your marriage, Badger woman!" she said breezily and laughed. Then she walked back up the river path and disappeared.
Star choked back tears and sat on the riverbank to await Falcon.
Chapter Twenty
Only when his muscles were sore and aching did Falcon wade from the river. He walked over to where Star sat twisting a piece of bulrush grass in her strong, slender fingers. She stared at the ground. Tula must have said something particularly cruel to her. He took a breath and said, "She lies, you know. I did love my son."
Star lifted her head then, and her beautiful dark eyes looked hurt. "You still love her."
He had to laugh at that. "No. I do not." Could his new wife not see that for herself? Tula caused him great pain. He shook his head. If Star could watch Tula and him argue and scratch at each other like hissing bobcats and not understand what she had seen and heard, then it was no fault of his. "It matters not."
"It does matter!"
He liked the flash in her eyes when she was angry. He shrugged to goad her with his indifference.
"It matters whether you love her or not"
He wondered if she knew how lovely she looked. "Why? Do you want me to love you?"
He almost laughed at the red flush that spread across her face. So she did want him to love her, the little Badger. Huh, but all women were the same, anxious to entrap a man within their closely woven nets of love! But it was not love they craved, oh no. It was control. That was what they all wanted. To control a man, to make him do as they wanted.
Well, he had played that game with Tula. He had pretended that his sick son would get better, he had hunted the meat to pay the shaman for his useless advice to Tula. He had listened to Tula's dreams of how her son would one day be a great shaman of the Jaguar People. He had even prayed to the Great Spirit to heal his son, to make him whole in his mind and his body, and when that did not work and the Mouse Death-Sickness struck Hawk, Falcon was reduced to begging the Great Spirit that his son would live. But the Great Spirit saw fit to ignore his prayers and Hawk swiftly died.
Well, Falcon was not going to play any more deceitful games with anyone. Not with Tula, and not with Star, either. He knew that nothing mattered, and he would no longer pretend that anything did. As for women, they were all the same. He would have a woman, take her in the bedrobes when it pleased him, but never again would he love one. Love. Ha! He wanted to spit.
All love brought a man was pain and betrayal!
He met Star's eyes. "Will you come and swim with me?"
She shook her head, her long black hair fluttering in the breeze.
With a sigh, he sat down and took one of her hands in his. "What is between Tula and me is none of your concern."
His words would hurt Star, but there was no other way to make her understand. "What happened between us is finished and I will not discuss it. Nothing good ever came from talking about the past.
" How well he had learned that! Why, if he talked about what had gone on with his son and Tula, he would be reduced to weeping like a woman here on the riverbank. No, it was better to leave that pain alone. Better to feel the welcoming numbness than the turmoil of feelings that could unman him. "I do not want you to talk about it, either."
She frowned. "I am confused about you and Tula. You say that you do not love her, yet you protect her. From me."
"I do not protect Tula! I want nothing to do with her!"
"You protect her with your silence."
I protect myself with my silence, Badger woman. He rose and stood looking down at her. "If you insist upon questioning me about my life, I will leave."
Her eyes narrowed and she shrugged. "Then leave."
He stomped off. Now he was deprived of her company because she was so stubborn. Two wives
he had and each of them stubborn. Great Spirit, spare me from stubborn women, he thought, before he remembered that there was no Great Spirit. Or, if there was, He was uncaring of what happened to anyone, especially a man named Falcon.
He decided to go hunting. Perhaps a solitary hunt would soothe him and bring back the numbing peace.
Star wanted to cry. The grass she was twisting into a basket blurred in front of her fingers. She closed her eyes, and tears ran down the bridge of her nose. Oh, what had happened to her? She had spent the past ten days learning to love her new husband. And just as she was beginning to realize she loved him, he taunted her with it, and then left her alone when she would not be silent. "But how can I be silent," she muttered aloud, "when it is his life with Tula that keeps intruding on mine? I did not ask to be taken from my people! I did not ask to be married to this man! I was not here when their baby died; I had nothing to do with it! Why, then, must I bear his anger, and hers, too?"
She sobbed, then wiped her eyes and brushed the tears from her cheek. "Neither of them knows what they are doing," she muttered. "Tula wants both Marmot and Falcon, though she will not admit it. And Falcon wants to be left alone. He cares nothing for me and his anger at Tula keeps drawing him back to her, but he does not admit that." She buried her face in her arms. "Oh, what am I going to do?"
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