by Leigh Bale
He shrugged. “Who knows? I also want to make a phone call to my commanding officer. Colonel Wilkinson recently retired and is living near Vegas. He should still have enough clout to pull some strings and gain access to Eric’s personnel file.”
She twirled a strand of her golden hair. “You think that’s the file Eric referred to in his letter?”
“It’s a place to start, along with the flash drive.”
“Can you trust the Colonel?”
He gave one, brisk nod. “I think so. But don’t get your hopes up. Eric and I belonged to the MARSOC team. All special forces files are top secret. In the morning, we’ll get your car and I’ll drive you into Clarkston. The Colonel’s retired, now. It might take him some time to pull a few strings to check Eric’s file. I can call you at your home in Vegas as soon as I hear anything.”
“Okay.”
A long, swelling silence followed. He longed to tell her his feelings, to beg her forgiveness. If he told her the truth and then discovered he was wrong, he might create a real problem for the Marine Corps. He’d taken an oath of secrecy, but wished he could confide in someone.
He held his breath, waiting. The anguish in her eyes broke his heart, what little he had left. “Toni, I’m so sorry.”
She held up a hand. “Don’t, Mac. Just leave it in the past.”
“Actually, I was speaking about Eric.”
A scowl tugged at her forehead. “Nothing can bring him back. Just let it go.”
Let it go? If only it were that easy. He’d hidden here in the mountains, hoping to forget. It seemed he could run and hide from everyone.
Except himself.
“I need a friend right now, Mac.” Her voice sounded watery. “I can’t figure out Eric’s letter without your help.”
He could barely speak around the lump in his throat. “I’ll help you, Toni. I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”
He wished for more, but that just made him feel worse. He’d let his selfishness ruin what they’d once shared.
Toni crossed her long legs. “Cara’s been dealing with severe depression and Grandma stopped spending time with her older friends. Eric’s death hit us all pretty hard.”
“I’m sorry for that.” His sense of guilt deepened. He should have been there for Eric’s family, but he’d been ravaged by a fever from his bullet wound up until three weeks ago.
She turned away, biting her lower lip, her eyes sparkling with tears. From what Mac could see, Toni needed time, too.
Voices came from outside. The sounds of boots clomped across the deck, followed by a knock on the cabin door before it opened. Hank walked in carrying several sticks of kindling. “Sorry to intrude, but it’s raining out here.”
Toni sat back, wiping her eyes, her face flushed with color. Hank walked to the wood box and dumped the firewood, then brushed a gnarled hand against his leather vest.
“Wooee! It’s coming down in sheets, but rain sure makes the air smell nice.” Inez came in followed by Grunt. She brushed raindrops from her arms before closing the door.
Toni gave a half-hearted smile. “I’d forgotten how beautiful rain on the lake can look this time of year.”
Dad cleared his throat. “No place prettier than Crystal Lake. Wish we could stay for the winter, but it’s too cold and the snows come too deep. You should come here in the fall, when all the leaves change color.”
“I’d like that,” Toni said.
“We’ll plan on you next fall. You two ought to stop this nonsense and get back together,” Hank said.
“Dad.” Mac shot his father a warning look.
Hank pursed his lips, staring at his son. “Well, it’s true. Anyone can see you’re both still crazy about each other. And after what you’ve been through losing Eric, you should cherish life together now more than ever.”
Mac glanced at Toni and found her staring into the fire. “Dad, please don’t.”
Inez huffed, then headed for the back of the cabin. “I’m done in. Don’t stay up too late.”
Mac watched Toni, wondering at her reaction to his father’s blunt words. Toni didn’t say anything, her eyes filled with so much sadness he thought she might cry. Both of them knew she’d never come here again. A sense of melancholy sifted over him and he turned away, wishing he could go back in time and change things between them.
Hank thumped around in the kitchen, helping himself to another bowl of cherry cobbler. “You want some?”
Both Mac and Toni shook their heads. Considering the circumstances, Mac was grateful for the interruption.
Toni folded Eric’s letter and returned it to her purse as Hank plopped down on the comfy sofa and kicked off his boots.
She stood. “I think I’ll turn in, too. Good night.”
“Good night,” Hank called as he stuffed a spoonful of cobbler into his mouth.
Mac watched Toni follow Inez into the women’s bunk room. A hard knot of regret lodged in his chest. He laid his head back against the chair and closed his eyes, his mind filled with turmoil.
More than anything, he wished he could tell Toni the truth.
Chapter Six
Toni awoke in the middle of the night. Her teeth chattered and she pulled the blankets higher about her chin. When she glanced at Inez in the opposite bunk, she found the woman sleeping soundly. Hank’s snores came from the men’s room next door, loud as a chain saw. As she turned her head, Toni caught the glow of the crackling fire. Earlier, Inez had opened the door so heat could filter into their room. It hadn’t helped much. The fire burned low, its faint light still reassuring as she listened to the smattering of rain outside her window.
Surely the gunman had fled the mountains by now. He wouldn’t be foolish enough to stay during a heavy rainstorm. The thought brought her comfort. She’d prayed, asking the Lord to protect them all. A feeling of peace rested upon her and she knew they were safe for the time being.
A murmur from Mac caught her attention. She rolled to her left side, curling up to warm herself. From this angle, she could see his head and shoulders as he lay in the recliner before the fire. Dressed in a long-sleeved sweatshirt, he thrashed his arms, his brow crinkled with anguish.
“Incoming! Take cover!” he cried.
Inez sat up and slid her feet into her slippers before padding into the outer room. “Michael? Wake up, son. You’re having another nightmare.”
Hank’s voice rasped as he joined his wife and called to his son. “Mac, wake up.”
Toni lay still, watching as Mac jerked and opened his eyes wide. Startled, he sat up too fast. The recliner popped and the footrest snapped back, jarring his injured leg. In the shadowed light, Toni saw his cringe of pain as he reached for his lower calf.
“Steady,” Inez soothed and pressed her hand against Mac’s shoulder. “Do you need another pain pill?”
He blinked as Hank lit a kerosene lantern and set it nearby on the desk.
“No, sorry I woke you.” Mac spoke between gritted teeth as he pressed his palms against the bandages.
Toni couldn’t see Mac’s parents, but she heard Hank’s gravelly voice. “It might help if you talk about it, son. You can confide anything to Mom and me.”
“You know I can’t. Not until the investigation is complete.”
Investigation? What did he mean?
“Oh, phooey,” Inez blurted. “A son can tell his parents anything. I hate seeing you torn up like this. Keeping it bottled inside won’t help you heal.”
Mac shook his head, drawing great drafts of air into his lungs like it might settle his nerves. “I don’t want to lay my burdens on you two. I think I’ve caused enough pain already.”
“Then give your burdens over to the Lord. He can carry anything you hand Him,” Hank encouraged.
Mac’s face went hard and anger flashed in his eyes. “God didn’t save my men. Praying won’t bring them or Eric back.”
Toni flinched at his harsh tone. She had no idea he felt so angry at the Lord.
> “You can’t go on blaming yourself,” Hank said.
“Why not? It was my fault,” Mac growled.
“It wasn’t your fault all those men died. You fought to save Eric’s life. It just happened.”
A long sigh whispered past Mac’s lips and he turned to face the fire. “What does it matter now? He’s gone.”
“It might help if you talk with one of those doctors who deals with post-trauma stress,” Inez suggested.
Toni tensed. She’d heard of soldiers returning from war, haunted by horrible things they’d done and witnessed in battle. She had no doubt Mac suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder and she felt powerless to help him. In spite of his once-strong faith, it now appeared he’d turned his back on God. How could he face this difficulty without his Father in Heaven by his side?
“I’ve talked to plenty of doctors and they can’t help me. I just need time,” Mac said.
Hank gave a deep sigh. “I hope that’s all you need. We’ll be here for you if you need us, son. And the Lord’s there always. He waits for us to come to Him.”
“He wasn’t there for me in Afghanistan, and I don’t need Him now.”
Toni cringed at the resentment in Mac’s voice. Last night, when he’d refused to bless the food, she’d been stunned. God was such an important part of her life. Without Him, she couldn’t imagine battling the grief of losing her brother and parents. She’d be completely lost.
“God was there with you in Afghanistan, son,” Inez assured him. “He brought you home.”
“Well, He saved the wrong man.”
Toni’s heart shredded. If she had to choose, would she rather Mac had died instead of Eric?
No! She adored Eric, but she couldn’t choose between the two men. She loved them both and their lives meant everything to her.
She lay back, still as stone, her eyes closed. Her sympathy went out to Mac. Watching him suffer worsened her own pain. Because of their broken engagement, she didn’t feel she had the right to interfere. And yet, loving Mac still, she hated seeing him in so much anguish.
She rolled toward the wall, jerking the soft blankets over her head to muffle her tears.
The rocker squeaked and the scuff of Hank’s bare feet sounded as he moved past the door into the kitchen. “I reckon I’ll fix breakfast. We can get an early start today.”
Toni got up and closed the door to her room. Stumbling around in the dark, she used a basin of cold water left over from the night before and washed the sleep from her eyes. She brushed her hair, pulling it back into a long ponytail. After sliding her feet into her slippers, she sat on the edge of her bunk, stalling to gain her composure. Finally, she went out into the living area.
“Good morning,” Inez called from the cook stove.
Toni smiled a greeting as she stepped over to the now roaring fire and rubbed her hands together. She found Mac sitting up in his recliner fully dressed in a clean T-shirt and baggy sweatpants, his bandaged leg propped up on a footstool.
As his gaze traveled over her, she felt an explosion of awareness. She caught a brief flicker of approval in his eyes, aware of the energy crackling in the air. Did he still feel the spark of attraction between them? The electricity?
She turned away, confused by these old feelings she longed to push aside. Loving a man who no longer wanted her was beyond her ability to cope.
“You make those old jeans look nice,” he said.
“Good morning,” she spoke in a stiff tone, wishing he wouldn’t say such things to her.
Mac flashed a wide smile. “It is now that you’re here.”
She turned, then gasped as the movement jarred her sore ribs. If she didn’t move fast or laugh, it didn’t hurt. But his words caused the heat of pleasure to suffuse her cheeks. It felt so good to be here with him. Like coming home after being away for several years. And yet, his innocent compliment confused and angered her. She decided to ignore him.
“You hungry?” Hank called as he got out a black frying pan and sliced bacon on the cutting board. His graying hair stood on end. His beard bushed around his face, but his eyes sparkled with cheer.
Toni nodded. “It must be the mountain air, but I’m starving.”
Someone had lit another kerosene lantern and set it on the kitchen table. Vague sunlight glimmered through the windows, promising another bright summer day. But even hot summers could be chilly in the high mountains.
Dressed in flannel pajamas and a fluffy robe, Inez cracked eggs into a bowl. Her spongy pink curlers drooped from her hair and Toni almost laughed at the sight. Without electricity, they couldn’t use curling irons.
Grunt stood and lumbered to the door where he snuffled and scratched.
“Do you think it’s okay if I let him out?” she asked.
Mac hesitated. “Yeah, go ahead. I’m sure the man with road rage is long gone by now.”
Toni lifted the bolt and opened the door before she peeked out. The chill air embraced her, and she caught the scent of pine and damp earth. The dog nudged the door open with his nose, then scurried out into the early morning light. Toni wrapped her arms around herself and lifted her gaze. The first rays of sunlight shimmered across the calm surface of the lake. Streams of gold tinted the blue sky and sparkled on the clear water, framed by shadows of tall pine trees piercing the sky.
“Wow! It’s beautiful after the rain.”
A thump from Mac drew her back inside and she closed and bolted the door.
“I’ll get that.” She hurried to retrieve a glass of water sitting on the table near the recliner. His bankbook sat close by, the balance open to her view. Toni stared at his name on the register, unable to believe her eyes.
Over two million dollars! Newly deposited in his account just three weeks earlier.
She glanced at Mac, embarrassed to be caught snooping. Thankfully, he didn’t notice.
Where did Mac get so much money? He and his parents always lived simply, driving sensible cars and living in a regular home. Nothing fancy or showy.
It wasn’t Toni’s business and she tried to forget what she’d seen.
A groan drew her attention back to Mac. His hand trembled as he took the glass from her. When his fingers brushed against hers, an electric spark shot up her arm and she jerked away. He glanced at her before tilting the brim to his mouth and drinking deeply.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
His lips curled in a smile. “I’m fine. My leg stiffens in the night, but it’ll loosen up soon.”
Contrary to his words, he sounded lost and vulnerable.
Isolated.
His parents were right. Mac needed to confide in someone. A doctor that specialized in PTSD would be best. Maybe later, when he didn’t seem so touchy about it, Toni might suggest the idea. He couldn’t go through the rest of his life haunted by the deaths of his men.
Hank brought them each a glass of orange juice made from powdered concentrate. “We’ll eat and then we’ll go get your car and Mac can drive you into Clarkston.”
Toni’s pulse kicked into double-time. She hated the thought of going outside when the gunman could still be waiting for them. Mac didn’t think the guy had stuck around and she fed off of his confidence. “I left the keys in the ignition. We’ll have to be careful.”
“Of course. I’ll take my rifle with me. Grunt will go with us. He has a high sense of hearing and smell. He’ll let us know if a stranger’s still on the mountain.”
Toni agreed. She’d never forget the sight of him tearing into the man with the gun. With Grunt’s sharp teeth, she had no doubt he’d drawn blood from her attacker’s arm.
Inez flipped strips of bacon like a pro, then poured scrambled eggs into the sizzling pan. “Maybe Mac shouldn’t take his morning swim today.”
“Swim?” Toni eyed Mac’s muscular legs. His penetrating gaze seemed to pierce straight to her inner soul. A dream man wrapped up in one tall, strong package.
“Mac recently started taking a swim after breakfast.
Therapy recommended by the doctor. It strengthens his leg without putting too much weight on the healing muscles.” Hank answered.
“But what if that man is still out there?”
Mac smiled. “Don’t worry, Toni. Grunt would have warned us by now. If anything, that guy is long gone. No doubt he feared we’d call the cops on him.”
“But we don’t have any phone service this high in the mountains.”
“That’s right, but I doubt the man with road rage knows that. For all he knows, we have a CB radio and called the police.”
She didn’t feel much better. “But won’t swimming rip open the wound in your leg?”
“Nope, it’s been five weeks. Doc says it’s healed enough for swimming, if I take it very slow.”
Inez laughed. “Stop worrying, Toni. When the doctor sewed the muscle together, he layered the stitches from the inside out. The shot tore through soft tissue and ripped the muscle pretty bad. It also damaged a lot of veins and capillaries, but Mac’s lucky the bullet didn’t hit the bone. He’s healing nicely, now.”
“Ah, okay.” What did she know about bullet wounds anyway? She only knew they brought devastation and death. She hated guns!
Mac sat forward and grimaced as he eased his foot to the floor and looked at Toni. “You want to swim, too?”
Swimming in Crystal Lake. If Eric was here and she was certain some crazy man wasn’t roaming the mountain with a gun, she wouldn’t hesitate. “Nah, I don’t have a suit.”
“We can tie a pair of my long shorts around your waist so they won’t fall off. No need to worry about style.” He waggled his eye brows at her.
She didn’t laugh, but clasped a hand against her aching side. “I think I’d rather not. My ribs are still sore. Next time, I’ll bring my sister and a swimming suit and we’ll go in together.”
Next time. No, she couldn’t come here ever again. Her heart couldn’t take it. But maybe getting her younger sister out of the city would do her some good. Here in the mountains, a person had time to think about what really mattered. Toni longed to share this tranquility with Cara.
“Just don’t get any ideas about dunking us girls. We can gang up on you,” she warned.