by Julia James
But not on the terms they had agreed. Oh, no, he wanted more than that. Much more than that…
‘It seemed like a good idea yesterday, so why not today?’ he queried.
‘But you heard Brad Henderson. He isn’t going ahead with the custody battle—’
‘Forget the custody battle!’ Xander growled. ‘Forget Brad Henderson! I’m talking about you and me. I’m—I’m attracted to you. And after yesterday evening I don’t think you can deny your own response to me, either. Isn’t that mutual attraction enough to be going on with?’
Casey stared at him, slightly stunned. Of course mutual attraction wasn’t enough to base a marriage on. She already knew from being married to Sam how fleeting, how insubstantial that was—and surely Xander had learnt that lesson only too well himself from his years with Chloe. Long, bitter years, when there was neither love nor respect on either side.
As for mentioning that embarrassing time in his study last night…!
She couldn’t quite meet the intensity of his gaze with her own as she answered him. ‘Xander, if you haven’t realised it yet, my marriage to Sam—the physical side of our relationship—was less than—satisfactory—’
‘In what way?’ Xander probed remorselessly.
‘In every way,’ she snapped back. ‘He was my first and only lover before—before yesterday. And by the time my marriage ended I couldn’t even bear to be in the same room with him, let alone have him touch me in that way. He was mocking and sarcastic about our—our sex-life. And I never—I never—It just never worked between the two of us,’ she choked.
‘What do you mean, mocking and sarcastic?’ Xander asked more gently.
‘Can’t you guess?’ Casey whispered. ‘Sam never lost an opportunity to tell me how frigid, cold and unresponsive I was. How it was my own fault that I could never reach—that I never—’ She looked up at Xander through tear-drenched eyes. ‘Do I have to actually spell it out for you?’ she cried.
No, she didn’t have to spell anything out to Xander. Not Sam Bridges’ deliberate cruelty to the young and inexperienced girl who had become his wife. Not the other man’s years of emotional battering that had made it impossible for Casey to ever be able to relax enough with him to find release for her own pleasure.
A pleasure that Xander knew she’d had no problem reaching in his arms.
While he’d had her lying on a desktop!
He still cringed at the thought of how that must have seemed to Casey. Even more so now that he knew he had been the first man to ever give her physical pleasure.
‘In the circumstances, I think it’s totally wrong for the two of us to marry now that there’s no reason for us to do so.’ Casey’s voice cracked emotionally, her eyes awash with unshed tears.
Tears that he had caused by his insensitivity. Tears that he wanted to kiss from her eyes. That he wanted to banish from her life for ever!
‘Casey—’
‘Don’t, Xander!’ she choked, as he would have reached out and grasped her arms. ‘I don’t want you to touch me again!’ She turned away from him blindly. ‘I will move my own and Josh’s things out of here tomorrow, once I’ve taken him to school, and after that you need never see either of us ever again,’ she added brokenly. ‘Until then I think it would be better if we just stayed away from each other!’
‘Casey, please—’
‘No!’ she told him forcefully, as he would have reached for her a second time. ‘The last thing I need is your pity!’
Pity? Xander was too filled with a burning rage at Sam Bridges’ complete callousness towards Casey, the lies he had told her in order to cover up his own inadequacies as a man, to be able to feel such a feeble emotion as pity. And he certainly didn’t feel that emotion towards Casey…
Casey blinked her tears away as she looked up at Xander, able to see the same disgust and anger on his face she had so often seen on Sam’s. ‘See what a lucky escape you’ve had, Xander?’ she whispered. ‘I’m sure you no more want a frigid wife than Sam did.’
He shook his head in denial. ‘You aren’t frigid, Casey—’
‘No?’ she said scathingly. ‘Then I must just be cold and unresponsive!’ She squeezed her eyes shut. ‘I have to go, Xander. I have to get out of here! I have to get away from you!’ She turned quickly on her heel and fled the room.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SHE barely had time to close the bedroom door behind her before it was forced open again. She turned sharply to face Xander as he followed her into the room and closed the door firmly behind him to lean back against it.
‘I told you—’
‘I know what you told me,’ he cut in softly. ‘I heard every word that you said. Now I want you to listen to me for a few minutes, okay?’
She eyed him warily, but could see only warmth in that blue gaze now. His jaw was no longer clenched, and an encouraging smile was now curving those sculptured lips.
Her hands were fisted at her sides even as she swallowed hard before speaking. ‘I don’t see what else there is to say…’
‘Don’t you?’ he breathed. ‘Dear Lord, Casey, there is so much. So much! The first thing you need to know is that you are not any of the things Bridges told you that you were.’
‘But—’
‘None of them, Casey,’ he insisted. ‘You were a young girl of twenty when the two of you married, and Bridges was already in his late twenties; he was the one who should have been responsible for tenderly and lovingly introducing you to physical pleasure—’
‘I really don’t want to talk about this!’ Casey groaned in embarrassment as she turned away. ‘You didn’t even want me enough last night to finish what you started!’
‘Casey.’ Xander spoke urgently from just behind her. ‘Turn around and look at me. Please!’
She drew in a ragged breath, tensing her shoulders before turning to face him, keeping her gaze fixed firmly in the centre of his chest.
‘Touch me,’ he encouraged softly.
She raised startled eyes to look up at him, frowning with confusion, not knowing what he wanted of her.
Xander reached up and began to unbutton the black silk shirt he wore—slowly, taking his time over each button as he watched the play of emotions across Casey’s oh-so-telling face. He saw the way her breath caught in her throat as the muscles of his chest and the flatness of his stomach were slowly revealed, the way the fiery colour caught and held in her cheeks as he pulled the shirt from his trousers and opened it.
‘Touch me,’ he repeated huskily.
She hesitated for only a moment, and then her hands moved up tentatively, lightly caressing as she touched the dark hair that grew on his chest, those caressing fingers leaving a trail of fire wherever she touched.
Xander held back none of his response to her slightest touch—his laboured breathing, his muscles clenching at her lightest caress. He practically stopped breathing altogether as her touch became bolder, moving silkily up the length of his chest, seeking, knowing, exploring each dip and curve of his flesh, until she finally pushed the shirt off his shoulders and down his arms, leaving him naked from the waist up. She came closer, not quite touching him as her hands moved along the taut width of his shoulders.
He wanted to be completely naked—wanted Casey’s hands, her lips, to know all of him before she took him inside her and he let the warmth of her completely engulf him.
‘Can you feel how I want you?’ he groaned. ‘Feel how much I want you!’ He spoke more fiercely as he took one of her hands and placed it against him—against the throbbing heat of him.
Casey’s eyes widened as she felt the outline of Xander’s need. He was so big and hard, and as her hand ran the length of him she felt him surge at her lightest touch.
Xander did want her!
Now!
Urgently!
‘Let me show you how far from frigid, cold and unresponsive you are,’ Xander pleaded as his hands moved down to clasp hers within the warmth of his. ‘Trust me, Casey,
’ he urged as she looked up at him uncertainly. ‘Trust me not to hurt you. I promise I’ll never do anything to hurt you. If I do anything—anything at all that you don’t like—you have only to tell me and I’ll stop, okay?’
‘But—’
‘We can talk later. We have all the time in the world to talk. Now I want to show you, to let you see, that you are the most sexy, arousing, erotically beautiful woman I have ever known.’
‘But Chloe was so beautiful—’
‘Chloe was an immoral alleycat!’ Xander said harshly. ‘I have absolutely no doubts that she and your husband were well matched, that they found together whatever it was they were looking for. But you, Casey…’ His voice deepened to a husky growl. ‘To me you’re perfection. You are everything a woman should be. Beautiful. Warm. Kind. A loving, unselfish mother. With a body that is so incredibly, sexily, magnificently arousing that I only have to look at you to want to make love to you.’ He drew in a ragged breath. ‘I didn’t stop last night because I didn’t want you. I stopped because lovemaking should never be about taking, Casey, but about giving. And last night giving you pleasure was all that I needed or wanted.’
‘And now?’ Casey breathed softly.
‘Now I would like us to make love to each other,’ he told her, and he shed the rest of his clothes to stand before her completely naked. ‘Slowly. Tenderly. Fiercely. I want us to love each other in every way there is between a man and a woman.’
‘You really do want me?’ she voiced shyly.
‘Oh, Casey, how can you doubt it?’ He took her hands in his and once more drew them to his body, his gaze holding hers as he slowly moved those hands across his chest, down the flatness of his stomach, and lower, placing them against him, around him, gasping as he allowed the fierce heat to flow through him. ‘I think you may be a little overdressed for the occasion, though,’ he murmured softly, and his arms moved about her and he slid the zip of her dress down her spine, before allowing the garment to fall to the carpeted floor.
Casey stood before him wearing only silky French panties and hold-up stockings, the style of her dress not having allowed for a bra. Her breasts were full and pouting—and begging for his kiss!
Casey’s breath drew sharply in—and then stopped as she felt Xander’s lips and tongue against her breasts, her back arching instinctively as she offered herself.
The bed was soft and welcoming as Xander laid her back upon it. His kisses and caresses were unrelenting in their intensity, and he shuddered his own pleasure as Casey caressed him in return, keeping nothing of his responses back as he allowed her the freedom to touch and kiss wherever she chose.
‘Oh, God, Casey!’ he moaned as her lips and tongue drove him mad. ‘No more!’ he finally gasped hotly, sitting up to lie her gently down beside him. ‘Your turn now,’ he promised, even as his mouth moved moistly, hotly, down the length of her body.
Casey lay before him unashamedly naked as he stripped the last of her clothes from her body. His lips and tongue tasted every inch of her, suckling and laving her breasts until she lay weak and gasping beneath him, and her cry was one of appeal as he moved lower and unerringly found the core of her, tasting her, savouring her, as he brought her to the very brink of release.
She looked up at him through half-closed lids as he moved up and above her, his weight on his arms as he settled between her thighs. Then he surged into the raw heat of her with slow, stroking thrusts.
She cried out hoarsely, her hands against the tautness of his spine as he moved harder and faster and her body convulsed around him. There was a look of pure rapture on Xander’s face as he reached his own release.
‘I could lie with you like this for ever,’ Xander murmured some time later, his lips against her creamy throat, his arms tightly about her, their bodies still joined.
‘So could I,’ Casey acknowledged huskily, her hands lightly caressing his silky hair as it rested on his shoulders in tangled disarray.
Xander looked at her with intent blue eyes. ‘I love you, Casey.’
Casey closed hers briefly, hardly able to believe he had said those words to her, before opening them and saying, ‘Do you really, Xander?’
‘More than life itself,’ he vowed. ‘Forget the past. Most of all, forget the cold-blooded way I asked you to marry me three weeks ago.’ He groaned. ‘As you’ve just seen, there is nothing in the least cold about the way you make me feel!’
Casey laughed softly, knowing a freedom with Xander that she had never experienced before. ‘Or the way you make me feel,’ she echoed huskily. ‘I do love you—so very much, Xander.’ She moved so that she could look down at him, careful not to dislodge him, loving the feel of him inside her, knowing him to be a part of her that was as necessary as breathing.
‘Will you marry me, Casey?’ Xander asked. ‘For no other reason than because I love you. Because you love me. Will you, Casey?’
‘I thought—before Brad arrived I believed you were going to tell me that you couldn’t marry me, after all!’ She breathed shakily, hardly able to believe that such happiness was really within her grasp.
‘I was,’ Xander confirmed. ‘But only that I couldn’t marry you under the conditions we had agreed,’ he added quickly, as she frowned. ‘I couldn’t have been married to you and not wanted to be with you like this!’ he told her fiercely. ‘I would have been lying to you as well as myself if I had allowed us to sign that contract disclaiming any physical relationship between us. I want you too much, need you too much, to ever be able to agree to that!’ he assured her gruffly. ‘And I want, always, to give you the same honesty you’ve always given me,’ he murmured, even as his hands moved to caress the softness of her hair. ‘Marry me, Casey, and make me the happiest man that ever lived.’
‘Oh, yes,’ she said. ‘Yes, I’ll marry you, Xander!’
For a time there was only silence in the bedroom as they kissed each other with fierce hunger.
‘When did you know that you loved me?’ Casey finally asked wonderingly.
‘I’m not completely sure of the exact moment I fell in love with you. But I knew for certain that it was love I felt for you when I looked at the contract last night after you left and saw that you refused to accept any money for yourself. You see, my darling, I had assumed you weren’t happy with the contract because a million pounds wasn’t enough—’
‘Xander Fraser, I don’t want your money—’
‘I know that, my love.’ He smiled. ‘I know that only too well. But it seemed, after the way you left me last night, that you didn’t want me, either.’
‘How can you say that, after what happened?’ Casey gasped incredulously.
‘You seemed—unhappy that you had allowed it to happen.’ He grimaced.
‘I was stunned,’ she corrected huskily. ‘I really did believe that I was one of those women who simply don’t enjoy the physical side of a relationship.’
‘And now?’ Xander teased.
‘Now I would like us to make love again,’ she admitted softly, even as she felt him stir inside her. ‘In fact, I would like for us to stay in bed for a week, with absolutely no distractions but each other!’
‘I think that might be arranged,’ Xander muttered as he moved to kiss her. ‘I’m sure the children won’t mind if we ask Brad to stay with them while we disappear for a few days on our honeymoon.’
‘We’re really going to get married tomorrow, as planned?’ Casey looked up at him with wondering eyes.
‘I think perhaps we had better, don’t you,’ he said indulgently. ‘I love you so much, Casey, and I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off you for some time to come.’ His hand moved caressingly down the flatness of her waist to the silky curls beneath.
Love.
To have Xander love her.
To love Xander in return.
Love was what made all the difference…
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
‘XANDER…?’
‘Hmm?’ he murmured sleepily aga
inst her throat, having fallen into a satiated sleep after their lovemaking.
Casey took a few moments for contented reflection before answering him.
Even after a year of marriage they still couldn’t get enough of each other—of being together, of loving each other.
Xander often deferred business trips if Casey couldn’t accompany him—something that wasn’t always possible when they had two small children to think of. And Casey’s late stage of pregnancy meant she hadn’t been able to fly anywhere at all these last two months.
This last year of being Xander’s wife, of uniting their two families—Brad had become grandfather to both Josh and Lauren—of making a child of their own, had been the happiest time Casey had ever known in her life.
And it was about to get better…
‘I think we need to go to the clinic, Xander,’ she told him softly.
‘Hmm?’ he murmured sleepily again. ‘What?’ he gasped, sitting up as her words penetrated his drowsy brain, with a panicked look on his face. ‘Are you sure? Isn’t it too early? The baby isn’t expected for another couple of weeks!’ he muttered worriedly, even as he got out of bed and began to pull on his clothes.
Casey gave a happy smile as she watched him put on his trousers without putting on his boxer shorts, and having to start all over again. ‘I think the baby has decided otherwise,’ she told him as she moved to the side of the bed.
‘Fine.’ He nodded distractedly, his hair a dark tangle as he ran an agitated hand through it. ‘First I have to call Brad and get him to come and sit with Lauren and Josh. Then I have to—’
‘Slow down, Xander.’ Casey laughed. ‘It isn’t going to happen for hours yet,’ she assured him. ‘I just don’t think it’s going to wait until morning,’ she added, as another contraction gripped her.
Xander paled and quickly crossed the bedroom to her side. ‘You’re going to be all right, aren’t you, Casey?’ he asked, gripping both her hands in his as he stared down at her intently. ‘I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to you—’