His father hated him on sight.
From the beginning he didn't fit in with his plain looks that harshly contrasted the charming good looks of his siblings. He was a fussy baby, where not one of the other children had given their parents a moment's grief. He grew into a moody and sullen toddler, but it was mainly because nobody could get along with him, nobody even tried. His siblings were awful to him with their constant ridicule, their pranks, and unloading their chores onto him. He was often beaten by them, and by his father for the slightest of infractions. His mother was the only one who was even remotely kind to him. She never laid a hand on him, and in private moments, she treated him tenderly. But she did not defend him, and she often begged him to just be quiet and cooperative.
Once he reached school age, he hoped that someone at school would help him. He complained to several teachers about his treatment at home, only to be ignored and callously brushed off. In fact, at school, he often encountered even worse treatment than he did at home and he became progressively more angry and alone.
That's how Josh came to find out about Benjamin Bar; a secret he never revealed to another soul.
Joshua was in the fourth grade, and Benjamin followed a year behind him. He'd often noticed that Benjamin was an outcast as well. Perhaps not for the same reasons. Where Josh was homely, Benjamin was strikingly good looking. Where Josh came from a poor farm family, Benjamin was clearly of pure bread stock. But, for some reason, Josh observed that nobody liked Benjamin. Classmates did not tease and taunt Benjamin, as they did Josh, but it was clear they did not care for him. Benjamin spent all his time alone at school unless other students were forced to work with him on any sort of group project. Though the two boys had never once spoken, Josh decided one day that Benjamin would be his one and only friend.
He approached Benjamin in the cafeteria and sat down next to him at one of the many long tables. "Hi," Josh said timidly.
Benjamin stared into his food, seeming not to hear Josh.
"I'm Joshua Cross," Josh said kindly. Benjamin continued to ignore him. "I'd like to be your friend. Would you like that?"
Benjamin finally looked up. He met Josh's eyes, and gave him a cold stare that sent a shiver down his spine. "No."
Josh's heart sank. He sighed and his shoulders slumped. He felt that burning feeling in his eyes and mentally ordered himself not to cry. "Why not?" he asked sadly, hating the note of whininess in his own voice.
Benjamin smiled, a malevolent thing that seemed more like a jagged crack in his face. "Because I don't like you."
The tears welled in Josh's eyes, threatening to spill. He clamped his eyes closed for a few seconds trying to get control of himself. "Have I done something wrong to you?" Josh asked.
Benjamin giggled. Then he got up and walked away.
***
For some reason Josh would never understand, he thought he could get Benjamin to warm up to him. He thought if he was just friendly and patient, that Benjamin would eventually want to be friends and he wouldn't feel so all alone. Josh tried to be patient and not to get upset when he'd take a seat next to Benjamin only to be abruptly abandoned when the boy got up and walked away. He tried to play with Benjamin on the playground, only to have Benjamin shove him down, or run away. It ended up being pitiful incidents of Josh chasing Benjamin around the playground, but in his own mind, he pretended they were playing tag.
The Cross farm was situated next to the Faraway forest, and it was only a quick hike through there to the Bar home. He began appearing on Benjamin's doorstep and knocking on the door, thinking the boy would be friendlier away from the stresses of elementary school. Day after day, nobody answered. Then finally, one day in late spring, Mr. Bar came to the door.
"What is it?" the domineering man demanded.
"Is… Is Benjamin home?" Joshua asked shyly.
"What's it to you? Why do you keep coming here, boy?"
"I just wanted to see if Benjamin would like to play!"
"He doesn't. Not with you. Not ever. Now, get out of here!" Mr. Bar sneered.
Joshua burst into tears and ran off sobbing into the woods.
***
After that incident, Josh began hiding in the trees and watching the Bar residence. He'd wait for any signs of Benjamin, and if the boy came outside, he trailed him as he hiked into the forest. He no longer wanted to approach the boy, but he somehow still felt close to him just by observing him from a distance.
In retrospect, Josh could look back on the events of that time in his youth, and know that he stalked Benjamin. He didn't understand what had possessed him to do it. Maybe it was just a way to kill time and stay away from his tumultuous home life. Maybe somewhere inside himself he'd honestly thought he'd found a friend. Or maybe, somehow, he'd known that there was a secret to be revealed.
One day in one of the early hot days of summer, Josh caught sight of Benjamin leaving the back door of his house and darting into the trees. Josh was on the outside of the gates, and he scampered quickly around to keep Benjamin in his sight. Benjamin often roamed aimlessly about the trees with Josh on his tail. But that day, he seemed to have a purpose. He walked faster than usual; practically jogged. Josh's heart thudded, a strange feeling rose inside him. Maybe it was the heat of the day, leaving him soggy with sweat and short of breath that brought about a sense of anxiety. Or maybe… Maybe it was something else. Something he knew on an unconscious level, but didn't really know.
Benjamin led Josh farther into the woods than ever before. They went so far, and the trees became so thick that it became noticeably cooler and definitely darker. Josh didn't like the sounds that emanated there. Strange hoots, creaks, and shrieks that somehow seemed different from the woodland creatures in the sunnier parts of the forest.
He lost sight of Benjamin briefly when the boy reached the mouth of a cave and dove inside without hesitation. Josh crept up to the cave. As he approached, he was assaulted by a stench unlike anything he'd ever smelled before. He placed a hand against the cold stone wall of the cave and leaned over. His stomach heaved and he struggled not to vomit.
Something told Josh not to follow Benjamin into the cave. But, he wanted to see what was in there. As much as he didn't want to know; he needed to know what that smell was. Josh crept behind a tree and decided to wait until Benjamin left the cave.
Time ticked slowly by. Josh sat propped against the tree and grew bored. Soon, his eyes grew heavy and he dozed there in the eerie stillness of the dark wood. He had no idea how much time had gone by when a twig snapped and roused him from his light slumber.
He peeked around the tree to see Benjamin disappearing into the woods, heading back in the direction of home. Once he could no longer hear Benjamin's footsteps, Josh stood up and brushed the pine needles and leaves from his jeans. He took another good look around and then headed for the opening to the cave.
Again the stink rolled into his face and bile rose in his throat. His rational mind told him distinctly to turn around and leave. But that place in the mind that exists under everything that makes sense, urged him on.
Josh tip toed into the cave, each step difficult as he struggled against his good sense. As he proceeded all traces of daylight faded to black and he wished he had some sort of light. There was a whoosh and a flutter, and Josh felt wings beat up around him. He froze in place, beginning to tremble violently. He would never know what possessed him to continue.
But, he did.
He continued to creep slowly forward until he once again saw a trace of light. He picked up his pace, eager to get to wherever the light came from. Soon, he stepped into a cavern, where daylight shone in through several holes in the craggy rocks overhead.
Josh's mouth fell open, his face contorted by a silent scream.
His eyes darted around quickly, too frightened and shocked to rest on any one thing. But his panicked mind somehow absorbed everything. Corpses, in every state of decomposition. Many animal, and quite a few human. Each was posed in some sort of maca
bre fashion, as though forming a museum of the dead. One woman reclined on a bed of rocks with her hand across her forehead, as though in a faint. As though she were a living lady, shocked by the sight of the gruesome cavern. Except, her skin was wrinkled, grey, and peeling back from her bones. Her hair hung in thin stringy clumps. Her paper thin eyelids closed over sunken eye sockets and her lips drew back in a tongue lulling grimace.
In another corner, a boy who could not have been more than four in life, crouched on his knees, held in place by a crude wiring system attached to the ceiling above. He appeared to be playing with the cadaver of a puppy. Half the boy's face was missing and where the wires attached to him, his fetid flesh was impaled by staples. The dog's rotting entrails escaped it's abdomen even as it stood posed jumping up on the boy. They were like marionette puppets from hell.
Scenes such as those filled the cave. Some of the corpses were mummified. Others had decayed away completely to skeletal remains. There was every manner of forest and farm animal, and people from toddler to elderly. Josh's mind simply could not grasp what he was saying.
He turned and blasted back through the cave, guided through the black tunnel by terrified grace. He burst back into daylight. He ran and ran.
Chapter 24
Joshua "celebrated" his sixteenth birthday with a severe beating from his father.
Presumably, he'd "forgotten" to do his chores, which earned him ten lashes with the belt after being dragged from his bed before the sun rose. Except, the chores he'd failed to do were actually his sister's. When his father finished with him and angrily stormed away, Josh crawled into a corner, each movement of his wounded body causing him intense pain. He leaned his head against the wall and wept bitterly. The sound of his sorrow drew his mother into the room.
She crouched on the floor, and gingerly reached for him, pulling him into her arms. She was the only one who didn't treat him like some sort of disgusting monster. He leaned into her and cried, comforted by her warmth.
"Mama," Josh whispered. "Please don't let them hurt me anymore." It was the same plea he'd made to her a million times over the years. She always responded by hugging him and quietly insisting that he just be good and get along. He didn't know what else he was supposed to do to get along in life. He did everything anybody told him to do and never complained. In fact, he never said a word. He knew he didn't look like other people, but somewhere in his heart, even after years of being told that he was, he didn't think he was ugly. Just different. But to the world as he knew it, different meant ugly.
That time, to his surprise and relief, her answer was different. "You're right, Joshy," she said softly, stroking his messy hair. "I won't let them hurt you anymore."
He looked up, peering happily and hopefully into her eyes. "You won't?"
She smiled kindly and patted his arm. "Get ready for school. I'll take care of it for you today."
Josh did just as she said, prepared for school, and went to catch the bus. He was so relieved and overjoyed that he didn't even here the cruel taunts from his school mates on the bus or in class. He wondered obsessively what exactly his mother would do to rescue him.
At the close of the school day, he found out. A police officer escorted by his principal came to the classroom and asked for him. Out in the hallway, the principal smugly looked on as the cop informed him that he would be taking Josh to the home of Thelma Dark, a local foster mom. His mother had turned him over to be a ward of the state.
After that day, he saw his siblings here and there in school, but he never saw his parents again.
***
Josh spent the remaining months of his junior year in high school in Thelma Dark's "care." He never quite recovered from the shock that his mother's way of helping him had been to abandon him entirely. He grew angry and volatile. When people were mean to him then, he responded with vulgarity and fists. He thought of Benjamin Bar's secret a lot in those days.
A lot of people would've thought Thelma Dark ran a horrible home. But, to Josh, it wasn't that bad. Not as bad as where he'd come from, anyhow. Plus, living with Ella Cinder was a bonus. Although, despite the fact that he found her highly entertaining to look at, he found her to be just like everyone else. She seemed like a nice person, but she rebuked any effort on his part to befriend her. Just like everyone else who'd ever passed through his life. Even one of the kindest people in Faraway couldn't be convinced to be kind to him. This made him even more bitter and hateful.
When summer rolled around, Josh managed to find some rare entertainment when the Carnaval de le Nuit came to Faraway. The traveling carnival fascinated Josh. He had no money to get in, but he managed to sneak in a rear entrance to see the sights. He spent a sultry evening walking amongst the rides and tents, staring entranced at all the performers and their fantastic acts. There was a fantastical looking man in black with long white hair who swallowed swords. A dark haired beauty in an elaborate burlesque costume ate fire. Men and women alike strolled about decked in glitter, sequins and gold. He saw a flying trapeze act that took his breath away. He observed beautiful fortune tellers, raking in money from their marks. And perhaps the thing that attracted him most of all was the freak show.
The carnival performers were like a group of glorious swans to Josh.
Josh wished beyond reason that he could leave with these people; join their show. Each player he passed, he contemplated asking them. But he was still several months shy of his eighteenth birthday, and besides that, he had nothing to offer the outfit. No special skills, no exotic beauty. At best he could hope to be a freak, but even in that regard he considered himself unexceptional. Late in the evening, Josh dejectedly left the carnival and returned to the Dark residence.
That very night there was a tussle at the house. He saw the Dark twins abuse Ella Cinder. Though Ella had never reciprocated any of his attempts at friendship, seeing her be abused reared Josh's ugly temper and he exploded. Once the situation died down, Thelma informed him that he'd be sent to an orphanage on the morrow.
When the house finally rested for the night, Josh Cross snuck out a window. His feet hit the ground and he took off running.
***
He ambled alongside the road and into Faraway city limits that night, ending up at a small all-night diner. He ordered only water as he had not a cent to his name. The waitress must've noted his disheveled and lost appearance and found some pity for him however, as she served him coffee on the house.
Sitting alone at the coffee counter, he stared at the multi colored Formica and sipped the muddy drink, weighing his options. Actually, he had no options. So, he weighed his lack of options. And then a sweet voice snapped him from his miserable reverie.
"Well, hello there, Joshua!"
He snapped his head up to see his high school counselor taking a seat next to him on one of the red vinyl swiveling stools. His heart sped up as he beheld her sparkling dark eyes and her slightly too wide smile. The woman was greatly loved among his high school peers. But, something about Mrs. Bar thoroughly unsettled Josh. She struck him as slightly too friendly. Slightly too happy. Her smile was slightly too bright, her eyes slightly too lively. She was perfection; amplified… Slightly. It likely had a lot to do with the fact that he had pretty hard evidence that her son was an utter lunatic. But the thing was that he found it hard to believe Benjamin Bar acted alone and got away with what he did without his parents knowing.
He had no choice but to believe that Mrs. Bar was a psychopath as well.
Nonetheless, he had yet to give away Benjamin's dark secret, and he wasn't about to start then. Nothing on earth frightened him more than the prospect of any of the Bar's knowing that he knew. So he forced a small, polite smile.
"Hi, Mrs. Bar," Josh said meekly.
"What brings you out so late, son?" she asked kindly, concern furrowing her brow.
His head began to hum. He was out well past curfew and Mrs. Bar was an authority figure. He was sure to end up at a foster home, or the police department. T
hose prospects seemed equally horrible to him. He didn't know what to say.
"I… Uh, I just needed to get out of the house for a moment," he said.
She frowned. "You live at the Dark house don't you?"
His cheeks reddened. He couldn't believe he knew that much about him honestly. "Yeah, I sure do, Mrs. Bar."
"Listen, Josh… Is everything OK? Do you need my help?"
Seriously, Josh thought. Someone finally cares about me and it has to be HER?
"Oh, it's no problem. I'll just finish my coffee here and head home, alright?"
She studied his face, deeply staring into his eyes. Her concentration on him made him crazy. He wanted her to go away. After a long tense moment she reached out and stroked his arm. "Josh, tell ya what, why don't you come on out to my house. I'll be honest, I'm not fond of Thelma Dark, and I'm sensing there's something going on here. We'll go home, and I'll help you."
WORST IDEA EVER, Josh mentally screamed. His anxiety climbed to an alarming level. He suspected that nobody who went to the Bar house ever got any form of help. He glanced around, thinking of darting for the exit. She'd probably think he was running away out of fear of Thelma Dark or the authorities. She wouldn't suspect that he knew about her family's dark secret.
Or would she?
He took a deep breath, thinking quickly. "Sure Mrs. Bar, thank you so much. I just need to make a quick pit stop if it's OK?"
Her overly pleasant smile returned. "Sure, I'll wait for you here."
Josh concentrated on keeping his gait leisurely as he strolled to the men's room. Once inside, he locked the door quickly behind him and darted across the tiny water closet. He scurried onto the toilet and pushed out the screen in the small open window that was situated several feet above his head. He hoisted himself up deftly and pulled himself out the window. He dropped to the dry dirt below then sprang instantly back to his feet.
No Happily Ever After (The Fairytale Diaries #1) Page 10