by Marie Cole
This time I felt sure. Absolutely sure. I hadn't felt so sure about anything in my whole life with the exception of choosing music as my major. I would perform my ode to Kent in front of everyone. And then when it was over I'd perform it privately for him. And beg him to do what was right. Beg him to choose me and give us a chance. Because I knew in my heart that we were meant to be together. Jen was just practice. And a placeholder.
I smiled and clapped from stage left as Bethy finished her violin composition.
"Great job," I whispered as she passed by me.
She squeezed my arm gently, "Good luck, Elly."
She kept walking and I turned my attention back to the stage. The lights dimmed and the spotlight moved to meet me. The crowd that had gathered for a couple hours of entertainment went silent. I inhaled deeply. Exhaled deeply. It was time.
I knew my mother was out there somewhere, probably holding up a video camera, so I had to make sure that it was perfect and inspiring. I sat down at the piano and positioned my hands over the keys. I leaned forward and spoke softly in the mic. "My name is Elly Palmer and this is my final composition of the year. It's titled "Plea.""
I sat back and the piano played the soft melody I'd painstakingly crafted over the past few weeks. Hours and hours of hard work played in the span of three minutes and fifty-three seconds.
My performance went off without a single hitch. The auditorium filled with applause as the last note reverberated through their eardrums. I waved as I left the stage and was met with Stacy when I was safely behind the curtains.
"Oh my god, Elly! That was beautiful! Do you think he was here?" She hugged me tightly and then pulled away.
I grinned at her and shrugged, "I don't know. It was supposed to be your job to look for him."
"I tried but it's so crowded out there."
"I know. I wasn't prepared for that many people. My knees feel like jello." Stacy walked with me towards the chairs that had been set up backstage.
"Well, take a breather. Did you want to grab a bite after this?" She sat down next to me, her hands clenched between her legs.
"Ah, no. I think I need to go find out if Kent was here," I said. Stacy grinned and then nodded. She looked so happy for me.
I hoped that look would be on Kent's face later after I sang him my song. Stacy jumped and pulled my phone from her jean pocket. She held it out to me.
"It's my mom," I smiled as I picked up the phone. "Hey mom."
"Hello, Elly. You were so good! I regret now that we didn't push you harder earlier in life."
I smiled to myself. She could've pushed but it wouldn't have helped any. "I would've ended up hating music and you. Listen, I need to go talk to Kent but I'll be home this weekend with all my stuff on your doorstep."
"Alright, dear. I'll be home waiting for you. I'll make sure you have clean sheets."
"Thanks, Mom. I love you."
"I love you too. Bye." My mother hung up the phone and I stood up, looking at Stacy as she joined me.
"Moment of truth..." I nibbled on my lower lip nervously.
Stacy grabbed my shoulders and gave me a little shake, "He'd be crazy not to say yes, Elly. You're amazing and I've seen it too. He does have feelings for you. You just have to get him to show it."
As I left the concert hall, I was filled with confidence and ready to confront Kent. I knocked on his dorm door, guitar case in hand. Jen answered and smiled brightly at me.
"Elly! Hey, how are you?" She slowly pushed her blonde hair over her shoulder which I thought was weird.
"I'm good. Is Kent here?" I furrowed my brows and then tried to look behind her into the dorm.
"No, he's not. He went out for something for dinner. Our celebration dinner." She put her hand over her chest and that's when I saw the sparkling diamond ring. I blinked at the ring and felt the color rush from my face.
"I...uh, wow. You're?..."
Jen nodded enthusiastically. "Engaged! Can you believe it?!"
"That's...wow."
Jen closed the distance between us and hugged me. I let her because I was still very much in shock.
"I know! Isn't it exciting?!"
I felt like a dagger had been pushed through my heart and I was grateful that Jen couldn't see the hurt in my face because she was too busy hugging me. When she pulled back I grabbed her hand and pulled it close so I could look at the ring and hopefully avoid Jen catching my feelings.
"It's beautiful. Congrats."
Jen smiled and stared at her ring. "It's not very big but he got it from his mom. I'll be picking out the wedding ring myself and it's going to be so much prettier."
"I'm sure it will." I smiled softly, trying to push back the nauseous feeling. "Well, just...tell Kent I stopped by...or no, don't. Just tell him congrats for me."
Jen nodded. "I will. Bye Elly! Have a great summer."
"Yeah...you too." I turned and walked somberly down the hallway. The high from my awesome performance was now gone.
He was getting married. He had asked his mom for an engagement ring. And he hadn't told me. He had left me out of it all. I grabbed my phone and started scrolling through it. Had I missed some phone calls from him? Text messages? No. Nothing. I felt pain in the corners of my eyes and blinked as my vision blurred. My chest squeezed and I tried very hard to keep it together until I got to the privacy of my dorm room.
Later that night, I heard a soft knock on my door. I didn't know who would be knocking on my door at this late hour but if it was some weirdo wanting a booty call or something I wasn't interested so I yelled, "Wrong door! Go away!" My voice was scratchy and raw from the crying I'd been doing since I'd come back.
There was another knock. It seemed the person on the other side was either ignoring me, or didn't hear me.
I exhaled loudly and rushed to the door, opening it violently, ready to yell at whoever stood on the other side. My words froze in my throat as I saw Kent standing there. I saw his smile light up and then fade as he took in my appearance.
My mind was racing, I knew he could see my tear stained face, my puffy eyes. I stepped back so he could come in and looked down at my bare feet. A suitcase was on the bed, half packed, my walls empty, boxes packed and half packed all around the edge of the small room.
He stepped into the room and shut the door behind him. "Elly, what's wrong?" His eyes moved around the packed up room and stopped on the suitcase.
"Nate and I broke up." I lied, he still had no idea that we'd broken up months ago so it was time to get it out and save face because the real reason was too painful to admit. I wiped at my eyes and went to my dresser, continuing to pack.
"I'm sorry to hear that, Elly." He kind of stood there awkwardly.
"What's up? Are you here because Jen told you that I came by?"
"You came by? Jen didn't tell me anything about that."
I turned from the dresser, bras in my hands and stayed across the room from him. I smiled, hoping like hell that it looked sincere, "So congratulations are in order. You're getting married."
Kent shook his head. There seemed to be something else that bothered him. "So, I guess you heard the other news too, huh?"
I shook my head slowly. "What other news?"
Those dark eyes of his looked towards the floor. "Jen is pregnant."
My mouth dropped open. "But, I mean, that's not why you're marrying her."
"So, are you really upset about, Nate? Or is it something else?" He wasn't looking at me.
Why would he be asking me that? Did he come to my final? Did he hear my song? I wasn't going to ask him, not now that I knew he was marrying Jen, had been planning it long enough to find a ring for her finger.
"Don't be stupid, of course I'm upset over Nate. So tell me, is that the only reason you're marrying her?" I was looking right at him, but Kent still wasn't looking at me.
"I wanted to come tell you and hoped you would be happy."
"I'll be happy, but only if you are." I stayed across the room, not t
rusting myself to stop touching him if I started. "Are you happy?"
"I'm happy." The words sounded sure, but I swore there were tears in his eyes.
"Are you about to cry because of how happy you are?" I motioned to his eyes. My sappy tears were clearing up as my anger pushed through. Anger at him for lying to me. Anger at him for being so careless and knocking Jen up. He ruined everything! He always did.
Finally his eyes looked up at me and his tears seemed to be threatening to spill. "Why are you being so mean, Elly?"
"Because you're being stupid!" The dam was open and there was no closing it now. "You're repeating the history of your parents, don't you see that?! Your dad knocked up your mom, didn't really love her and then left her high and dry when he couldn't take it anymore! You can't coast through life, Kent! At some point in your life you're going to have to stand up for yourself." I shook my head as I stalked over to my suitcase and threw my bras in.
Kent stood there for the longest time. The tears had already spilled from his eyes. He was never one for confrontation, ever. There was only that one time that he had a confrontation that I saw. At our first high school party a guy was picking on me and Kent punched him in the face.
His face became solemn as the emotion faded from his eyes. The tears still stained his cheeks as he turned away from me.
"I'm sorry you feel that way, Elly. I hope you have a good summer."
When he shut the door I reached for my stereo and turned it up loud, loud enough to cover the sobs that racked my body when he walked away from me. I felt, in my heart, that it was forever.
Chapter Forty-One
I glanced around the packed bar, a smile on my glossy lips. A guy dressed like a cowboy wolf whistled and put his arm around me as I tried to get to the bar. "Princess Leia, will you be my slave?" I laughed and held tightly onto the golden chain that was around my neck.
"Not tonight, cowboy." Luckily for me, the men had plenty of eye candy tonight and moved on quickly when I showed my disinterest.
I was almost to the bar when I tried to squeeze past a nurse and a maid.
"Elly!" The nurse's voice made me jump and look at the face. It was Jen, and holy shit for six months pregnant she looked very...unpregnant. "Who are you supposed to be? A belly dancer?"
There was a tall dark haired person behind her wearing a lab coat who turned around after Jen spoke, his hands in his pockets. Kent looked as good as ever and it made me a little bitter to admit that. I had hoped that after our fight and our summer hiatus that he'd look like shit. He was wearing a lab coat with a nice polo under it, dress pants and shiny shoes. Around the neck of the lab coat was a stethoscope.
I cleared my throat as I met Kent's eyes with my own. "I bet Kent knows."
"Princess Leia, the Sex Slave, of course." Kent offered a little smile as he stood there but I didn't return it. "It looks good on you," he said. The comment got a nudge from Jen to his ribs.
I raised my hands in surrender. "I don't want to cause any premarital strife."
Jen gave me an unwelcome hug. "It's okay, Elly. I was just giving him a hard time."
Kent was standing behind her and raised his hand to scratch his head with a chuckle.
I smiled softly and pat Jen uncomfortably and then pulled back, looking her over. "So you are due in what? Three months?"
Jen looked over her shoulder at Kent and shook her head, "No. No, I lost the baby over the summer."
I nodded slowly and looked from Jen's face to her hand and then to Kent and saw that the ring was still there. I looked at Jen.
"I'm sorry to hear that. I can't imagine how tough that must have been." It was the only genuine thing I'd said to her since we started talking.
Jen nodded again and reached out, gently clasping my elbow. "We missed you at Kent's birthday this year!" She looked over her shoulder at Kent, "Why didn't we invite Elly?"
I didn't need to hear whatever lame ass excuse they had for "accidentally" misplacing my invite. I wouldn't have gone anyway. It took me all summer but I had finally come to terms with the end of my relationship with Kent. And I didn't need to stand there and pretend that I wanted to be friendly to either of them.
"Must've slipped your minds. Sounds like you had a hectic summer," I said. I pointed to the bar sheepishly, "I'm gonna go get my drink. I'll see you guys around." I raised my hand and waved at them both before turning away, heading for the bar to order myself a shot.
I was glad to be away from that train wreck of a relationship. I didn't need him in my life anymore. Once my tequila shot arrived I tilted my head back. I blew out hard trying to calm the fire as it slid down my throat. I looked at the clock and then around the bar, smiling softly as I took in all the costumes. The girls, much like myself, dressed like a bunch of sluts. The guys costumes ranged from super lazy to super crazy.
Someone dressed as Chewbacca came up next to me and put a hand on my boob and honked it. I looked over my shoulder and laughed, slapping the hand away.
"Want a drink?" I asked.
Chewie nodded and then pulled off her mask. It was a girl. Man-ish in a tall way but certainly not a man. I ordered another shot and then pushed it to my bandmate, Susie.
I watched her take the shot and then looked around the bar again, my eyes meeting with Kent's. He was standing at the other end of the bar, a beer in one hand, a Cosmo in the other. He stared at me and seemed torn. He stuck his tongue out at me.
Susie's paw waved in front of my face and I turned away, breaking the spell.
"Earth to Elly! It's time, girlfriend."
I nodded and then looked for Kent again. When I spotted him I stared for a few seconds and then moved away, Chewie following. More Star Wars characters were on the stage, tuning their instruments and that was where I was headed.
I made my way up on stage and grabbed the mic. I cleared my throat and started speaking, "Happy Halloween!! We're Duds..."
I looked behind me at the band I'd joined over the summer. We were all a bunch of self-proclaimed nerds and had an awesome time playing and spending time together. They saw me through my heartbreak with Kent since Stacy was not around. They allowed me to musically unleash my feelings. I looked at the drummer and nodded my head. The music started, No Doubt's "Don't Speak" filled the bar.
The men in the bar wolf whistled when I bent over to get a drink of water as the intro played. I looked behind me and grinned, moving a slow hand up my bare, toned, shimmery leg.
I looked out into the crowd as the words poured from me, I couldn't see past the bright lights but I knew he was out there and yes, damn straight, I was singing this with him in my heart and soul.
The last of the chorus was sung with everything I had. I felt like I was on fire whenever I was on stage, it was where I was meant to be. The applause was deafening and we continued right into our next song, Blur's "Song 2." The bar was a collective "Woohoo!" when the song called for it and the pulse was live through the jumping, dancing crowd. After the short two minute Blur the Kent-smashing continued with Alanis' "You Oughta Know." I touched myself during the interlude, touched myself on my shoulder where he'd kissed me the night we'd had sex and then it got more intense as I matched the lyrics with a scratch on Chewie's back. I went through the set list as it alternated between a crowd-pleaser and a Kent-killer.
They lowered the lights for the last song, the spotlight off of me. The soft guitar intro of "Lips of An Angel" drifted through the bar. My eyes searched the crowd and landed on Kent who stood there at the bar, his eyes on already on me. He had two drinks in his hands again but didn't move while I sang to him.
I closed my eyes at the end of the song and then spoke into the mic, "We're Duds! Thanks for coming out tonight!" I gave one wave and then turned off the mic, the applause overpowering anything I would've said anyway.
I made my way to the bar, pushing through the crowd. I ended up at Kent's side and ordered myself another shot of tequila. I glanced at him but wasn't going to say anything to him unless he sa
id something first. Kent sat the drinks down and pulled some money out to pay for my drink.
"I'm sorry, Elly."
I pushed his money back to him. "I get free drinks on gig nights. What are you apologizing for exactly?"
Kent took the money and put it back into his pocket. "I was listening to those songs and the words. I know some of those were meant for me, Elly."
"And you're apologizing because...?" I stared up to him, not letting him get away with being vague tonight.
Kent looked like he was having trouble finding his words. "For how we left each other before summer. "
"Oh. You mean how you just walked away from me?" My eyebrows lifted in unison along with my voice.
"Yes. For how I left you. I know you were crying as I walked out of your dorm room. That's what I was sorry for."
I threw back the shot and set it gently on the bar as I swallowed.
"No apology needed. I'm good. Singing is very therapeutic. I hope you two are happy together." I reached up and put my hand on his cheek, my thumb grazing at the very corner of his mouth gently. I knew I was playing with fire but I just couldn't seem to help myself. But being friends again wasn't in the cards.
His face turned just slightly as if he were going to kiss my thumb. It was much like the way he kissed my cheek that night we'd slept together.
I was pulled to the side abruptly, my hand leaving his face. "Stop flirting, Princess," a male voice purred in my ear.
The man who held me had blonde spiky hair, multiple face piercings, and a mean look about him. He was dressed like a pimp complete with the tall feather in his hat. I smiled at him and wrapped my arms around his neck and stepped close, pressing myself against him. I wanted to be sure that Kent got an eyeful. I wanted him to regret his choice. The choice he continued to make. The wrong choice.
"Make me," I purred back. He flashed me his charming smile which kicked his looks up at least four pegs. He pressed his lips to the side of my exposed neck.
"Gladly," he growled in his deep, raspy voice. I giggled and looked in Kent's direction. Kent was picking the drinks up and was getting ready to move back through the crowd.