I go to the reception because I know it’ll make Claire happy. It can’t hurt. Maybe I’ll find a study partner and it won’t be a complete waste of time. I walk in and immediately feel out of place. Everyone seems to already know each other. At least at Heyward Prep I had my own little entourage to make me feel like I was part of something. My heart warms as I think about the days Will and I had with Gwen and Caroline, Chris and Tyler, and then saddens because I have no certainty that things will ever be like that again.
In the back of my mind I thought I might see someone from my high school in Orlando, but there are no familiar faces to be seen. God knows there’s no way I’m seeing anyone from Heyward here. They wouldn’t be caught dead at a state school.
I mingle and make less than small talk with people. When asked where I’m from my answer is a firm Davidson, North Carolina. I’m more connected to that town, even after being there just a year, than I ever was to Orlando. It’s the place I discovered and learned so much about myself, the place I found a home with Luke and Claire, and the place I fell in love with and gave my heart to Will. Although exiled, I will always feel that Davidson is my home.
Two of the girls I meet are also psychology majors. We discover that we have a class together this semester and agree to form a study alliance. They seem like nice girls. I feel bad that I’ve already determined I’ll never let them get close to me.
Having suffered long enough through feigned interest in other people, their majors and career goals, I decide I’ve done my due diligence in appeasing Claire and leave. Apparently everyone else is having a grand time at the reception because I’m the only one heading out of there.
The walk to my car is quiet. It would be just as quiet if Will were alive, but perhaps not as lonely. I thought I would spend my days here waiting, anticipating the moment until I could see my love again, touch his face…kiss his lips. Without that anticipation to keep me alive, each day I will be the walking dead.
I’m almost to my car when I hear someone else in the quiet of the night. My heart begins to race as I hear the quickened shuffle of feet behind me. I’ve just reached the tail of the Lexus when a hand grabs my shoulder and spins me around.
“Marcus!”
Chapter 2
Marcus is here and I’m happy to have a bit of home. I’m glad we were able to reconcile our friendship before I left. Between faking a romantic relationship for Will’s father’s sake, and his and Will’s fight at Halloween, it had been an incredibly intense and stressful time. Seeing him now makes my heart happy, though, and I am excited to spend time with him, however short his visit may be.
“Hey, Layla!” Marcus says as our arms wrap around each other.
“What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t coming to visit until fall!”
“Well, I’m not exactly visiting,” he says.
“What do you mean?”
“I got to thinking…I don’t have any family in Davidson – only some mediocre friends…and you’re new here and could use a friend…so…I transferred!” Marcus seems so pleased with himself.
“Wow, Marcus! I…can’t believe you did that!” And just like that, I’m happy and completely unnerved at the same time. I’m also now keenly aware that Marcus found me here on campus, which seems a bit too coincidental for me. Marcus made his feelings for me clear on more than one occasion, and even though I told him I loved Will, I’m not so sure he really gave up. With Will gone I’m nervous Marcus is going to try to rekindle what never had a spark in the first place. “Wow! Are you living on campus?” I stutter.
“Nah, I got a place nearby with some guys needing a fifth roommate. It was a stroke of luck that it all worked out in perfect timing.”
“Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?” A little warning would have been helpful. He has no idea what I’ve been going through, and just popping up like this isn’t as helpful as he thinks it is. Had he told me I would have discouraged him, at least on the timing.
“I wanted to surprise you. Aren’t you happy to see me?” He sounds annoyed that I haven’t pulled out the pompoms to cheer for his arrival.
“No, I am…I’m happy to see you. I’m just surprised is all.”
“Good. I knew you would be!” He smiles and grabs my hand, feeling that I’m still wearing Will’s grandmother’s engagement ring. “What’s this?”
“It’s a promise ring. Will gave it to me just before…” I can’t bring myself to say the words out loud. Marcus scowls at the mention of Will’s name.
“And you’re still wearing it.” It’s not a question, but a chastisement.
“Yes. He’s still out there, Marcus. I’m…I’m not ready to take it off,” I say in a slight lie. I’ve given the impression that one day I will be ready to take it off, which is not the case. The only way this ring is leaving my hand is if it’s pried off my cold, dead finger.
“Well, maybe that’ll change soon.” His tone is uncharacteristic of him, and I’m a little creeped out by it. It catches me off guard and I don’t have an appropriate response to his inappropriate statement.
“Um…I need to get going. I’ve got the same cell, so, uh, give me a call. It’s good to see you Marcus.” I’m so caught off guard by him being here and his assumption of what may lie in store between us that my fight or flight is kicking in and I’ve got to get the hell out of here.
“Oh, ok. I thought maybe we could grab a coffee or something, but, uh, ok. I’ll call you.” He gives me a too-tight hug and I do my best to pull away naturally. “It’s so great to see you, Layla. We’ve got a new life here and it’s going to be great.”
Excuse me, but we do not have a life here. I have a life here. There is no “we”.
I smile and nod as I close the door to the car and do everything I can not to slam the gear into reverse and screech my tires out of there. The minutes home seems to last forever. I run through every encounter Marcus and I had together to figure out why in the world he would assume that a forward move like transferring to FSU would be well received. I never admitted to him that I liked being close to him when he was posing as my boyfriend for appearances sake. Even though it was nice, it was nothing like being with Will, and my feelings for Marcus were never romantic. I knew it then and I know it now. Marcus will never understand the difference.
I pull into the driveway of the house and check my phone for messages or texts from Luke or Claire. I’ve also been keeping in touch with Caroline, even though it’s been a while since we connected. There are no messages from anyone, but three texts from Marcus.
Marcus Reynolds: So great to see u tonight. Can’t wait to see u again! :-)
Marcus Reynolds: U r not answering. R U OK? Or maybe u r driving.
If so, don’t text and drive! ;-)
Marcus Reynolds: U should be home by now. Text me to let me know u r ok.
Great! Marcus has turned into a lovesick stalker puppy. I SO don’t need this right now!
Layla Weston: I’m home now. I’ll talk with u later. Goodnight.
Marcus Reynolds: Whew! U had me worried. I’ll call you tomorrow!
I’m sure you will.
In the morning I recount last night’s events to Luke and Claire and they’re just as surprised as I was at Marcus’ arrival.
“Why would he just up and leave Davidson?” Claire asks.
“I think he thinks we have some kind of future together now that Will is….” I silently applaud myself for being able to say Will’s name so freely. I suppose Luke and Claire are doing the same thing since I’ve acted like his name is Voldemort.
“That’s odd,” Claire says, showing the same creeped-out feeling I had earlier. Only another girl would understand the uneasy feeling an unwanted suitor gives you. “Did you tell him that you’re still holding out hope for Will’s return?”
“Sort of. I really just wanted to get out of there. There’s something different about him. The Marcus I knew wouldn’t have just up and moved like that. Well, at least I never i
magined that he would do something like that.” Marcus’ arrival has intensified my thoughts of Will. A swarm of memories invades my mind and I feel like I need some air.
I excuse myself to the back yard and find myself walking the long passageway of the dock to the lake for the first time since our arrival here. The path is lined with shrubs and trees with Spanish moss trailing down like vines and is very typically Floridian. It’s thick in some parts and I have to brush branches and vines away as I move. When I arrive at the end of the dock I’m filled with mixed emotions. I’m elated and depressed at the same time. The manmade lake is nowhere near the size of Lake Davidson. Comparatively speaking, it’s more like a massive pond.
I’m taken back to the first time Will and I sat at the end of the Lake Davidson dock together and I’m happy. I remember how nervous he was when he asked if I had seen the lake from the dock at night. I remember how it felt to feel the warmth of his body close to mine, and how he rescued me from an impending broken limb by taking my hand and guiding me up the flagstone to the house.
I feel the sting of tears in my eyes recalling the honesty of our conversations there, but I can’t fight the tears anymore when I play back our graduation night. I trace my finger over my more-than-a-promise ring and recommit myself to the vow I made to Will. I will never give up on us.
I sit and stare out at the water, waiting to connect with this place as I did with its predecessor, praying to God that it happens soon because I don’t think I will last another second here without the safety this connection will bring.
*****
My phone has been ringing off the hook all day. Marcus has literally called me seventeen times in six hours. Apparently leave a message and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can doesn’t really mean anything to him. When the day is just about over, and I decide it’s too late for me to go out, I call him back.
“Layla! Are you ok? You haven’t called me back all day!” Marcus sounds distressed. I’ve never heard him like this. He was usually so calm, cool, and collected.
“I’m fine, Marcus. I’ve just been busy today.”
“Well, I’m just glad that you’re ok. So, do you want to get that coffee?” he asks.
“You know, I’m super tired. It’s been a long day. It feels like we’re never going to get fully unpacked,” I say, hoping to convey a reasonable excuse as to why I can’t go out. I’m going to have to face him with the truth at some point. I won’t be able to come up with excuses forever.
“Oh, yeah, I totally understand,” he says hesitantly annoyed.
“Maybe another time?” I say as a peace offering.
“Definitely!”
“I’m sorry to cut it so short. I need to chill a little before I head to bed. Ok?”
“Chilling out sounds like a great plan. I’ll talk to you soon then.”
After echoing goodnights I take a shower and plop myself onto the couch in the Great Room with Luke and Claire. It’s about 9:00 pm and I’m exhausted. Luke, Claire and I chit chat about the day and do our daily strategizing for the continued unpacking. When the doorbell rings we all mirror each other with puzzled looks. Luke dutifully gets up to answer the door since it’s later than anyone should become an unexpected visitor.
I don’t know why I’m surprised when Luke returns with Marcus at his side.
“Hello, Marcus,” Claire says greeting him a bit more sternly than if he had called before he came. “Layla said you pulled quite a surprise by transferring to FSU. How’s it going so far?”
“Hello, Mrs. Weston. It’s going great. I got settled into my apartment a couple weeks ago and have been coordinating my classes. The last thing to do was to get reconnected with Layla. Now that I’ve done that, my life here is all set up!” He sounds like a little boy who just got the bicycle he’s been asking for, almost giddy. Wait. If he’s been here for two weeks, he arrived just a week after we did! “I know you were too tired to go out, so I thought I’d swing by. I hope you don’t mind.”
Actually, I mind very much.
“It’s fine. Why don’t we go out on the patio?” I get up and give Claire a wide-eyed looked, hoping to convey a “Please do not leave me out there too long with him. I really just need enough time to nip this in the bud.”
Marcus follows me like the puppy he has transformed into and we take opposing seats on the patio. “Does that dock lead to a lake? We could go sit down there if you want,” he says.
NO! “No, this is good. Besides, I don’t think it’s well lit.” There’s no way I’m going down there with him in the dark. “So, I think we should talk.”
“Yeah, I think so, too.” He clears his throat and I am filled with anxiety about what the next words out of his mouth are going to be. It’s not the kind of throat-clearing one does as a means of actually clearing your throat. It’s the kind that’s a precursor to having something important to say. “First, I want to say again how sorry I am about Will. I know you really loved him.” Love him. I love him. It’s not past tense. “So I wanted to give you some time, you know, to get over him. That’s why I’ve been here for a few weeks and didn’t tell you.”
“Get over him?” I challenge.
“Yeah. There’s talk that Will’s dad is going to have Will and his mom declared dead. You knew that, right?” Marcus says conversationally, as if he didn’t just say Will and dead in the same sentence.
“They haven’t found any bodies, Marcus. Until they do, Will and his mother are still alive as far as I’m concerned.” I’m serious in my statement. I can’t be wishy-washy; I have to be strong.
“Bodies or not…” Marcus’ tone is off. I can’t put my finger on it, but something isn’t right.
“So, you’re wanting…what?” I ask needing him to fill in the blanks. I want to hear it straight from him before I possibly tear into him for once again inserting himself into my life without my permission.
“Well…” He clears his throat again and straightens his posture. His puppy dog eyes are gone and in their place I see the fire of a determined man. “I care about you, Layla. I always have. And, not to be insensitive, but, now that Will is…gone…I hoped I could help you start over…with me.” He reaches across the table and intentionally takes my left hand in his. “We could be great together, Layla. You just have to let go.” He runs his thumb over my ring and I snatch my hand back.
“Marcus,” I take a deep breath trying to compose myself. He has tainted any hope of us being friends and that makes me furious. He was another link to home and now he’s ruined it. “I don’t know what you thought was going to happen, but I don’t feel the same way about you. I told you that back in Davidson. I’m sorry that you moved here under that assumption, but…you and me, we’re never going to be more than friends.” If that.
“Hmmm. Well, I beg to differ,” he says confidently, his posture and tone changing. He’s sitting back in his chair now, resting his ankle on his knee.
“Pardon me?”
“When we were back in Davidson, pretending to be together, it was more than just pretending with me…and I know it was the same with you, too.” He leans across the table in a move to take control of the conversation physically. Is he trying to intimidate me into being with him? “Tell me you didn’t like being close to me, and I’ll leave.”
I don’t know why I don’t just lie to him, but when I open my mouth the most foolish thing comes out.
“It was…nice. But you have to understand, Marcus, it wasn’t the same for me. I was pretending, but it felt nice to be close to someone I thought I could trust when I couldn’t be with Will.” He’s staring at me with piercing eyes and I feel a familiar uneasiness come over me. I can’t place it because I’ve never felt this way around Marcus.
“You may say you were pretending, but I know. I won’t make you say it, not yet at least.” He sits back in his chair again, a disturbing air of confidence consuming him.
“Marcus, I think you need to leave. And don’t call me or communicate with me for a
while. I’m trying really hard to still want to be your friend, so you’re going to have to give me some time here. Do you understand me?” I try to be solid in my delivery, the same way Claire can be when the situation calls for it.
“I understand,” he says with a smirk.
“Are we clear?”
“Crystal.”
“Then I think it’s time for you to go. I’ll communicate with you when I’m ready. Don’t rush me, Marcus. Frankly, right now you’re lucky I haven’t called Luke to escort you out.”
“There’s no need to get hostile, Layla. I’ve had a lot of time to think about what you want and I’m confident that you’ll come around.” Marcus lets himself out while I stay on the patio, completely stunned by what just unfolded.
He’s had time to think about what I want? What does that even mean?
“Are you ok?” Claire asks stepping out onto the patio from the porch with Luke a few moments later.
“Yeah, I guess. It’s just so weird. I don’t know what’s come over him. He handled my rejection back home really well, but now, it’s like he’s a different person. You should have seen him. He was cocky and arrogant. And when I told him I didn’t feel the same way about him, he actually said ‘I beg to differ.’ Can you believe that?”
“What did he say?” Luke asks slowly.
“He said, ‘I beg to differ.’ And then he tried to convince me that I preferred being with him while we were all show for Mr. Meyer,” I explain.
“Hmmm.” Luke’s eyes are searching for something in his mind.
“Is that supposed to mean something?” I ask.
“It’s just a strange response, don’t you think?” Claire interjects.
Troubled Waters (The Lake Trilogy, Book 2) Page 2