“You do realize that it’s your turn to find someone amazing, instead of the usual women you pick up that could never be your one and only true love.”
“I’m not looking for a future Ms. Mitchell,” I answered.
“Bullshit. Everyone is looking to settle down whether they realize it or not and if you ask me, we could continue playing our rating game if only you would consider the idea of relocating the rest of the company to Chicago. You are from here, aren’t you? Makes perfect sense.”
“I don’t know, I’ll think about it like I said. I didn’t call you because I wanted to talk about business. I called because I wanted you to guess who I slept with today, and I’m feeling guilty about it.”
“Who?”
“My ex, Emily. The Morgan Emily Tucker. The one I told you about when I first moved down here. You know who I’m talking about.” I emphasized.
In the couple of years that I’ve known Sean, he was the only one who pretty much knew the history between Em and I and how everything crashed and burned with her.
“Wow, man. How’d that happen and how was it?” he snickered.
“Better than I’ve always expected it to go on both counts. Not that I ever assumed I’d run into her again, but I figured if I did, it would be hellish. I always imagined she would go off on me and yell like she did before, but she didn’t. Frankly, it was peaceful, calm and dare I say…like old times?” I explained.
“Maybe the two of you were able to talk calmly because you both were at the place where you are no longer bitter about the situation and can truly say that you have moved on,” Sean explained.
“That’s not it. She’s still deeply hurt by it, but she doesn’t want to rehash the situation because she’s afraid it’s going to bring up the hurt and she doesn’t want to go through that again. It’s not because she’s forgiven me or anything because she’s not ready to do that. I think the only reason she wanted to sleep with me tonight was because we had been drinking.”
“I don’t think alcohol makes you do things you don’t want to do, it makes you braver. It makes you say things and do things you secretly want to do but are too hung up on social norms.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I’m sure deep down she still has feelings for you. How about you? How do you feel about her?”
“There’s still that part of me that has never stopped wanting her back. Ever since I ran into her, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about her, and when I manage for a bit, there she is again. I keep running into her, and I’m not even sure how we keep ending up in the same spots and before you know it, I’m having the best sex of my life, and it’s with her.”
“It is life’s way of telling you that you two need to resolve the issue and truly move on or be together. You have a lot of apologizing to do, and she has already formed a bias about that even if she doesn’t want to confront it. Even if she slept with you. She will one day, and you better be prepared for it.”
“Yeah, I figured you’d say that. I’ve got to get going before she wakes up, plus, I must prep for tomorrow. I’ve got a long day ahead.”
“Same here. I’ll see you in about two weeks, around the 23rd.”
“Alright, looking forward to it. It was good talking to you again.”
“Goodnight,” Sean said before he hung up.
Talking about Emily with Sean helped alleviate some of the feelings of regret I had ignored overtime, but on the other hand, she’s all I can think of right now. Prepping for my day tomorrow was going to be impossible.
Chapter Six
MORGAN
Patrick Mitchell, Partner – S & P Associates. I twirled the business card in my hand over and over as I contemplated the entire evening we had several days ago. I had the biggest migraine the next morning that much I regretted, but deep down I didn’t regret sleeping with Patrick. I had a great time, and I remembered everything, so much, so we slept together several times over the course of the middle of the night until the sun rose.
Turns out Kennedy and Craig had a great time too, and I was glad they made it safely and just stayed at his apartment. I was worried about her, and I also didn’t want her to come home in the middle of the night to hear how loud Patrick and I were.
Patrick was something else. He was always great in the bedroom, but he was even better now. I couldn’t get enough of him, and I was sore all over. My nipples were still sensitive from his mouth on me. Patrick was always a breast man, and he always told me it was one of his favorite body parts on me. I was also sore below, not only because of the multiples times we had sex but because of how rough everything was.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved it. The soreness was great and just par for the course but what Patrick didn’t know was that he probably thought the only reason we had sex was because of all the beer I had. Sure, I was a little buzzed, but I was cognizant of what was taking place, and it wasn’t the beer talking. I wanted one night with him without trudging up the past or reopening old wounds, I just wanted to experience the good parts of him again and if I had to make him think it was the beer talking, then so be it.
I never imagined I’d see Patrick at the Red Velvet, I’m not saying it was a good or bad thing, but because he was, the evening turned out better than planned. It would have turned out great if I spent the evening drinking with Kennedy and Craig, but the change up was what I’ve needed for a very long time.
I wish I could say I knew what to make of it, but I can’t. I was curious to know what he thought, but if he asked me in turn, I’d say that I didn’t know. I was glad that we were both able to get through the night without arguing or trudging up the past and without feelings of resentment boiling up. We had a nice night that included great conversation beyond just having sex, and if we continued being civil, we would be able to get along just fine while he was in town and maybe have fun sleeping together at the same time. It was then, I would also be able to go back to my regular life.
Craig and Kennedy both stated that I should find a way to confront Patrick before he left so that I could ‘truly heal.’ Their words, not mine. What if I didn’t want to? What if I didn’t want to dig up old wounds and feel them all over again, only to spend the next few years trying to get over the pain and anger that I felt toward him? What was wrong with ignoring his existence and letting bygones be bygones.
The problem was, I never told him how I honestly felt about the situation. He got what he wanted out of it and took off, and I was left holding the bag. Kennedy believed that I deserved to put my pain on him so that he understood what it was like for him to take off like that because ignoring points in the past will never truly go away unless I learned to confront them.
I didn’t want to confront the painful past. I just wanted to bury all painful memories I had because of him and ignore the fact that they ever existed and as long as Patrick didn’t bring it up, they wouldn’t ever rear their ugly head. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to face them and conquer a tidal wave of feelings resurfacing.
I twirled Patrick’s business card in my hands a final time before tossing it back into my purse. For a split second there I wanted to call him. Whenever I couldn’t sleep or for whatever reason, I used to call him, and he’d always pick up no matter what time of day it was. He was always there for me, but in the end, he wasn’t, and it was so confusing. How can a man who seemed to be there for me in every sense of the word, suddenly wasn’t? It made no sense, and the reasons he gave were irrational. What could have possibly scared him enough to break things off when he seemed completely happy?
The more Kennedy and Craig urged me to confront Patrick, the more I thought about it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that nothing made sense. Sure, in the heat of the moment at the time I was too shocked to understand the types of things he was saying, and if I realized it back then, I wouldn’t have let him run very far. Maybe they were right, perhaps I should confront him the next time I see him.
The
next morning, after some much needed coffee and a long commute, I walked as fast as I could down the hall towards my classroom. I was running late again, and I didn’t need less time than I already had to ready myself for the day. I almost made it until I noticed Patrick standing a few feet away deep in conversation with a couple of faculty members with Mr. Williams by his side.
Patrick must have sensed my presence because he looked up and smiled before continuing his conversation. I wonder what kind of discussion he was involved in to create such hearty laughter and a wide grin.
Damn those lips and how they felt on mine.
Wait, what in the hell was I saying?
I shook my head to stop dangerous thoughts from making its way into my mind because once you cross that line, there’s no going back and I wasn’t willing to take that leap. With a heavy sigh, I entered the classroom and stood there for a minute, to take it all in.
“See something interesting?” I heard a voice from behind.
I gave a slight chuckle, “More like bracing myself.” I turned around to see Patrick standing only a few feet away.
“Thought you loved teaching.” he grinned.
“I do, but you’d have to practically be Mother Theresa to be able to handle twenty-five children without putting a lot of effort and focus in. I don’t know anyone who could possibly do all that every day with ease. Do you?”
“Nope, not at all but that doesn’t mean you aren’t great at your job.” he gave a wink.
“So…what’s on your agenda for today?” I asked while I wrote today’s goals on the chalkboard.
Patrick walked a few feet into the classroom and placed a kiss on the curve where my neck connected with my shoulder, “I’ll be observing a few more classrooms, and then I will be visiting the cafeteria with Mr. Williams to make notes regarding the menu.”
“The menu?” I stopped writing.
“Yes, I need to make a note of the nutritional value of the food being offered here,” he explained as he placed his right hand on my stomach.
“Can I ask you a question?” I said stiffly.
“Shoot.” Patrick started to place a trail of kisses from my neck to my shoulder as his hand slipped up to cup one of my breasts. I could feel his hardness against my side.
“Have you ever had a school or an educational institution as a client before?” I turned to him, trying to get him to focus. I didn’t anyone to see Patrick’s hands all over me and I wanted to talk to him about the things that kept me up at night for so long.
“No, this would be the first.” Patrick pulled me up against him with his hands on my hips.
At the rate that Patrick was moving and the rate at which I know I’d give in, I had to stop him before it went too far.
“If you have no experience, why did you agree to take us on as a client, knowing what Mr. Williams wants to do?” I stepped out of his embrace.
“My views on the matter are irrelevant. I was hired to make objective recommendations regardless of how I felt, in the same way, an attorney represents an assumed criminal. They and I are hired to do one thing, and I have to execute it regardless.” he answered, unaware of the point I was trying to make. “God, Emily. You have such power over me, I can’t get enough of you.” Patrick whispered into my ear as he lifted my skirt up and slipped my panties down a few inches as he struggled to unbuckle and unzip his pants.
“Patrick, stop for a second. I’m serious. How can you sleep at night knowing what will happen once all of this is over? Can you honestly say that you could just pick up and go back home to Los Angeles knowing what you are helping him ruin? Especially knowing you have no experience in this sort of thing?”
I struggled to explain the severity of my questions, but it was too late to get a straight answer out of him. He wasn’t listening at that point, he already managed to undo the button and zipper of his slacks, and he was dead set on continuing where we left off the last time we slept together.
“Can you honestly look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want this right now? That you’d rather talk about my thoughts about this school?”
“Patrick, I’m serious. Stop.” I knew I was using the questions about his objectivity to what he was doing as a placeholder for the real anger I had but how he viewed what he was doing was just as important to me.
“Em, come on be reasonable. You can’t change the world, why can’t you just let this go and just embrace the changes.”
“It’s Morgan now and, how can you? How can you just go about your business, knowing what you’re doing every day?”
“Quit the Morgan crap. You are Emily and you will always be to me and you know damn well it’s not like that.”
“Then explain it to me because frankly, I’m trying to understand.” she stated angrily.
“Where is this coming from? We just had a great time several days ago.”
“What do you mean? It’s not as if I magically felt this way. I’ve always felt this way. Just because we’ve had sex several times, doesn’t mean I’m not entitled to say my peace when I feel like it. Just because we slept together, also doesn’t mean I forgive you or don’t hate you anymore.”
“Whoa, whoa…slow down.”
“Answer the ques…” just then one of the children walked in, interrupting our argument.
“Good morning Miss Tucker.” Carlos, one of my best students, walked in.
I leaned in to whisper, “Look, it’s obvious I owe you some long overdue explanations and apologies. Can you allow me just this once to take you to dinner and we can hash it out?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Emily shook her head.
“Please, Em? I don’t want to leave here with you angry at me.”
“It’s Morgan.”
“Please, Morgan. I want to make things right between us. Can you please allow me to do that?” I was practically begging on my knees.
“I’ll think about it, no promises.”
Chapter Seven
PATRICK
If you asked anyone if they would like to trade places with me and do what I was about to do, they’d say no. It took a lot of courage to sit down with someone that you’ve hurt profoundly and explain your actions to them. It also took a lot to beg for forgiveness especially when the person you hurt hasn’t been given the opportunity to air their grievances because they were robbed of their chance to do that and in the end, they still might not forgive you.
If you thought about it, what right did I have to seek forgiveness anyway? I was a prick and a coward, and I got scared, and instead of talking through my fears and feelings, I said things to her and ran away because I couldn’t handle the stuff that scared me. The stupid part was, I was afraid of something that probably wouldn’t have happened anyway. The fear of the unknown is a bitch, it makes you do things you usually wouldn’t do, and it’s that same fear that places hurt on people like falling dominoes.
I didn’t know what was going to happen tonight, but I was going into it not expecting anything other than explaining what was going through my mind. I wanted to explain why I did what I did and then sitting back and give her the opportunity to speak her mind until she said everything she’s wanted to say to me for a long time.
After I allowed Emily to cool off, I proposed the idea of sitting down over lunch or dinner to talk about everything once and for all.
“Alright, thank you. I’ll stop by here around three o’clock and check in to see if you’ve decided. Okay?”
“Okay but no promises, remember. If I decide that I don’t think it’s a good idea still, no guilt trips, got it?”
“Deal. I promise I won’t bother you about this anymore.”
“Okay, I’ll see you this afternoon.”
I kept my promise and left her alone all morning, and I didn’t even see her on this side of the school. It wasn’t until noon did I pop in and check in to see if she changed her mind somewhat and would agree to at least have lunch with me. She turned down with the understandi
ng that having a much needed conversation wasn’t suitable for the workplace.
This was a personal matter and should be handled in a personal location. Besides, I didn’t think the hour-long lunch period was enough time to talk about everything she and I needed to address.
“Knock. Knock.” I rapped on the open classroom door before I stepped in. It was the end of the day, and the children had come and gone a long time ago.
“Hey.”
“How’d everything go today?” I asked.
“Smooth, fortunately. No problems today.” she exhaled.
“So, I thought that I would pick you up and since I don’t know the area too well, you could decide where we could go? Somewhere casual but also a place that would give us the opportunity to have a little more privacy than normal. What do you think?”
“Hmm, okay. How about Donna’s? It’s nothing special, just a fifties themed diner. It’s open in the evenings but its peak period is breakfast and lunch, so we’d get enough privacy in the evening. Plus, I haven’t had a meal there in a long time, and I miss their pancakes.”
“Pancakes for dinner?” I chuckled.
“What’s wrong with that, you know I love pancakes.”
“I know you do, but I figured you’d have broken that habit by now or at least realize that it’s better during the day.”
“Never!” she giggled.
“How’s seven?”
“Sounds great.”
I was afraid of the tears more than anything else. When women cried, especially Em, I never knew what to do. I mean what can you do besides comfort her and comfort wasn’t the saving grace with all of this. All I could do is listen to her and continue to talk about this until the past was truly the past and we both were willing to move on. My main goal was to have her forgiveness, maybe become friends again and better yet, maybe more. I’d like to find peace with her after all of this.
I arrived at her apartment at seven o’clock on the dot. I never liked being late, and it said a lot about someone who had strong time management skills. I parked my rental car on the street and inserted enough coins for the meter which should have been more than enough time in case she was quite ready still.
One Little Lie_An Enemies to Lovers, Second Chance Romance Page 5