by Lisa Jordan
“Because the boy loved the rabbit even when he was dirty and had no more hair.” Hannah sat in the wicker rocker near the window and picked at her nail polish. “The rabbit wanted to be real. When the rabbit asked if it hurt, the Skin Horse told him when you are real, you don’t mind being hurt.”
Hannah’s simple explanation caused a lump to form in his throat. She was too young to understand life like this.
“Dad?”
Nick’s head snapped up. Did he hear correctly? His eyes drank in the vulnerability in his daughter’s dark eyes. “Yes?”
She gnawed on her lower lip, the way her mother did, and stared out the window “Since you said you’re going to stick around, do you mind, I mean, can I call you that?”
Nick tossed the book on her pillow and crossed to the window. He dropped to his haunches in front of Hannah and reached for her hands. “Sweetheart, you can call me whatever feels comfortable to you.”
“I like Dad.”
“I like it, too.” Nick’s voice cracked. He dropped his gaze to her tiny hands half-hidden in his large paws and brushed a thumb over her narrow fingers. He blinked back suspicious wetness. He had to be the luckiest guy in the world.
“Can I ask you something else?”
“Anything.”
“Are you here only because I’m sick?”
Nick shifted to sit on the floor in front of the rocker. “What do you mean by that?”
“Mom told me she contacted you because I need a bone marrow transplant. If you weren’t a match, would you have gone back to your life?”
He wanted to pull her into his arms and shelter her from the harsh realities of life. But he’d be willing to bet his daughter knew more about life’s realities than half the kids in her school. “Well, kiddo, I’ll be honest and say learning about you was a shock. But I promise, I’m here because I want to be. I wish I had been here from the beginning. Things would’ve been different.” He tapped the tip of her upturned nose.
“You want to be with me?” She glanced at him shyly, then ducked her head as if afraid to see the answer on his face. “Even when I look like a freak?” A blush colored her cheeks as she touched her head.
Nick tugged Hannah’s hat off her head and tossed it on the bed.
She jerked, staring at him a moment with wide eyes before covering her head with her arms. “Why did you do that?” The hurt in her voice made his chest ache.
Grasping her hands again, Nick pulled her to a standing position. He sat on the bed and pulled her onto the bed beside him. He rubbed his hand over her downy-covered head, and tilted her chin up to meet his eyes. “Hannah Peretti, you are the most beautiful child I’ve ever had the privilege of seeing. You take my breath away.” He blinked several times and swallowed again. “I look at you and thank God for the perfect gift He has given me.”
Hannah’s eyes filled with tears. “You think I’m beautiful?”
“You’re gorgeous. You must get that from your mother. But you know what? Being beautiful doesn’t come from the clothes you wear, the color of your eyes or how much hair you have. Being beautiful comes from within.” Still holding on to Hannah, he leaned across the bed and snatched The Velveteen Rabbit off her pillow. “In this story, the little boy loved the rabbit even though others thought it was ugly. He was faded, ratty and dirty, but to the boy, the rabbit was real. Hannah, my love, you are beautiful from the inside out. I’m sorry not having hair bothers you, but I promise you are incredibly beautiful even without it.”
A tear rolled down Hannah’s cheek. Nick thumbed it away. She burrowed her face in his chest, wrapped her arms around his neck and cried against his shirt. He cradled her and squeezed his eyes closed to hold back the tears pressing against his eyelids.
Opening his eyes, he found Josie standing in the doorway with tears running down her face.
“Thank you,” she mouthed.
He nodded and sniffed, tightening his arms around his daughter. She would never doubt his love again.
Chapter Ten
Sunlight streamed through the window, reflecting off the votives and throwing a fan of color across the counter.
Rays warmed Josie’s back as she pinned this week’s cards to the word wall. Two days behind, and she would’ve left last week’s words up there if a customer hadn’t asked about the new ones. At least someone read them.
The Tea Grannies—five older ladies, including her step-grandmother and Agnes’s mama, from her church who took matchmaking seriously—sipped their tea and prayed quietly at their usual corner table. Soon they could hold their daily Bible study upstairs in the loft.
When Walt Hoffman from Jacob House heard about Agnes’s plans to renovate the loft, he offered that he and the men come and lend a hand in exchange for lunch.
An offer Josie couldn’t refuse.
The door opened, bringing in a crisp nearly spring-scented breeze. Josie inhaled and waved to Billy Lynn, Shelby Lake’s fire chief and her dad’s good friend. “Hey, Billy.”
“Afternoon, Josie girl.” He removed his baseball hat advertising the fire station and tucked it under his arm as he unzipped his jacket. “Saw some crocus shoots on my way to the station this morning. Nature’s postcard, announcing new beginnings. Spring won’t be long now.” He ambled to the counter where Agnes rang up his order and handed him a mug. After filling it, he settled in one of the armchairs and snagged the newspaper off the side table.
She turned back to the word wall and pulled a card out of the envelope.
Trust.
She tapped it against her palm. New beginnings, Billy had said. Was God giving her a new beginning with Nick? An opportunity to have a complete family—one where she didn’t have to carry her burdens alone?
After hearing Nick talk to Hannah the other night, she didn’t doubt his love for their daughter. His gentleness calmed her anxiety. But how did he feel about her? She wasn’t even quite sure how she felt about him.
“Josie girl, what’s a five-letter word for to have faith in?” Billy glanced up from the newspaper and pointed his pen at her like a dagger.
Josie’s eyes rolled toward the ceiling. Really, God? Trying to tell me something here?
“Trust?”
His lips moved as he counted the spaces. “That’s it. Thanks.”
Agnes’s head bobbed as she wiped down the front of the coffee bar. She hummed “Trust and Obey.”
Okay, God. I get it.
As Josie stepped off the chair, the front door opened again.
Nick walked in, one hand still clutching the doorknob, and searched the room. His eyes connected with hers. He closed the door, nodded to the Tea Grannies and strode over to her. His bomber jacket hung open to reveal a brown-and-white-striped shirt left unbuttoned over a brown T-shirt. With his thumbs hooked around the front belt loops of his loose faded jeans, he appeared casual to anyone walking behind him. “Hannah said something’s wrong with your tire.”
“Hello to you, too. I’m fine, thanks. How’s your day going?”
“Josie.” His eyebrows puckered his forehead.
“I had a flat before I left the house and replaced it with a spare.” Josie tucked the word envelope in her apron pocket and returned the chair to the table.
“That doughnut tire isn’t meant to be driven on for any length of time. You need to get it fixed.” He followed her as she made her way to the counter.
She shoved the envelope in the drawer under the register. “I will as soon as I can. It’s fine for now.”
Nick followed her to the counter. “Where’s the flat tire?”
“In my trunk.”
“Give me your keys and I’ll get it fixed now.” He held out his hand.
“I told you I will do it when I have time.” She grabbed a sticky notepad and a pen. Glancing at the pastry case, she noted what needed to be baked for tomorrow. “Aren’t you supposed to be with Hannah?”
“I’m on my way to get her now. That tire is nothing to mess with.”
“Relax, okay?” She waved a hand across the dining room. “I’m working, then heading home.”
Nick crossed his arms and leaned against the register, looking entirely too comfortable. “You can’t drive that car until you get a decent tire on it.”
“I live five blocks away. It will be fine.”
“What about Hannah? Have you thought of her?” His thundercloud scowl hunched his brows over his narrowed eyes.
The apparent disapproval tugging down the corners of his mouth caused her stomach to clench. “Only every minute of her life. What’s this really about, Nick?”
“Then don’t be so irresponsible.” He pushed away from the counter and stared down at her. “I don’t want you taking chances with Hannah in your car. Until you get that tire fixed, I’ll take her or the both of you wherever you need to go.”
The air whooshed out of Josie’s lungs. Even though her brain told her to close her mouth, her jaw hung open. “You’ve got to be joking.”
He scowled. “Do I look like I’m laughing?”
“This is ridiculous.” Feeling cornered, she brushed past him and pressed a hand against the kitchen door. She had more important things to do than argue over something she didn’t need to worry about this second.
“I mean it, Josie. No chances.” He reached for her elbow.
Her side vision showed Agnes pretending to wipe a table, but Josie knew she hung on to their words. Schooling her tone, she shook her arm free and snapped a salute. “Aye aye, captain. Now if you will excuse me, I need to get to work. Unless you have something to say about that, too.”
Nick glared at her, then spun on his heel and slammed out the front door. “What is his problem?”
“He looked madder than a porcupine with a hangnail.” Agnes carried the cleaning supplies back to the kitchen.
For the next two hours, Josie baked, crossing cranberry walnut scones, lemon poppyseed muffins and raspberry cheesecake brownies off her list while trying to tune out Nick’s lecture. His disappointment leached into every cell of her body. Being called irresponsible dented her heart, but she wouldn’t let him know that.
The timer dinged. She pulled out the raspberry cheesecake brownies and set them on the stove. Flipping off the oven, she glared at the clock and headed for the dining room to find Agnes.
“Agnes, I need to run my car over to the garage and drop it off to get the tire fixed before Nick has a cow.”
Agnes erased the breakfast specials from the whiteboard and added the lunch special—white chicken chili. “He has your best interests at heart, Sugar Pie.”
Josie snorted. “He’s acted like a dictator, coming in with guns blazing. It’s not like we’re married or anything. And that spare is perfectly safe. I’ll drop it off and walk back. See you in about half an hour.”
She headed for her office, grabbed her wool coat and purse from her office, and stepped out the back door. Keys in hand, she unlocked the car with the remote, then stopped.
Nick Brennan was a dead man.
Her car sported four new tires, black as ink.
She had a business to run. She couldn’t drop everything and get her tire fixed because he demanded it. But that gave him no right to interfere again! First her mortgage, now her car.
And what had he done—bribed some mechanic to come and replace the tires on the spot? She had her keys. Unless he’d come in the back door and lifted them from her purse. He wouldn’t have dared.
She stormed into her office, flung her purse and keys on the chair, then thundered through the kitchen. Not seeing Agnes, she bolted into the dining room.
Agnes stood behind the counter talking to Walt and the men from his group home.
Josie dialed her anger down to simmer and smiled at them. “Hey, guys.”
Paul nodded twice, then took two steps back. Ernie smiled and clutched his doll Fredrick’s arm and imitated a wave. Gideon hugged her.
Patting his back, she noticed a new guy standing next to Walt. Something about his dark hair and blue eyes seemed familiar, yet she couldn’t put her finger on it. He must be new at Jacob House. But where had she seen him before?
Walt put a hand on the man’s shoulder and nodded toward Josie. “Ross, this is Josie. She owns this place. Josie, I’d like you to meet Ross Brennan. He’s new at our house.”
Brennan?
A chill colder than an Arctic wind blew across Josie’s bones. She forced herself not to shiver.
Not Nick’s brother? No way.
The Ross she remembered was a gangly kid constantly on the move, usually with a basketball in his hands.
Why hadn’t he told her? The first night she talked with Nick, he had said his brother was fine. But now that she thought about it, he did pause before saying Ross was fine. Then when she dropped the extra doughnuts off at Jacob House last month and caught sight of Nick, she meant to ask why he was there, but forgot. Now she knew. A tremor shuddered down her spine.
Her brain numb, she stuck out a hand to shake his. His hand, though warm and soft, felt limp compared to Nick’s strong grip. “Nice to meet you, Ross.”
“You’re the lady in the picture.”
“The picture?” She glanced at Walt for clarification.
Walt shrugged, then turned to Ross. “What picture, Ross?”
Ross pulled a camera out of his coat pocket and with shaky fingers, he thumbed through the photos on the display screen. Smiling, he held the camera up for her to see. “This one.”
She reached for the camera. The photo she had given Nick that first night, of her and Hannah, lay on a table. Someone had taken a slightly blurry picture of the photograph. “Where did you get this picture, Ross?”
“It was on Super Nick’s table.”
“Super Nick?”
“Yes, Super Nick is my brother. He’s my hero.”
She was ready to ring Nick’s neck, but now his brother claimed he was a superhero. Why hadn’t he told her about Ross? Was he embarrassed about his brother’s condition? Did that mean he was embarrassed about having a sick daughter, too? What other secrets was he keeping from her?
*
Nick didn’t deserve this beautiful little girl with peach fuzz for hair, circles under her eyes as dark as dusk and milky skin.
Or the furnished apartment with the white walls, natural wood trim and large windows that allowed the midmorning sun to spill across the beige carpet. Not to mention the incredible scents that drifted up from the shop below. The air in the hall smelled like cookies and something chocolate.
Once the contractor finished the bathroom, Josie offered him the use of the apartment above the coffee shop. He appreciated not having to camp out at the Holiday Inn, but insisted on paying rent. Hanging on to his apartment in Linwood Park drained his savings account faster than he would have liked, but being in Shelby Lake with Ross, Hannah and Josie was more important.
He needed to be here for Hannah and Josie. At least the stubborn woman allowed him to tutor Hannah. No sense in paying for someone when he was more than qualified to help their daughter stay on top of her schoolwork at her own pace. They completed today’s assignments and relaxed with a rousing game of Go Fish.
Watching Hannah ponder her cards, the way her nose wrinkled as she thought out her strategy, filled Nick with an emotion he was afraid to label. He felt as if someone had given him a special pass to Disney World, and it was almost closing time. He swallowed the knot in his throat. He had no idea how to be a dad. Josie didn’t hand him a parenting manual. He didn’t have the most stellar example in his own dad. Right now, he was winging it and praying he didn’t screw up too badly.
“Earth to Dad.” Hannah snapped her fingers in front of his face.
He blinked several times. “Sorry, I was lost in thought.”
“Does your mental GPS need recalibrating?” She pushed up the brim of her floppy denim hat and charmed him to the core with her lopsided grin.
“I’m impressed. Where’d you learn such a big word?”
&nbs
p; “Please. I’m not a baby. Do you have any eights?”
Nick glanced down at the three cards in his hand—two eights and a four. He flicked the two requested cards across the couch cushion. They landed on top of her purple fleece blanket. “You’re creaming me.”
She gave him that lopsided grin again. “That’s the point.” She scooped up the two cards, added her own and then put them on the growing pile of matches in front of her. “I’m out.”
“You win again. What’s that—four to three?”
“Yep, I won the tiebreaker. Want to play again?” Hannah turned her cards over and pushed them together in a pile. She leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes for a second.
His heart twisted. As soon as her team at the children’s hospital decided she was ready to begin the transplant process, he’d have his cells harvested and they could proceed with the next step. Until then, they had to keep her as healthy as possible.
“How about a break? I don’t think my brain can handle trying to come up with more strategies.” Nick gathered the cards and shuffled the deck. He wrapped a rubber band around them, and tossed them on the coffee table. “You’re quite the cardsharp. Who taught you to play so well?”
“Michelle—one of the nurses at the hospital. When you’re there, like, forever, games keep you from getting bored to death.”
“Are there a lot of kids when you’re in the hospital?” Nick moved to Hannah’s end of the couch. He leaned her forward, plumped her pillow and then pressed her back against it. She rested her legs in his lap, settled into the pillow and sighed, her breathing sounding more labored than usual.
“Not a lot. Some come in for quick trips like operations. Some stay longer because they’re sick like me.” She reached for his hand.
“That must be tough.” He ran a thumb over her narrow fingers. Pretty hands like her mother’s.
“It was at first, especially on days when Mom couldn’t be there. The nurses are really nice. Michelle is my favorite one. She has pretty brown hair and a nice smile. She tells us stories about Louie the alien.” Hannah’s eyes twinkled as she bit down on her bottom lip.