by Tori Fox
“Warren. Pleasure to meet you. I heard you have been helping Mason out at his studio.”
“Not so much helping. I go there and play music. We wrote some songs together.”
He nods. “Well, it’s good to have a woman there. Might keep his business running and not crash to the ground.”
I freeze at his statement. Not sure what to say.
“Dad,” Noah says sternly.
“Just an observation,” Warren states. “I’m going to go see if your mother needs help.”
Warren walks away and I turn to Noah, a questioning glance in my eyes.
“Mason and Dad don’t always see eye to eye.”
Grams and Pops get to the door and Noah lets them in, helping them with the things they brought.
The next few hours are a whirlwind. Mason and Warren keep clear of each other. Tiffany talks my ear off. Dottie is a handful but stellar in her own right. I try to help Marlene with cooking but she won’t have it. I see Asher and Mason sneak away to take shots more than they should.
The entire house is loud and rambunctious. Even more so when Warren’s brother shows up. Between Noah’s aunt, Dottie, and Tiffany, I feel like I am being bombarded with questions. And for the first time in a long time, they don’t bother me. I keep my past a secret but freely talk about myself.
When Hunter finally shows up, Marlene escorts us all to the table for dinner. I take a seat across from Noah and next to Mason. Before we eat, the family talks about Rosie. Each family member bringing up a recent memory they had of her. When it’s Noah’s turn he talks about Everett too and how he hopes one day soon he will come home.
Dinner is delicious. Marlene is an amazing chef. I would eat her cooking every night if I could.
After dinner, Asher and Dottie convince me and Mason to play some music. And where I would normally decline for the fear of playing in front of others, I gladly agree.
I thought I would be uncomfortable here but this family is welcoming. I feel at home. Like this is any other day.
It gives me hope that I will be comfortable enough to see my own family soon.
16
Noah
I get off the couch to grab another beer for my dad when I see Anna sitting outside. I hand off the beer then grab both our coats from the hall closet.
I step outside and sit on the step next to her, wrapping her coat around her. “Thought you might be cold.”
She looks at me through her delicate red curls and I can make out the trace of tears on her cheeks. “What’s wrong?”
She turns her head away from me. “It’s nothing.”
I wrap my arm around her not caring if it seems like an intimate gesture, hell we have seen each other naked. “Something is. I can tell.”
She shakes my arm off her and pulls her jacket tighter around her. “Thank you for inviting me today. I didn’t know I needed it.”
“You’re welcome.”
She sniffles before turning toward me. “This is the first time in seven years that I’ve let myself have a Thanksgiving dinner and I never knew that I missed my family as much as I do right now.”
My arm immediately goes back around her.
“Am I an awful person? Should I have gone to Hartswell? Seen my family and friends back there?”
I kiss the top of her head, inhaling the scent of her coconut shampoo. “I don’t think you are. Maybe this just helped you realize you need to go back there.”
“I guess.” She sniffles again and I wish I brought tissue with me. “I don’t know how I am going to face them after all this time.”
I rest my cheek on her head as I stare off into the dark sky, watching a million stars glitter the night. “I know if Everett came home my mom would welcome him with open arms. The whole family would. It doesn’t matter if he ran four years ago and never looked back. We know he is hurting and trying to find anything to relieve that pain. But he is still family. No matter what. He will always be welcome here.”
I can feel the shake of Anna’s shoulders and I know what I said meant something to her. I pull her face to meet mine and use my thumbs to wipe her tears. “Your family will be happy to see you.”
She nods and turns back to the endless sky. “Tell me about Rosie and Everett.”
I smile at the thought of them. “Those two were inseparable as kids. From the time they were babies, they were always together. Through elementary school, middle school, and high school, they were thick as thieves. Rosie was beautiful and had all the boys asking her out in high school but Everett wouldn’t have it. No one was good enough for his best friend. By the time they were in high school, I was already working for the police force so I wasn’t home much. But one time I remember coming home for a weekend and Everett was giving this guy she was going on a date with an interrogation. I was standing with my dad out of sight as we saw it go down. He was cracking up saying Everett was going to be one hell of a dad one day and hopefully he never had little girls.
“The crazy part of it was the two of them were so different. Everett was book smart, studious, he had so much going for him. Rosie was smart too but she was a cheerleader, prom queen. I swore they could talk to each other telepathically. They would stare at each other from across a room and have a conversation. All my brothers tried to figure out how they did it, but to this day we don’t know.
“When Rosie died, a part of Everett died too. He dropped out of Yale, moved back home, became a shell. Then one day four years ago he just up and left. None of us know why and if one of us does, they’ve done a good job of keeping the reason under lock and key.
“Out of all of us, I think I am the one that talks to him the most but to this day he still won’t tell me why he left.”
“Does he seem happier now?”
I shrug. “More or less. Depends on the day.”
“Where is he now?”
“I think out in Montana. It’s been a few months since I talked to him but that’s where he was last.”
Anna snorts before turning to look at me. “He sounds like me in a way.”
Without thinking, I brush a strand of hair behind her ear. “In a way, yeah. But I know he moves around a lot depending on work. You, I have no idea why you move around.”
She looks down as if she is looking for an answer that will suffice. “Love.”
She looks up at me and I scrunch my brow in confusion.
“I ran away to begin with because of the pain of love and sometimes when I see others so deeply in love it hurts too much for me to stay.”
I understand what she means. I don’t like Tiffany all that much because she is so in love with my brother. And it reminds me of everything I had with Claire and how I destroyed our relationship.
“I lived in this small town in Tennessee called White Creek. It was charming. I honestly thought it could be a place I call home even if it reminded me of Hartswell so much. The people I got to know there were so nice. But there was a lovebug in the air. And it hurt to see these couples head over heels for each other. Then my landlord tried to shove is nasty tongue down my throat so I moved.”
I throw my head back in laughter. “Was it that bad?”
She shivers as she remembers it. “Ugh, he was like seventy-five. I can’t even go into detail.”
“Wait, there are details? Does that mean you kissed him back?”
She shakes her head and gags. “God, no. But it was the grossest thing ever, like kissing a grandpa. I ran to a friend’s house and drank an entire bottle of tequila to get the taste out of my mouth.”
“Well, you better watch out for Mr. Buda down the street from us. I heard he likes his ladies young.”
She punches me in the arm. “Gross. He can sleep around as much as he wants as long as it isn’t with me. Besides, I saw him leave Mrs. Wilson’s house twice last week. I think he is good.”
“Or he is just making his way down the block.” I tap my chin as if I’m thinking. “And by my calculations you would be next.”
She holds her ha
nds up in front of me. “Please stop I am having flashbacks to old man Harry right now.”
I laugh as I stand and help her up. “Want to see some pictures of Rosie? Mom keeps them up to help keep her memory alive.”
“I would love to,” she says as we both walk back inside.
I walk her down the hallway where my dad’s office is, where my mom keeps all the pictures of us hanging.
I point to my favorite photo of us. A summer barbecue when everyone was home. Rosie and Everett were just about to start high school and the two of them are sitting next to each other on a log with huge grins. Asher had the biggest babyface at ten years old and was poking Mason in the side. Mason’s hair is well past his shoulders and even though he is trying to look at the camera, he is shooting daggers at Asher. My mom and dad have their arms wrapped around each other in the center of the picture with Carson and me on the right and Hunter on the left. The three of us look so much like my dad before he started to gray.
“You all look so happy in this picture,” Anna says.
“It was a good day. It was the last day the whole family was together. My grandpa, Dottie’s husband, died from cancer a few months later.”
She turns to me and frowns. “I’m sorry, Noah.”
“Don’t be.”
We walk down the hall and look at a few more pictures. She makes fun of my middle school picture my mom won’t take off the wall. It was before braces and I have a gap-toothed smile and bushy dirty blond hair.
“This is a classic,” she howls. “How did you get the girls when you looked like this?”
I put my hand over her mouth to stop her from laughing and we both go still when we realize the position I have her in. My other arm is wrapped around her waist and I have her pulled flush to my body. Her hands found the back of my neck as I grabbed her. We both just stand there staring into each other’s eyes. Neither one of us sure what to do.
She makes the first move and leans in closer. The smell of patchouli captures me and I can’t help but lean in closer too. My hand that was on her mouth moves to the back of her head, entwining my fingers in her soft curls. Her hazel eyes search mine as if asking what we are doing and I don’t have the answer. I close mine just as I lean forward and brush my lips over hers.
It’s the softest kiss, if you can call it a kiss. I press my lips harder into hers and feel a jolt of electricity cross between us as she lets out a tiny whimper.
And that’s all I need to pull away. Her fingers go to her lips as I back into the wall. I don’t know what came over me. I don’t know why I kissed her. I haven’t kissed anyone in five years. Images of Claire break free in my mind and all I can picture is her standing in front of me.
“I can’t,” I whisper. Not sure if I am talking to myself, Anna, or the ghost of Claire’s memory.
It’s enough for Anna to walk away from me without a word or a glance backward.
I stare down the hall long after she walks away.
“She’s a good girl, that one,” I hear my mom say as she walks out of her bedroom. “She would be good for you.”
“Mom, I didn’t know you were here.”
“I needed to grab something from my room. I heard you two talking and didn’t want to interrupt.”
I grab the back of my neck. “We should go see what Dottie is up to. I heard her say something about shots. Want to make sure she doesn’t get too wild.”
I start to walk down the hall but my mother steps in front of me, blocking my path. “Don’t you change the subject on me, Noah Christopher.”
My mom means business when she uses both my names. “I don’t want to talk about it, Mom.”
“You never want to talk about it,” she sighs. “You need to move on, Noah. You need to stop letting Claire come between you and everyone else. She isn’t coming back.”
Although I believe those words to be true, it still hurts to hear them. It’s been five years but a part of me is still waiting for the day she walks back through my door.
“And if you continue to live your life this way you will turn into a grumpy, cynical old man that no one will want to be around. Including your family.” She points down the hall where Anna walked away. “But that girl there. She is special. She cares about you, and I know you care about her. Don’t let her walk away from you too, Noah.”
With that, my mom walks back down the hall toward the party. I lean back against the wall, trying to find some sense of peace in this. But I can’t. I am confused. I do feel things for Anna, but something in my brain is holding me back.
I walk into my dad’s office and sit. I think about what my mom said. I think about Anna and her past. I think about Claire and what happened. What I could have done to drive her away. But I still don’t know the answer. And that alone is enough to keep me from having another relationship. If I don’t know where I went wrong, how am I to keep myself from doing it again? Anna has already been through too much and I can’t bring more hurt into her life.
By the time I get my mind to turn off, I realize I’ve been sitting in the office for over an hour. I walk back to the living room to find almost everyone has left.
“Where’s Anna?” I ask my mom.
“She left, Noah.”
“How did she get home?” I know my mom can see the hint of worry flash across my face.
My mom picks up a few glasses and walks to the kitchen. “Carson drove her.”
“Fuck.” I scrub my hands over my face as I throw my head back. How did I fuck this up with her?
“Noah, you want a scotch? Dad is opening his twenty-year single malt.” Hunter asks me from the living room.
“Why don’t you stay, Noah?” my mom asks.
“I should go apologize to her.”
My mom rests her hand on my shoulder. “I think you should let her be. For now. Stay with us. Hunter is staying the night. Asher is too. Time with your brothers might be good for you.”
I nod at my mom. She’s always been the one on my side giving me advice when I didn’t think I needed it. I’m a momma’s boy through and through.
“Okay, Mom.”
She smiles at me then yells at her husband. “Warren, pour a glass for me and Noah too.”
17
Anna
The Monday after Thanksgiving, Seraphina and I head to hot yoga. We don’t offer it at her studio, so it’s nice to get out and experience other studios every now and then. It’s starting to get cold in Asheville and the heat in hot yoga warms me up. Not to mention it’s the best stress reliever I’ve ever found.
I filled her in on Thanksgiving on Saturday at work. She was surprised I went to a Thanksgiving dinner. I told her all about the sexual tension and flirting with Noah. But I left out the kiss because I am still not sure what the hell happened.
And then shit got even more weird.
After the way Noah acted in the hall and then disappeared for over an hour, I decided to hitch a ride home with Carson and Mason. Before Carson dropped me off at home, Mason asked if I wanted to write. I agreed because with the confusion with Noah I thought writing would help calm my brain a bit.
But then Mason was overly flirty with me. Which has never happened before. Maybe he saw me kiss Noah. Maybe he is jealous about what is non-existent between me and his brother? I didn’t stay long at the studio because I was more confused than before.
But I let myself go back yesterday. I knew Darnell was in town for the day and wanted to hang out. I made myself face Mason and ask what the hell was going on with him. He made it clear as day.
“Mason asked me out,” I blurt out.
Her brows shoot up. “No fucking way. When? What did you say?”
I sit on a bench and pull my socks on. “Yesterday at the studio and I said no.”
“What is wrong with you? Mason is fine as hell.”
“Because my heart is set on Noah.” I can’t believe I admitted it but it is the truth.
She crosses her arms and stares at me intently. “Are you f
inally letting go of Kyle?”
I groan. “I don’t know what to think but seeing Darnell and playing music has almost lifted the blame of his death off my chest.” I realize after I say it that I said Darnell’s name and hope she missed it.
“You were never to blame.”
“He never would have gotten in that car if we didn’t fight that night,” I protest.
“But you are seeing the other side of things now?” she asks.
I shrug. “I guess.”
She pulls her sweatshirt over her head. “So what about Noah?”
“He told me he can’t.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
I take a deep breath before I tell her what really happened at Thanksgiving. “At Thanksgiving, we kissed. Sort of. It was a whisper of a kiss, but there was electricity behind it. I know he felt it too, but he pulled away and said he can’t.”
“First, I can’t believe you didn’t tell me that on Saturday and second maybe he is just giving you a taste of your own medicine from when this almost happened before.”
“It felt different.” At least I thought it did.
“Well then what about Mason?”
“It would be weird.” I can’t date his brother. Not with all the mixed signals Noah is sending me.
“Well only one way to find out,” she says with a smirk.
“Gee thanks for the sound advice.”
Her smirk turns into a grin. “Anytime. Now, what was this you were saying about, Darnell?”
Shit.
“If you mean to tell me that man is back in this town and hasn’t said a word to me I am going to punch him in the face!”
“Wouldn’t you either way?” I know her, and she was not happy with the way he left her in college.
“Yes.” Something must click in her head because she slams her feet into her boots and heads out the door. “That damn studio. He is friends with Mason, isn’t he?”
I chase after her. She doesn’t need to hear my answer. “Sera don’t.”
“That asshole walked away from me. Me! I am not letting him get the final word.” Her face turns red from anger. “I loved him. He loved me. But he chose his damn rock band over me.”