by Lois Richer
“You look funny. Are you okay?” Zac asked.
“Uh-huh.” She was far from okay. Her heart hammered in her chest; her head felt woozy and funny little prickles ran up and down her arm where Kent had touched her.
“If you say so.” Zac frowned.
Jaclyn took her time, waiting for him to return inside. Finally alone she sat down on the curb and practiced relaxation breathing. But it didn’t help. Nothing did.
Because the truth was too hard to digest, and impossible to accept.
She was starting to care for Kent McCloy.
“Hey, Jaclyn? We could use your help here.” Kent’s voice broke through her reverie.
“Coming.” She went inside, but while she helped, she made a mental list of all the things she could do to keep away from this building. Away from Kent.
And she knew she wouldn’t do a single one of them.
Chapter Seven
“Jaclyn, this cake looks delicious,” the minister’s wife praised. “Everyone’s going to enjoy it.”
“Good. That’s why I made it.” Well, that and the need to keep busy. She waved an airy hand as if baking a layer cake was something she did every day instead of a major job requiring many hours, in spite of using a cake mix and store-bought icing.
“Would you be in charge of the desserts for the potluck today?”
In charge of them? Meaning serving them?
“Sure,” Jaclyn assured the busy woman.
“Thanks. I’ll find someone to help you load them later.” She scurried away.
Load them?
Jaclyn tried to recall how the last potluck lunch had worked but came up blank. Oh, well. Couldn’t be that hard. She stopped in the foyer to drop the quilt squares she’d cut for the quilting meeting tomorrow into the appropriate box. The task had taken five evenings and she was glad to be finished with the tiring work.
“Jaclyn!” Heddy’s voice boomed across the crowded foyer. “I hope you have those notes on leprosy that you promised me. Our missions’ group wants to learn all we can so we can better prepare our care package for the missionaries.”
“I have your information here.” She drew the sheaf of notes from her bag and handed them over, relieved at the lightness of her purse.
“You are coming to the meeting? We need everyone’s help.”
“I’ll try to be there.” Jaclyn had joined so many groups she now needed a calendar to keep the meetings straight. Unfortunately she didn’t have it with her and she didn’t want to embarrass herself by asking Heddy which day.
In fact, she’d prefer to avoid Heddy altogether.
Jaclyn knew she’d taken on too much but refused to cut back. Sooner or later Hope-ites would see her as an integral part of Hope.
Jaclyn looked forward to relaxing and enjoying the service, but as she walked into the sanctuary, Heddy followed.
“How’s work on the clinic?” She slid into the pew beside Jaclyn.
“You’d have to ask Kent.” Because I’m deliberately avoiding him.
“Dear Kent. He’s such a boon to this town. His concern is for all of us and he goes out of his way to make Hope a better place. It’s a pity he hasn’t anyone special in his life. He’s such a handsome man, too.”
Please God, let someone invite Heddy to sit with them.
“Have you heard Kent’s taken in six miniature horses?” Heddy leaned nearer as the organ swelled. “They were abandoned, if you can imagine such a thing. That boy has such a heart.” Heddy patted her hand. “Say, you’re not working today, are you? You’re just the person to help.”
“Help with what?” Jaclyn asked warily.
“Transport food to the potluck, of course. It’s at Kent’s ranch. Surely you knew that?” Heddy ignored Jaclyn’s sudden silence and peered across the room. “Excuse me. I must speak with Millie. We’ll expect your help later, shall we?” She hurried away.
At Kent’s.
If only she’d planned something pressing after church, but this was the one day Jaclyn had kept totally free. When she saw the outside of the church, she was always assailed by memories of that awful night and the vandalism she’d wreaked. Inside, she waited for memories of tranquility to quiet her soul. Instead a panoramic slideshow of Kent at his ranch played through her brain while the choir sang their first selection.
Kent petting his horse. Kent playing with the dog. Kent speaking so tenderly to the wolf.
Kent touching her hand and leaving behind an earthquake of emotion.
Okay, so she was falling for him. But why? A high school crush was one thing, but she was all grown up now. What was it about him?
On the day of their horse ride, when he’d envisioned an animal sanctuary, he’d exposed a part of his spirit she’d never seen before. As she considered his abrupt shut down of that dream, she realized Kent had substituted Hope’s dreams for his own.
Having seen that transformation, Jaclyn now realized how much Kent was giving up. She’d seen the guilt take over, guilt so strong that he willingly relinquished his dreams. This generous, giving man had nobody in his world to help him achieve his goals, no one to encourage him to explore the dreams he’d held for so long. He gave but who gave to him?
For days Jaclyn had been trying to skate around her response to Kent, to avoid him and anything that would trigger her overwhelming reactions to him, because those feelings made her yearn to help him. She so longed to see him whole and happy that it scared her to think she might be persuaded to put aside her own goals.
If she allowed herself to get involved with Kent McCloy, those feelings would develop and all her dreams for the clinic would dwindle. Then she’d never earn the approval she’d craved ever since Jessica’s death—not from her parents and not from herself. And getting that approval was the only way she’d feel she was worthy of the life Jessica never got to live.
The service began. Jaclyn sang the choruses from memory. She closed her eyes for prayer but her mind would not quiet. A thousand questions raced around it until the minister’s voice broke through.
“Spring is God’s way of saying, ‘Let’s start again.’ It’s His promise that after the drought, after the hard times, there will be beauty and sweetness once more. Spring can also be a time to examine our personal growth. Where are we going? What are we striving for? It’s time to ask ourselves if our plan for the future is all about us or centered on God’s will for us. Are we willing to change our plan, to give up parts of it, to accept failure if God gives a new vision, a new plan?”
As she listened, Jaclyn scribbled notes. The thought that she might be off course, or worse, completely mistaken in her plans unsettled her. Was that why getting the clinic operational was so difficult? Now she was questioning her dreams.
At the completion of the service, Jaclyn reluctantly loaded the desserts for transport to Kent’s ranch. And during the potluck picnic she studied him surreptitiously. But her feelings were no clearer as she helped clean up his sterile kitchen. How could she possibly help him—yet stay true to herself and her path?
“I can’t think of a way to throw the kind of party my daughter wants,” Carissa, a young mother, lamented to the women cleaning up Kent’s kitchen.
“What kind of a party does she want?” one of the other ladies asked.
“Casey was so sick for the past two years, she wasn’t able to celebrate,” Carissa said. She smiled at Jaclyn. “Thanks to our fantastic pediatrician who finally straightened out her medical issues, Casey can celebrate this year.”
“A little tweak, that’s all,” Jaclyn murmured.
“Some really big tweaks nobody else thought of. I’ll always be grateful you came to Hope, Jaclyn.” Carissa grinned. “Now Casey wants to make up for what she missed—she wants to do something big. I want that, too, but other than hauling her fri
ends to a Las Cruces waterpark, I’m stuck.”
Jaclyn looked out the window and watched as Kent and another man walked to the paddock with the miniature horses. The man carried a child and the three paused by the fence.
The idea sprang full-blown. Miniature horses, pets galore. And a man who needed taking out of himself. Perfect.
“Maybe Kent would host the party here.” Jaclyn was barely aware she’d spoken aloud until the other women crowded around her to watch Kent carry the girl inside the corral and show her how to feed the horse a carrot.
“Jaclyn, that’s a fantastic idea!” Carissa hugged her. “Kent’s amazing with kids. Look at the way he’s teaching Emma.”
With gentle patience he allowed the child to experience the animal close up.
“You could plan lots of games to wear off some of the kids’ energy,” another mom offered.
“Remember when Lisa hosted her barbecues here?” another said.
“We let her do too much,” Carissa said. “That probably didn’t help her depression.”
“I’d be depressed, too, if I had to work in this kitchen for very long,” a woman named Amanda grumbled. “It’s so sterile.”
They all studied the cold room.
“It is very efficient,” Jaclyn said. “All it needs is some color to warm it up.”
The ideas continued fast and furious. If her goal was to waken Kent to the possibilities for his petting zoo, hosting a birthday party here on the ranch was the perfect way to show him the place in a new light. Maybe then he’d reconsider his animal sanctuary.
“Maybe I shouldn’t ask him. Kent doesn’t socialize much anymore. He’s all work,” Carissa said.
“Maybe having people here again would help him socialize,” Jaclyn said. “It can’t hurt to ask.”
“Casey would love riding the horses. I’m going to do it.” Carissa wiped a tear from the corner of her eye then hugged Jaclyn. “Thank you.”
Those words felt like an affirmation from heaven. Deeply moved, Jaclyn hugged back.
“What’s going on in here?” Heddy demanded. “Is something wrong?”
“Everything’s wonderful.” Carissa patted Heddy’s shoulder then walked out the kitchen door to talk to Kent.
“Is the cleaning finished in here?” Heddy asked.
“Just about.” Amanda pointed to the counter. “We need to get those dishes back to folks before they leave.”
Jaclyn grabbed an armful of the serving dishes and followed the others outside. She saw Heddy pick up a beautifully decorated casserole carrier.
“Is that yours?” she asked. When the older woman nodded, she said, “Would you mind telling me where you got it? It’s lovely. The decoration is so intricate.”
“I made it.” Heddy smiled, obviously pleased by the compliment.
“She made that picture that hangs over the guest book at church, too,” Amanda said. “And the runner that’s on the communion table.”
“I wish I knew how to create things like that.” Jaclyn studied the woman with new eyes.
“I can show you.” Heddy grinned. “You already know how to stitch people up. Stitching pictures isn’t that much different.”
“I’d like to learn,” Jaclyn said.
“The question is when do you have free time? You’re always on the go, rushing from one meeting to the next. Not that we aren’t all grateful.” Heddy stopped speaking when Kent appeared and touched Jaclyn on the arm.
“Can I speak to you privately?” he asked.
“Sure.” Jaclyn followed him to an area away from the others.
“What are you doing?”
She blinked at his anger.
“Carissa said you volunteered my ranch for her daughter’s party.” His eyes shot angry sparks. “I’m up to my ears with your clinic. I can’t take time off to host a birthday party and a bunch of kids.”
“You need a break. Doctor’s orders,” she said as lightly as she could.
“You’re a children’s doctor,” he snapped.
“And you’re tired and overworked. Carissa will handle the food.”
“And what will you do?”
“Me?”
“Yeah, you.” A smirk kicked up the corners of his mouth. “Your suggestion, your party.”
“But I don’t know how to—”
“I’m sure you can figure it out,” Kent said.
“This sounds like railroading,” Jaclyn complained.
“Is it working?” His grin widened.
“Maybe.” She huffed a sigh of resignation. “All right, let’s do it together.”
“The whole thing,” Kent emphasized.
“Till the bitter end. I’ll even stay late to help with cleanup.” She raised one eyebrow. “Satisfied?”
“It’s a start,” he said, his electric blue eyes gleaming in a way that made her stomach do a little flip.
When Jaclyn’s beeper went off, she excused herself, happy for a reason to put some distance between her and Kent McCloy.
The emergency she’d been beeped for turned out to be a sprain and took only a few minutes to treat, but Jaclyn stayed at the hospital. She needed to think through this party she suddenly found herself throwing.
“Bright colors,” she murmured to herself, scribbling a list. “A few balloons in the kitchen would look like we’d brought the party indoors.” She thought of that forlorn room and the equipment that begged to be used and enjoyed. “Red balloons, a few red dish towels, maybe a couple of red spoons and spatulas to go in that round utensil container.”
Her brain echoed with Kent’s laughter when Emma had giggled at the horses’ whinnies. She remembered the patience and incredible softness today on Kent’s handsome face as he held a new kitten so the children could see and touch. He’d let the littlest tots take turns holding tiny chicks he was keeping in a hen house. For those few moments this afternoon she knew he hadn’t felt anything but pure joy.
You’re supposed to be staying away from him.
“How can I?” she asked aloud as she drove home. “He’s got a wonderful dream for that ranch and he’s afraid to pursue it.”
Jaclyn wanted to believe that she could help Kent make his dreams live without getting knocked off her own course, that she could help him realize his own personal dreams and not just those of the town of Hope.
“Maybe if I could understand why Kent’s afraid to let go of the past then I’d know how best to help him.”
Why does it matter so much? She avoided answering that by unlocking the door and rushing to answer the phone.
“Hi, Dad. What’s up?”
“Your mother and I hoped maybe you’d changed your mind about the clinic and decided to forsake that horrible town and set up your practice in the city.”
Where you can make a lot of money and be a success. Jaclyn heard the unsaid words.
“Your last email sounded as if there’d been nothing but problems.”
“Oh, there are some issues, but we’re working past them,” she said, forcing cheeriness.
“And your lack of patients?”
Why had she ever confided that information? She constantly had to defend her decision to move here as it was. She didn’t need to give her parents more ammunition to argue that she was making a mistake. Again.
“Jaclyn?” Her father’s sharp voice cut off her introspection.
“I’m here. How are you and Mom?”
“Your mother is out right now. I’m going golfing. We were supposed to be planning our cruise to Iceland. It leaves in a little over a month.”
“You won’t be here for the opening of the clinic.” Jaclyn struggled to mask her disappointment. “That’s too bad. I wanted to show it to you.”
“We told you we would ne
ver return to Hope.” Her father’s solemn voice echoed with pain. “Too many sad memories.”
“Seeing the clinic might help erase some of them,” Jaclyn said. Then it dawned on her that her parents’ refusal probably had to do with her. They were ashamed and embarrassed by what she’d done, and what she was doing now hadn’t changed anything.
“I have to go now. Tee time. I think your mother is having guests for dinner. She keeps quite busy with her friends.” Disappointment lay buried in the words.
“I’m sorry I haven’t emailed much. I’m on several committees and the time drain is enormous. But I want people here to see that I intend to be a full participant in town life.”
“Does that matter?” her father asked. “You’re there to treat their kids, aren’t you? Not to make friends.”
“Friends don’t hurt,” she replied, knowing there was no point in arguing it all again. “Have a good game, Dad. I love you.”
“Let me know if you come to your senses and decide to join Dr. Hanson’s practice. He’s been asking after you.”
“Bye, Dad.” Jaclyn hung up, trying to shed a deep sense of discontent.
Her parents’ lack of support for her clinic, despite it being named for Jessica, left Jaclyn aching and feeling empty. Then she glanced at her list for the birthday party.
“Maybe this is how Kent feels when he goes into that kitchen,” she muttered to herself. “I have to do something.” She poured a glass of iced tea, carried it out to her tiny patio and began to plan all the ways she could change Kent’s world. Maybe she couldn’t help her parents recapture the love they’d once had, but maybe she could help Kent find a new perspective on the world. Friends did that for each other.
Friend. Was that all Kent could be?
* * *
The day of the party dawned bright and sunny. Jaclyn rushed to prepare, pulling out the shopping bag she’d filled the evening before. She laid everything out on the table. Then the doorbell rang.