“He's flirting with you.” I chuckled.
“Oh, I know.” Natalie shrugged. “I don't mind. As long as he's nice to me and doesn't try anything then it doesn't bother me.”
“I'll tell him to cool it down,” I responded. “Thank you for helping him with the band.”
“It sounds fun. It will give me something to do when I'm not doing homework. At least I'll be distracted from thinking about Emma.”
I was about to tell her how sorry I was when sudden gunshots from outside the bathroom could be heard. The two of us locked eyes for only a second before running out to the hallway.
Chaos greeted the two of us when we hurried out of the bathroom to find Jeremy. The entire mall was in a panic. When I finally caught sight of Jeremy a large man had blindly run into him and sent my brother falling hard against the ground.
“Jeremy!” I ran over to him while shoving people out of my way. Natalie was by my side when we made it over to him. I knelt beside Jeremy, seeing that he was in a daze. “You hit your head.” Blood trickled down from the side of his left temple.
“I'm okay.” Jeremy shook off the dizziness the best he could and stood up.
“We have to get out of here!” Natalie cried.
“Where's the closest exit?” Jeremy asked. I glanced around and saw that we were right in front of a bookstore.
“There's one not too far from here,” I replied. “Follow me and stay together.” We took off with me leading, the three of us holding onto each other to form a chain.
I didn't know where the shot had come from. As we ran, panicked shoppers bumped and shoved into us. Luckily our chain never broke, and much to my relief we reached the nearby exit and ran outside.
Young children clung to their parents in fear while others searched desperately for loved ones. A couple of police officers were already on the scene that had been patrolling the mall and rushed inside, but as I began to catch my breath in the middle of the parking lot a thought came to mind.
“Josh?” I shouted from the top of my lungs. Did Josh make it out? What exit did he escape from? Did he even escape? I glanced around frantically to try and find him but he was nowhere in sight. “Josh!”
Without thinking I dropped the shopping bags I managed to carry with one hand and ran back towards the mall, only to feel unbreakable arms wrap around me from behind.
“Are you crazy?” Jeremy hissed as his grip around me tightened.
“But Josh could still be inside!”
“Stop!” Jeremy held me against his body as I struggled for freedom.
“Alison!” We spun around, seeing Josh sprinting towards us. Jeremy released his hold on me and watched as I ran. When I got to Josh he wrapped his arms around me.
“You're okay,” Josh breathed a sigh of relief. “When I heard the gunshot you were the only one I could think about. I tried to find you but couldn't. I'm so sorry for how I acted inside the mall. That was out of line.”
“I'm sorry about last night.” Josh was safe. Jeremy was safe. Natalie was safe. I was safe. We were all safe. “Clearly I overreacted. I just really thought that you took pity on me, like you were looking down on me or something.”
Josh pulled back just enough to lock his eyes with my own. “You're anything but a charity case, Alison. I really do want to be your friend.” A playful smile crept along his handsome face. “From time to time friends give each other gifts, right?” He released me and offered the bag he had dropped on the ground. Inside was the box of shoes, but I looked at him guiltily.
“Remember when I said I couldn't afford a new pair of shoes?” A sheepish smile crossed my features. “That was a small lie. I have some money stashed away for emergencies but I tapped into that today and did some shopping.” I picked up one of the bags and pulled out a shoebox identical to the one Josh had gotten me. Inside my own box was a pair of red sneakers.
“Well, now it looks like you have sneakers and boots.” Josh pointed out. I let out a laugh before remembering Jeremy and Natalie were still standing behind us. I introduced Josh to Natalie, her face burning scarlet from meeting a celebrity for the first time.
“Alison!”
Another familiar shout from a man rang in my ears. When I glanced towards my right I saw Scott in his police uniform exiting the mall. Just like Josh, Scott was extremely handsome, his dark brown hair and piercing blue eyes causing women from all around to swoon over him.
“Hey,” I responded when Scott reached our small group. “Did you catch whoever did this?”
“Some idiots got into a fight and knocked down a sign,” Scott sighed. “Damn kids. It made it sound like a gunshot.”
Four teenagers who Jeremy knew from school came out of the mall in handcuffs and were taken away in two police vehicles.
“What's going to happen to those guys from school?” Jeremy asked.
“It all depends if the mall supervisors want to press charges or not,” Scott looked back towards the evacuated building. “I recognize those four teens. They always cause trouble.” Scott rolled his eyes before looking back over towards us, the young man placing his hand on my shoulder. “I have to get back to the station and write out a full report. Do you wanna grab some coffee tomorrow and catch up?”
“That sounds good to me. Should we meet up at the little diner where we always go for coffee?”
“Of course.” Scott smiled. “How's eleven tomorrow morning sound?”
“Okay.” I nodded.
When I bent down to grab my bags I missed the look Josh and Scott gave to each other. Jeremy missed it as well since he was looking back at the mall, but Natalie caught the two young men staring each other down.
Josh folded his arms across his chest after Scott left. “You know he likes you, right?”
“Who? Scott?” I was taken aback. “No, he doesn't. I'm like a little sister to him.” Josh seemed unconvinced but didn't push the subject further.
Darkness stretched along the sky as night fell a few hours later. The full moon glowed brightly, the stars glistening from high above. In the past, I remember Carly and I used to sit in the large field just a block away from my grandfather's house and stare up at the stars. We would connect them to make all different kinds of shapes, and even made up funny stories of how Angels were up there playing strip poker and gambling. We would always say that they used stardust as money, and when they ran out, the Angels would be forced to collect more. Now Carly was one of those Angels.
I sat on my bed with my laptop resting on my knees as I researched Leukemia treatments. A few different ones were chemotherapy, radiation therapy, and even bone marrow transplants. I paled a bit, but when I started reading about lymph node biopsies I couldn't take it anymore. The pizza I had for dinner threatened to come up when I read a couple of more paragraphs, so I closed the laptop. I took a calming breath, trying to calm myself down. Why was this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? All I wanted to do was crawl underneath my covers, fall asleep and not wake up until everything went back to normal.
After shutting down the laptop and grabbing my journal I was about to write an entry until I heard something hit the balcony doors. It sounded like a stone bounced against the glass.
At first, I thought it was just the tree branches swaying from the wind, but two more thumps were heard. Was someone throwing rocks? I got up and crossed the bedroom before opening the doors, and when I walked over to the railing I saw Josh standing below.
“Hey.” Josh said cheerfully.
“Josh? What are you doing here? It's almost ten o'clock at night.”
“I saw that your light was still on but you weren't answering my texts.”
“My phone’s off right now,” I responded. “Is everything okay?”
“No. I'm very much dying of boredom and need you to entertain me.” I chuckled from his response.
“Come around to the front of the house and I'll let you in.”
“No need.�
� Josh walked over to the tree that was planted a few feet away from the house and began to climb up the thick branches.
“Are you crazy? Get down!” I gasped.
“You worry too much.” Josh continued to climb.
“Do you realize how high up this is?” I argued. Josh reached the branch that was leveled with the balcony but he couldn't reach the railing. “Just please get down.”
“But I'm already up here.”
Without warning he leaped from the branch to the railing, causing me to let out a small scream. There was a five-foot gap between the railing and where he jumped from. He managed to clear it and swing himself over the railing to safety, a smirk stretching from ear to ear.
“I hate you.” I mumbled.
“No you don't, or else you wouldn't care.” I nudged him with my shoulder before walking back into my room. Josh followed and closed the glass doors, his eyes scanning my room. “Wow. This is a really big bedroom.”
“There's even a skylight.” I pointed above my bed when his eyebrow raised.
“Now that's awesome.” Josh pulled out a horror movie that he stuffed in the waist of his jeans. “Max told me you love scary movies. I believe he said this one was your favorite.” I glanced over and saw Josh was holding When a Stranger Calls in his hand.
I smiled, grabbing the movie and putting it in the DVD player. After making some popcorn downstairs the two of us sat on my bed silently as the movie started, our shoulders just barely touching.
Chapter Six
“It’s been nearly two months since our last therapy session.” Diana Ashford pointed out as I sat quietly in her large office. She was right. The last time we had a session I abruptly left early because she got on my nerves, but I've been a lot happier lately, even with the undergoing cancer medications I've been taking. Quite a bit has happened in these last couple of months.
Both Jeremy and I came out to our parents about my cancer, and after running a special spinal tap test that hurt like hell, it turned out that I have Chronic Myelogenous (Myeloid) Leukemia. It's a slow-growing cancer that messes with my bone marrow. I didn't pay attention to all of the medical information. The only thing I was concerned about is if it was treatable, and luckily for me, it was. I had to stay in the hospital for a little over a week for chemotherapy, which I had responded well to. Now I'm out of the hospital and taking all these different kinds of medications, including one that is still experimental. If this new drug works then it’s more than likely that I won't have to get a bone marrow transplant, but there are the side effects that I have to deal with each day.
Lately, I've been feeling so drained of energy that I'm really surprised that I'm even functioning at all. I'm always either feeling nauseous or throwing up, and at least once a week I get a new cold sore on the inside of my mouth. I have a special ointment that makes the sores go away after a couple of days, but they're still annoying.
Another side effect that I've been having is my loss of appetite. If I eat then I just feel terribly sick afterward, and since I'm hardly eating I've been losing weight. I had to buy new clothes since everything in my closet was falling off of me.
At least I haven't lost my hair yet, so that's a plus.
Don't even get me started on the hallucinations I've been having. That side effect is probably the worst one out of all of them. Not only am I seeing both my dead sister and grandfather, but now I'm even hearing voices that come out of nowhere. This drug that I'm on is still new and can be unpredictable, which we all knew when we talked about putting myself on it. It was bad enough that I would sometimes see Carly even before I started the cancer medication; now I'm seeing her almost every day. I still have around two more years left of this.
My immune system has gone south lately as well, and now I'm constantly on antibiotics to fight even the common cold. I'm not even allowed to kiss anyone right now, which shouldn't be a problem since I still don't have a boyfriend. Who would want to date a girl going through this anyway? Sure, there was a really good chance that I was going to survive, but the whole process was going to take around two years to complete. I had a long two years to go.
“The last time you saw me I stormed out of here like a raging airhead,” I chuckled. “Sorry about that.”
“No need to apologize.” Diana smiled. “How have you been? How is the experimental drug going? I ran into your mother and she filled me in on what has been going on.”
“The drug is working really well,” I responded. “I'm just glad that I don't have to stay in the hospital anymore. I have to go to frequent doctor visits, but I can deal with that.”
“Do you have a support group that you go to?”
“I haven't been to one yet,” I shook my head. “I'm scared to go.”
Diana's features deepened with concern. “Why?”
“It would feel like Death himself is there. Being in a room with other cancer patients would feel too creepy. I already lost Carly; I don't need to make friends and then watch them die. I can't.”
“Are you afraid of death itself?”
I was silent for a few moments as I looked away. I never spoke of my fears, but in reality, I was petrified of dying now. Just a couple of months ago all I wanted to do was die from my depression, but now I was fighting so hard to live.
“I really am.” I finally admitted. “I'm scared to die, but I'm even more scared of my loved ones dying. I don't think I can face going into a cancer support group.”
“Let me tell you something that I've experienced over the years.” I looked back over to Diana as she spoke. “Throughout my life, I have had my personal experiences with death. They were people who I cared about and loved. During each death, I thought that I would never get over it. You never truly do, but there's something that you need to remember. You won't ever forget the person that you lost, but over time that pain you feel eventually gets easier to deal with. One day you'll think of Carly and it won't hurt as much. One day you'll think of memories that the two of you shared, and instead of crying, you will smile.”
Somehow Diana's words left its mark on me as I absorbed the message and its meaning. In life you will have people who enter your world and share adventures with them; sure, you won't be attending magical castles, slaying demons from the shadows, fighting in a rebellion against the Capitol, or jumping from trains onto rooftops, but the adventures you share with the ones you love could be just as thrilling. People will come into your life, and over time, they will leave to go onto the next life. They may be gone, but they will never be forgotten.
“I can't believe I'm crying...” I wiped away the tears from my cheeks. During these past couple of months, I could tell that I’ve changed as a person. Sure, I was still a smartass, as well as a few other choice words that I probably shouldn't say, but I've been discovering another part of myself that had only been there when Carly was alive. I may have cancer, but I was starting to feel alive again, and I knew Natalie, Scott, and Josh had a major part in that. During the weeks that went by we had developed such a strong friendship. However, Josh and Scott couldn’t stand each other.
“There is nothing wrong with expressing your emotions.” Diana replied, her smile never wavering. “Tell me about Josh and Natalie. I'm guessing you have their support with everything that has been going on?”
“They both have been so great. I couldn't imagine my life without the two of them.”
“Natalie talks so fondly of you when she's here,” Diana chuckled. “I can't go into detail because of patient confidentiality, but she cares about you so much.”
“Natalie and I have become really close. I know it might be weird saying this but I honestly love her like she's my sister.”
“There's nothing weird at all about feeling that way.”
“But I already had a sister.”
“That doesn't mean you can't gain another as life goes on. She may not be blood-related, but family can stretch so much further than blood. Family can be
endless if you let it.”
Diana was great at her job.
“I actually like the advice you give.”
“Why thank you.” Diana laughed.
“Did you know I'm in a band with Natalie, my brother, and Josh's brother? We have our show next week.”
“Has it been hard because of the medications?”
“It's been challenging but they make sure I don't push myself. We have the option of either writing our own song for the competition or do a cover song from another band.” I explained. “It would’ve been too exhausting for me to write a song and create music to match it so we all decided to just do a cover. I already know the song that we're doing, so it's easy for me since I'm just the vocalist, but the others have to learn the music notes for their instruments.”
“What song are you guys going to perform?”
“Menace by Crown the Empire.”
“I’ve never heard of them.” Diana said thoughtfully.
“They're an awesome band.” I chuckled.
“How is your relationship with Josh?”
“We’re best friends. I don't know what I'm going to do when he goes off and starts filming movies again.” I sighed. “I just don't want us to drift apart.”
“If the two of you didn't drift apart from your cancer then you aren't going to drift when he goes back to work. What the two of you have is something that people would kill for.”
“I think...I think I'm in love with him.” I glanced away for a few moments before looking back at Diana. “When I think of him with another girl, my heart just aches so much.”
“Does he know how you feel?” Diana asked.
“Hell no,” I snorted. “There's no way he would feel the same.”
“Why do you say that?”
“My cancer.” I pointed out. “Who in their right mind would want to date a sick girl?”
“A lot of people have significant others who have cancer.” Diana responded.
I shook my head. “I don't think it matters. Josh isn't the relationship kind of guy.”
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