It was dark before we arrived at the Naughtons’ ivy-covered country home. Silas helped me from the carriage, flashing a private smile that spoke of our shared confidences.
Over the gravel drive and up the two large front steps, I held lightly to Silas’s arm. Just past the bright entryway, Jasper Grupp stood folded in among the gentry as if he belonged. He wore the same suit that he had worn to Lynhurst—would anyone notice?—and lounged against the stair railing, balancing a crystal glass on his fingertips. He’d been drawn deep into a conversation with a few other men, but he tore himself away for a brief glance when our party entered. First, he pinned me with a cutting glance and wicked smile, then his eyes roamed to Juliette and assessed her with delight from jeweled headpiece to gold pointy-toed slippers.
“You can amuse yourself, can’t you, Kendrick?” Juliette unhooked her arm and slipped into the throng of guests. She made a cursory stop to greet a few people, including the hostess, but veered quickly to Jasper, approaching him with coquettish posture. I turned away, helpless.
“What can I do to make you more comfortable here?” Silas’s low voice tickled my ear.
“What makes you think me uncomfortable?”
He turned those riveting eyes on me, commanding honesty.
I relented with a sigh. “I’m not built for this sort of thing. Maybe not for anything in this life at Lynhurst.” I certainly made a mess of everything. Including my one and only friendship within the family. “I am an expense, take up space . . . and I’m afraid I have become an immense burden to Juliette.”
“Do not fool yourself. You are a gift to that girl, allowing her to preen you and talk your ear off. You are the perfect friend for her.”
If only he knew.
“In fact, you are her only friend.”
I fidgeted. “But that’s not possible. She’s so beautiful and desired by men and . . .”
“And lonely. Aurelie, the girl hasn’t any friends outside of you. Especially in the female realm.”
The weight of truth sank his words into my heart, leaving an ache. It was true. Juliette never kept company with other women, never had any females call at the house.
I’d ruined everything. Rolling my closed fan across my open palm, I glanced at the vivacious girl with the mess of beautiful ringlets down her shoulders. She was like the king with the golden touch—a blessing everyone wished for until they recognized it for the curse it was. Responsibility lay heavily on my shoulders. God did have a purpose for me in all this, and somehow I’d already failed.
When it was time, Silas tucked my hand into the crook of his arm and escorted me into a white-and-gold dining room decked with lavish paintings and statues.
“And you do have one other important purpose here, you know.” He leaned in close to whisper his words as he seated himself beside me.
“What is that?”
“Imparting your remarkable stories to one very out-of-place visitor who happens to be addicted to fiction. Especially to yours.”
A smile lifted the corner of my lips. He always knew the exact second it was time to rescue my heart from the heaviness of life. He could swim deep with me for long minutes, delving into important conversations on humanity and relationships, then draw me back up to skim the sun-dappled surface when my thoughts became too heavy.
“Have you heard the story of the wealthy married couple who had everything and nothing at the same time?”
His jaunty smile encouraged more.
“It was a disproportionate marriage. She was wealthy and intelligent, and he was merely wealthy. As happens in such marriages, they grew to hate each other, yet they could not bring themselves to do anything about it. After all, what would people think? So they remained, and the best they could hope for was benign apathy between them.”
The story continued through a creamy clam soup and reached its satisfying ending just as servers carried out plates of goose with cranberries and garnish. My mouth watering for the tart berries, I slowed my talking.
“I’m quite happy that Juliette foisted her little protégé off on me tonight.” Silas smiled as he sank a knife into his meat.
The ache of my failure returned. “I’m afraid I upset her. That’s why she did it.”
“You? No, no. You couldn’t upset even an excitable viper.”
“It was a misunderstanding. I only wanted to warn her away from this man, and she thought I wanted him for myself.”
His eyebrows rose, fork pausing on the way to his mouth, then he recovered and resumed eating. “Is that so. You are stealing her gentleman, are you? Do you care for him?”
“He isn’t a gentleman, and I’m not stealing him. It’s the man who came to the benefit. He’s a cad, and I’ve no idea how to convince her.”
“Ah, him. The pitiful recipient of your daggered stares. Do you know, Juliette’s parents have actually forbidden her to see him, on account of his undefined background and family connections, but I assume you have a more valid reason for declaring him unworthy.”
Forbidden her? The words poured comfort over me. Perhaps I would not have to risk my friendship with her to warn her away from him again. “I knew him in Glen Cora, when I lived at the Mallet. He has been dressing and speaking as a gentleman, but he’s poor as mud. Lives with his father in a tiny—”
“So it’s a class difference.” The steady words cut through my explanation, deflating it. “Tell me, Miss Harcourt. Have you become one of them so quickly?”
Heat drenched my face. “That isn’t what I mean. It isn’t his lack of wealth that bothers me, but the dishonesty. He lied about it.” And so many other things.
“And who has not presented himself as better than he is when first meeting an attractive prospect? It’s only natural to present our best selves and reveal the negatives later.”
The words snuffed my spark. Reveal the truth later? These were the words of a man who’d hidden things himself. And likely he had, just as Nelle suspected. I had been fooled by his unassuming good nature. What lay underneath all that? Yet another complication to this character. Somehow I’d been fooled into overlooking the bad, just as I had with Jasper. I had a terrible habit of only seeing the good in people—especially the handsome ones.
Must I always fall into this trap?
“You do not approve of my response.” It was stated simply, unapologetically, as he considered me, rolling his fork handle between two fingers.
“It gives you an air of deception that is unsettling.”
His dark eyebrows drew low. “I’ve always been plain as day with you, Miss Harcourt. Ask me anything about myself and I’ll tell you. Gladly.”
“All right, then.” I poked at the raisins settled atop the gelled side dish. “I want to know why you are at Lynhurst. The true reason.”
The grim look of his face told me I’d struck gold. “All right, I’ll tell you.” He looked away. “I’m here to find Nathaniel Droll.”
17
Charles Sterling Clavey never set out to do evil—he was merely deluded about what was good and what was not.
~Nathaniel Droll, Lady Jayne Disappears
By the time the chambermaid loosened my bodice and corset later that night, I never wanted to leave my chamber again. How could I ever face Silas Rotherham now? We’d made such a pleasant habit of talking often and deeply, sometimes alone. But now that must end completely.
Why on earth did the man want to find Nathaniel Droll? And how had he known to travel all the way to Lynhurst to conduct his search? He’d spent time here with Kendrick in his childhood—perhaps he read something about the setting that had tipped him off. But still—why spend an entire summer on the endeavor?
I might have considered divulging my secret to him, and only him, were it not for his earlier words about Jasper.
It’s only natural to present our best selves and reveal the negatives later.
What would a man with those scruples do with my secret? Likely the man only wanted to line his pockets with br
ibe money from Nathaniel Droll—or make a name for himself by revealing the author’s identity. Either way, I would never give him a spark of an idea as to Droll’s true identity.
I sighed and pushed tired fingers through my hair. Holing away in my quiet chamber might not be a terrible idea all around. I did not belong among these people, and no amount of clothing or hair styling would change that. It was as if I attempted to play cribbage with a roomful of experts while I was only truly qualified to play marbles on the floor. They all played masterfully, as if they’d done it all their lives, knowing exactly when to hold cards or discard, what to reveal and what to hide. Even the facial expressions were calculated to reveal exactly what they wanted the others to know and no more.
Just as I pulled my cotton nightdress on and wrapped my dressing gown around myself, thankful for the waistless clothes, a knock made me jump. Shaking my fingers through my newly released hair, I opened the door.
“Juliette.”
“I’m glad you’re still awake.” She brushed past in a blue dressing gown and dainty slippers and curled into one of the twin chairs, cradling a brown package in her lap. “I simply cannot sleep, and we’re going to have a ladies’ night. I’ve even found this delightful stash of peanut brittle, thanks to Nathaniel Droll.” She extracted a thin square and popped it between her rosy lips, rolling it around.
“But you’re angry at me.”
“I’ve decided to forgive you.” She patted the other chair and pulled it up to hers. “I’d hate to have to squeeze you out of my entire life just for one little misunderstanding. Kendrick convinced me that you meant well, so consider it part of the past.”
Desperation had one positive aspect—quick forgiveness of a person’s only friend. My brain tingled with exhaustion, but I pushed past it, forcing myself to remain engaged. This was my chance. Every word of warning, every revealing truth about Jasper, spun in my head.
But I was immediately overwhelmed at the memory of Silas’s words—her only friend. The weight of that drowned out anything I’d meant to say. “You think an awful lot of him.”
“That’s why I cannot sleep. We’ve had the most wonderful time, right in front of everyone, but with no one seeing a thing.”
But I’d seen it. Never before had I watched a pair flirt so intensely from across the room.
Juliette paused, studying me. “I don’t expect you to understand. I knew you couldn’t. I’m simply not like you.” Knees to her chest, she dusted the chair arm with the fringe from her sleeve. “I don’t have the capacity to merely love a man and be satisfied as a married woman. You will find a sweet, wholesome husband who is safe and good, and you’ll happily spend your life with him, but I will never have that.”
Only Juliette could make goodness sound undesirable. I accepted the candy and nibbled on it, the sweet and salty flavor melting my taste buds with pleasure. If only I knew Silas to be safe and good. My skittish heart desired to wall itself off from him, but I could not forget the tender way he’d held Micah, or the way he’d spooned custard into Rosa’s mouth. Those images would be etched in my memory forever, no matter what came of our acquaintanceship.
“I have always dreaded the idea of settling on one man and taking myself out of society completely. Being here in this house with only family about, I feel like a dead plant. The only time I’m alive is when I’m out among people, with men, and possibilities, and conversation. Just imagine if that is over forever. I could never again welcome the attention of a handsome aristocrat, never share flirty glances and interesting conversation. I’ll know my entire future, every same old day of it, before I’ve lived it.”
“So you mean to say that this new man is a passing fancy?” I could hope.
Juliette’s eyes sparkled. “No, that’s just it. This one is quite different. He found a wick in me I never knew existed and lit it. Every sentence that passes between us, every time his fingertips touch me, it sparks with life and color. It’s addictive, and when you taste it, you realize your entire life before this had been dull as clay. Every flirtation before has been a hollow imitation of this. Even the ones that seemed promising ended up not quite satisfying and left me anxious for the next one. But with Jasper, every moment sparks and captivates. I cannot get enough, and I want that every day for the rest of my life.”
Dread settled over me. A friend would speak the truth. But a friend would also encourage her friend’s happiness.
This was not happiness, though. This was Jasper. I should speak up.
As I grabbed for the right words, the girl’s cheeks pinked with excitement, making her a striking beauty. The same way she looked around Jasper. No wonder he found himself obsessed with her.
“Please do not think me foolish, dear cousin. One day I hope you experience this sort of breathtaking passion. You’ll know it when you find it, and then you will understand what has captured me so.”
But it wasn’t real. Not with Jasper Grupp. It couldn’t be. By his very nature, he was constantly in flux, donning and then discarding selves as if they were disposable. I should simply tell her everything, starting with the truth about my background and ending with what I knew of Jasper’s many hidden traits—the lies, the stealing, the buried rage always ready to explode. But dissuading her could drive her toward Jasper even more. Warring desires consumed me.
Maybe a compromise. I’d keep watch on the pair, make sure Jasper only toyed innocently with her and then let her go. His interest in Juliette would likely dwindle, as it did with any pursuit. If he pushed too far, I could intervene immediately.
“I wish you’d be happy for me. I need one person to be so. This is the most amazing thing in all of life, ever. I want you to be glad for me because I’m finally alive.” She hugged her legs to her chest.
I smiled with tight lips. “I’m happy to see you so fulfilled.” Saying this turned my stomach, but it earned me a glowing smile from my cousin.
Support Juliette. Not the relationship with Grupp, but Juliette. As a friend.
She reached across the space and took my hands in hers. “I’m sorry I snapped before. You truly are a dear girl, and I’m glad you’ve come to Lynhurst.”
“I’ve enjoyed the chance to know my cousins.”
Juliette curled deeper into the chair. “Tell me a story, would you? I’ve heard so much about them. I’d like a romantic one, though.”
I smiled, slipping back into my comfortable element. “Very well. A romantic one. Have you heard the story about a handsome man disguised as a peasant?” And this is exactly how God could make use of my stories. Fiction was not always a lie, but a truth told in parallel to real life. A pill of advice disguised in an easy-to-swallow tale.
That night, I brought both Juliette and Nelle into my prayer time, asking for God’s guidance in each of their lives. Bring them both a future that will keep their lives on the right path.
Having woken before anyone else, Silas slit the envelope open in the front hall where Digory had handed it to him in the morning sunlight. He skimmed the thick, loopy writing, a sense of finality swirling up in him. At last, the answer to all his questions.
With a tremor of excitement, he walked out the garden door and flagged down a skinny boy weeding around a young birch. “Please, can you tell me where to find Florin cottage? It’s on the estate, I believe.”
“That it is.” His bright eyes assessed Silas. “Take the path down a ways here, turn left before you come to the woods, and follow it around to the house. You’ll see it. Just off the route.”
“Thank you.” He flipped the boy a tuppence and moved swiftly in the direction indicated. A breeze blew through the pine-scented forest and filled him with memories of many summer weeks spent here. How he’d loved visiting as a child and romping alone through the woods.
But when he arrived at the thatched cottage, nothing looked familiar. Flowers graced the window boxes and a collection of flagstones invited him right to the door.
He rapped lightly, then a little harder.
Voices rang inside, and then the door opened. A woman, slender and natural-looking with the sweet face of innocence, looked at him with both question and hesitation in her eyes.
Beautiful, but not who he’d expected to find.
“Oh. I must have the wrong cottage. Pardon me.” He dipped and spun to leave, but turned back. “Please, can you tell me where to find Florin cottage?” He showed her the paper, folding it to just show the address he sought. He couldn’t reveal the rest until he knew more himself.
“Yes, this is it.” She slipped through the nearly closed door, shutting it behind her.
“I have a matter to discuss with someone at this house. May I ask who else lives here?”
“Only myself, sir.” But she glanced for a split second at the window behind her.
“Are you sure there’s no one . . . ? It’s just a small matter of business and a few questions.”
“I live alone here.” Then her sweet voice grew higher and faster. “I make dress embellishments for the ladies of Lynhurst Manor. A little repair work for the service staff as well. Not lately, but usually. Well, when it’s needed.”
He studied the guarded little face. What did she hide? Or whom did she hide? She stole a glance again toward the curtained window.
But he shouldn’t badger the poor girl. Fear creased her ivory forehead, lighting the pure blue eyes. If he left now, though, he’d be back at a dead end. The frustration of that idea propelled him to try again. “Is someone staying with you?”
“No, I stay alone.”
“But I heard voices when I came to the door.”
“I . . . speak to myself. For company.” Red stained her cheeks.
He smiled. “A mark in your favor, to be sure. But I’m certain I heard two voices.”
She backed against the door, eyes wide.
“Please, I am harmless, I promise you. I just need some information, and apparently you are my one way to access it.”
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