His deep voice rolled over me with all the words I wished he said days ago. “You tossed me out of your apartment.” The memory of that horrible moment throbbed in my chest.
Will looked like he was in pain. “I didn’t mean it. Don’t give up on me, Natalie. Please.”
I shook my head, unable to prevent Will's arms from wrapping around me, holding me against his bare chest. My body went rigid as if I could prevent it from feeling anything good.
God, I miss him.
“Thank you for coming with me today. I don’t think I would have been able to do it without you.”
I wish I were more than that.
My heart sank as he disengaged his arms from around me. “Yeah,” I said without looking at him. “No problem.”
Grabbing for the doorknob, I wrenched it open and left before he could say another word.
12
I woke up at five, and it took hours to peel my body from the bed. One week passed since I visited the families with Will. Over the next few days, articles appeared about the Metsky family forgiving Will, with pictures of them embracing. The storm was dying. Everything was slowly getting back to normal.
Will called twice, but I let it go to voicemail along with my parents’ attempts to reach me. Every time I thought of them, dread pounded my heart.
Thanksgiving was this Thursday, and Jessica was nowhere to be seen. I was sure she was avoiding me, or maybe she was trying to give me space, but all it did was make me feel abandoned. I completed the mock-up of Will's website, but I still hadn't shown him.
Even my new job couldn't drag me out of this depression, and the workplace was amazing. At every meeting, there were banquets of free food, cocktail parties on Friday starting at three, but every day I passed Will's empty office, and the void in my chest ached. I heard that he would come back next week and felt worried about it.
In the kitchen, I started a pot of coffee, not caring about the mountain of dishes piled in the sink, or the dirty floors. My stomach rumbled with hunger, but I couldn’t be bothered to fix myself breakfast. All I could do was sit there alone and listen to the clock. Everyone at work had the week off because of the holiday. I couldn’t bear to hear another voicemail of my mother's threatening to invite Ben over if I didn’t bring Will.
A surge of anger leaped in my chest, and I decided that I would send the mock-up of the website to Will. I wouldn't send a message, just the image. And that would be the last time I did anything for him.
The doorbell rang, and I walked to the front door, having no clue who it could be. Astonished, I opened it to see Jessica.
Luke stood beside her, looking unusually radiant. Jessica looked miserable. It was strange to see their conflicting emotions.
I walked away from the door, leaving it hanging open. Fuck being polite. I returned to my perch on the kitchen table and watched as Luke made a beeline for me.
“Natalie, we tried calling, but it kept going to voicemail.”
“I turned off my phone."
“Well, I wanted to thank you for what you’ve done for me.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Um—what?”
He bounced on his feet and gave me a playful smile. "Oh, come on! Uncle Dominic gave me all my shares back. He said it was all down to you. I don't know how you swung it, but I am grateful." He stooped down on his knees and grabbed my shoulders to hug me.
I forgot about the bargain I made with Will’s dad. I stared at Jessica over his shoulder, both of us sharing looks of complete shock.
“Natalie, what’s happened?”
Unlike Luke, she knew that something was wrong with me. I could see her looking at the dirty dishes. Luke's arms were still tight around my back, and it reminded me of Will somehow and then I burst into tears, clinging to his shoulders.
“Natalie—what?”
Luke cupped my cheek, and I pulled away, sobbing like a baby. “No, don’t!”
He let me go, and I collapsed into my hands, my neck burning from humiliation.
“Natalie,” Jessica muttered, approaching me with a wad of paper towels. “Don’t. Let me clear this off the table.”
“No! Just leave it! Leave it! It’s fine the way it is!”
Jessica stopped with the balled up towels in her hand, looking frightened. “Okay.”
“I knew you shouldn’t have left her alone,” Luke said in a sharp voice.
They argued, but I didn’t listen to it. “Guys, please drop it."
“Is this about Will?” Jessica asked in a soft voice.
Just the mention of his name made my throat tighten. “He's a jerk."
Luke stood up with balled fists at his sides. “I’m going to have a word with him!”
“Please don't. I just want to forget about him.”
Jessica’s hand soothed my back. “I’m sorry for leaving you here, I didn’t know what to do.”
His hand tightened over his smartphone. He looked like he was dying to call his cousin. I knew that he would the moment he left my apartment, and there was nothing I could say to stop it.
“Goddamn it. I knew this would happen. I knew it!”
Jessica and I stared at him. Luke rarely swore.
He must be upset.
"Natalie, I hate to do this, but we have a flight to Chicago. We're spending Thanksgiving with his uncle."
My eyes widened. “Didn’t you sue him?” I asked Luke.
He smiled. "Yeah, but he said he wants us to be a family again. I don't know; maybe we should cancel it."
“No,” I said in a firm voice. “I’m happy for you. Just g—go.” I tried not to wonder whether Will would be there, too.
Jessica leaned over me, in tears, and squeezed my head off. “I promise I’ll make this up to you when we get back.”
I gave her a watery smile. “Don’t worry about me,” I said over and over.
And then they were gone, and I had nothing to distract me from my gloom.
The day before Thanksgiving, I turned my phone on. I erased every message Will sent me. I was done being put through the mill by assholes. As soon as I recognized his voice, I deleted it. One from his father made me pause.
"Ms. Porter, I'm calling because my wife and I wanted to thank you for everything you've done to help William and our family. The visit was quite a success, and all of us can breathe easier. Please know that you'll always be welcome at our home. Thank you so much."
Yeah, you’re welcome. Whatever.
The next few messages were from Luke and Jessica, wondering if I wanted to go out with them, thanking me for what I had done, and the last dozen were a cringe-inducing series of messages from my mother.
I can’t ignore them forever.
There was no energy left in me for a conversation with them. I didn’t want to hear their disappointment on top of everything else.
The next morning, I woke up with a happy phone call from Jessica in Chicago, wishing me a happy Thanksgiving.
“How’re things?”
“Pretty good!”
She went on about how everyone was behaving well and I fought myself not to ask her whether Will was there. “Well, happy Thanksgiving.”
“Yeah, you too.”
Her voice was a little subdued as we hung up the phone. She felt sorry for me. Whatever.
I better get going.
I delayed leaving for as long as I could, but I knew Mom would be furious if I showed up in the afternoon without helping her cook. As I drove down the freeway, I tried to practice what I would say to them. Maybe I should say he wasn’t feeling well. I stamped my foot on the carpeted floor.
No! I need to rip it off like a Band-Aid.
All thoughts of my parents’ reaction disappeared when I pulled into the long driveway and saw an expensive car already parked there next to my Dad’s Subaru.
I know that car.
My heels clicked on the cement, the air catching in my throat as I walked around the sleek Audi and opened the gate to enter the kitchen. A tall, dark-haire
d man wearing a beautiful suit stood in my kitchen as my parents flocked around him.
He came.
My mother spotted me standing outside, and I backed away in horror, hoping that I could escape back to my car.
She opened the sliding glass door and beamed. “Natalie! Your boyfriend just got here. Come inside, already!”
I never saw my mother look so happy. Tremulous, I entered the kitchen and swallowed hard as Will turned around, looking immaculate and gorgeous. He gave me a sad smile behind my parents’ backs.
“Look at what he brought us!”
My father gave me a one-armed side hug as my mother gestured excitedly toward the giant bouquet sitting on our dining room table. I lifted my arm, which held flowers I bought from Safeway. She waved them off with a look of disgust.
"Oh, Natalie, why did you buy those? They won't look right on the table." She frowned as she took them from me and searched around the house to find a suitable vase.
How the hell did he find out where they lived? I shot Will a seething look. “You couldn’t tell me you were coming?”
“I tried calling,” he hissed back. “Many, many times!” His face shone with a bright smile as my mother came back into the kitchen. He looked good, as though everything in the past weeks had never happened.
“Natalie, why do you look so depressed? Do you hate coming here that much?”
I blinked. “No, Mom. Sorry, I just—”
“She’s been busy with her new job, that’s all,” said Will.
“New job?”
My eyes narrowed. Thanks. "Yeah, they really liked my designs at Pardini Worldwide, so they hired me."
“Oh, that’s nice,” said Dad not listening to a word I said. “So, Will. Tell me more about your job.”
They talked as I moved into the kitchen and helped Mom with the cooking. I couldn’t believe he showed up. I took the boiled potatoes out of the pot and mashed them with more force than was necessary. Looking over my shoulder, I snorted in disgust as they hung on every word Will said.
“Want to take a ride in my car?”
I watched as Dad’s face lit up with transports of delight. “Sure! If it’s not too much trouble.”
“’Course not.”
The kitchen door slid open again as they both left and soon I heard the roar of Will’s car. The potatoes splattered on my dress as I slammed them with the masher.
“Natalie, you’re making a mess!”
I looked at her thin face and wanted to cry. He had them both eating out of his hand, and it had only been thirty minutes. For twenty-six years, all I wanted was their approval. I wanted them to look at me the way they looked at him. The smell of baking turkey and yams made my stomach growl in hunger, but I felt no desire to sit down and eat with my family. I thought of my apartment with longing.
I grabbed the bottle of Port and poured myself a small glass. It would be a long day. Twenty minutes later, they both returned to the kitchen. My dad bellowed about how fast the car was, and did Will have any other cars, and what about his father? Will listed off the cars in his family's garage and I heard my parents' gasps when he told them he only had one.
“I don’t like excess.”
“Well, neither do we!” My dad boomed.
I met Will's gaze and grimaced. I hated them both. And their disgusting, almost worshipful attention to my "boyfriend." This is so much worse than Ben. Most of all, I hated the pride I felt for having him.
We’re not together! This isn’t real!
After hours of this, all my desire for the food evaporated, and I only wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. It was all Will’s fault. He shouldn’t have come here. The pangs of jealousy made it impossible for me to enjoy anything. Finally, we sat down at the table as Dad carved the turkey. Mom beamed as she looked at Will, who sat across from me.
“You’re so handsome. Isn’t he handsome, Natalie?”
“Mom, stop it.”
Will grinned, looking picture-perfect over the decorated table. “So I’ve been told.”
“He’s much better looking than her last boyfriend.”
“Mom!”
“Natalie, don’t yell!”
I clenched my fists on the table, my fingernails scouring my palms. Even Will looked a little uncomfortable.
“I need to go to the bathroom.” My heels clacked in the hallway, and the door slammed behind me. I shook with rage as I saw the flowers I brought sitting next to the sink. They weren’t even that different from Will’s, just smaller. The injustice of it raged inside my blood.
You will not blow up at the dinner table.
I took deep, shuddering breaths to calm myself down. This was what I wanted. I begged Will to come here.
“What took you so long? The food is getting cold!” Mom scolded.
“Sorry, Mom,” I said as I sat down.
We loaded our plates with food: turkey, cranberry sauce, gravy, baked yams, string beans, Brussels sprouts, and garlic mashed potatoes. As we ate, William kept heaping praise on my mother’s cooking. I rolled my eyes.
All they wanted to talk about was William. They listened to him describe his job and gasped at his achievements.
“Natalie, are you listening? Will got to where he was all on his own with no help from his parents. I wish you followed the same route. Who knows, we might have had another VP in the family!”
I looked up from my plate and glowered at her.
William winced. "Well, listen. I'd be lying if I said I had no help from my parents. I was born into wealth, and I went to the best schools. If my dad weren't a board member, I wouldn't have my job."
“Now, see here, William. Your dad isn’t the type to play favoritism. You mean to tell me that if you messed up at your job, he would still let you work there?”
“Well, no, but—”
“See? I’m right!”
Will's laugh was strained. He cast a worried glance at me. "Yeah, but Natalie is one of the best graphic designers I've seen. She really has an instinct for—"
“Isn’t he so nice?” Mom’s face was brighter than the sun. “Natalie doesn’t get a lot of compliments about her work.”
“Oh, shut up.”
The sounds of knives and forks clattering against the plates stopped as my parents’ angry faces turned toward me. My hot eyes stared back. Will beamed at me.
“Natalie! How dare you?”
“Shut up!” I exploded, shoving the plate away from me. “Both of you make me sick the way you fawn over him.”
I couldn’t stand hearing them talk about how he was so much better than me, but listening to Will try to lift me up was even worse.
Dad turned to William in a desperate attempt to salvage Thanksgiving dinner. “She doesn’t mean that.”
He gave him a dry laugh. “Oh, I think she does.”
I stood up, and Will bolted upright. My parents' anguished faces stared back at me. There were so many things I wanted to say to them. "All you do is make me feel bad about myself. I don't need you anymore."
Dad's face went beet-red, and Mom looked like she was on the verge of tears.
“I don’t understand why you’re so hateful,” Mom choked.
“I’m not the hateful one, Mom. You are.” I grabbed my purse, and they didn’t stop me as I slid open the kitchen door.
I’m done.
"Good Lord. I'm surprised you lasted that long without flipping out. What a disaster."
“Thanks for coming,” I said in a sarcastic voice as he jogged next to me. “It was really great of you.” I quickened my pace, eager to get away from him.
“Natalie, wait! We need to talk.”
"About what?" I wanted to drive home and collapse into bed without anyone bothering me. I didn't want to hear his voice because I was so close to exploding.
“What do you mean, ‘about what’? Dammit, Natalie!”
He seized my shoulders and turned me around so I could look at his perfect face and suit, his super expensive
car behind him.
“You shouldn’t have come,” I said, lip quivering.
“I’m sorry! I tried to call you—Natalie?”
His mouth gaped as I suddenly burst into tears. “H—how did you do it?” I demanded through my sobs.
“Do what?”
"They love you! They love you, and they hate me!" I shoved his chest. "They only saw you for five seconds. I'm their daughter, and they couldn't care less about me."
I stood there crying and watched him feel bad for something he couldn’t control.
“They don’t—they don’t hate you. It’s like I said before. You’ll never be able to please them.”
His heart broke for me, but I searched his face and tried to find some reason that this was his fault.
They’ll never love me. It has nothing to do with him.
"Natalie, it's their problem if they can't see what a wonderful person you are. You're a talented artist, and what's more, you've repaired my family. I don't know how the fuck you did it, but Luke's in Chicago with my dad, eating dinner.
“There's no excuse for my behavior, but I was fucked up at the time. I’m a fucking idiot, and I sabotaged the best thing in my life. You weren’t answering my calls. I thought you didn’t want to see me again. Can’t blame you.”
“Why did you come here?”
Will pushed himself off the car. My breath caught as he took my arms. There was no denying the electric current running through my skin the moment he touched me.
“Because I would have hated myself if I didn’t try to get you back. Because you saved me,” he took a deep breath, “and because I love you.”
It couldn’t be possible. “You love me?”
His dark eyes were like bright gems. A smile spread across his face. “Yeah, I do.”
“It’s all I ever wanted from them.” I looked at him through my tears. “Why don’t they love me?”
He held my shaking shoulders. "I don't know. No offense but your parents are jerks. They really are."
“Yeah.”
"Your parents may not love you, but I do. I don't even think you realize how much you've done for me—when I saw that website—I—I've never met someone with so much capacity to give. I'll always be there for you, no matter what happens. You're the best thing in my life, and I fucking love you."
The Roommate Arrangement Page 49