by Wendy Stone
In her more fanciful moments, she used to wonder what the moon’s type might be. Would he be tall and fit or short and stocky? Did the moon like blonds or brunets or perhaps even a redhead? Did she want some swashbuckling hero or a man ready to be her hero alone? It was quite the quandary.
Those thoughts didn’t occupy her mind tonight. It was jumping around as if it sat on a grill pan. She closed her eyes, sighing again and wishing for sleep to take her. It seemed as elusive as the moon’s boyfriend tonight.
“Mattie,” she whispered. She closed her eyes even tighter, drawing upon her memory for a picture of him that she liked the best. She’d climbed the tree in the back yard and had taken a book and a pillow up there, building a wonderful place to sit and read. When Mattie came out, directed by her mother, she’d laughed at him for how long it had taken him to find her. Then he’d climbed right up that tree with the skills of a monkey until he sat next to her.
He’d been a bit out of breath when he’d reached her and he’d said one thing to her. “Cascade, I’m going to kiss you.”
Cadie smiled, remembering the feel of his lips on hers, the feel of his hands, the way they’d always drawn her in so tightly. He’d told her once that he worried if he didn’t hold onto her tight enough she would fly up to the heavens to go back to the angels.
She rolled over on her side, ignoring the beauty of the night sky and the view she had of the back yard. She wiped a single tear from her cheek and lifted the hand that still wore his ring. “I know we would have said ‘until death us do part’ but did the death part have to come so soon, Mattie? You still had so much life; you could have done some amazing things with it. With me...”
She sighed again. It had been over two weeks since she’d woken from her coma. Little bits and pieces of that day kept coming back to her. She hated those moments, remembering what that thug had forced her to do, how it had tasted, how demeaning the whole thing had been. She was glad the trio was behind bars. She even looked forward to testifying against them. Maybe it was wrong to feel this way, but they’d killed her Mattie and taken away a huge part of her innocence.
A stone hitting her bedroom window startled her and she sat up, her hand going to her breast. Then she got out of bed and peeked through her blinds. “Jackson Kyle Bestry,” she whispered loudly when she saw who it was. “Are you trying to scare me to death?”
“Come on down!” he called up to her. “It’s a beautiful night. Come down and let’s go for a walk. Please?” he wheedled when he saw how unsure she looked. “I’ll protect you with my life.” He placed his hand over his heart.
Cadie sighed and dropped a pair of her rubber sandals out the window. Then she reached out, grabbed hold of the trellis that hung on her side of the house and swiftly climbed down. She jumped the last few feet and felt him catch her and then spin with her in his arms until he fell over on his back.
“Jack, you’re going to make me sick with any more maneuvers like that.” She got up and found her shoes, sliding them on her feet while he lay in the grass and watched her. “I thought you wanted to go for a walk.”
“Well, no, I really just wanted to see you.” He batted his eyes up at her. She shook her head and walked over to the trellis, intending to head right back up it and into her room.
“Aww, come on Cadie, give a guy a break.” He got up and wrapped his hands around her waist, pulling her off the trellis. “Won’t you just spend some time with me? I can’t sleep.”
“So you thought you’d come over here and make sure I can’t sleep either?” She stood easily with his hands on her shoulders. He couldn’t know how her insides felt like trembling goo when he touched her. He didn’t know how hard it was for her to not pull away, to not yell at him for touching her. But she’d promised herself that she wouldn’t and she planned to keep that promise. Jack had been the best friend any girl could possibly ask for. He’d gotten her parents off her back. They were happy with her seeing Jack. Her mother had even asked her if it might turn serious.
That thought had sent a whole slew of repressed memories to terrorize her nightmares. She knew her parents didn’t do it on purpose, that they wanted the best for her. Jack was one hell of a catch. He’d snagged a job with Ford Motor Company here in town and he was going to work his way to the top.
It meant no more picnics or long walks in the afternoon, but Jack made time for her, even if it was to walk over and wish her good night as she leaned out her bedroom window. “Okay, walk, buddy. We are not going to hang out in my parents’ backyard and wake them up.” She tugged on his arm. “Where do you want to go?”
“The water hole? It should be pretty deserted by this time.”
Cadie thought of the place. It was a teen spot where someone had rigged a thick rope high in the tree branches. Those who were daring could ride that rope and dive off it at its highest peak. The water there was always kind of chilly, coming from the mountains outside town. It was the only place where the stream really opened out enough for swimming. Cadie sighed again. “Okay, but only for a little while. I don’t want my parents checking on me and freaking out because they couldn’t find me.”
“I wouldn’t want that either.” He helped her up and then waved his fingers at a curtain that slipped closed when Cadie turned her head.
Jack was talking as if he hadn’t seen her in a year, although they’d gone out for Coney dogs yesterday.
“What’s with you?” she asked.
“With me? Nothing. I’m not allowed to miss you?”
“You’re acting itchy, Jack. The only time you act this itchy is when you’ve done something and you can’t figure out how to tell me.” A thought hit her and she stopped walking and grabbed his arm. “You’re going back to the Marines. You took the deal and now you’re going back.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He had that wonderful half goofy, half macho, completely heart stopping smile on his face as he looked down at her. “I take it you don’t want me going back?”
“You’re my best friend, Jack. No I don’t want you leaving where I’d have to worry about where they’d send you or when we’d get that phone call. So, I think for everybody’s sake, you should just decide to stay right here.”
“So, what about you?”
“What about me?” Cadie was confused.
“Well, I know that they aren’t holding that last week of school you missed against you and that you graduated this year even though you didn’t go for all the pomp and ceremony. I also know you have college acceptances pushing out the side of your mailbox. What am I supposed to do then?”
“You haven’t got a thing to worry about. I’m going to Eastern and living at home. You won’t even have to miss me a bit.” She crossed her arms over her chest, wishing she’d grabbed a sweatshirt. The tank top and thin pajama bottoms she was wearing just weren’t quite warm enough for the first month of summer. She barely had time to blink before Jackson pulled off his sweatshirt, leaving his upper torso bare, and pulled the still warm material over her head.
“You’re going to get cold,” she protested though her eyes didn’t mind the view too awfully much.
“Marines don’t get cold. It’s in the manual, tract 8 addendum 14a, or something like that. Besides, if the impossible happens and I start shivering, I’ll just wrap my arms around you and you can keep me warm.”
“Jack?”
“Hmm?”
“Do you remember all those higher-ups that called you the perfect Marine and went on and on about how wonderful you are?”
Jack smiled and his eyes grew nostalgic. “Oh yeah.”
“They were lying. Or they were talking about the wrong Jack Bestry.” She squeaked when his arm came out and she barely ducked under it. In seconds she was running as fast as her sandal-shod feet would go. She ran right into the clearing around the waterhole and was looking for somewhere
to hide when she heard Jack shout and then felt his arm go around her waist, dragging her close and then the rope pulled them up and off their feet. They were flying over the water.
“Don’t you dare drop me!” she shouted.
Jack smiled and let the rope loose so they landed on the soft sandy shoreline, the waves lapping at her toes. “Did you really think I’d get you wet? You’re wearing my sweatshirt.” He let her feet hit the sand and regretfully let her go.
“Oh, so if I wasn’t wearing it? Then you’d drop me in the drink?”
Jack muttered something under his breath and Cadie poked a finger into the middle of all that masculine goodness. “What was that?”
“In a second.” He grabbed her finger as she went to poke him again.
“That is not what you said, Jack. Fess up. What is it with you and all these unheard asides? Do I have something on my face? Or do you have someplace else you’d rather be? Tell me.”
As she watched him, he closed his eyes, a look of pure emotional pain on his face. “Jack?” she asked in a much quieter voice, suddenly afraid to know what he’s thinking.
“I promised myself I wasn’t going to bring any of this up, not for a while, not until you finally got over Mattie, Cadie. You’re right, though, and I think you do need to know how I feel.” He picked up her hands, feeling how cold they were. “This past few weeks have been absolutely the best, Cadie. I’ve never been happier than when I’m spending time with you. Do you know you get this look in your eyes when you see me? Your head cocks just the teensiest bit to one side when you look up at me. You make me feel like I’m the only man you’ll ever need or want. Cadie, I know I’m asking a lot of you, especially with everything you’ve been through, but I have to know. Is there a chance you could love me?”
His breathing stopped as he waited for her answer and he stared down into her beautiful blue eyes.
“God Jack, why now? Why do you have to do this now?” She pulled her hands away, turning her back on him and walking along the shoreline just a bit. “Did you know that it feels as if Mattie died just two weeks ago? To me he hasn’t been gone for a month and a half, just two tiny weeks. That’s all the time I’ve had to mourn over him. It’s still hard for me to face getting out of bed in the morning. The only thing that was making things easier and better was you. Your friendship was something I could count on. It was something normal I could relish. Now even that is gone.”
She turned and glared at him. “I’m going home. Don’t follow me. Please don’t call me either for the next few days. I need to think.” She’d taken two more steps and then stopped. Jack looked up, his eyes taking in her still form. Then she was tearing off his sweatshirt and throwing it back at him. “Goodbye.”
He sank down in the sand, his heart torn in two by the only woman he had ever wanted. Lifting his shirt, he caught just a hint of her scent, the wonderful aroma of gardenias captured in the shirt’s weave. He pulled it on over his head then rose to his feet. It didn’t matter how he felt. He’d brought her out here and it was his duty to be sure she made it home all right, even if he had to do it without her knowing.
He followed, hanging back into the shadows, ducking even further back if she glanced back. Finally he watched as she climbed the rickety trellis before she turned once, staring out into the darkness. He saw her wiping her eyes and then her light went off and he was alone.
His thoughts were harsh. Why had he done this now? Why hadn’t he waited as he’d been telling himself to for days? He sighed, kicking at a rock in the path. He pulled out his wallet, flipping open to the first of his pictures. Cadie was so beautiful. He’d never met anyone like her. Even when she’d just been a face in a picture, a few lines of his brother’s letter, he’d still fallen for her hard. Being here for her now had made him fall even harder and he didn’t know how he’d get through the next few days. Hell, he wasn’t sure how he was going to get through the next few minutes.
“Dammit Cadie, I love you,” he muttered. “Can’t you see past the image of Mattie? He’s gone forever. I’d be yours forever if you’d say the word.”
A scream of pain was ripped from him and he spun, smashing his fist into a tree as hard as he could. He pulled his hand back and forced it to open, seeing the torn skin down to the bone. It was a relief. The pain in his hand made the pain in his heart a bit easier to deal with.
He walked into his parents’ home, nodding at them before heading for the bathroom.
“Jackie? What did you do?” his mother called, having caught a glimpse of his blood-soaked sweatshirt.
“It’s nothing, Mom. Self-inflicted, I swear.” He really didn’t want her coming into the bathroom to see the mess he made of his hand. Mothers can tell when their babies have been injured though, and Lauren knocked on the bathroom door and pushed it open wide.
“Let me see that, Jackie.” She held it under the water to wash away most of the gore. “Oh, baby, you’ve broken some of your fingers. We need to take you to the hospital.”
“Just bandage it up, Mom. It was my stupidity.”
“And it would be my stupidity if I didn’t insist that you go to the hospital. Don’t make me call your dad on this, Jackie. Or do I have to call Cadie to get her to come over and make you behave.”
“Don’t bother, she doesn’t care.”
“What are you talking about? Of course she cares. You’re Mattie’s brother.”
“Yeah, and that’s all I’ll ever be to her. Mattie’s brother who was stupid enough to fall in love with her.” He hissed as his mother put too much pressure on his hand.
“You didn’t tell her that did you?”
“What, that I love her? Yes I told her. I had to know if there was any chance.” He sat down heavily on the closed lid of the toilet. “And she told me I had two chances...slim and none.”
“Jackie, how can one man be so smart and so dumb at the same time? She is just getting over the loss of the man she was going to marry. How can you expect her to jump up and yell, ‘hell yeah I’ll marry you’? She’s been in love with your brother for months. Despite what you might think, women don’t get over their love that quickly.”
He sighed, leaning his head back against the wall as his mother kept pulling pieces of the tree out of his hand. “I didn’t expect that, Momma. I just needed to know if there was a chance that she might see me as the love of her life one of these days. I couldn’t handle just being ‘the friend’ anymore. Every time I’m with her, I want to kiss her, touch her. I want her to know what’s in my heart. How can that be wrong?”
Lauren felt his pain as if it were her own. “Oh baby, it isn’t wrong to want her to know. I just think it was a bit too soon for her. You were doing so well with her, being her friend, someone she could trust. Carole told me she’s having bad dreams, remembering bits of the rape, of what those monsters did to her. She needs a friend she doesn’t feel threatened by, honey.”
“I was that friend, until I blew it.” He went to fist his hand again and gasped as bone rubbed against bone.
“Yep, definitely the hospital for you, mister. I guess this’ll learn you to stay away from those nasty trees that are bigger than you are.” She walked out of the bathroom, calling out to her husband to tell him what they had to do. When he came to the bathroom door, he had ice crushed into a bag for Jack to put on top of his fist.
“I hope the other guy looks worse.”
“Well, I think I made him limp a bit,” he joked with his father. “Sorry you have to get up for this.”
“Told her you loved her, didn’t you?”
“How did—?” He glanced at the ceiling and nodded. “Yeah, I did.”
“Jumped the gun a bit, didn’t you?”
“How much of a bit, Dad?” He and Mattie had always believed that his father had a certain ESP quality. He always knew before they told him and was a
lways pretty fair at predicting their future.
“Hmm, three months or so,” the senior Jackson said. He put his arm under his son’s and helped him get up, then let him lead the way to the garage.
“She’ll be mine?” Jack Junior had to ask.
“Or you’ll be hers, sometimes that makes this whole thing easier to handle.”
* * * *
It was four days later when there was a timid knock on the front door. Lauren answered it, a big grin on her face as she saw Cadie standing on the porch. “It’s good to see you, Cadie.”
“Is Jack here?” she asked, walking inside.
“Yeah, he’s got ten days off of work and he’s crawling the walls with boredom. He’s in his room. You know the way.”
Cadie waved at Jack Senior, who was sitting at the dining room table, the dishes from lunch moved out of the way so that he and his wife could have their duel to the death with cards. She stopped before the closed door of Jack’s room, her eyes trained to never go beyond that door. She didn’t want to see Mattie’s door open, not when he wasn’t running out to meet her, to sling his arm around her neck and plant a huge kiss on her lips.
She let out a deep breath, then lifted her hand and knocked on the door.
“Yeah?”
Cadie slowly opened the door, seeing the back of Jack’s head facing toward the doorway, a tray with half a turkey sandwich and the most of a big salad on the floor.
“I’m fine Mom,” he growled, his voice husky as if from lack of use.
“That’s nice to know, Jack. Why do you have time off from work and why is your mom bringing you trays of food in here?”
Jack felt a single ray of hope shine on his heart and he spun, sitting up in bed, his fingers on his good hand slicking down his hair. “Uh, hey Cadie. I wasn’t expecting to see you today.”
“I’m going stir crazy at home and I thought you might be too. I was going to leave a message for you with your mom cuz I thought you’d be at work.” She saw his arm, the cast that covered the bottom half of his arm and dropped on her knees beside him, reaching out to touch his fingers. “What did you do?”