by Laura Stone
“We’re different, too.”
“We are.”
“We’re better.” Adam pressed a kiss to Brandon’s hand, and leaned his weight back more fully. He seemed to be gathering himself to say something important as he asked, “Brandon?”
“Mm?” Brandon dropped tender kisses along Adam’s temple, in his soft hair.
“I love you so much.”
Brandon squeezed his arms, his face close to bursting from the force of his smile. He replied, “I love you, too.”
“I… your family.” Adam’s voice had gone watery. “I really love them, too. Your mom…”
“She’s the best.”
“She really is. I don’t know what I would have done without them.”
“But that’s the thing,” Brandon said. “You don’t have to. You’re family now. They’ll never let you go.”
Adam’s breathing hitched and he clung to Brandon’s arm over his chest. “And family is forever.”
“It is.”
Adam murmured “love you” one more time. They sat together as the sounds of the waves crashed against the shore, as kids playing tag ran back and forth, and as someone’s music drifted over them. No one cared that they were two men in an embrace. No one gave them dirty looks.
They were two men, in love, with at least one of their families who loved them as well, and now were free from an organization that wanted them to feel ashamed, wanted them to wallow in despair, to spend their lives alone until God “fixed” them in the next life.
They were in love, but more importantly, they knew they were loved, by each other, by Brandon’s family and, they both believed, by their Heavenly Father.
It was going to be okay. They had faith.
THE END
Glossary of Terms
Apostate - A member who openly disagrees with Church leaders and doctrine, in public or private. Considered potentially cursed or condemned and an enemy to the Church. Often results in ex-communication.
Apostle - The highest priesthood office of the Melchizedek priesthood in the Mormon Church, Twelve apostles, called a Quorum, act as the governing body of the Mormon Church. The prophet and President is always an apostle
Bishop - Clergy who oversees a ward, non-paid position that is assigned arbitrarily. Ecclesiastic training is not required. The position usually lasts four to seven years.
Calling - A job given to a member such as Bishop, choir director, or nursery aide. Typically unpaid and untrained beyond sharing of teaching materials commissioned by the LDS Church. It’s considered an insult to God if you do not accept a calling.
Church house/Ward house - Building where Sunday meetings and other weekly religious meetings and activities are held. They are typically built from a standard blueprint within the U.S.
Court of Love/Disciplinary Council - When a member commits a sin considered grave, the Church holds an ecclesiastic trial during which the member is tried for alleged violations of Church standards. If a member of the LDS Church is found guilty of an offense by a disciplinary council, he or she may be excommunicated or their church membership may be otherwise restricted. Disciplinary councils are also referred to unofficially as disciplinary councils.
District Leader - A missionary who runs a small geographical subset within a mission and reports to the Mission President.
Endowment - A temple ceremony that prepares members to become kings, queens, priests, and priestesses in the afterlife. It includes a ritualistic washing and anointing, symbolic gestures and acts, and ends with the member receiving a “new” name for use in the temple and in the afterlife. After completion, the member will begin to wear sacred undergarments.
Eternal life - Spelled with a capital E, as opposed to eternal life to denote the difference in quality of one’s afterlife. Capital-E Eternal denotes one who has achieved the highest order of Heavenly Father’s glory. The other refers to general immortality.
Excommunication - The penalty for “grave” sins such as murder, incest, homosexuality, and apostasy. Notices of excommunication can be made public, especially in the case of apostasy. Those “exed” have their names removed from the Church as members (both on Earth and in the temple/the afterlife) and cannot partake in the sacrament.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World - Statement delivered to the world in 1995 that the LDS Church believes marriage only to be between a man and a woman, and that gender is assigned before birth and cannot be changed. This was sent to the Hawaiian Supreme Court prior to their vote on legalizing “gay” marriage in 1997. While not official canon, Apostle Boyd K. Packer, speaking as one who holds the highest keys of the Melchizedek priesthood as a “prophet, seer and revelator and special witness of Jesus Christ”, advised members during General Conference in October 2010 to treat this proclamation as direct revelation from God.
Garments - Also called “G’s.” Considered sacred, these undergarments are to be worn day and night, symbolic of the covenants made in the temple to honor a commitment to God. It is believed that they protect the wearer from sin and danger. Women must wear bras over their garments, as nothing is to come between the skin and the material. They have “sacred” markings on the nipples, navel, and one knee, symbolic of a level, compass and square, commonly understood outside the LDS faith to be rooted in Freemasonry, of which Joseph Smith was a third-degree Master Mason.
Heavenly Father - God, a distinct and separate deity from Jesus Christ and a member of the Godhead. Mormons tend to avoid saying “God” outside of hymns or scripture, as it’s believed to be taking his name in vain. Also, the belief is God is our spiritual father and we are His children. Jesus is literally the Son of God, separate and whole.
Holy Ghost/Holy Spirit - A distinct and separate non-corporeal being, and third member of the Godhead. He was chosen to be so for the sake of bearing witness to individuals of the truthfulness of the Gospel and of Jesus Christ by “entering” a person’s spirit and bearing the truthfulness of God, Jesus, and the Gospel.
Institute - Religious training program organized and operated by the LDS Church for college-age members. In Utah and parts of Idaho and Arizona, these classes can be taken on local college campuses or in special “Institute” buildings just off campus.
Jesus Christ - The literal Son of God, and second member of the Godhead. He died on the cross and was resurrected as a flesh-and-blood being three days later, which time was spent preaching to the Native American people Mormons calls Nepites and Lamanites. Jesus is considered to be the literal head of the LDS Church.
Lamanites - One of the peoples of the Book of Mormon. Originating in Jerusalem, they are descendants of a man named Laman, who broke off from his brother and prophet Nephi. They were cursed with dark skin because of this iniquity. Mormons believe Native Americans are their living descendants.
Law of Consecration - First announced as a revelation by Joseph Smith in 1831, it existed for the support of the poor and to ensure that all members would be “equal according to his family, according to his circumstances and his wants and needs.” Echoes of this still exist today in the modern church through the use of a Bishop’s Storehouse, a member-based welfare system that can be quite effective.
Law of Adoption - A temple ritual practiced in Latter-day Saint temples between 1846 and 1894 in which men who held the priesthood were sealed in a father–son relationship to other men who were not part of nor even distantly related to their immediate nuclear family. Dr. D. Michael Quinn, highly-acclaimed and excommunicated Mormon historian, noted in his epic work, “Same-Sex Dynamics Among Nineteenth-Century Americans: A Mormon Example”, that during his last two years of life, Joseph Smith sealed men to other men in the Nauvoo Temple, a practice Brigham Young altered post-Joseph’s death to follow the “father-son” adoption rite instead of the “brother to brother, locked in the arms of love” concept originally used. See Bibliography for complete
citation.
Melchizedek Priesthood - the priesthood authority of the Twelve Apostles of Jesus, as well as Old Testament prophets, higher than that of the Aaronic authority of John the Baptist and of the Levites. This has the offices of Elder, Seventy, High Priest, Patriarch and Apostle.
Mission - Geographical administrative area where LDS men and women dedicate their time for up to two years in an attempt to convert people to Mormonism. Missions are paid for by those who serve and not by the Church. If one cannot afford a mission, the local church will encourage members to fund it.
Mission Field - Anything outside of the state of Utah. Typically used as a colloquialism.
Missionary Training Center - The MTC, as it’s called, is the training facility in Provo, Utah where missionaries learn the skill of proselytizing and, if going abroad, their new language. There are smaller MTCs located throughout the world, but it’s most common for new missionaries to arrive at the original location.
Nephites - Hebrew descendants who were inspired to build a ship in 600BC and travel to what is now North America. One of the peoples of the Book of Mormon. They all died out and no record of them exists historically. Other than, of course, the Golden Plates in which they recorded their history, carried to Upstate New York, buried, and was later discovered by Joseph Smith. The Golden Plates were taken back into heaven after Joseph “translated” their ancient language.
November “Leak” - The Mormon Church operates at the micro-level through a “Handbook of Instructions,” as the ecclesiastic jobs are unpaid and untrained. An update made, leaked in November of 2015, featured a new and direct policy with regard to LGBT members, who the Church refers to as “SSA” - Same Sex Identifying. Children of “SSA” parents will not be given a “name” in the Church, nor will they be allowed to be baptized, receive priesthood blessings, or be called to any leadership positions including serving a mission. An exception can be made once the child has reached adulthood and commits to serving the church and renouncing their LGBT family. Those who are actively “homosexual” are officially considered apostates.
OMH - “Oh my heck.” Mormons don’t swear, unless it’s fealty or to their own honesty.
Outer Darkness - The Mormon version of hell, and the worst outcome for any soul. This is where “sons of perdition” are cast. Note: Hitler does not reside here in Mormon lore.
Pre-existence - Like Milton’s Paradise Lost, Mormon Doctrine believes in a War in Heaven where Satan and his followers were cast out of God’s presence. We all were spirit before we became flesh on Earth, and while the Church says it isn’t doctrine that we chose our families and certain friendships before we were born, they did teach that at one point, including that people who weren’t valiant in the War in Heaven would be cursed with the mark of Cain, a.k.a black-skinned. (See: Mormon Doctrine by Bruce R, McKonkie, Prophet Spencer W. Kimballs’ many essays and talks, Journal of Discourses, Brigham Young, the reason why blacks weren’t allowed to have the Priesthood until 1978, Saturday’s Warrior, My Turn On Earth, etc.)
Priesthood - The power and authority to act in the name of God for the salvation of Mankind. Only males twelve-years-old and older who are vetted as “worthy” are ordained a priesthood holder.
Polygamy - A religious practice of men marrying extra wives. Women are not allowed to marry more than one male. In the LDS church, this was considered the highest commandment until they were threatened with Federal action in 1890 and ordered to cease the practice, which drove it into secrecy but did not stop the practice. It is still considered an important commandment and the “revelation” to continue this practice continues to be listed in their set of holy scriptures.
Seminary - Religious study organized and operated by the LDS Church for teenagers. In Utah and several locations in Idaho and Arizona, these classes are available to LDS members in lieu of other school classes in buildings across the street from their local high school. Those in the mission field typically attend at the church building or their teacher’s home before school begins, such as at 6:00a.m.
Smith, Joseph - Founder and first prophet/President of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and a polygamist. At the time of his murder, he had close to forty wives, one of whom was fourteen when they married.
Sons of Perdition - A person who will not partake in the afterlife. See: Section 76 of the Doctrine & Covenants. Key elements: they are fully aware of the fullness of the Mormon Gospel and reject it, thus being banished to brimstone and Satan. Again, Hitler is not a son of perdition.
Stake - Several wards combine to make a Stake, headed by a Stake President and his two counselors.
TBM - True Blue Mormon, one “born in the covenant” to active parents who were married and sealed in the temple. A “TBM” would attend all Sunday and Wednesday meetings, attend Youth activities and conferences as well as Seminary and Institute lessons.
Temple - a building dedicated to be a House of the Lord and considered the most sacred building on earth. One cannot attain the highest glory of God without participating in the temple’s rituals.
The Y - BYU, Brigham Young University, also known as “The Lord’s University” unless you attended the University of Utah. Located in Provo, Utah and wholly owned by the LDS Church.
Ward - Geographically-assigned congregation, headed by a Bishop. On the chance of small numbers in the geographic region, this would be considered a Branch, still headed by a Bishop.
Zone Leader - In the mission field, this is the missionary who oversees the day-to-day activities of the various districts, and reports to the Mission President.
Additional Works Cited
Craven, Rulon G. The Effective Missionary. Salt Lake City, UT: Deseret Books, 1982, p. 56. Print.
The Doctrine and Covenants of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The Pearl of Great Price. Salt Lake City, UT, U.S.A.: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1982. Print.
“The Family: A Proclamation to the World,” Liahona, Oct. 2004, 49; Ensign, Nov. 1995, p. 102.
“Handbook 2: Administering the Church.” Handbook 2: Administering the Church. Web. 30 Jan. 2017.
“Hymns of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.” Salt Lake City, UT: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1985, p. 87, 249. Print.
“I Hope They Call Me on a Mission.” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Web. 30 Jan. 2017.
Packer, B.K. “For young men only.” U.S.A. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1976. Brochure.
“Preach My Gospel: A Guide to Missionary Service.” Salt Lake City, UT: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 2004. Print.
Quinn, D. Michael. Same-sex Dynamics among Nineteenth-century Americans: A Mormon Example. Urbana: U of Illinois, 1996. Print.
Smith, Joseph. The Book of Mormon: An Account Written by the Hand of Mormon upon Plates Taken from the Plates of Nephi. Salt Lake City, UT: Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 1981. Print.
Smith, Joseph. King Follett Funeral, Eulogy. Nauvoo, IL. Apr. 16, 1843. Speech.
Young, Brigham, John Taylor, G. D. Watt, and J. V. Long. Journal of Discourses. Liverpool: F.D. and S.W. Richards, 1854. Print.
Acknowledgments
I was very fortunate to be raised by my father, who allowed me the space to come to terms with my own religious beliefs. I was also incredibly fortunate to have a father and step-mother who passionately collected the neglected and disaffected, who set an example for me to be kind. Kindness and an open heart will always be the right way to live, no matter your God's name or flavor.
I am incredibly grateful to all the women in my church who took me under their wings and loved me such as Sisters Bennett, Gougler, Fowler and Bertrand, the latter going the extra mile to pick me up at 5:45 a.m. to make sure I was able to attend Seminary, even when her own daughter skipped like a normal teenager. They set the example for w
hat it means to be a mother with unconditional love, and I'm grateful for it.
(And to Darlene, the mother I would steal for my own if I could, you are Sandra in every way down to the portability and undying love for your kids, and I love you to pieces. Chrissy, thank you for sharing your mom with me. I love you, too. Thanks for putting up with my incessant Doctrine Talk over the years.)
I'm so grateful for Carrie Pack and Tom Iacuzio for the beautiful cover that made my eyes fill with tears the moment I saw it. (And thank you to the models who depicted Adam and Brandon, Connor Apthorp and The Lee Artle. You're on a book cover, boys!) To Nicki, Choi, Annie and Candy: thank you for pushing me to make this book what it is. Nicki, you're still my favorite. Don't tell the others.
I originally wrote this ten years ago as a short story for a family member who needed it, but who I knew would never read it. I dedicated it to my dear friend who was at the time struggling with her faith as she came out, and who has been a champion of this story from the start.
I'm also grateful for the wisdom and unyielding support of the Mama Dragons, whose existence centers on keeping LGBT youth in the LDS church alive. The state of Utah as of this printing has a suicide rate among teens that is four times higher than the national average. Bless the Mama Dragons for breathing their fire and saying, "Enough. Love first." Please reach out to them on Facebook if you or a loved one needs support.
To anyone struggling as an LGBTQ person in the LDS faith: You're not alone, you're enough just as you are, and you're loved.
About the Author
Laura Stone, a descendant of pioneer polygamists from the early days of the Mormon Church and a former Gospel Doctrine teacher, now keeps busy as a media blogger, ghostwriter and novelist when she’s not raising her youngest child.
While the majority of her family still lives in Utah, she resides in Texas because it’s where the good tamales are. Her first novel, The Bones of You, was published by Interlude Press in 2014 and was named a finalist for a Foreword Reviews IndieFab Book of the Year Award. Her second novel, Bitter Springs, was published by Interlude Press in 2015.