He’d ultimately decided that when he touched Teal, he would do so with clean hands. And that tattoo sullied him. His arms now featured full sleeves and a few other tats had been inked on his back and chest.
He glimpsed down at the aged ink. “Things have changed for me. That tat isn’t who I am—was never who I was. I used it in a way I shouldn’t have. Shock value,” he admitted with a slight shrug. It was getting easier to tell the truth about who he had been, and who he was striving to be.
She offered a dubious look. “I didn’t want my son to know his father if he was a racist. I knew what that flag meant in the South.” She shrugged. “But I’d heard so many rumors, not to mention what my own family was saying . . .” Lowering her eyes, she shook her head. “So, I asked around before I came back home, and boy did they have stories to tell about the KKK, Trent, and his buddies.”
She was still the same straight-shooter she was back in high school, only now her words were laced with shame and pain. Holding no punches, she continued. “I was ashamed of you, and sick at myself for seeing such great things in you. For ever having loved you.” Her voice held no remorse for the words she said to him. Nor had he expected them to.
“And then, when you came to my school and said those things to me . . . you almost broke me. I had just gotten the courage to come to you, and you looked at me with such hate and ire.” Sitting back, she crossed her arms over her chest. “When you found me at college and called me those names—denied your son—I thought I’d die. And I think I did a little inside.” She shook her head.
In all his nervousness, Trent finally noticed his son was nowhere to be seen. His stomach ached with alarm. Maybe he was asking too much of Markus to see him right away, and with Harper’s words, maybe she’d changed her mind.
“You weren’t the type of man to tear someone down. What happened?” There was a hint of vulnerability in her voice. “I know my father hurt you and when I didn’t come to your defense, I—Trent he was so powerful back then and he would have ruined your life.”
An ache bloomed in his skull as she spoke. She’d done everything she could to protect him. Everyone had thought her a naïve fool, and here she was, the smartest damned one of them all.
“Violet called me.” She scoffed. “She told me she told you the truth.”
Pushing the coffee away, Trent leaned back into the chair. “A long time ago, I blamed you and your father for what I had become. I’d truly felt like a piece of shit, and thought by showing the world how powerful I’d become, I could prove your father wrong.”
Harper held up a hand. “My father was a xenophobic racist pig.”
Trent just stared at her, wide-eyed in shock. He’d put that together overtime, but he hadn’t expected daddy’s little girl to ever believe it.
“Markus and I cut ties with him before he died.” She looked him dead in the eyes as she spoke. “I wasn’t going to have my child ever feel unwanted, or like some half breed, and that was the reason why I sent you that letter.”
He took in her hardened gaze and stiff posture, nodding his understanding. “I really wouldn’t expect anything less from a woman like you.”
The harsh darkness disappeared from Harper’s face, eyes softening.
“Teal made me realize it was a sad excuse to pretend to be something I wasn’t,” he continued even as her surprise turned into suspicion. “To let others change who you are shows that you’re weak. And I’d turned to the wrong source of power. A lie made me popular with the wrong crowd, and a fight cemented it.” He sighed and shook his head. “The rest is history. From that day on, I met and dealt with people I’m not proud to say I know.”
He prayed she’d believe what he had to say next; hoped she still saw the man she’d believed in all those years ago, here in front of her now. “I’ve never regretted anything in my life more than I regret that one, single choice. I should have spoken up, I should have apologized, but I didn’t, and because of it, I lost your respect, my son . . . hell, I lost myself.” Where had that come from? It felt as if it were yanked straight from his soul.
“Trent, I was there. I saw both the anger and the hate in you. Whether directed at me, or to black people in general, it was there. Hate like that doesn’t just disappear. How the hell am I supposed to trust you? Why should I trust what this Teal woman has to say?” She waved her hand in a dismissive gesture. “You sure are asking for a lot when you were so willing to give very little in return.”
He didn’t like the way she’d dismissed his wife, but he let it slide—this time. “Hell no, it doesn’t disappear overnight, but I have never hated a person for the color of their skin. Never once.” He thought about Logan, his past, and his current struggle with race. He thought about the man he was fighting to be for Katie and for his girls. “And as for the moment I saw you at school . . .” He was reluctant to admit this. “I hated the fact that the mere sight of you elicited old feelings of love and desire, when I thought I’d gotten over you.”
Her eyes flared and he recognized the look in her eyes. It was the inquisitive gleam he’d seen so many times before. Like when he’d taught her to go down on him, or the first time he’d asked to taste her other lips as she’d called them. He cleared his throat and her gaze darted away from him. She lifted a hand to call over the barista.
“My usual please, Sarah.” Turning her eyes back to Trent, she took in a breath. “Okay, so you hurt me, like I hurt you.”
It seemed so childish now that he thought about it. No, he knew it was foolish back then, too. His anger just wouldn’t let him admit it.
Trent nodded. “I believed I’d moved past that shit, and then there you were, standing in front of me like a fucking goddess, and all I wanted was to forgive and forget everything and love you again. I loathed myself for not being able to hate you and I detested myself for being so fucking weak that had you come to me, had you fallen into my arms, I would have taken you back that fucking day.” He sat back, a bit stunned at the revelation, but knew it was true.
Chapter 16
Harper expelled a sharp breath. “You would have taken me back?”
“At that time? Fuck yes.” He nodded. “But the fact you still had power over me and I was still that same weakened fool who sat in your mansion, it made me fly back in time to when you built me up and then I allowed you and him to knock me down. I couldn’t see past that, Harper. Not for years.” Regret ate at him.
“And now, I put myself in a position I don’t know how to change. I’ll do anything to have my son in my life. I need him to know—” Trent choked over the words, as his heart cracked and his chest ached with remorse. “I need him to know that I love him, and that I am not my father. I just wish I had realized sooner that I need him to know me, too. I didn’t mean to abandon him.”
Trent couldn’t remember the last time a tear had ever graced his cheek, but today, in the wake of the realization his son might be lost to him forever, he cried. His tears weren’t weakness. They were every fear he’d ever known, leaving his body, making room for joy and happiness.
He wiped his cheeks and cleared his throat. Taking a sip of the now tepid coffee, he glanced up at Harper. She was the same, beautiful soul she’d been all those years ago. How could he not have known her father would control her the way that he had? Though Trent was eighteen and an adult in the eyes of the law, he’d still been so naïve.
Her voice softened. “I didn’t want to believe that a man who touched me the way you did could ever hate anyone for the color of their skin. You were my first, and you never left my memories. I cried the first month straight, I missed you so much.”
Trent had told himself she’d moved on. He’d needed to believe that in order to get out of bed each day, allowing hate to fuel him.
“My baby was the only thing I had left of you, and I regret every day that I didn’t fight for you. But I was so young and scared, and I knew what he was capable of. I let my father tell you those things, things I never believed. And
then, I repeated them to you, and for that I am sorry.”
Trent released a breath and sat back in his chair. Stress dispersed and relief filled his body.
“When he was a baby, I told our son that you loved him every day.” This surprised him because the letter told him different. “Because, deep down, I knew you did. I never thought you didn’t, until I saw you that day and heard about the things you’d said and done. And you strengthened it when you’d found me at school.”
A tear slid down her cheek. “He didn’t even know you, but every day, he missed you. He is a grown man now, and I doubt that he’ll admit it, but trust me he did. When I told him about you, he said he knew. He knew that Kevlen wasn’t his father.”
Unable to speak, Trent nodded.
“This is difficult for him because he’s been calling his stepfather daddy for years.” She pushed up from the table. “I think I’m the one who held all this up, but it’s time. I raised a good man, and if you screw this up,” she shook her head, “then that’s on you.” A to-go cup was placed on the table and she took it in her hands.
“I won’t,” he said in earnest.
“I’ll tell him to come in now.” She picked up her cell and tapped a few buttons.
Trent’s body began to shake, and he grew dizzy, leaving him feeling like a fool. He was a grown man and he was feeling dizzy over meeting his son. He shook it off and stood with Harper.
“He’ll be in in a sec.” As she walked away, Trent panicked.
“Hey,” he called desperately after her. She turned. “How am I supposed to know it’s him?”
Harper busted into laughter. “Oh, you’ll know.” And with that, she turned and left the shop.
Trent sat back down and took a slow, deep breath. He willed his heart to slow in his chest before he had a heart attack. The door swung open and a couple traipsed in, arm in arm. He exhaled nervously. What he needed was for Teal to call and cuss him out for being such a baby, but he didn’t have time.
The door opened again and Trent completely understood when Harper had said he’d know Markus when he saw him. He stood as his son walked up to him. He looked just like him, and was almost as tall as Trent. He had the same long, curly hair Trent had pulled back at the nape of his neck, though it was a mahogany brown, to his flaxen color. He had the same round eyes, strong-featured jawline, and Trent’s cruel but firm smirk.
His hazel eyes considered Trent as he moved toward him.
Trent swallowed hard trying not to puke.
When he reached the table, Trent reached out his hand in greeting. His hand shook a bit, but he stilled it when Markus took it firmly in his and pulled him into an embrace. Shocked, Trent froze. It wasn’t supposed to be this easy. He didn’t deserve to have his son back in his life like this. It was something he was supposed to fight for. His son should hate him, curse him, and blame him for all the things in his life that’d gone wrong.
When Markus let him go and sat down, Trent sagged into his seat with relief. He gulped down the last of his coffee, wishing he had his old flask in his pocket. Trent, in all his years, had never felt so intimidated and vulnerable in front of another man.
“Mom said you were nervous, and to take it easy on you.”
Markus’ voice was deep and strong, and Trent was a bit saddened by the fact he hadn’t been able to watch him grow up from a boy to the man that sat in front of him. But he wouldn’t have been a good influence on him, and Harper knew that. She’d done the right thing by keeping him away.
The coffee bubbled and churned in his gut. “That’s fuckin’ right.” He winced. “I mean, yeah, I am.”
Markus gave him a half smirk. “She said that granddad is a part of the reason you were gone.” His eyes bore into Trent, searching for a truth.
And Trent gave him just that. “It wasn’t all your granddad.” The thought of Harper’s father still made him sick to his stomach. “It was me, too. I was an arrogant, ignorant dick, and plenty of other dreadful things. I couldn’t see past the red.”
“You had an inability to see past the pain.” Markus surmised. And when Trent sat there, opened mouthed, he continued. “Teal called me too. She told me not to let your annoying ass falter.” He shrugged. “She swore to me that you weren’t a bigot and that she would have murdered you dead if you’d turned out to be.” He winked at him. “I like her.”
“So do I.” Trent rubbed the back of his neck. “She told you all this?” He hadn’t even known Teal had spoken to Markus. “When?”
He checked his watch. “About ten minutes ago.” Then he tilted his head to the side. “Do you have issues with anger?”
Trent thought about this. “Maybe, back when I was your age. But I’d like to believe I’ve settled down since then. Unless someone messes with my family, that is.”
“My mother thinks that you are here because of a woman.”
“Son, I am here to make things right. There’s my wife that I love, but she and I both want to put you first. She pulled my head out of my ass and made sure I knew what a dick I was being.” Markus laughed. “But I think the real question here is, why are you so open to this? I walked away and didn’t fight for you. How can you forgive me?”
Markus’ eyes were somber. “You didn’t stand a chance against my granddad. No one did. Hell, my mother barely survived and she’s one of the strongest people I know.”
What had that man done to his son to make his mother move him away? Trent wanted to ask, but he’d save that for another day. “If you don’t mind. I’d like to be there for you now, to try to catch up for the time I missed. I know I can’t—”
“I’ve been waiting to hear that,” Markus cut in.
Trent gave a nervous chuckle. “Have you?” Hell, his son—this man—wasn’t nervous at all, and the calm that he exuded surprised Trent.
“Yeah, I have. My mother told me a lot of stuff. How good you treated her, and how much you loved her. She told me everything—held nothing back. I’m sorry granddad was that way, but I’m glad you waited until the time was right.” Markus leaned forward. “I’m glad you came for me.”
“So am I, son. So am I.” Trent sat back. “There’s a lot of stuff going on in my life right now, and I’m sorry I used that as an excuse not to come sooner.”
“Yeah, Mom says you just got married and had a kid.” His casual tone helped calm Trent.
He sat back and began to explain how he’d met Teal and how they’d come to adopt Emma. Markus just sat there and took it all in.
“In the end, my ex shot him and they both ended up in jail. A few weeks later, I got this letter, stating that Jake had given up parental rights and Shayla, not wanting to see Emma Mae grow up in foster care, started the process of adoption for me and Teal.” Trent rubbed the back of his neck. He didn’t miss the irony of the situation, and feared Markus would be upset that he could take care of a child that wasn’t biologically his, but had missed out on Markus’ life. He glanced up and into his son’s eyes.
Markus offered him a wan smile. “Damn, that’s—I mean.” He shook his head.
Shit, had Trent said too much? Was his son too thin-skinned to handle all the shit that’d happened in Trent’s life? Because that shit wasn’t even the half of it. He cleared his throat.
“How would you like to meet your little sister?” He thought a change of subject was in order. Fuck the past. He and Markus would look toward the future from here on out.
A brow quirked. “That sounds good.” Trent saw the interest in his gaze. “Especially this Teal woman. She sure is something else. When she called me this morning, she warned me not to act up too bad. She honestly reminds me of Mom.”
Trent tensed at the comparison. Teal and Harper were similar in some ways, but not in the ways that counted most to Trent.
“How about dinner tonight? You and your mom pick the place.” Trent pulled his cell from his pocket and tapped out a quick message to Teal. They were only in Massachusetts for two days, seeing as this was supposed to
be an initial meeting. Teal had wanted to see how things went before making plans for Markus to possibly come to Kentucky for a week or so once his classes were over.
Admittedly, Trent hadn’t expected the meeting to go over quite so well, and had initially been worried that two days here was too long. Now, it didn’t seem like enough time.
Teal texted back that she thought it was a great idea, and sent her love and support.
“Teal’s on board. However,” Trent glanced up and made eye contact, “please don’t compare your mother and Teal at dinner. I don’t know if either one will enjoy that too much.” His anxiety lowered when Markus laughed.
“Yes, I don’t get women. You can give them a compliment, and then find yourself begging for forgiveness.” Markus looked truly perplexed and Trent thought there was a specific woman in his life that was for—not just some flippant comment.
He braced his elbows on the table and leaned forward. “You got something you want to talk about?” Trent asked. He remembered this age. Woman were a mystery to him as well. Offer them the world, and somehow, you were an asshole for not offering the moon instead.
“Are all women this complex?”
Trent almost laughed, but that was until Markus glanced up at him and in his eyes Trent saw the young boy in him. Uncertain and inexperienced, in need of guidance and acceptance. Trent reached out over the table and patted his son’s back.
“No. The complexities arise when emotions run high.” Trent sighed and leaned back in his chair.
His son thrust his fingers through his hair. “Well, hell. If you’ve got it figured out, share.”
Trent glanced at his watch. “How much time you got?”
Trent was amazed at the ease in which he and Markus fell into a companionable conversation. They’d stayed at the coffee shop so long, they’d ended up ordering lunch. It was then, Trent learned his son was developing an app to not only keep women safer on college campuses, but to also make it easier for them to report attacks. And Markus had learned about Trent’s surprise for Teal, and had even asked to come and spend some of the summer with him before classes started up in the fall.
Indebted: 'Til Death Do Us Part (Teal & Trent Book 3) Page 14