by J. D. Fox
"I talked to my brother the other day. There's a job in Italy that he wants me to do as soon as I'm done here," Ryan said to fill the empty void of conversation between the two of us.
"Wow! That'll be amazing. How many hotels do you guys own?"
"We own a few," he laughed.
"So are you a billionaire, or something?"
"Or something," he smiled, back at me. "Maybe when you find a new job you can help me figure out how to manage my money. I could use some good financial advice."
"Couldn't we all?" I laughed.
H paused. "I don't want you to think I was pretending to be someone else in San Francisco though. That was me. I was in a tough spot and needed to decompress. I guess that is just how I look and behave when I need a break."
"I understand. I guess that was how I behaved when I needed to decompress too," I added. "My life wasn't at all what I expected it to be at that point, and I was really lost when we arrived in San Francisco. I'll always be grateful that we ran into you and your brother that day on the beach."
"Thank God you were there to watch our stuff" Ryan joked.
"Exactly."
So this was it, we were friends now. We would occasionally stay in touch and reminisce about those weeks we had together way back when. He'd go off and marry some beautiful model, and I'd see them in magazines and tell my friends that I used to date that guy.
At parties, I'd tell the story of how I was saved by a sexy hotel billionaire, and people would think it was an exaggerated story. I'd go on and on about how he carried me two miles through the woods and sat next to me all night. Then I'd have to explain that the two of us didn't run off together into a romantic ending. No, instead, my story would end anticlimactically, with us remaining friends.
"I think my brother is going to be a little sad that Lauren has moved on," Ryan added. "He doesn't connect with girls all that much. I could tell he liked her a lot, but he should've stuck around."
"She liked him too. There's no doubt in my mind. But she's good at letting people go if they aren't investing in her. Jacob seems to have work as a pretty big priority in his life."
"It is. I've never seen him take so much time away from work as he did while you and Lauren were in town. Or coming out here to meet up with you guys. He would never have done something like that in the past."
"Do you know why he didn't want to stay?" I asked, just happy that we were talking about someone else's relationship and not our own.
"He was in the middle of a big deal that has been drawing out longer and longer. I still don't think he's settled it. I haven't talked to him though."
"Maybe the two of them will find their way back to one another," I said, not at all talking about Jacob and Lauren anymore. No, I was saying this for me. I was thinking about it for us. Maybe we would find our way back to one another. It wasn't impossible to think, but deep down I felt that if I left that hotel still not having been kissed, still not having his arms around me in bed, then he and I would be destined just to be friends.
"Maybe," Ryan replied. "I think they'll stay in touch and I guess the universe will have to see what it has in store for them."
"Yep, I guess so."
Ryan was likely still talking about his brother and Lauren, but he smiled at me out of the corner of his mouth, and at that moment I thought he might be talking about us too. Would this love affair end with breakfast? How clichéd.
Not knowing what was going on between us was okay at that moment, though. I'd never been able to let things go and live in the anxiety of not knowing, but in that minute, as I sat there with Ryan, I really was okay.
I had to take care of myself, and that meant I couldn't concentrate on Ryan and what was going on with us. I was going to have to find my own peace within myself, which I thought might mean going back home to stay with my mother. Peace was hard to find if you were busy struggling to pay bills.
Chapter 30
Ryan
My phone had been buzzing in my pocket for most of our meal. I didn't want to take the call or look at the text messages while I was there with Dakota, though. She needed me. She needed my full attention, so I continued to ignore the nonstop vibrating coming from my phone.
"You look so tired. Do you want to sleep?"
"Yeah. I don't know what's going on. I feel like I've been awake for two years, and I just woke up."
"Well, you were getting woken up every thirty minutes throughout the night. Your body didn't get any rest. It will take you a while to feel better. I want you to stay here, though. No running off. I'll take you anywhere you want to go when you're better."
"Anywhere?"
"Anywhere in the world. I'll get you back to Los Angeles, or take you to your family, or maybe you just want to rest and then take off with Lauren again. Whatever you need, just let me know."
Dakota looked down at the table with a solemn expression. Honestly, I had no idea what she was going to feel well enough to do after everything that had happened. The only thing that was on my mind was making sure to be respectful of her space and not pressuring her into doing more than she was ready for.
When she leaned in to kiss me, it was harder than anything I'd ever done for me not to just sweep her up in my arms and carry her to the bedroom. I wanted to feel my lips on every inch of her body. I wanted to caress her naked skin with the warmth of my hands and make her feel pleasure.
I wanted her so badly. The adrenaline from the last day and the uneasiness I'd had about Cody had piled up, and I wanted that release so desperately. My brain regularly went back to what she looked like naked underneath me, and I felt terrible for even having such thoughts.
Here she was recovering from trauma, and all I could think about was my own primal need to have her. I felt like a caveman. So when she leaned in to kiss me, I knew I couldn't kiss her back. If I'd let my lips touch hers, there would have been no stopping me from continuing to kiss every inch of her skin. No stopping me from trying to make her feel happy in the midst of the trauma, and that wasn't what she needed. Those needs were my own, and I couldn't be selfish right now.
"I haven't called my mother yet, but I think I'll go to Michigan and stay with her. I'm just so tired right now that I can't even think straight."
"Let's get you to bed. Later I'll help you take a bath if you'd like."
"Oh, you'll help me, will you?" Dakota smiled back at me, and for a moment I thought she was thinking exactly what I was. Did she want me to get into the bath with her? Did she want me to hold her as I had before? I squashed the thoughts as they popped up. A good game of whack-a-thought.
"I'll help you, yes," I said trying not to give into the thrust of energy that had just shot through my groin. "How about sleep first?"
"Yes, great idea. I can hardly keep my eyes open."
I walked with Dakota back to her bed and tucked her in. I sat in the chair next to her but felt a little creepy as she kept opening her eyes and looking up at me. She looked so damn adorable, though. The stitch on her lip and bruises on her face didn't detract from her beauty at all.
I had a feeling of deep obligation toward her. I didn't want to leave her. I couldn't let her worry about being safe or anything like that. I wanted to lie with her in bed and help her feel as comfortable as possible, but every time that thought popped into my head I pushed it back down.
Selfishness was a weakness of mine. It was how I'd ended up at the hostel in San Francisco in the first place. I transferred out of exhaustion from helping others and trying to fix hotel after hotel. Trying to get teams to get along and people to like each other. Selfishly, I'd just wanted to have everything fixed as quickly as possible so I could move on.
When I took the hostel assignment, I'd just been thinking of myself. I was hoping that I could have some alone time and not have to deal with a bunch of employees. It turned out to be the best selfish decision I'd ever made.
But as I sat watching Dakota, I wasn't sure if I was being selfish because I wanted to stay
there and take care of her or if it was more selfish to go in the other room. I was getting emotional looking at her. I started feeling overwhelmed, and to protect myself I had to get up and go into the other room.
"I have a couple of phone calls I need to catch up on. I'm going to do that, but I'll be back in here to wake you up and check on you like the doctor said."
"Okay," she said, finally keeping her eyes closed.
When I pulled my phone out, I saw texts and messages from every manager in the building. They were checking on little things, big things, and just generally telling me how things were going. Some of the texts needed to be answered while others looked as though they had already been taken care of.
Wendy followed up with most of the department managers and even sent me an update of what she had taken care of. The resort appeared to still be standing and hadn't imploded with my preoccupation. We still had a lot to do with staffing and hiring issues, but I was confident Wendy would be able to take over soon, and I could move onto the next project.
Hartley had tried to call me a few times, so I returned his call but got his voicemail. It was odd for him not to answer the phone, though, and I quickly sent him off a text message describing the basics of what had happened last night and that everything was fine.
I couldn't shake the feeling that it was weird for Hartley to have called me so much and then not answer. He was the sort of guy who left his ringer on when he went to bed and even had the phone in front of him in meetings. He never missed a call. But I had enough to worry about with Dakota, and I just couldn't worry about Hartley at the moment.
"Dakota, wake up for a minute," I said as I stood over her and shook her awake. It felt wrong to have to keep waking her up when she was so tired. She didn't seem to have the slurred speech like she had before, and I thought she was probably alright to keep sleeping. But I followed the doctor's orders and got her to answer a question before letting her go back to sleep. "Are you dreaming of something good?" I asked.
"Yes, I am," she smiled, opening her eyes for a moment before going back to sleep.
I sat in the chair for a minute and watched her to make sure everything still seemed okay. She was peaceful as she took in a few deep breaths and then let them out again. I could have sat there and watched her all the next day, but I decided to get some other things done.
As soon as she'd gone back to sleep, I went back to trying to catch up on all my work. I messaged Wendy to have someone bring me up a laptop so I could go through the financials for the day. At least I could take care of that stuff so she didn't have to bother with it.
Being productive was the only thing that saved me that day. Dakota ended up sleeping for the rest of the afternoon. I woke her up every thirty minutes, and she stayed awake long enough to answer my questions, but then quickly went back to sleep. She looked so exhausted that I didn't even offer her food or the bath because each time she woke up I thought she needed more sleep.
Then there was a knock on the door that sounded louder than any of the staff members would dare to knock. I jumped up and looked through the hole to see my brother standing there with his arms crossed in a t-shirt and jeans.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, looking at Hartley in disbelief. "And why are you dressed like that?"
"I was worried. I've been calling and texting you and you didn't answer. I saw the story and was worried. Maybe you could try answering your phone every now and again. And what do you mean? Dressed like what?"
"The hotel is fine. The retreat guests are a little shaken, but their HR person called an emergency meeting and they're handling it internally. I have Wendy managing things while I take care of Dakota. Everything is fine," I tried to reassure him. "And you never wear jeans.
"I meant you. I was worried about you."
Hartley was a tough guy. He was one of the toughest I knew, but at that moment I saw his heart shining through his eyes and he really was worried about me. He grabbed me and hugged me tightly. So tight that I could hardly breathe, but I liked it. It was comforting to have him there. Welcoming to have another person I trusted around to help me navigate the unknown waters I was going through.
"I'm okay. Dakota was the one who had to deal with it all."
"I saw some of the story. What can I do to help?"
"She's resting right now. I think if you want to help Wendy with the resort stuff that would be awesome, but she seems to have everything under control. Longevity wise, we still need to hire at least a dozen more people, so that might be a good place to start. I guess it depends when you want me to move onto the Italy project."
"Let's not worry about all of that right now. Are you really okay? Did you have to fight the guy? You've never thrown a good punch," he.
"You'd be surprised." I playfully tried to punch him, and he quickly grabbed my fist and held it in his hand with ease. "Okay, I don't fight well, but I did get a good one in. It was tough, though; Seeing her get hit by him and feeling like I wanted to kill the guy. Not like anything I've ever experienced before."
"How's she doing?" He asked, and I closed the bedroom door so we could talk.
"She seems pretty good. I'm not sure where my place in this is, though. We had something good starting, but rushing back into that wouldn't be great for her."
"Be her friend. That's a great place to start."
"That's what I thought." It was nice having Hartley there though. He had such a fatherly vibe about him that I felt more comfortable already.
In times like this, I really missed my father, though. He'd been a tough guy who spent way too much time with his work, but when you needed him, he'd been there for us. A fatherly perspective sometimes just consisted of him telling me to toughen up. But when I looked back at the times he'd said it, I'd needed to hear it.
"I'm going to take that laptop from you and go downstairs. I'll stay for the week so you can spend time with Dakota and help her through this. If you need anything, just message me with that thing in your pocket that you don't answer anymore."
"I can keep going through the financials. You don't have to take the laptop," I said, worried I would have nothing to keep myself busy with if I didn't have my work.
"I'm taking it. Take a few days off. Be a good friend. I'll take care of everything for now," he said and gave me another hug before leaving.
Hartley didn't take arguing well, and a part of me was grateful not to have to worry about work. With Hartley around, I knew the hotel would be managed just fine. I wouldn't have to do any of it or worry about it at all.
It was hard for me to give up control though. I hadn't been in Big Sur for long, and it felt like there was still so much to do. I had a list on my laptop that I could forward to Hartley, and maybe he could work with me on the little details. But it didn't appear he was going to give up his plan to take over, and I was too sleep deprived to argue with him at that moment.
Chapter 31
Ryan
"Ryan," Dakota called. "I think I want to try that bath."
"Coming!" I hurried in there, ready to take care of her.
She was okay, I reminded myself as I looked at her bruises and watched her painfully try to stand up. What kind of shit had Cody been that he could've done this to her? She was so small.
"Do you want to join me?" She asked.
My gut reaction was to say yes. Of course I wanted to join her. Of course I wanted to be naked in the bathtub with her and feel my arms around her. But I wasn't going to be able to control my response to her body if I was that close to her, and the last thing she needed was dealing with me and my desires.
"I'm actually working a little. I'll help you in though, and make sure you have everything you need. Bubble bath or regular bath?" I held up the scented bubble bath from the counter.
"Bubble." She started taking off her clothes, and I immediately turned around. "Ryan, you've seen me naked a lot, you don't have to turn around."
"I'm going to grab you a bag to put over that cast. I'll
be right back," I didn't look at her as I went straight out to the kitchen area and grabbed a plastic bag and some tape to protect her cast.
"Okay, I'm going to start the water myself," she yelled, and I stood in the kitchen trying to figure out what to do.
She was naked in there right now. Dakota was standing in the bathroom, naked, and she'd wanted me to join her. I had no trust in my ability to withstand staying away from her.
Being there for her as a friend was much easier said than done, especially when Dakota wasn't making it easy on me at all. I pretended to take much longer than necessary getting the plastic bag and tape for her before knocking on the door when I heard Dakota climbing into the bathtub.
"Let me wrap up that arm for you," I offered, and sat down on the side of the tub.
My focus stayed on her arm, and I didn't look away from the task at hand. She sat up, and her breasts came out of the water slightly, but I stayed focused on the wrist and getting it sealed up so she didn't ruin the cast.
"I'll just keep it on the side of the tub. It's fine. Are you sure you don't want to get in?"
"I have a lot to do. This should hold you over as long as you don't submerge it. If you need anything, let me know. I'll get it for you or I'll find someone who can. I'm here to make your life easier."
"I bet they really need you downstairs. How is everything going?" she asked.
"It's good. My brother Hartley is here now, and he'll make sure everything is running smoothly. You know you can stay here all summer long if you want to — you and Lauren. I'll be moving back to the other room as soon as the retreat is over, and you won't have to deal with me. As your friend, I want you to feel comfortable staying as long as you'd like."