Right then she caught sight of herself in the bathroom mirror, from which the film of steam had started to evaporate.
Her face was her face again—though it looked scrubbed almost raw.
But her hair. Oh, God. It was the color of wet straw.
And it corkscrewed out in electric, Medusa-like tendrils all around her head.
"Whoa," said Terry the next morning. "What happened to your hair?" Then she glanced down and saw Lee's ring finger. "Never mind. Forget that question. You okay?"
Lee lifted her chin. "I'm just fine."
Derek came in at his usual time. He said hello to Lee and she said hello to him. They shared a forced smile and then he went down the hall to his office, as he always did.
The day went as well as could be expected. Derek treated her with great civility and she returned the courtesy. Still, she felt as if she'd lived through some natural disaster by the time the day finally drew to a close.
Dana and Katie were waiting on her doorstep when she got home that night. They'd heard that the engagement was off through the hospital grapevine. She let them in and they fussed over her hair and tried to offer comfort for a while. But she wasn't talking and they knew she didn't really want company right then.
They left around seven, with admonitions that she should call them the minute she needed anything at all.
Once they were gone, she got out the bottle of remover she'd bought on the way home and rubbed the red polish from her chopped-off nails.
Wednesday and Thursday went much the same as Tuesday had gone. Lee moved through the days, doing her job, dealing politely with Derek and telling herself that it would work out, that she'd get used to seeing him every day.
That the longing and the awful emptiness would pass. Thursday night, her mother called. "I hope everything's going all right with you and your doctor, honey." Lee didn't feel up to telling her mother that she could stop worrying about Derek getting tired of her. So she lied. She said everything was going just fine. There would be time, a little later, to tell Ina that she had one less thing to worry about, her daughter wouldn't marry a doctor, after all.
Friday, when the day was finally over, Lee dropped in to see Lenora. Maria was downstairs, playing with her friend Gary, so Lee and Lenora had some time alone.
It was good to be with Lenora. She didn't even mention Lee's horrible hair. She looked at it and shrugged. And that was that.
"We're moving," Lenora announced. She and another woman at the shelter had decided to rent a small house together. "It's not far from here, so Maria can still go to day care at the shelter, where she's used to it." The other woman had two small daughters of her own.
"That's wonderful," said Lee. And Lenora reached across the distance between them and put her hand over Lee's. "You saved my life."
"Oh, no…"
"Yes. You did. You brought me here when I was finally ready to come. And then your Dr. Taylor, he faced Otto down, and saved me again." Lenora frowned at Lee's hand, and then looked up into her eyes. "Where is your ring?"
Lee's throat clamped shut. The tears that had not come on Monday, for some insane reason, took that moment to rise again.
Lenora's dark eyes were full of sadness and knowing. "You gave it back to him."
Lee gulped, sucked in air. "I'm … an independent type. I don't think marriage is for me."
"You were the one that broke it off, then?"
A torn sound escaped Lee. "Yeah. That's a shock, isn't it? That I broke it off with him?"
"Like that old song, right?"
"What song?"
"You beat him to the punch."
"Oh, no. I didn't. I mean, that isn't how it was."
Lenora waved a hand in front of her face. "Hey. I understand. You were just … too scared to try. Right? So you decided to give up before you even really gave it a chance."
Lee felt the damn tears, pushing so hard. She gulped again, in a vain effort to swallow them.
Lenora smiled. "We get counseling here, you know? And we learn that sometimes the hardest things to escape are the horrible voices of fear and doubt inside our own heads."
The tears kept pushing. They wouldn't be kept back. Lee swallowed again, but it did no good at all. They ran over, down her cheeks. She heard herself sob.
Lenora reached out her arms.
And Lee found herself wrapped in them.
Lenora said, "Go ahead. Cry. Yes, you just cry…"
Lee told Lenora everything—about her mother's doubts and Larry Taylor's derision. About how she never could quite make herself talk about it all with Derek. And about the awful makeover that had been the final straw.
When she was done, Lenora said, "Go find him. Ask him to take you back."
Lee let out a laugh that was almost another sob. "He's taken me back several times already. He'd be crazy to take a chance on me again."
Lenora smiled her patient, knowing smile. "Well, maybe that's a chance you really need to take."
Lee went to Derek's house straight from the shelter.
She ran up the steps to his door with her heart trip-hammering against her breastbone.
Larry Taylor sat on the top step, his legs drawn up to his barrel chest and his head on his knees.
"Larry?"
With a groan, he lifted his head and peered at her through slitted eyes. "Uh. Lee. Right?"
She nodded.
"What the hell did you do to your hair?"
On reflex, she reached up and touched it. She gave a hank of it a tug, which accomplished nothing. It was still straw-colored and still sticking out from her head in an electrified frizz. She sighed and dropped her hand. "You don't want to know."
He laughed then, as if she'd said something really humorous. "I can relate to that."
She gestured at the dark condo. "I take it he's not home."
Larry grunted. "I'd say you've got that right."
"What are you doing here?"
Larry put his head down again. A shudder went through him and he groaned. Lee waited for the shuddering to stop. But even after it did, he said nothing. She had a sudden suspicion that he might have dropped off to sleep.
"Larry?"
"I lost my job." He spoke to the step. "They kicked me out of my apartment. I got no damn place to go." At last, he lifted his head again and looked right at her. "I haven't had a drink in twenty-four hours."
She took a minute to stare back at him good and hard. Then she nodded, a nod of acknowledgment that he'd taken a first step toward helping himself. "Okay."
Another convulsive shiver went through him. "I don't feel so hot." He shuddered some more, holding onto his drawn-up knees as if a tight grip might make the shaking stop. "You despise me, huh?"
She shook her head and spoke gently. "No, Larry. I don't despise you."
"I'm a pig."
"I do not despise you."
He grunted again, shuddered some more. "I need a cigarette." He closed his eyes. "Last time I was here, Derek said I should get help. I been thinking about that. I was kind of hoping that maybe he would tell me someplace to go."
"You mean rehab?"
He opened his eyes, blinked twice and then nodded. "Yeah. Rehab. That's what I mean."
Lee bent and took his arm. "Come on. I know a place. It's not too far from here. They'll help you there."
He hung back. "Look, I gotta tell you. I got no money."
"Don't worry about that now. We'll get the money somehow."
"We?" He actually smiled. "Hey, that's right. You're marryin' Derek. That makes you family."
I hope I'm marrying Derek, she thought. But what she said was, "Yes. Now, come on."
An hour later, she'd checked Larry into detox. For a while, he wouldn't be allowed to see anyone, but Lee promised she would be there, the minute he could have visitors.
"You and Derek," he stated. "Together, right?"
She took a huge leap of faith and answered, "Right."
Then she went back to her place and
packed a bag. She didn't even bother to call Dana and ask if Walter MacAllister had given Derek the keys to the cabin for a third time.
She just followed her heart up the twisting mountain road to Blue Moon Lake.
It was past dark when she got there. The Suburban was parked below the front deck and the front door was unlocked.
As she had two weeks before, she made a circuit of the rooms.
She found Derek sitting at the top of the basement stairs with a rifle across his knees. She went and sat beside him.
He turned very slowly and looked at her. "If you aren't here to stay, then just get up right now and go on back home."
"I'm here to stay."
His beautiful eyes narrowed with suspicion. "This is it. If you change your mind this time…"
"What?"
He looked at the door frame over their heads, as if he might find an answer there. "Hell. I'll turn this damn rifle on myself, I suppose."
She dared to lay her hand on his arm. "Please don't do that. I love you."
"I think the question is, when will you believe that I love you?"
"I do believe it. Or at least, I'm learning to."
He looked at her doubtfully.
She confessed, "All right. I'm still pretty terrified. But I'll stick it out. I'll … tell you what I'm thinking. I'll … reveal my most ridiculous inner fears. If you'll just give me one more chance."
"You'll have to marry me. Soon. You'll have to set a damn date for the wedding and stick with it."
"Yes, Derek. I will."
His gaze ran over her. "You'll let me tell you you're beautiful."
She managed not to flinch. "Yes. I can do that. I can."
"And I guess your hair will grow out."
"Of course it will." She drew in a deep breath. "By the way, I just took your brother to the Crossroads Center."
"You're kidding, right?"
"No. I found him on your doorstep tonight. He said he hadn't had a drink in twenty-four hours and he'd come to ask you to help him check into rehab."
"So, since I wasn't there, you took him yourself."
"That's right."
"What is it with you? Relentlessly doing the right thing, going the extra mile for the hopelessly lost."
She thought of the way he'd always been there for his brother, the way he'd stepped in front of Otto Hirsch's gun. "We're alike that way."
Those blue eyes seemed to see straight into her heart. "We're alike in a lot of ways, if you bother to look beneath the surface."
"I'm working on it. Be patient with me."
"I'm not a patient man."
"Well, you can work on that, then." She glanced down at his right wrist. "Your cast is gone."
"I don't need it anymore."
She indicated the rifle. "And what are you doing with this thing?"
His firm jaw got firmer. "I heard that animal. Down there, in the basement, about a half an hour ago. And this time, I didn't come empty-handed. When he moves again, I'll get him."
"Derek," she said tenderly. "Let me have that rifle." He pressed his lips together and gripped the thing harder at barrel and stock. "Derek." She made her voice whisper-soft, and then she bent closer. She blew in his ear. Right into that external auditory meatus she admired so much. "Please. Let me have it."
He made one of those low, growly sounds.
Carefully, she took hold of it. She gave a tug. He held on at first. And then grudgingly he let go.
"Is it loaded?"
"Give it back." When she didn't move, he said it again. "Give it back. I'll unload it and put it away."
"Promise?"
He looked infinitely put-upon. "Lee. You're going to have to start believing that I'm a man of my word."
She handed him the rifle. He rose with it and left her. When he returned to stand above her, the rifle was nowhere in sight. "Come on. Close that door."
She stood and pushed the door shut.
"Come here."
She went to him. He cradled her face in his warm hands. "God. I missed you."
"I missed you, too."
"Don't do that to me again."
"Never. I swear to you."
"I love you, Lee."
Down below them, something dropped. Then it bumped. And then it rolled.
Lee said, "Oh, no…"
Derek said, "You'd better kiss me now."
So she did. She kissed him. He gathered her close.
And the creature in the basement escaped once again.
* * *
Epilogue
« ^
The vow, tattered and heavily seamed from years of handling, of folding and refolding, sat open on the silver tray.
The three brides, Katie, Dana and Lee, each in her long white gown and filmy veil, stood in a circle around the small, spindly-legged table on which the tray sat.
"Read," Dana said.
And Katie read, "We, the undersigned, having barely survived four years of nursing school and preparing to go forth and find a job, do hereby vow to meet at Granetti's at least once a week, not to do anything drastic to our hair without consulting each other first and never ever—no matter how rich, how cute, how funny, how smart, or how good in bed—to marry a doctor."
A moment of reverent silence ensued.
Then Dana asked, "Lee, have you got the matches?"
Lee held up the small cardboard box and gave it a shake.
"Good," said Dana. "Do it. They'll be starting the wedding march any minute now."
Lee opened the box, produced a match and struck it with a flourish. The scent of sulfur burned the air and the flame leapt up, strong and bright. Lee lowered the match toward the tattered paper on the tray.
But before flame could touch fuel, Katie caught Lee's arm. "Wait."
Lee turned toward Katie, and Dana did, too. "What?" they demanded in unison.
Katie's soft eyes looked misty. "If you guys don't mind, I think I'd like to say a few words first."
Lee blew out the match and tossed it on the silver tray beside the vow. "Okay. Speak."
"And make it quick," Dana advised. "We don't have all day here."
Katie coughed nervously. "Do you think we could … hold hands?"
Dana made a noise in her throat.
Katie shrugged. "Too corny, huh?"
And Dana grinned. "No, of course it's not."
Lee tucked the box of matches into the bodice of her gown, where there was plenty of room. Then she reached out to find a friend's hand waiting on either side. "Okay, say it, whatever it is."
Katie coughed again. "All right. Um. Well. Today, we burn our old vow before we each make a new one—to love, honor and cherish our husbands. Husbands that, somehow, incredibly, all turned out to be doctors. But still, I have to say I think it's appropriate that certain aspects of the vow remain in effect, to remind us—"
Lee knew what was coming. And she didn't want to hear it. After all, Dana's hairdresser had worked miracles to repair the damage. Beneath her veil, Lee's hair didn't look half bad. Lee let out a put-upon groan. "Oh, come on…"
Katie repeated, "To remind us…"
Lee glared at Katie, and Katie stared right back, unwavering. Lee was the one who dropped her gaze. "All right, all right. I suppose I deserve this. Say it."
And Katie did. "…to remind us that drastic changes in hairstyle really aren't a good idea."
"Okay, okay. I get the message."
"Good," Katie said. Then her expression turned soft again. "Also, we should remember to get together often, one way or another." Katie looked from Dana to Lee and back to Dana again. Suddenly her eyes had gone beyond misty. They shone with happy tears. "Because I never, ever, want to lose touch with either of you."
"Agreed," Dana said huskily.
"Me, too," Lee concurred.
"Now," said Dana. "Do it." She let go of Lee's left hand as Katie released her on the right. Lee fumbled in the top of her dress and finally pulled the matchbox free.
For the
second time, she removed a match and struck it. The small flame exploded into life. She lowered it slowly toward the vow.
The flame kissed the paper, licked along the edge and burst into brightness.
In less than a minute, only ash remained.
And right then, beyond the door of the tiny space off the narthex that the church had let them use as a dressing room, the wedding march began.
* * * * *
DR. DEVASTATING Page 19