As I approached the door, the smirk on his face disappeared. His face was without a smile and seriousness was in his eyes. “What?” he said. “What do you want? Before you tell me, though, let me just say that you are awfully bold showin’ up at my house and callin’ me. This better be good, Dez, and you got two minutes to get to the point.”
Yeah, he was working me, but I tried to remain calm, especially since he had a point about me being pretty bold. True to the fact or not, I was here and I needed to get some things off my chest. His chest, however, had me screaming inside and creaming where I didn’t want to be. I started my conversation, lusting at his chest and his numerous tattoos that ran up and down his arms. “It’s kind of cold outside, so you may want to go back inside to put a shirt on,” I said.
Roc sighed and let go of the screen door to step outside. Keeping his shirt off, he crossed his arms across his chest, causing more muscles to bulge. Damn! I thought. This was so hard! My tongue was tied and I wondered if he could see all the lust I had in my eyes for him. I wasn’t so sure how he felt about seeing me, but his stern look didn’t appear down with my visit.
“A minute and a half, Desa Rae. Speak.”
To stay warm and calm my trembling cold hands, I eased them into the pockets of my trench coat. “I . . . I just wanted to see how you were doing and tell you that Chassidy really misses you. I’ve been trying to get in touch with you and haven’t had much success. It’s obvious that you’re still upset with me, but I think it’s been so unfair to our daughter that you’ve made no attempts to be in her life. I’ve never asked you for much, Roc, but I never thought you would separate yourself from your daughter as you have. What’s up with that?”
He sucked his teeth, staring at me as if I irritated him. “I told you what was up, and when I tried to make things right, you basically told me to go fuck myself. So, don’t stand out here and make this all about Chassidy, because if it was, you would’ve thought about her when I gave you an opportunity to. I don’t know why you’ve all of a sudden had a change of heart, but my heart don’t get down like that. Using Chassidy ain’t workin’ for me either. If she misses me, you need to woman up and tell her why I’m not around anymore.”
Roc’s words and tone stung, but I did my best not to let my frustrations with him show. “I’m not making this all about Chassidy, and I’ll be the first to admit that I miss you too. But you know better than I do, Roc, that your timing at Latrel’s wedding was off. I hadn’t seen you in months and—”
He quickly cut me off. “So fuckin’ what!” he shouted. “I was tryin’ to get my damn life together like you had asked me to. You were complainin’ all the time about how I was livin’ and when I attempted to do the right thing, it still wasn’t good enough for you. I ain’t havin’ this conversation with you, Dez, ’cause life goes on. The shit that went down between us is a wrap and I ain’t one to reflect or harp on the past. What could’ve been, will be no more. And as far as Chassidy is concerned, you work it out and get at me when you do.”
Now, I was pissed. What in the hell did he mean by that? “Work it out? How? I don’t understand the slang you’re using and you need to simplify your choice of words,” I said.
Roc uncrossed his arms and slowly inched forward. He stood face to face with me, so close that I could smell his peppermint breath and could see cold air coming from his mouth. “You can tell Chassidy that I miss her too, but you, Desa Rae Jenkins, can kiss my black ass. I hope that simplifies my words enough for you.”
Without saying anything else, Roc turned and slammed the door after he went back inside. My feelings were bruised, but I took a hard swallow and left to go get Chassidy. I would never, ever put myself in a situation like this again. If Roc ever wanted to be a part of our lives, he would definitely have to make the next move.
Chapter 3
Latrel and Angelique came to pick up Chassidy on Friday. They were off from school for the next two weeks and had plans to spend Thanksgiving with Angelique’s mother and stepfather at their resort in Florida. I had to get used to being without my children on the holidays, and even though I viewed it as them sharing time with Angelique’s parents, I still didn’t like it. I figured Chassidy would be bored staying here with me, and she probably preferred being with Latrel and Angelique. They had Chassidy spoiled rotten, and being with them would surely take her mind off Roc. I continued to tell her that I was unable to get in touch with him. I didn’t know what else to say and my hope was that she’d stop asking. At this point, it looked as if we were on our own. When she was a little older, I would share the truth with her.
On Saturday, Monica was right on time picking me up. Now, I was excited about going out and had pushed what had happened with Roc to the back of my mind. That was until I sat at a two-seat table with Monica at the comedy club, waiting for the comedian, Fatz, to make his appearance. The club was crowded with people over the age of thirty-five and the environment was pretty nice. The waiters and waitresses were very polite and many of the partygoers around us seemed down to earth. We all joined in on a conversation about the last comedian who had us cracking up.
“He was hilarious,” one lady said, who sat next to us at a different table. Her hand was on her chest and she was smiling while shaking her head. “I almost spit my drink out, laughing so hard. And when he started talking about the Maury show, I could have died!”
Monica agreed, and even though I’d never watched the Maury show, what the comedian had said about it made me want to tune in. I couldn’t believe some women would lie about the father of their children. Didn’t they know the only ones they would hurt were the kids? Either way, we were having a good time. I reminded myself to thank Monica for inviting me, especially when I saw an old flame from high school in my view. His name was Darrell. I’d dated Reggie throughout high school and college, but I’d had a crush on Darrell for years. Of course he looked much older, but with a shiny bald head and a physically fit body, he was doable.
“Isn’t that Darrell over there?” I whispered to Monica.
She had known how I’d felt about Darrell in the past, so Monica almost broke her neck as she snapped it around to look behind her. She smiled and waved from afar, obviously realizing that it was him. I waved too, not knowing that he was looking in our direction.
“Oh, my,” she said, turning to face me and speaking in a whisper. “It looks like he’s headed over here.”
“Yes, he is,” I replied, as I, saw him coming to. I was always worried about my weight. I was proud of my curves, but I couldn’t deny that I was a size ten in high school and college. Tonight, though, I looked good. My hair was full of tight curls that rested on my shoulders. Several tresses dangled in my face and my makeup was on light, but flawless. The turquoise dress I wore was loose at the top, but hugged my ass and hips. Dangling silver earrings hung from my lobes and silver-strapped heels adorned my feet. I could tell Darrell liked everything he saw and his wide smile displayed it.
When Darrell approached the table, he reached out to shake Monica’s hand first. “What’s going on, Miss Monica? How are you?”
She shook his hand, appearing to be happy to see him too. “I’m fine, Darrell, looks like you are as well.”
We all laughed. Monica was a person you could always count on to somewhat tell the truth. Darrell did have it going on from afar, but his suit didn’t quite fit him as I had hoped. His shoes looked a bit worn, and as he reached for my hand to shake it, his hand was a bit rough. Ashy, too, but maybe I was being too observant. I was sure he’d seen some of my flaws too, and he could’ve easily been thinking that I had put on some weight.
“Desa Rae Jenkins,” he said. “Don’t you look lovely . . . lovely as ever. I had to come over here to say hello. I’m so glad that I did.”
His compliments were nice and so was he. I had to realize that not every man was capable of setting it out there like Roc, and to be honest, Darrell wasn’t bad looking at all. He pulled up a chair to sit at the table w
ith me and Monica. Before I knew it, we were all talking about back in the day and I’d forgotten about how ashy his hands were. It wasn’t nothing a hint of lotion couldn’t cure. The comedian, Fatz, was onstage and he had everyone cracking up. Darrell had lighter skin, and he was laughing so hard that his face was turning red. Monica’s laugh was the loudest, but when a man behind us reached out for conversation, she turned to him and tuned us out.
“So,” Darrell said after he paid the waiter for our drinks. “What are you doing these days? Are you still married to Reggie?”
“No, I’m not. We divorced several years ago, but we do have a son. I work for St. Louis Community College as an administrative assistant for one of the bigwigs. What about you? What have you been up to?”
“I work as a customer service manager at Express Scripts. Been in that position for the past seven years. Never married, but I do have two kids. One just finished college and the other is trying to start a business. I live in Maryland Heights. Are you close by or what?”
“I’m in O’Fallon. Not that close by, but this city is one big circle. You can get to any jurisdiction without long delays.”
“I agree,” Darrell said, looking at his watch. “It’s getting pretty late. Would it be possible for us to continue this conversation in the car? I can take you home, if you’ll let me.”
Monica was still busy conversing with the other man, but when she’d heard Darrell ask to take me home, she turned her head. “Go ahead,” she said giving me a suspicious eye. “I’ll be fine and I think I may have something cooking.” She winked and I figured that she wanted to get to know the man she had been talking to a little better. With that, Darrell stood up and so did I. I air kissed Monica’s cheek and told her we’d talk tomorrow.
Darrell and I left together. He drove a 2012 GMC Terrain and politely opened the door for me to get in. Just by the conversation that we carried on in the car, and the memories that came back to me from high school, I started to feel better about Darrell. He parked his truck in my driveway, still laughing at me for bringing up his unattractive girlfriend in high school.
“Hey, she was the best I could do. The young lady I was interested in was in love with Reggie and I didn’t stand a chance.”
“Yes, I was in love, but I still had a teeny tiny crush on you too. But, a crush wasn’t enough and here we are years later talking about what could’ve been.”
“Or what should’ve been,” he countered.
We sat quiet for a moment. I really didn’t know where to go with this, because the last thing I needed was to start another relationship that I really didn’t have time for. Then again, maybe I wasn’t being fair to myself or to Darrell. I knew I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone, and if that meant I had to open up and give somebody a chance, so be it.
“Would you like to come inside?” I asked Darrell. I hoped he didn’t think that coming inside would lead to us having sex, because I wasn’t feeling up to that right now. I did, however, enjoy his company and I wasn’t quite ready to end my enjoyable night with him.
“Sure. I would love to.”
Darrell followed me inside, and after I turned off the alarm, I stepped into the living room to join him on the couch.
“Would you like something else to drink? I don’t have much, but I do have some beer and wine coolers in the fridge.”
“A beer would be great. Thank you.”
As I made my way to the fridge, I couldn’t help but to think about how nice Darrell was. Actually, he was too nice. I was still in love and used to bad-boy Roc and the differences between them was apparent. When I returned to the living room, Darrell’s head was slightly slumped to the side. It looked as if he was falling asleep, and the closer I got to him I could tell he was. I lightly shook his shoulder.
“Darrell,” I whispered. “We can do this some other time. I don’t want you falling asleep on my couch and if you need to go home—”
Darrell coughed and slowly sat up. “I need to use the bathroom,” he said. “My head is spinning a little. I’m really, really tired.”
I directed Darrell to the bathroom, and after I heard him urinate, I heard water running. I also heard him cough a few more times, and after several more minutes, he came out of the bathroom. He looked awfully weak. I wasn’t sure if it was from drinking so much alcohol, but I offered to let him stay the night on the couch.
“Are you sure?” he said. “I really don’t feel like driving and I promise to be out of your hair in the morning.”
“It’s no problem. Let me go get you a pillow and a blanket. Make yourself at home.”
Darrell thanked me and sat back on the couch. He wiggled his tie away from his shirt and started to remove it. When I returned to the living room, his shirt, socks, and shoes were off. He’d kept his pants on, but the smell of his funky feet was nothing pretty. The musty smell permeated my entire living room causing my nose to wince a bit. I gave the blanket and pillow to Darrell, telling him again to make himself at home.
“I really appreciate this,” he said. “I’m not used to being up this late . . . or should I say this early in the morning. My body is screaming for some rest, and thanks again, beautiful.”
I smiled and left Darrell at peace. As soon as I got to my bedroom, I sat on the bed and checked my messages from earlier. Latrel and Chassidy had called to say hello and to check on me. After I listened to their calls, I couldn’t believe that I’d had a message from Mrs. Anderson, telling me that she had a few questions to ask me. The last thing I wanted to do was get in the middle of her dispute with Mr. Anderson, so I deleted her message without taking down her number. I hated to be that way, but I was in no position to lose my job. I was sure that Mr. Anderson would have a fit if I spoke to his wife and provided her with any information about his whorish ways. To me, there really wasn’t anything I could tell her. After being married to a man for thirty-something years, she should have known him like the back of her own hands. I fell asleep thinking about the two, and woke up to hard knocks on my door and the doorbell ringing. I also heard Darrell call my name, and as I squinted to look out the bay window in my bedroom, I couldn’t believe my eyes. The same SUV that was in Roc’s driveway was in mine, parked next to Darrell’s truck. I couldn’t see who was at the front door, but it was pretty obvious. I had fallen asleep in my dress, so I hurried to change into my passion purple silk robe. I also left my hair scattered over my head and my makeup was already smeared. Yes, it looked as if I’d had a rough night in the bedroom, but I didn’t care. My only hope was that Roc didn’t get his clown on when he set eyes on Darrell.
I walked toward the front door, and when I looked into the living room, Darrell was sitting up on the couch yawning. He was still in his pants, and I assumed the knocks and doorbell ringing had awakened him too.
“Sorry,” I said to him. “I think this may be my daughter’s father, but he doesn’t know she’s not here.”
Darrell didn’t say anything. He reached for his shirt and started to put it on. I opened the door, and on the other side stood Roc. He was dressed in a black leather jacket and heavy, starched jeans that showed a pointed crease. A black button-down shirt was underneath his jacket and a silver rope chain with a diamond cross on it barely dangled from his neck, as he cocked it from side to side. I tightened my robe, attempting to cover a sliver of my meaty breasts that I intended to show.
“May I help you?” I asked nonchalantly.
“Is my daughter here?”
“No.”
He looked at Darrell’s truck in my driveway, nudging his head toward it. “If she ain’t, then who is?”
I took a few steps back in disbelief that he had the nerve to ask who was in my house. “A friend. Now, if you don’t mind, I’d like to get back to entertaining my guest.”
Roc’s eyes narrowed and I could see his reluctance to leave. Little did I know, Darrell wasn’t reluctant at all. He stepped up to me as I held the door open. “Thanks for letting me stay,” he
said. He kissed my cheek and made his way out the door. “I’ll call you later.”
Darrell barely looked at Roc, but Roc sure as hell checked him out. He smirked a bit as he watched Darrell get in his truck and drive off. Afterward, Roc turned his attention to me again.
“Now that you’re done entertainin’, do you mind if I come in?” he asked.
I couldn’t lie . . . I was happy to see Roc, but I’d be damned if I let it show. I pulled the door open, allowing him to come inside. The first thing he saw was the blanket on the couch. The pillows on the couch were smashed and it looked as if Darrell and I had an eventful night.
Roc wiped underneath his nose, then placed his hands in his pockets. He sniffed. “What the hell is that musty-ass smell? I know you ain’t up in here doin’ it like that. You can do much, much better than that nigga, can’t you?”
Okay, so I was a little embarrassed by the smell, but Roc referring to Darrell as a “nigga” was out of line. I still wasn’t comfortable with the way Roc spoke, and it was something that I refused to get used to.
“He’s not a nigga,” I said. “And for your information, he’s a very nice man. His feet may carry an odor, but it’s something that I can live with.”
Roc shrugged and skeptically walked to the couch to take a seat. He kept looking around; then his eyes met up with mine.
“So, what’s up?” he said, resting his arms along the top of the couch. His sexiness had overtaken the room. I was sure he knew it. His legs were open and his twelve-inch hump that raised his jeans was on display. “I’ve been thinkin’ about what you said the other day. I came here to apologize for tellin’ you to kiss my ass. I didn’t mean to come off so harsh, but seein’ you brought out a li’l anger in me.”
I tightened the belt on my robe, again, then went to the other side of the sectional couch to take a seat. I crossed my legs, just so the robe could slide open and show my smooth, thick legs. Roc took a glance, but he looked away, particularly at the blanket on the couch.
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