My eyes scanned the back of him and I was unable to seal my thoughts. The back of him was just as spectacular as the front. Muscles looked perfectly carved by a butcher and his Calvin Klein cotton boxers hugged his meaty ass tight. His thighs and calves showed strength and I didn’t know how much longer I would be able to keep my hands off another woman’s man. I tried to put myself in her shoes, but damn! I justified what I was about to do by saying that at least he wasn’t married.
With that thought on my mind, I rushed back to my bedroom and removed my robe. I changed into a two-piece sheer baby-doll negligee that was a soft mauve. The wire cups held up my healthy breasts, yet the sheer showed my nipples. A matching thong with strings that tied at my hips revealed my goodies that I knew Roc wouldn’t be able to resist. I didn’t want to seduce him like this, but then again, yes, I did. I removed the band from my hair and teased it wildly with my fingers. After taking a deep breath, I made my way toward the kitchen, hoping that Roc wouldn’t reject me. He was still on the phone. Several pieces of crisp bacon were on a plate and he was in the process of scrambling some eggs. I inched my way forward, but always being observant of his surroundings, Roc heard the floor squeak and quickly turned around. His eyes narrowed and his conversation came to a halt. Before he could tell the caller to call him back, I removed the Bluetooth from his ear and placed it on the counter. I also turned off the burner on the stove.
“I’m not in the mood for breakfast,” I softly said. “And I can show you what I’m in the mood for better than I can tell you.”
Roc still had a look of shock on his face. His phone rang, but he ignored it. I took his hand and walked him over to the kitchen table. I invited him to take a seat, and after he did, I sat on top of the table, straddling my legs in front of him. Roc squinted and swallowed hard as he gazed between my legs and witnessed my moist folds. He still hadn’t made a move, though, so I snatched up a napkin from the table, tying it around his neck. I then picked up a fork and twirled it in front of him.
“It’s time for breakfast,” I said. “I prefer that you use your tongue to eat, but if you have no use for me, then you can go stick this fork in those eggs and hope that they’ll be to your satisfaction.”
Continuing to hold a serious look on his face, Roc took the fork from my hand and held it. “So, since you settin’ that shit out there like this for me, I assume that you’re sayin’ you want me and you don’t give a damn about the other woman.”
I slowly nodded, while looking into his eyes and trying to read him. “I do. I really do want you and you’re the only one who should care about the other woman, not me.”
“If you do want me, then you know there are certain things about me that you have to accept.”
I shrugged and held my stare. “Things like what?”
“Like . . . I get high. Real high, sometimes, and I’m not givin’ up my marijuana.”
“And? So what. Next.”
“I curse a lot and I will not refrain from callin’ anyone that I want to a nigga.”
“Speak what you wish. No problem here and I won’t say another word.”
Roc snickered a little, then smirked. “I’m capable of causin’ major damage to anybody who hurts me or causes disrespect to the ones I love. In some cases, the consequences may be one’s life.”
“What I don’t know won’t hurt. A snitch I will never be.”
Roc nodded and looked at the fork. This time, he twirled it. “I got some deep feelings for Tiara and I’m not tryin’ to hurt her. She was down with me when you wasn’t and she helped me somewhat heal from my situation. My back will not turn on her, no matter what.”
I leaned forward and placed my arms on Roc’s broad shoulders. “I’m not so sure about those feelings that you have for Tiara, and the only way you will hurt her is if you continue to deny your love for me. I’m the one who can help you truly heal from the hurt, and once I do, I hope you’ll commit to never turning your back on me.”
Roc gradually stood up. He tossed the fork over his shoulder and moved in closer to the table. My legs wrapped around his waist and I brought my body as close to his as I could.
“I don’t want no bullshit out of you, Dez. I know you just said some of those things because you think that’s what I want to hear, but you gon’ have to accept a brotha for who he is.”
I looked at his juicy lips and couldn’t wait to suck on them. “I accept everything there is about you,” I said with a crooked smile. “And don’t you ever forget it.”
“Bullshit,” Roc said. At least he recognized that some of it was. He tugged at the string on my thong. The loose knot came apart and he cuffed his hand over my shaved pussy. Two of his fingers slipped inside and the sound of my juices stirring was like music to our ears. “Yeaaah, with a wet pussy like that, yo’ ass is gonna be in some serious trouble. I can’t dip into you like I want to on this table, so you gotta come down.”
Roc was getting ready to remove his fingers, but I grabbed his hand to keep them in place. “You already know my motto. Be creative,” I said. “And work with whatever space you have,” we said in unison.
We laughed and I removed the napkin from Roc’s neck. I placed it on my stomach to send him a clear message that it was time to eat good. He licked his tongue across his snow-white teeth, then stepped back to bury his face between my legs. While holding my legs far apart with his hands, Roc feasted upon my insides. I could barely keep still on the table, and dropped back on my elbows to keep from losing my balance.
“Damn, you . . . you make me feel so gooood,” I strained to say. My heartbeat was increasing by the minute, and as Roc’s tongue was swiftly circling my hard clitoris, it was about to burst. “I looove you!” I shouted with tightened fists, as I pounded them on the table. “God knows I love your ass! Don’t ask me why I . . . I just do! Damn it I do!”
Roc didn’t say anything, until my orgasm came and I filled his mouth with my cream. He licked his shiny lips, then wiped across them with the napkin. His arms eased around my waist and he picked me up from the table. My legs remained wrapped around his waist and my arms were secured around his neck as he carried me to my bedroom.
“Now all I need is for you to say that shit you said while on the table, when you ain’t havin’ no orgasm. You were tryin’ to put it out there for a nigga, weren’t you?”
“Not for a nigga, but surely for the man I love. I do love you, and I hope like hell that it matters.”
Roc didn’t respond until he laid me back on the bed and got on top of me. His dick entered me with ease, causing me to close my eyes and savor the moment I had waited so long for. “I love you too, Dez,” came from his mouth, but that’s not all he said. “Love you a whole lot, but love don’t mean shit when you don’t know how to show it and you don’t know what it takes to keep a nigga in it.”
I fired back. “Well, all I can say is I have you now. We’ll see how long I can keep you.”
For the record, it was three long days that Roc stayed with me. He not once answered his phone to see what was up with the other woman, but you’d better believe that his phone rang like he was the owner of a billion-dollar business.
Chapter 5
Chassidy had returned home. Latrel and Angelique had already made their way back to school, but they were due for another short break because of Christmas. This time, they were spending it with me. I was so excited. I had the entire house decked out with Christmas decorations, and with Roc’s help, Chassidy and I put up a nine-foot Christmas tree with colorful ornaments. She was so happy that Roc had been to see her and he’d even brought Lil Roc over as well. It was just like old times, but like always, there was always something or someone between us.
I never thought I’d be in a position where I would willingly know that I was sharing a man. In the past, I figured Roc had been seeing other people, but what I didn’t know didn’t hurt. This time I knew it. I knew he had a baby on the way and I knew he was living with someone else. Thing was, I never un
derstood how any woman could find herself in this situation, and I somewhat despised women who allowed a man to have his cake and eat it too. But, there I was going through the same thing. At times I was okay with it, but many times I was not. Roc and I never argued about it, and to be honest, we’d been getting along quite well. Tiara’s name was never brought up during our conversations. It was as if she didn’t exist, but deep inside I knew she did.
Then there was Lil Roc’s mother, Vanessa. She was his ride or die chick for many years, but Lil Roc had mentioned that his mom was getting married. I assumed she had finally moved on, but there was something in Roc’s eyes that didn’t seem right when Lil Roc mentioned the marriage thing. All of this was starting to get to me, but I kept my cool, partially because of Chassidy. I also didn’t want to find myself all alone again, but in a sense, I felt as if I was alone because Roc was living with someone else. I questioned if I was settling for whatever, but after what had happened with Darrell, I was sticking with the man I was used to.
The police had informed me that Darrell had been arrested. They were charging him with assault and that wasn’t all. When I found out he’d had several molestation charges against him, I could have died. I didn’t realize the danger I had put myself in, as well as my daughter. Never again, I thought. And that’s why being with Roc made not much, but some, sense to me.
There was a full house on Christmas. Angelique and Latrel had spent the night in his room in the basement. Lil Roc had stayed the night in Chassidy’s room, Monica had slept in the guestroom, and Chassidy and I slept in my room. Roc had left yesterday evening and said he’d be back a little after noon. Monica’s new man, Shawn, had come over so I could meet him, and we all sat in the family room talking and eating. With Monica’s help, dinner had been prepared yesterday. We had a full table and were thankful to God for our blessings.
“Yes, I’m grateful for all that God has done and will continue to do, but this has been a crazy year,” Monica said, sitting next to Shawn and drinking eggnog. “2012 can’t get here fast enough.”
“I agree,” Angelique added. She was a petite little thing and was sitting on Latrel’s lap. He was putting together a die-cast model car that Roc had gotten for Lil Roc. “I’m so ready to graduate,” Angelique continued. “And once we do, Latrel and I are moving out of Columbia, Missouri and right to Florida.”
My eyes widened as she puckered to kiss Latrel. They kissed, but the move to Florida was news to me. I hated when somebody hit me with something that caught me off guard. Latrel and I had spoken at least twice a week and he never mentioned moving that far away. What about my grandkids? Would I have to travel that far to see them? I kept my mouth shut, but I was steaming inside. Then, maybe it wasn’t the breaking news about Florida that upset me. It was almost six o’clock in the evening, and I still hadn’t heard from Roc. He left yesterday, saying that he would be back no later than a little after noon. Lil Roc hadn’t seen him all day, and neither had Chassidy. From what Lil Roc had said, Vanessa was getting ready to go on vacation with her fiancé. She hadn’t even talked to her son today, and the least Roc could do was be there for him. Maybe I was the only one tripping, but things like that mattered to me.
My glass was empty, so I excused myself from the conversation and went into the kitchen. Monica followed. She could tell something was on my mind.
“Out with it,” she said, taking a seat at the kitchen table. “What’s going on in that thick head of yours?”
“Not much. Just a little irritated that I haven’t heard from Roc. Don’t get me wrong . . . I love the fact that Lil Roc is here with me and Chassidy, but don’t you think it’s unfair that he hasn’t heard from either of his parents?”
“Honestly, I don’t think he cares. He’s having fun with Chassidy and I get a feeling that he enjoys being over here. You said yourself that he sometimes refers to you as his mother, didn’t you?”
“Yes, but we both know that I’m not. I just don’t think it’s fair for people to have children, then dump them off on others all the time. Lil Roc spends a lot of time with his grandmother, more than he does with Roc and Vanessa put together.”
“Is this all about Lil Roc, or the fact that you’re pissed because you haven’t heard from Roc?”
“It’s both. I’m not going to call him either. I guess he’ll get here whenever.”
“I don’t know what else to say to you about this relationship between you and Roc, Dee. I know how much you care for him, but you said yourself that you were looking for a stable relationship with a man you could trust. If you stick with Roc, I do not see that in your future. He’s fine and all, and the sex is dynamic, but you need much more than that, don’t you?”
“Of course I do. This has nothing to do with how fine Roc is or how he lays his pipe. I genuinely care for him and I love him a lot. I’m not happy about what is transpiring outside of my door, but as long as he doesn’t bring his mess here, I guess I can deal with it.”
“How long is that thought going to last? I know you, Dee, and this will not sit well with you for long.”
“I agree. But if it doesn’t, please tell me that Shawn has a single brother. He is a very nice-looking man who seems to have it together. Got a good job and everything. Kind of reminds me of Brian McKnight. Can he sing?”
Monica threw back her hand and laughed. “I can’t vouch for his singing, but I can vouch for something else.” She winked at me.
I gave Monica a high-five, as I knew exactly what she was talking about. We laughed and returned to join the others in the family room. Chassidy and Lil Roc had gone downstairs to play, while the rest of us stayed in the family room. Monica and I double-teamed Latrel, as we shared with Angelique how bad he was growing up.
“He was terrible,” Monica said, laughing. “Girl, your husband almost burned my house down! I told Dee not to ever bring him back to visit me again!”
Latrel quickly spoke up in his defense. “Monica, that’s a lie. You were the one who almost burned your house down that day, trying to cook me and your kids some flapjacks. As a matter of fact, you were on the phone with my mother, complaining about your outrageous kids. You laid your apron on the stove and it caught on fire. I was smart enough to grab the fire extinguisher and saved us all!”
I had gotten two sides of the story, so I wasn’t sure who or what to believe. Monica said Latrel put the apron on the stove, but he said she did. Either way, it was good that we could now sit back and laugh about it.
As we continued, the doorbell rang. By now it was almost eight and my insides were boiling. I went to the door, opening it so Roc could come in. Without saying anything to him, I turned to walk away. He grabbed my hand to stop me.
“Damn. Merry Christmas to you too,” he said, puckering for a kiss. I barely touched his lips with mine, and when he tried to hug me, I pulled away.
“I have company to get back to,” I said dryly. “Merry Christmas.”
Roc followed me as I made my way back into the family room. He already knew Monica and Latrel, but had never been officially introduced to Angelique. She shook his hand, and so did Monica’s man, Shawn.
“What’s up?” Roc said, sitting on the couch near Latrel and Angelique. He and Latrel kicked up a quick conversation before Lil Roc ran into the family room and jumped into his father’s lap. He thanked him for the Christmas presents, and so did Chassidy, as she was all over him too. They all got along extremely well and that made me feel good. Angelique had gotten off Latrel’s lap, and leaving the men in the family room, the ladies went to my bedroom so I could show them a dress I’d purchased last week.
“That is so sexy,” Monica said as I turned the dress in circles so she could see it. “Where are you going to wear it to? Bed?”
I had to laugh, only because Monica was always on me about living a boring life. “That’s not fair,” Angelique said in my defense. “She may not go out often, but when she does, she sure in the heck be clean!”
I gave my daughter-i
n-law a high-five. She was probably trying to score some brownie points, but it worked.
Monica went into my closet, pulling out some outfits that still had tags on them. She was trying to make her point about me buying stuff and never having a chance to wear it. All the pieces were being sprawled out on my bed.
“Let’s see,” she said. “There’s this and that. That dress and this one.”
She kept at it until I agreed with her. After that, we left the room and joined the men back in the family room. Roc was in the kitchen preparing a plate while talking on his phone. He was so loud that everyone could hear his conversation in the family room.
“Man, that’s what that nigga get! They tenderized his ass . . . beat the shit out of him.” He laughed. “I wish I would’ve been there, ’cause you know I would’ve put my foot in that ass too.”
Roc’s conversation was a bit much. And when he started talking about some cracker-ass white man who almost tore up his car, I’d had enough. I went into the kitchen and tapped his shoulder as his back was turned. He turned, looking as if I’d startled him.
“Can you please lower your voice? These kids don’t need to hear you cursing like that, and neither do my guests.”
Roc cut his eyes at me, then got back to his conversation. He did lower his voice, a little, but a few more “niggas” and “muthafuckas” did come out. Finally, he ended his call and sat at the kitchen table to eat. When he asked for some salt, I reached for it on the counter and then placed it on the table in front of him. Before I could pull back, he slammed his hand on top of mine, gripping it tight.
“Don’t you ever speak to me in that tone around other people, nor when I’m on the phone, a’ight? You haven’t said two muthafuckin’ words to me since I entered this house, and how dare you get at me over some bullshit?”
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