Going Nowhere: A BAMF Team Novel

by Abbie Zanders

  I watched them drive away, closing the door on that part of my life.

  My grandmother came up behind me and wrapped her arm around me. “Is it true, Alyx? It’s over?”

  That was the question, wasn’t it?

  I pretended to misunderstand. “Yes. The man who was threatening me won’t be a problem anymore.”

  She nodded. “Reid filled me in when he came back to let me out of his safe room. You should have told me what was going on, Alyx.”

  Reid had put my grandmother in a safe room? I probably should have been surprised, but I wasn’t. That was exactly the kind of thing I would expect from him.

  “I couldn’t do that, Gram. You would have become a target, too.” I refrained from telling her that she already had been.

  “I know. Reid explained that, too.”

  “Did he explain why he felt the need to take off without saying goodbye?” I said before I could stop myself.

  “No,” Gram said, shaking her head. “But he didn’t need to. He’s scared, Alyx.”

  I snorted at that. The very idea was ridiculous.

  “I’m serious, Alyxandra.” Gram’s normally laughing eyes were as serious as her tone. “When a shifter male finds his mate, it is a very serious matter indeed.”

  I wasn’t sure what surprised me more: that Gram knew Reid was a shifter, or that she believed I was his mate. I decided on the second one. Gram had always had a keen grasp of what was going on.

  “I don’t think so.”

  “Sit down, Alyx. You and I need to talk. But first, I’m going to make a fresh pot of coffee.”

  Several hours later, I walked back to my loft in a daze. My grandmother knew all about shifters and mating because my grandfather had been one. She knew all about the paranormal team of special forces because my grandfather had once been a part of it.

  She had recognized what Reid was the first time she had met him. She said her gift had also made it perfectly clear that we were meant to be together, but she knew Reid would balk, just as my grandfather had.

  My grandfather hadn’t wanted to bind her to him, knowing the kind of life he had led. It had taken her months to convince him otherwise, and they had wasted months of precious time that could have been spent together.

  I took a long, hot shower, the words of my grandmother rolling around in my head with the things Cap had told me, with intermittent flashes of my recent kidnapping and naked time with Reid thrown in for good measure. Yeah, I was a mess.

  I had some very important decisions to make that would affect the rest of my life.

  The last couple of weeks, and especially the last couple of days, had been rough. I needed some time to process it all. First and foremost, I had to get to the hospital to check on my kids. Once they were taken care of, then I would decide what the hell I was going to do next.

  Chapter Fourteen

  One Month Later

  Reid

  I pulled my Jeep into the compound’s underground garage, assaulted by memories of the last time I had been here. Although, to be honest, I couldn’t remember a time in the last month when I hadn’t been thinking about Alyx, what had happened, or how I had left.

  I had walked away without a word, without an explanation. At the time, I thought it would be easier on everyone that way. No awkward goodbyes, no half-truths about why it would never work. Better she be angry and curse the ground I walked on than tied to the likes of me.

  Now I realized I had just been making it easier on myself. Alyx deserved better.

  I hadn’t returned to Nowhere since the day I told Grace it was safe to go back to her place, wanting to avoid any confrontations. Alyx probably wouldn’t have come by—she had far too much pride to do that—but Grace would have had no problem knocking on my door and telling me exactly what she thought. She had already given me quite an earful. Guaranteed, my elderly neighbor wouldn’t be making me cinnamon rolls again in this lifetime.

  I had spent the last couple weeks in the mountains, more wolf than man, trying to get my head on straight, thinking I could just ride out the rest of my leave, then put everything behind me and move on.

  Yet another lie I had told myself.

  While I was looking forward to a hot shower and a bar of soap, I wasn’t looking forward to the certain shitstorm my team was going to rain down on me. Even before I had left, they had made it no secret of the fact that they thought I was an ass of the highest caliber.

  I understood it. They knew as well as I did that finding a mate was a fortunate thing.

  Finding a mate like Alyx was a fucking once in a lifetime opportunity.

  Only an idiot would throw away a chance like that.

  After weeks of soul searching, that was the conclusion I had come to. I might have thought I could walk away and go on, but now I knew I couldn’t. No matter what I did, no matter where I went, Alyx was going to be a part of me.

  Some might say the best part. They would be right.

  Now I had a new plan—clean myself up, then go to Alyx and fix things. That meant telling Alyx the truth, all of it, and making her mine forever. It wasn’t going to be easy, but failure was not an option.

  That was how I ended up walking into the compound, braced and ready for battle.

  I dumped my stuff in the bunk room, then went in search of my team to let them know things were going to change. The sooner I got this over with, the better.

  I found most of them in the rec room, which was no surprise. That was where we spent most of our downtime when active. Bear and Boomer were shooting pool. Dex and Psych were deep into Call of Duty, and Hawk was lovingly oiling his favorite rifle. They greeted me with a few nods.

  “Reap,” said Dex, without turning around.

  I waited for the harassment, the pissed off glares—something. Instead, they just resumed whatever they were doing, as if I had just come back from the John or something instead of being MIA for the past three and a half weeks.

  “I need to call a team meeting, ASAP,” I said clearly. “Where’s Cap?”

  That got a few mildly interested looks.

  Psych looked downright amused when he answered, “Downstairs, training the new guy.”

  “New guy?”

  “Yeah, new guy. Cap thought we needed some new blood.”

  I couldn’t help wondering if this “new guy” was my replacement. Maybe Psych had foreseen the fork in my life’s road before I had. Smug, prescient fucker.

  “Well then, bring him, too.”

  I turned on my heel and walked back out. The team’s conference room, where we held all our meetings, planning sessions, and debriefings, was a short walk down the hall. I was vaguely aware of the murmurs and shuffles as the guys abandoned their games and followed. My mind was more focused on what I was about to do.

  The seat at the head of the table was reserved for Cap, so I took the one next to it on the right. One by one, the rest of the team filed in. Curious looks were exchanged, but I kept quiet until everyone was present. I only planned on saying this once.

  Cap came in a few minutes later, looking slightly flushed. I felt a stab of respect for the new guy, whoever he was. Not many could get Cap to work up a sweat like that.

  “How’s the training coming, Cap?” Boomer asked with a smirk.

  “At least I didn’t get knocked on my ass three times straight,” Cap muttered.

  I turned to Boomer in disbelief. “Someone put you on your ass three times?” In addition to being a demolitions expert, the guy was a freaking ninja.

  “Not me.” He grinned. “Bear.”

  Bear grunted. I gaped.

  “Enough of this happy horseshit,” Cap barked. “What’s so important you had to call a meeting?”

  The new guy hadn’t shown yet, but it didn’t really matter. I had no history with him. Everyone I needed to talk to was right here.

  “This team has been my life for the last ten years. In every way that matters, you are my brothers.”

  “Shit. This
isn’t going to be some Lifetime Hallmark, touchy-feely crap speech, is it?” Dex moaned. “Because I just ate.”

  Psych hit him on the back of the head. “Go on, Reap. Show your sensitive side.”

  I ignored them both. “The thing is, Alyx is my mate and—”

  “Tell us something we don’t know,” Boomer interrupted.

  “Yeah, get on with it already.”

  “—I’m leaving the team,” I finished.

  Silence reigned after I dropped that bombshell. I looked around the table at each of my teammates, expecting to see shock or stunned disbelief, not the completely neutral expressions that stared back at me.

  “Well, damn, Reap,” Dex finally said.

  “Unacceptable,” Cap said, shaking his head.

  “I’ve given it a lot of thought,” I explained as I turned toward the man I had pledged my services to ten long years ago. I heard the door open behind me, but I didn’t turn around. I was on a roll, and I needed to make Cap understand. “It wouldn’t be fair to Alyx, and I have to make her my first priority.”

  No sooner had the words left my mouth when a familiar scent assaulted me. I turned around, nearly swallowing my tongue when I saw my mate standing there in skin-tight black yoga pants and a cropped tank top stretched over that luscious chest that read B.A.M.F. in Training. BAMF was an acronym for Badass Motherfucker.

  “What wouldn’t be fair to Alyx?” she asked.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Alyx

  I raised the bottle of water to my lips to keep myself from melting into a puddle right then and there. Reid was back! I should have known something was up when Cap cut our workout session early. And I had just overheard Reid tell his team that I was his top priority.

  “Alyx!” Reid launched out of his seat and placed himself between me and the rest of the team. “What are you doing here? And why are you dressed like that?”

  I looked down at my top. “I’d think that would be obvious.”

  I saw the moment realization dawned. “You? You’re the new guy?”

  I grinned as Cap said, “Reap, Bones. Bones, Reaper.”

  Suddenly, I was weightless and moving at approximately the speed of light down to the bunk room. Reid slammed the door shut behind him, then tossed me on the bed.

  “Is this some kind of joke?” he asked, pacing back and forth in the small space.

  I frowned at him. “No.”

  “You’re on the team?”

  “Yes.”

  “No. I won’t allow it,” he said firmly.

  “You don’t get a say,” I shot back. “You walked away.”

  He winced, then stood taller. “You’re my mate.”

  I was grateful for my grandmother filling me in on the whole mate thing. He had claimed me, but I hadn’t claimed him.

  “But you aren’t mine,” I told him.

  He reeled back as if slapped.

  “Not yet, anyway,” I added with a sniff.

  He growled, and my panties instantly dampened. I crossed my arms over my chest to hide my hardened nipples, but it was too late. His nostrils flared, flames dancing in those deep green eyes.

  “Not yet?”

  “Nope.”

  He took a step closer, his scent growing stronger, too. The area between my legs throbbed in sync with my heartbeat and the spot on my neck where he had marked me. He looked dark and feral, and was the sexiest man I had ever seen.

  “How about we take care of that right now?”

  “No,” I said, breathier than I had the first time.

  He took another step, and I held up my hand in a stop gesture. If he got any closer, I would forget everything I had planned to say when I saw him.

  He stopped and stared at my hand like he had never seen it before. His scent intensified, sending tingles of potent arousal through me, but I had to remain strong.

  “First, some ground rules. I am a member of this team now, whether you like it or not.”

  “Not,” he said immediately, crossing his arms over that broad, muscular chest. His heat and scent enveloped me, weakening me, and I knew I didn’t have much time. “It’s too dangerous.”

  “I can handle myself.”

  He laughed. He actually laughed. “How are you going to handle yourself against someone like me?”

  “Come at me and find out.”

  He hesitated for a moment, then accepted my challenge and lunged. Before he could get a hold on me, I stepped quickly to the side, summoning all my healing energy and focusing it to a single point. I opened my palm toward him and let it rip.

  A bolt of energy shot out of my hand and into his chest. Shock registered on his face, his eyes widening as his muscles seized and locked. Then he was thrown back against the wall. I watched in horror as he hit it hard, then went down.

  “Shit! I’m so sorry,” I said, rushing over to him. Panic clawed at me when I saw my strong, powerful wolf man lying so still. “Shit, shit, shit!”

  I went down on my knees beside him, forcing myself not to freak out. This was not the way I had envisioned beginning our relationship.

  I had been preparing for this moment since the morning after he had left when Cap sat me down for a heart-to-heart reality check. After hours and hours of talking and a few nights to think about Cap’s incredible offer, I had put in my resignation at the hospital, kissed Gram goodbye, and had begun the hardest, most grueling training program I could possibly imagine. I still had a long way to go, but no one doubted I could eventually become an asset. My real motivation was currently lying prone before me.

  I was not about to lose my mate now that I finally had him back again.

  I was a freaking healer, for shit’s sake. I could and would fix this.

  With one hand on his chest, feeling for a heartbeat, I leaned my face close to his to check his breathing.

  Without warning, big hands grabbed me and pulled me on top of his body.

  “Rule number one,” he growled, his face a hair’s breadth from mine, “never take your eyes off the enemy.”

  With one large hand, he cupped my bottom, securing my hips. The other splayed across the middle of my back. Pressed against his hard planes, feeling that particularly long, stiff part of him pressing into my womanly regions, there was no place in the world I would rather be.

  “Are you my enemy?” I breathed.

  He moved the hand on my back up, palming the back of my head and simultaneously pulling me down and to the side. His lips pressed against the mark he had made, sending shivers of white-hot need coursing through me. I shuddered. He chuckled, a husky sound that told me he knew exactly what he was doing.

  “I tried to stay away,” he said.

  “I know. I’m hard to resist.”

  He growled again, flexing his fingers over my butt as he licked my neck with his rough tongue. The vibrations travelled from his chest into mine, making my nipples pebble even more. At this rate, they would leave indentations in that rock-hard chest of his.

  “You know what I am.”

  “I do,” I confirmed.

  “And you know what I do.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “And you’re okay with that?”

  “More than,” I told him. “Because I’ll be right there to have your six and patch you back up if you mess up.”

  His brows furrowed. “I don’t mess up.”

  “Great. Then we won’t have a problem, will we?”

  * * *

  Reid

  My mate had a smart mouth, one I really needed to kiss.

  I crushed my mouth to hers, not caring a lick how desperate it seemed. It was desperate. I was desperate. It had been twenty-five days since I had seen her, smelled her, and been deep inside her body, and that was twenty-five days too long.

  I slipped my hands into those form-fitting pants and filled my palms with her perfect ass. We would be discussing this whole teammate thing later, but I wasn’t stupid. My instincts to protect my mate practically ensured that I would say s
omething to get her back up, and I wanted her to mark me before that happened. The best way to accomplish that was to get her so fucking aroused she wouldn’t think twice about sinking her teeth into me and completing the claiming. Given the sweet, musky perfume filling my nostrils, she was already well on her way.

  I stroked my tongue over the skin where I had already marked her, knowing it would feel like a stroke of my cock deep inside. She gifted me with a breathy moan and a full body shudder.

  “Like that?” I growled.

  “I know what I’d like even better,” she growled right back, raking her fingernails across my chest as she grabbed the collar of my shirt and ripped it open. As great as that felt, it couldn’t compare to the open-mouthed kisses and licks she trailed over my jaw, down my neck, and on my chest.

  “Yeah? What’s that?” I grunted.

  Her response was to continue her kissing, licking, biting spree downward.

  Those glorious breasts rubbed over my rigid cock on the way, inciting visions of recreating this moment later without the cotton and denim between us. Getting her all worked up, sliding my dick between those beautiful, lush mounds. Yeah, that was something we would be doing.

  Right now, her skilled fingers were making short work of the fastenings that were keeping my erection under wraps. She must have still had some juice running through those fingers, because every time she touched my bare skin, I got a little jolt, not unlike a release of static buildup. It was hot as hell.

  She moaned when she discovered I had gone commando. The next second, she was pressing those open-mouthed kisses along the length of my shaft, and those sparking fingers were sliding down, cupping me between the legs.

  I had never felt anything like it.

  Fiery bolts of sensation shot through me, and I knew I wouldn’t last a minute if she kept that up.

  As wonderful as it was, I needed to be inside her more than I needed to breathe. I reached down and caught her beneath the arms to pull her up my body.

  “I wasn’t finished,” she said on a pout as I allowed my claws to emerge just enough to shred the clothing hiding her treasures.