by Andy Rooney
There has often been a shortage of greatness in the White House. To unfairly pick a few examples off the bottom of my head, no one ever accused Calvin Coolidge, Herbert Hoover, Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, Richard Nixon or the first George Bush of greatness. Franklin Delano Roosevelt is probably the only president of the twentieth century that future historians will put in the same rank with George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. John F. Kennedy might have been on his way to Mount Rushmore but he was assassinated.
There are supporters who make a case for Lyndon Johnson, Truman and Ronald Reagan, but “great” is not the universal adjective used for any of them. Woodrow Wilson isn’t a hero in the history books, although he was the first president to recognize that the United States needed to be part of a world alliance. His League of Nations was a good idea that failed, so he doesn’t get any credit.
Our best presidents have found a way to overcome the most serious defect in our democracy—the seesaw balance of power in the relationship between Congress and the president that too often ends in inaction. Politically knowledgeable presidents like Lyndon Johnson knew how to play the House and Senate, but too often our presidents have been stymied by the legislature. President Bush isn’t much in charge of either, even with his own Republican majority, and he has a way of alienating them.
There have been times it wasn’t necessary for us to have a great president. Dwight Eisenhower wasn’t great but he was popular. He was in office for eight years and people liked him. He was easy to take. We were cruising along, so Ike was just what we needed—a hands-off president. He patted us on the head, told us everything would be all right and went out to play golf.
Ronald Reagan polarized the nation. Half of us loved Reagan, half of us hated him. There were not a lot of people in the middle. It’s that way with President Bush, and it’s half his fault and half ours. It’s wrong that so many people enjoy not liking him and wrong that so many like him so much they refuse to admit his shortcomings.
We could use a great president today. George W. Bush’s most ardent supporters like him, they like his wife and they support him in general but they don’t claim he’s great. Too bad.
DIVIDED WE STAND
If we were to have an election tomorrow, President Bush wouldn’t win. I have never seen Americans so bitterly divided over their president or the direction their country is taking as they are now. Maybe divided is the wrong word if it suggests we’re divided in half, because it appears as if the Americans who dislike the President far outnumber those who support him.
Even many of the people who voted for him are blaming President Bush for not responding sooner to the disaster in New Orleans. They don’t blame the weather, bad luck, the government or God for the disaster following the impact of Hurricane Katrina. They blame President Bush. They don’t like anything about him:
“Look at that fake smile he has!” “He doesn’t walk, he swaggers.”
“Where does he get all those inept assistants to do his dirty work for him?”
I don’t want to suggest here that I voted for President Bush or that I’m a fan of his. I just think we have to cut him some slack. It’s a hard job and he’s not an evil guy. I wish he was smarter but he’s not evil. It’s obvious to everyone, including him probably, that we made a mistake going into Iraq. However, no matter how good it sounds to say, “We ought to get out,” the fact is we can’t just pick up and leave. There are too many people in Iraq who supported us who’d be slaughtered if we did. President Bush made a mistake going to his ranch for a five-week vacation in July and August. He tried to make it look good by making a few day trips to give cameramen some photo opportunities, but he didn’t seriously interrupt his vacation until a couple of days after the flooding of New Orleans.
He made a mistake appointing a political supporter named Michael Brown as head of the Federal Emergency Management Agency. Brown has bungled the operation in New Orleans, and it became apparent when reporters started looking into who Brown was that he had no business having the job. Brown’s last job before FEMA was as head of the International Arabian Horse Association—and he got fired from that.
Whether you like George W. Bush or not, he is our president. We’re stuck with any president we elect for four years and maybe that’s too long, but unless we change it, that’s our system. The American people are often dissatisfied with a leader they have elected. Of our forty-three presidents, only sixteen have been re-elected for a second term.
Our senators are elected for six years. Our representatives in Congress only get two-year terms. The interesting thing I don’t understand is, our congressmen and women are much more apt to be re-elected than any of their challengers and much more likely to be re-elected than a president. It may be because the work of a congressman or woman is not out in the open as much as is our president’s.
I’m no more enthusiastic about President Bush than most of his critics, but even in our democracy, which is supposed to be dominated by the will of the people, an elected official can’t answer to all the people on all the issues all the time. The American people elected George W. Bush—although just barely—and now we should let him decide some issues without first asking us what we think. For one thing, we may be smart collectively as a democracy, but individually we’re pretty dumb about a lot of things. After all, we did elect him.
NO MORE GAS GUZZLING
The President’s suggestion that we all cut down on driving to use less gas seemed sensible to me, and I want to cooperate. I’m trying to accommodate the President’s wishes by making plans to use my car less. I have the good of the country at heart, but $3.29 per gallon enters into my consideration, too.
Like millions of Americans, I drive to work. My apartment in New York is only eighteen blocks from the office. It’s 1.3 miles and there is not a shorter way, so there’s no way to economize there. About twice a week, I take another street two blocks away because there’s a store where I buy coffee, oranges and sometimes milk and a box of Grape Nuts. I have gauged this on my odometer. It is two-tenths of a mile longer so, by walking to the store the night before to buy what I want, I could save one mile’s worth of gas every two and a half weeks. How’s that for cooperation, Mr. President?
My car gets about twenty-three miles to the gallon, so I’d be saving about 30 cents a month, too.
The President has recently made seven trips in Air Force One to the area where the hurricanes hit. Air Force One holds 47,200 gallons of fuel. It costs $86,000 to fill a 747. It burns $6,000 worth of fuel an hour. The trip from Washington to the Gulf Coast is a little more than two hours, so it costs $I5,000 to fly the President there from D.C. Then, of course, he has to get back. If President Bush drove to the Gulf Coast or bicycled, it would save all of us a bundle.
Just a few weeks ago, President Bush visited the UN and I was excited to be on East 62nd Street when his motorcade came through. I stood, entranced by the drama of it, as eleven limousines, lights flashing and windows darkened, passed by. Try as I might, I could not determine which car the President was sitting in. That was on purpose, of course. The use of eleven cars would make it difficult for a potential terrorist to know which one to blow up.
My suggestion here is for the President to save gas by cutting the dummy limousines by two. It would not greatly increase the risk of travel for him and gas consumption for the cavalcade would be cut by two-elevenths. If the train of cars used 100 gallons of gas that day, two less would mean a reduction of 19 gallons. We have to think of our President’s safety, but we have to think of our gas, too.
The best way for all of us to save gas would be by planning our shopping trips carefully. We should not go to the hardware store for some small item early in the morning and a few hours later, go to the bank, the grocery store or the drugstore. Leaving the car in the driveway instead of putting it in the garage every night might save gas, too.
I am determined to help the President save gas before he flies his gasguzzling 747 to Louisiana again.
NOT AN INTERVIEW WITH BUSH
I try not to be one of those people who hates everything President Bush says or does, no matter what it is.
I’d like to ask the President some questions but he’s too busy to grant me an interview. I’ve been thinking of some of the questions I’d ask if I got the chance.
Q: What’s the best part of being president?
Q: What’s the worst part of being president?
Q: What is your greatest weakness?
Q: What’s your greatest strength, or would you rather not boast?
Q: Your approval ratings aren’t very good this week. What do you think the history books will say about you in the future? Be honest, now.
Q: Whom do you really hate? Pick someone we all know.
Q: There are about fifty White House correspondents. Who’s your favorite? Whom do you dislike the most?
Q: Why?
Q: When you meet a foreign dignitary and have to do all that hugging, would you be embarrassed to have your real thoughts about the guy appear in a little comic strip bubble over your head?
Q: How’s the White House to live in . . . you know, as home?
Q: If you owned it, what would you change?
Q: Who is your best speechwriter? Shouldn’t a president give more credit to the person who wrote it when he reads a speech written by someone else?
Q: Could you write a speech yourself if you had to?
Q: Do you type?
Q: Do you cut your own fingernails? Toenails?
Q: Who’s the brightest person you know?
Q: Who’s the dumbest person you know in public life? We won’t tell him you said so.
Q: You used to drink quite a bit. What did you drink—scotch, bourbon, vodka, gin . . . all four? Do you miss it?
Q: Ever sneak one upstairs at night in the White House?
Q: When you and Laura are home alone, going to bed, do you talk about what you did right and what you did wrong that day?
Q: Does Laura ever tell you what you did wrong before you ask her?
Q: In your opinion, who is the best president we ever had?
Q: All right, in the past 50 years, who was the best? Let’s leave your father out of this.
Q: It often seems as if your father is a little critical of you. Does his attitude bug you sometimes?
Q: You’ve said you don’t get much advice from your father—that advice comes to you from a higher power. Are you suggesting God took us into Iraq?
Q: After your term is up, would it be any fun to get together at dinner to talk about your experiences as president with Bill Clinton, Jimmy Carter, Gerald Ford and your father?
Q: No marriage is perfect. You and Laura seem to get along but what do you do that bugs her? What does she do that bugs you?
If President Bush agrees to being interviewed, I’ll let you know.
EX-PRESIDENTIAL PERKS
We now have four living ex-presidents. They are Gerald Ford, Jimmy Carter, George Bush and Bill Clinton.
Being an ex-president of the United States is a good life and I’ll bet President George W. Bush wishes he was one of them right now. Everywhere you go you are honored. People don’t remember the mistakes you made in office. Your opinions are taken seriously. You get a yearly salary of $I82,000 and that’s just a small part of your income.
An ex-president has Secret Service bodyguards, if he wants them. In 1997, Congress voted to limit that protection for presidents to ten years after leaving office. I guess they figured if anyone hated a president enough to try to harm him, they’d get over it in ten years.
A former president gets $96,000 to pay an office staff. He gets government paid travel, house rental, telephone, postage, supplies and equipment. And then, in addition to all that, they build a library with his name on it so he has a place to put all the junk he saved over the years.
Of our four living ex-presidents, Bill Clinton is the youngest. He’s only sixty and he can expect another twenty-five years of life so he doesn’t have to worry about doctors’ bills because all his medical expenses are paid for. Last year, Bill made $850,000 in speaking fees. That was less than he made speaking in previous years but he made up for it by writing the book My Life, which made him a couple of million.
Gerald Ford is ninety-three and he has never taken being a former president seriously. He was an excellent athlete and he still plays golf almost every day. Jimmy Carter and George W. Bush’s father, George, are both eighty-two. Former presidents don’t always get along but George Bush and Bill Clinton formed an alliance when they got together this year to help in the Southeast Asia tsunami relief effort and then in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.
Even though former President Bush got along well with Bill Clinton, he often seems remote and even a little amused by his son’s presidency. We know less about the activities of George H.W. Bush than we know about most former presidents. I don’t know what he’s doing. If you know what he’s doing, write me.
Jimmy Carter seems to work hardest at being an ex-president and some historians say he’s the best one we ever had. He’s always bustling around doing good works but that’s his idea of a good time. He won a Nobel Peace Prize in 2002. He has an easy way of seeming to be a good guy and he has never cashed in on his status by taking $I00,000 fees for speeches. No one hates Jimmy Carter. You could call him “beloved.”
Bill Clinton had a $460,000 house rental bill paid for him and a $54,000 telephone bill that he got free as an ex-president. He must spend a lot of time gassing on the phone. Bill is by far our most expansive and expensive ex-president. The Congressional Research Service lists his other expenses. One item is listed simply as “Other services: $I46,000.”
Jimmy Carter spent $I5,000 in government money on stamps. George Bush had the most travel expenses. The government paid $54,000 for his airfare. I suppose he doesn’t fly coach.
I’ll bet George W. Bush can’t wait until the day he gets to be an ex-president with all the perquisites that go with the non-job and none of the headaches he’s had in office.
TALKING HEADS
TOM: How do you feel about immigration?
ED: Who, me?
TOM: Who else am I talking to? Yes, you. How do you feel about immigration?
ED : Well . . . promise not to tell anyone what I say?
TOM: No.
ED: OK. I’ll tell you anyway. I don’t want ’em here. We already got plenty of people, especially foreigners. Let ‘em stay where they are.
ED: They really want to come here, though. Some of them will make good Americans.
TOM: Yeah, and some of them will make lousy Americans. Our country is full, anyway. Every vacant lot in our town is built on now. We can’t take in the whole world.
TOM: A lot of good people would like to come here. Some of them already have family here.
ED: I don’t like foreigners except when they’re in their own country, anyway. They’re OK if they stay home. We don’t need ’em, don’t want’em. We got a great place here and I don’t want a lot of strangers coming in from other places and lousing it up. Half of them get jobs and send money home instead of spending it here.
TOM: But overall, they’ll help our economy, and anyway, taking them in is the American thing to do.
ED: Baloney! They’ll just make things more crowded and more expensive for us. They’ll drive cars on our roads and make more traffic. We’ll have to build new roads.
TOM: Didn’t your grandparents or great-grandparents come from a foreign country?
ED: Naw, not really. They came from Ireland. That’s not foreign like say, Poland, Yugoslavia, Guatemala, Mozambique, Nigeria, Nicaragua, Syria, Thailand, Turkey, Yemen. Places like that. People from there are foreigners. That’s what I’m talking about. The Irish talk funny but they talk English. I mean, you know.
TOM: But we’re proud of America being the great melting pot.
ED: Forget about it. Half the people who come here these days don’t melt. After ten years
here, they still don’t speak English. I say, “You don’t like our language? Leave then. Go back where you come from. Speak whatever language that is if that’s what you like but speak it there, not here.”
TOM: But our country is made up of foreigners. Everyone here except a few thousand Indians came here from someplace else.
ED: Well, yeah, but that was a long while ago. We got enough now. Close the damn door, I say.