Flight of the Maita Supercollection 3: Solving Galactic Problems Collector's Edition

by Moulton, CD

  There were no artists in the entire galaxy – which was to say the Maitan Empire – to match the Parf.

  Well, maybe some of the Woost. (The Zulians are a special case in all cases. They, of course, have some artists as skilled and talented.) A world they had recently had one of their "Little adventures" on had the finest rugs and tapestries they'd ever discovered anywhere, but the Woost and Parf seldom used those forms.

  Life was absolutely perfect and Emperor Maita, Z's closest inorganic friend (Maita is a large spaceship, is independently intelligent and was forced to become emperor when the group first established the empire – not a thing of choice, either) could extend that life to any length Z chose.

  In the three hundred seventy eight plus years they had been together there had been no time for real boredom to set in so the two organics and the three plus machines remained a close group. They often went on what were rapidly becoming labeled across the empire as "The Emperor's little adventures."

  Some of those who had for short times been members of the group chose to allow a normal lifespan, raise a family and die a natural death. Some took a shortterm extension, then settled down to raise a family etc. It was the choice of the individual. Z felt there was a great deal left to do before he chose to end his life. There were on the order of sixty billion star systems in this galaxy alone to explore and the several thousand he had already seen were each unique in its own way – not to mention Maita had shown that they could go to another galaxy where there were as many more star systems!

  The small tentacled being climbed the rocks from the sea, stayed low under the plants until it was above the terrace the Terran was occupying, then stealthily climbed a tree, swinging slowly and silently from limb to limb until it was behind the waterfall. It slowly inched along a branch, moved silently over to the rocks, grasped along small irregularities on the mountain's face and dropped quietly onto the ledge over the entrance door to the Earthman's domicile in a cave under the mountain. The eyes on short stalks carefully scanned the area, each seeking a separate spot as they worked independently of one another (An extremely disconcerting trait to those whose eyes DIDN'T work in such a manner). It noticed a scanner lens watching it, made a sign with its extendable mouth, coiled the lower two tentacles, studied the jump, then sprang onto the Terran's head and shoulders, wrapping all four tentacles suddenly around to pin him immobile in his seat.

  A short, startled yell escaped Z's throat as the book went sailing across the floor and amaranth muffins rolled around, coming to rest in odd places.

  Thing, the tentacled being and Z's closest organic friend, leaned over to stare into Z's eyes with its own.

  "Why, hello there, Thing!" Z greeted brightly. "Anything new and interesting happening?"

  Thing, having no lungs or vocal chords, but being an empath couldn't speak directly so Maita had from the outset of their strange partnership assigned it a tone and user circuits on all the emperor's own systems. Thing used the speakers through its empathy to communicate with others – except Maita, Tab, Kit, TRD-60 and T6, the machine members of the group who received and sent directly to it – with words.

  Thing's tone was a tuning fork sound before and after each thing it said ( [...] ) and a lower pitch than Maita's, which were preceded and followed by a higher bell tone ( * ).

  (Author's note: the system of denoting Thing's and Maita's words was established in the first chronicle of the empire before there even was an empire and has continued. I'm not about to change it now. Maita has established the tones in a complicated interior pattern that fastcom carries exclusively for them over the entire empire. Everyone now knows it's Emperor Maita or Advisor Thing when those tones sound. )

  The other mechanical friends each had a vocal sound all its own.

  Thing and Maita also usually spoke in long unstressed paragraphs containing no obvious paragraphing. That was no longer necessary, but was done that way at first and no one bothered to change it. Everyone has become used to it.

  They played the juvenile stunts on one another constantly. It was fun – and they all had a great sense of fun – and kept them on their toes, so to speak. Each had its individual sense of humor, too. They loved to make jokes, both practical and otherwise.

  The jokes went through stages. Recently it had moved from puns to double entendres to simple outrageousness.

  [ Ha! You yelled! I got you that time! ]

  *It did, you know. I was watching ever since it came from its gardens. You were so absorbed in that stupid book it could hardly miss! You could have waddled up the path and jumped on him, Thing. He was oblivious to everything.*

  [ He has sensors he made himself if I'd tried that. I know about them. I had my own sensors watching him while he hooked them up! ]

  "You can unwrap anytime you like, now," Z suggested. "It's hardly comfortable having a lump of Silly Putty your size sitting on my head ... Gmfpth!"

  Thing wrapped a tentacle across Z's mouth. [ Doesn't he make the oddest sounds when I do that, Maita? Look how blue he turns – and just because I sort of stop him from breathing! How odd! Maybe I should make a longrange study of the phenomenon. I could do extensive research for University and Library! It would be a rather shortterm study, though. Once he's dead he won't make noises or turn strange colors anymore. ]

  Thing released Z, then dropped to curl into a ball on his lap. The two stalked eyes peered up from the tentacles, which always amused Z. The affection they felt for one another was obvious.

  *I'm getting bored. Let's turn the empire over to the servos for awhile. With things running as smoothly as they are for the past few years no one will ever know if we never come back! I'd like to see a few of the places we haven't been back to for the past couple of centuries if only to see how well things are going. Do you realize we haven't been back to Vendu in more than half a century? We haven't been to Zeena, to ... hey! Let's start at Tlorg! Remember the fun we had there? I'd like to see how those people are doing. I think the satellite needs re-adjustment or something while we're there anyhow, too. It's given some strange readings. That will be an excuse to go!*

  Maita spoke in a mechanical form and until recently hadn't used contractions at all unless it was losing its temper (Oh, yes! It definitely had a temper!) or was under stress for some reason. As Thing's "voice" was produced by Maita it followed the same patterns Maita did. It was beginning to use them now that it could analyze where they would better serve. When it was away from Maita and using the translator on its floater it tended to use more of them.

  [ We could go back as Boss and Maybe. We could explain that Extrx decided to stay home to raise a family. That's what Tom actually did. They still have the salve jar we gave that Verfral warrior. We told them it was wizard's gold and would turn to stone if Boss died. Did you know I once went back to Tlorg, Z (Changes)? Only for a few hours, but I had to go back. It was about the time you and.... You and Tab were off on something or other. The thing with those stock markets. Remember? ]

  "That was only a few years after we were there!" Z cried. "What happened? I thought we had a satellite up and no one would go there until they were advanced enough."

  *Immins happened. They were trying to set up a base there to hide their criminals. Remember Net? It was his son Thing contacted. Called him Kene, didn't you, Thing?*

  [ Yes, Maita. He was a wizard. Z, he opened Martin's box! Martin said that progeny of Net would be a famous wizard. He was quite old when I was there. He asked me about Boss and Extrx. He had a demon of a type I'd never seen before with him. The demon was living on Tlorg then, but had been back home fifty someodd times. Kene would open a portal anytime any of the demons wanted to come or go. ]

  *Tab also went to Tlorg a few years ago as a magician to solve a murder. He said things were about like we'd described. Not very much had changed. A Frome came to the agency to get help. The demons there seem to come and go pretty much as they please.*

  "I guess King Lear set that up," Z said. "He and – what was
her name? – Wald! That's it! Obe Lear and Wald sort of made the demons welcome at the palace."

  *It was Obe's son, Pan, who was king at the time Thing was there. The demon was a Pluton – from the plane where they call Tlorg Hades. They are an extremely fierce-looking people and even I....*

  "What?! Pan!?" Z exclaimed. "Hades? Plutons? Great jumping Jehosaphat! And I always thought ‘King Lear’ was a coincidence!"

  [ I take it that Pan and Hades and Pluton were also mythological beings on Earth? ]

  "Hades was the Greek name for hell," Z replied. "Pan was a Greek god. Pluto was another name, Roman, I think, for the god of the underworld. Don't tell me the Pluton was bright red, had horns and a spear-tipped tail and had cloven hooves!?"

  [ How did you know?! ]

  *That's mean, Thing! Wruk was more orangey than red!*

  "You're putting me on!" Z cried.

  [ On what? ]

  *I've read all that stuff from Terra. I hate to say it, but Hades' atmosphere has a rather high concentration of sulfur dioxide, which the Plutons on Tlorg – or the one, anyhow – have to add to their diet as organic sulfur compounds. They were advanced about to the stage Earth was when you left. Nuclears, jets and all that stupid crap.*

  "My God!" Z cried. "We've seen a lot of.... Is it possible that...? The planal interface would allow Earth to reach Hades, too?

  "I don't see how that could be!"

  [ Z, the Pluton didn't really look like that. It was a little under three meters high, was black-furred, had strange eyes that phosphoresced, had teeth a little longer and sharper than Ape's were, the canines were like tusks, sort of, and went to his chin and his claws were just a little longer and sharper than Tom's were. It was the general basic K-form shape as you or the Tlorgians except it was very powerfully muscled. It didn't ... you're looking at me like I'm crazy! ]

  "That's something we've known for centuries," Z quipped. "You're describing a demon from Earth's oldest dark mythology. You're describing Beelzebub or Astoreth or a hundred others. This is weird. How can you explain it?"

  *In infinity there have to be an infinite number of similar or even identical possibilities, so.... I don't believe that for one single second! Thing, run the math for planal displacement physics through (Thing's race are the most intelligent beings known. It can handle mathematics even machines such as Maita can't. It understands the planal interfaces which is abstract concept taken to ridiculous extremes). See if there's a possibility Earth and Tlorg can both use a nexus at Hades.*

  [ I have to have dimensional interstice points for Hades. From what I can tell without those coordinates Tlorg has to actually BE Earth! Do you know what that means, Maita? Transcend dimensional nexus.... Shift the Zibek scale to a qat base on the ... oh, wow! Maita, it's basic! We all know the omniverse is a point. If the various universes that make up the omniverse are also expressed points we can superimpose anywhere on anywhere else. We could step from Tlorg through Hades to Earth. Instantly! Maybe that's how the transmats work? We never did find the math behind them. We copy the original portals we found and we use them, but we don't know.... Step along the dimensional interface ... which is impossible! This is fascinating! Absolutely fascinating! ]

  "What does all this foolishness mean? Really?" Z asked.

  *It means none of it really exists even to the extent we've always worked under knowing it all adds up to zero. If Thing's right about this, and it's always right about mathematical constructs, we can ... what?*

  [ Oh, it's not right, I'm sure. If it was.... If that theory's right things don't just add up to zero – they ARE zero. ]

  "Which means?"

  *None of us exist. Shall we go to Tlorg to find out? Boss and Maybe ride again! I'll even take the golems out of storage!*

  [ You kept them? You actually kept Yes and No? ]

  *So I'm just a sentimental old fool. Sue me! If we're all in agreement we can leave as soon as arrangements are made for the handling of your extensive estates whilst we become otherwise engaged. I'll prime the servos. If we don't come back it'll be centuries before anyone suspects we're not here. Isn't it great to feel so needed?*

  It really was a great feeling to be heading back to Tlorg. They had enjoyed that place more than any other they visited, though this time they would be without Tom, the Zeenan, who was a bit shorter than Z, much more powerful, black and shiny and catlike even to having a tail.

  "Maita?" Z asked. "Can't we alter Kit or Tab to be Extrx? It seems we should have him along for the sake of the legends we started. We said we'd someday return. All of us."

  *They're both on a very important assignment. Maybe we can get one of Tom's great-great-whatever grandsons to come? I can program him with Tom's memories. I've got them on crystal, you know. I can edit out all but the Tlorgian part. I doubt that any of you organics would appreciate having all the memories of any of your direct ancestors.*

  "Tom never did anything any of his progeny would be ashamed of!" Z protested.

  [ Hah! Like you never had any little personal secrets you'd like your progeny to never know? Get serious! ]

  "You've got a point. I guess we've all done some things we'd prefer that the universe forget ever happened."

  [ I haven't! ]

  *Me neither!*

  "I said I guessed! I haven't either. It's just that I assume everyone else has."

  They all knew, of course, of things each had done that they wished had never taken place. Even Maita had done things in a fit of temper (A machine with intelligence can have a temper if it has a sense of outrage – such as the one Maita had) it would like to have forgotten. The fact that what one finds personally degrading often doesn't make any sense to another being doesn't enter into emotional issues. They joked and teased at one another while Maita fastcommed Zeena to ask if any of the great (Etc.) grandsons of Tom would enjoy being a part of this. It reported later that Ehrak was fascinated by the idea of being able to live inside of a family legend and would be waiting for Maita to pick him up.

  Thing arranged for the things on its own island a few kilometers south of Z's to be handled by some of Joe's People and the Tendd as did Z for his own island. Maita ran through the most recent data from the eight thousand plus worlds in the Maitan Empire, saw there wasn't anything that couldn't be handled well by the servos, checked with the traders guild, obtained the same results, then they left for Zeena.

  Ehrak was very much like Tom had been, excited about being a part of the adventure and absorbed the memories well. They were lucky he was much the same as Tom so far as humor and personality were concerned, too. There was great dependence on humor in this kind of work.

  Thing spent most of the traveling time in its cubicle studying the mathematical theories of planal point striation. It was enthused about the possibility Earth and Tlorg were actually the same place, possibly slightly displaced in time which would mean there was only one place in all the universe – a place we each perceive in different times.

  Maita is a saucer-type ship, is sixty meters across and is composed of ten pie-shaped rooms, several of which have cubicles on their outer perimeters. The cubicles are inside of the rim, which houses a variety of devices. The center of the ship has a clear dome "above" and "below" that have "motors" in the center level between. The dome on the "bottom" is called the pilot's dome while the one on "top" is empty. It's called the "O" (observation) dome. Behind room two is a cubicle which is Thing's private room. The pilot's dome is considered to be Z's private quarters as there was no longer any need of a pilot for Maita.

  Tom had used room nine which was originally the crews' bunk quarters so Ehrak would do the same. Room one was a cargo hold, had "doors" to the outside and held eighteen extra power spheres that were kept fully charged. A ship needed only one sphere, but there were times those extra power spheres were all that had saved the group.

  Maita, TRD-60 (Tab's ship, as well as the second part of the mechanical detective) and T6 (Kit's ditto) were the only ships possessing the dr
ive called TTH14, discovered by TR (As TRD-60 was called) accidentally. The other known intelligent ships, Searcher and Theron, didn't want the drive and only a truly independently intelligent ship could handle it. Organic brains couldn't make decisions and implement them in fractions of a picosecond nor could a machine that must be programmed for each maneuver. Even the fastest push-pull type response circuit had a pause of a millisecond or more to make the decision and that could translate to thousands of plazsis off course. There is nothing truly automatic in the response of such systems.

  Maita brought out the floaters containing the golems, two brass heads sitting on a "plate" at an angle from one another that had acted as judges on Tlorg (Book five: Now You See It – Now You Don't) under Maita's control, though Maita had set up separate circuits to "run" the golems. Maita didn't want to control them because that would take the fun out of it. There drive circuits had developed distinct personality traits for the heads and was adding constantly to the vast storehouse of things they said, particularly the negative cynic head, No. Yes was the "phony liberal" type personality, as Z described it. They were positioned to where they couldn't "see" one another, were of opposite temperaments and never stopped arguing. Yes was sickeningly sweet while No was cynical and acid-tongued. The device was used to establish courts of law on the first trip.

  Tlorg was in that stage of societal evolution where there were sorcerers and magicians so Z, Thing, Tom and the golems were thought to be demons and were used as such. Maita spun a castle about itself and directed the golems from there. It had installed their separate director circuits shortly before they left Tlorg and had kept that unit intact.

  (Author’s note: the golems were given their own notation instead of quotation marks in the first chronicle where they were used so that will be continued here also. + ... + = Yes and – ...– = No.)

  The floaters the crew used were gravitic disks of various sizes and were used for any number of purposes such as for the golem heads to ride on. Thing, not being well-designed for moving about on smooth surfaces, had its own personal floater with hundreds of devices built in. A sort of skirt was draped over the floater to hang to the ground, making a body for Thing. It could appear to have its "head" leave the body to sit on Z's or Tom's shoulder. The floater had speakers for communication, too, and was in constant contact with Maita through a special gravitics or radio band.