by Tia Siren
“I…I thought Elizabeth had bumped into a group of strangers at the pub” I managed to say, more to myself than to him. John’s sudden giggle brought me out of my thoughts and I snapped my head to throw him a threatening look. I couldn’t believe he was finding all of this so funny.
“I believe you entirely. I knew you didn’t know me” he said, he still had a sly smile on his face as he looked at me with his piercing blue eyes.
“Which is why you knew I wasn’t from London” I said, again to my self. The whole night was taking a completely new shape in my head and I was growing more angry by the minute. I was beginning to believe he had deceived me in some way.
“So you thought you were…” he began and cleared his throat, “hanging out with a complete stranger?” he finished and tried to stifle a laugh. I shook my head in disgust and took in a few deep breaths.
“What are you doing here anyway?” I asked him, I had thrown my nose up in the air to try and pretend that I didn’t care what he thought.
“I’m on an Erasmus program here for six months. Same as you were at King’s” he said coolly, digging his hands into his jeans casually. I didn't want to hear any more. That bit of information was good enough for my heart to stop and I whipped around and started walking away from where he and John were standing.
“I’m Marvin by the way. I know your name but I figured you didn’t know mine” I heard his strong voice behind me and I stopped in my tracks. There was finally a name attached with the face I saw every night in my sleep. I grabbed the scarf around my neck and pulled it apart in concentric circles. I barely turned around but flipped the scarf over my shoulder towards where Marvin and John were still standing.
“You can have your scarf back” I said to him as I realized that it must have fallen on the floor, missing him by at least a foot.
“I didn’t want it back” he said, but I had started walking away again. It was too much. All of this was too much to wrap my head around, understand and deal with. The shock of seeing him in America, in my college was bad enough. The shock of finding out that he knew who I was all along, was an additional pile-on that I just didn’t know how to process. For the first time as I stepped back outside I started thinking about how bad of an idea it had been to sleep with him. I shouldn’t have done something so out of character, I shouldn’t have taken that risk. Now I was left feeling disgusted with myself, embarrassed and betrayed.
I started walking back towards my student accommodation, I had forgotten all about meeting with my professor to discuss the notes I had made in the library. The thought of having Marvin in my life for at lest six more months, technically till the end of college, was increasingly seeming like the worst thing that could have happened to me.
*****
I had gingerly walked into class the next day and found Marvin sitting in the front, with John beside him. John had seen me walk into class and he waved at me to come over. Although usually I always sat in the front, this day I tried hard to inconspicuously slide into one of the seats right at the back.
All through class I could see Marvin’s sophisticated blonde haircut from the back, his wide neck and his strong shoulders stooped over the book he was taking notes in. I couldn’t concentrate. In fact I barely had any interest. All I could do was think about how embarrassing the whole situation was and what its consequences would be.
As I slipped out of class in haste, I felt a hand tug at my arm and I was whipped around. It was John, with a worried expression on his face.
“Amber. What’s the matter? I thought we were all friends here” he said softly, making sure that nobody else around us heard.
“Are you suddenly Marvin’s best friend are you?” I nearly yelled out to him. My fury was rising again, especially since I could see Marvin standing in front of a vending machine near by.
“I’m just being polite to him. Showing him around Amber” John said, he let my arm drop from his hands.
“Sure” I said curtly and crossed my arms across my chest. My flannel shirt felt soft and comforting against my skin. I had managed to tie my messy copper curls into a haphazard plait and it hung limp from over my right shoulder.
“I’m serious. I’ll stop if it’s this awkward for you” John continued and glared at him. He did look sorry to be fair.
“How is it not awkward John? How is it not awkward for him?” I blurted out and immediately regretted it as Marvin was now standing only a few feet away from us, eating some chips from a bag.
“Because he knew you. He didn’t think he was sleeping with a stranger. And it was consensual Amber” John replied. He had raised his voice as well.
“I know it was consensual. I just thought it was over. I didn’t think he’d appear here out of nowhere” I said, my voice dropping to a near whisper.
“Well, it might be unfortunate. But he’s here now and we can’t be rude to him” John said.
“You can be as not-rude to him as you like. I can’t join the bandwagon is all I’m saying” I said quickly and walked past him and then Marvin. Without giving him a look.
“Amber!” I heard Marvin call out. His English accent was even more thick and pronounced in my own familiar surroundings. I stopped when I heard his hurried footsteps catch up with me. I turned around to look at him with a raised eyebrow. He was wearing a plain black T-shirt today with his jeans. His pale muscular arms stuck out from the sleeves while the fabric of the T-shirt stretched across his wide chest and fell loose around his tapering flat abdomen.
“I didn’t mean to cause trouble” he said softly. He wasn’t smiling today and something inside me ached, I wanted to see him smile and hear him laugh. I pursed my lips instead and nodded my head.
“I get it. You didn't mean to cause trouble. But we can’t be friends okay?” I said quickly. Averting his eyes as much as I possibly could. I could feel him staring intently at my face and I wanted to run away to my room and hide under the covers. I was so afraid of my own feelings.
“Okay” I heard him say after a few seconds of silence. “I understand that this is all a surprise for you. I had no idea that you thought I was a stranger. I apologize that it didn’t work out the way you would have liked it to” he said, in the same soft gentle manner. I focused on his thick fingers and the big palm of his hands. I wanted him to hold my hands and lace his fingers through mine, the way he had unabashedly done that night in London.
“I’ll deal with it” is all I could say and turned away from him and walked away. He didn’t follow me, or call out to me anymore. I wish he had, or maybe it was good that he didn’t. Either way, I could feel a part of me dying with my retreating footsteps out of the department building. Till the moment that I didn’t know who he was, till the moment that I hadn’t seen him again, there was no hope and that was in some strange way-satisfying. Now that he was in my life, everyday, the absence of hope yet having him so close to me, made it harder. I couldn’t control my feelings or my sadness anymore. Marvin was the man I had spent a night of passion with in a foreign land. He was the one I wanted. Yet, it would be impossible.
I walked towards the library. John had clearly decided to be polite to a guest in the college and had chosen a handsome young charmer over myself. So now I was alone again. Well, at least if nothing else, I had graduation to look forward to. After that I had plans of working on my dissertation proposal and then another five to six years working on my PHD thesis and research. For some reason, this very prospect that made my heart race six months ago, depressed me now. I had tasted what romance felt like, I had tasted what it felt to laugh and run in the rain with somebody, I knew now what it meant to be cradled and hugged to sleep. I didn’t know anymore how to settle for anything less.
*****
It had been a week since I had last spoken to Marvin, or John. I was sitting on the steps of the library, sipping an Oreo milkshake through a straw. It had started to get dark and I was watching the setting sun in the horizon, past the tall tress which shaded this part
of the campus.
“I hope I’m not interrupting” I heard Marvin’s voice behind me. I turned my head around and craned my neck up to look at him. He was smiling again and it filled my heart with instant delight.
“Just watching the sun set” I said and looked away from him. I could sense him move and he sat down beside me, at least a foot away.
“It is gorgeous” he said and I turned to look at his profile. The fading light lit up his silhouette as he looked away towards the distance. He now had a bit of blonde stubble around his jaw, and he looked much older.
“Look. I’m sorry if I’ve made you feel uncomfortable” he said after neither of us had spoken for a few minutes.
“You don’t have to keep apologizing. It isn’t your fault. I’ve just been very stupid” I said and took another sip of my milkshake. He had turned to look at me and I caught his eyes, unwavering and strong. I don’t know where I had suddenly developed the strength to stare into his eyes and not worry about blushing.
“If you say so. But I don’t know why you think you were stupid. I thought we had a great time together”, he said and I watched as his red lips moved. I was drowning in his bright blue eyes and I didn’t care anymore.
“I don’t know either why I feel that way. I guess I just wanted an adventure and not have to worry about it. You know? Just get on with my life” I said and tore away from his gaze finally.
“Well, you still can. It’s not like I’ll stalk you forever” he said and I didn’t reply. I knew he was right but I didn’t know why I still felt like it had been a mistake. He had been nothing but charming and kind to me from the moment we had met.
“Is it because you’re feeling things that you didn’t expect a one-night-stand to make you feel?” he asked softly. His words came out in dribbles, shaking my world as I remained silent and chose to hang my head low. I concentrated on my leather boots instead.
“Because that is how I feel” Marvin said and I jerked my head up to look at him. I didn’t expect him to confess his feelings. I didn’t even know he had feelings!
“Yes” I said finally and blushed a bright red. Marvin smiled but looked away nonetheless.
“I knew we had a connection. I knew you were going to be more than just an adventurous drunken fling” I heard him say slowly.
“But I don’t want to feel this way” I said pleadingly. I was embarrassed by my own voice and my heart stopped beating when he moved himself closer to me. Our thighs were grazing now and he crept his hand over to mine, the one that was lying on my side. He engulfed my hand in his own big palms and I shut my eyes tight and looked away from him.
“It won’t be a disaster if you don't treat it like one” he said after a few minutes. Our hands were locked together, and I cold smell his cologne and my senses were reeling.
“You’re going to be gone in six months. This time you will actually be gone” I said, I could feel tears pricking my eyelids and I felt stupid. I couldn’t believe that the situation was making me cry. My hands were in his and all it did was break my heart.
“It doesn’t mean that it has to end what we can possibly build in six months. That is a lot of time” he said. He had leaned in closer to my ear and I could feel his breath on my cheek. I was so close to kissing him, but I was more interested in the words that were coming out of his mouth.
“What do you mean? How is it going to work if we are in two different continents Marvin?” I asked him, meeting his eyes daringly even though I could feel the pool of water around my eyes.
“We aren’t captives. We can decide what we want to do and where we want to do it. Nobody and nothing is holding me back in England for starters” he said hurriedly. I could see him trying to convince me with his words. In that moment all I wanted to do was throw my arms around his neck and bury my face in his chest.
“I like the sound of that” I finally managed to give him a smile and he smiled widely back at me.
“Good” he said and he didn’t ask permission, he just leaned in and bit my lower lip. Just when he was pulling away I grasped his neck with my hand and pulled him to me again, kissing him with a new found passion and hope. Marvin turned his body to face mine and pressed up closer to me. Even though we had layers of clothing between us I could feel the growing heat emanating from his body.
He broke away from me suddenly and laughed, just as he had done that first night at the end of the Tower Bridge. “You really know how to surprise me Amber” he said through his laughs and I couldn’t help but join him in laughter.
“I could say the same about you Marvin” I said when I managed to stop.
“Marvin. That name sounds good in your mouth” he said just before pulling me to him again and kissing my throat.
****
THE END
MOTORCYCLE CLUB Romance – Outlaw Biker’s Bride
Good people are hard to find, and sometimes you have to rely on bad people to get the job done. I was used to dealing with bad people. Jimmy wasn’t the worst, though. I had been used to much worse in my youth and I swore I’d never go back.
“Come on man, how much further,” I asked in a whisper.
He leaned around the corner of the alleyway.
“This is it, I think,” he replied.
When you’re desperate, you do a lot of dumb things. The dumb thing I was doing, this time, involved Jimmy, some dealers and a whole lot of drugs I had stashed in my jacket.
“Okay, just wait here. They don’t know I brought you, so don’t come out unless I say it’s safe. If this works out you’ll make an easy two-large,” he said.
I nodded and leaned against the wall. I just wanted this to be done so I could go home and relax. None of this would have been a problem if I hadn’t decided to quit my job. And, I probably wouldn’t have quit if my boss knew how to keep his hands to himself. Now I’m stuck with college tuition that I can’t afford.
Jimmy strode out from the alleyway, confidently. I was surprised he was able to muster up much of anything in this situation. I couldn’t stay my curiosity about where we were so I peeked around the corner as Jimmy had done.
I looked out to a loading dock, not particularly big, but large enough to fit a pair of small trucks inside. A few large men were standing around in the dim light that exuded from the dock interior, looking as intimidating as possible.
I wanted to laugh at how silly boys acted when they did things that some would consider illegal. They always seem to puff up their chest and show off their small muscles. If only they’d seen what I had seen in the past, they’d know what a real man looks like.
There I went again, thinking to myself about people I swore I’d never think about again. Like a splinter stuck in my mind, I always felt the need to pick at it. Some people are like that, too. You think you’ve managed to forget about them, but they’ll always come back, and usually it’s harder to forget them the second time.
I heard their voices echo in the darkness; another thing that boys liked to do when trying to sound tough, they always like to speak loud with deep voices. I smacked my head against the wall to stop thinking about it, and that just gave me a headache.
“Jimmy, what the hell are you doin’ here,” I heard from the tallest of the bunch, “you shoulda been here a while back. You’re late.”
“I …er … got your stuff,” he said, “I know it’s late, but I thought you might be able to make an exception this time?”
I could hear the trepidation in his voice. His cool exterior had already melted, and he was back to being the timid guy I always knew.
“Yeah? Then where is it?” replied the man with a sigh.
“It’s nearby,” Jimmy replied with a cracked voice, “I wanted to see the money first.”
The tall man cracked his knuckles and stared at Jimmy for a second, but then walked back inside. The silence was almost too much to bear for the few moments the man was gone, but then his footsteps echoed into the night again as he strode back onto the dock. I could barely mak
e out a small envelope in his hand.
“Where’s my stuff?” he asked again.
Jimmy smiled and motioned for me to come and join him, so I took a deep breath to center myself. I could feel my heart beating in my ears as I stepped out from behind the corner.
“Show them, Celia,” Jimmy said.
I reached into my purse and pulled out the bag he’d given me earlier and held it up. One of the brutes waddled over to me and grabbed the parcel, taking it to the man in charge.
I could make out the man’s face a little better now. I didn’t recognize it, but he looked chiseled and eastern European. The man in charge turned to me and smiled. It felt like he was eyeing me up. I didn’t like it in the slightest.
He held out the envelope, and the same brute from before took it and handed it to me.
I stayed silent as Jimmy took the envelope out of my hand and started counting the money. After a second, he turned to me and nodded.
“Let me give you guys a ride, wherever you want to go,” said the rich stranger.
“Whatever you say, Mr. Novak,” Jimmy said, hastily stuffing the envelope in his jacket pocket.
Mr. Novak turned to his phone and said something I couldn’t make out. Then a car pulled down the alley and toward the dock, but it wasn’t any car, it was a police car.