by Aria Sparke
On Saturday morning after eating an early breakfast, I slipped into the library, my favorite place in Anubis, before Flynn, Martin and Anya lured me to Wicklow for the day. Every time I crossed the campus to get there from the main building, I walked under a covered pathway thick with twining jasmine. The heady fragrance and picturesque scenery left me feeling I was stepping back in time. Once in the library, I was always drawn to the back corner with its comfortable old armchairs surrounded by shelves of ancient and leather-bound volumes, beside a series of arching windows that overlooked the ovals. I loved the natural light that spilled through the windows on the rare sunny days. My haven smelled of old furniture polish and books, which I’m sure appealed to a primitive part of my brain. I wished my mother could have visited me here and seen it because she had loved books and libraries too.
Nestled in one of the armchairs with the rain falling outside, I felt safe and content. Maybe this year would last forever. With my best friends, I could live in this sanctuary from sadness, suspended in time never having to face the adult world.
I knew Flynn, Martin and Anya would eventually find me, but by then I should have a couple of hours of solid study behind me. I hated to admit it, but I needed to spend more time poring over my books to learn and remember coursework. All three of them seemed to be blessed with unnaturally amazing memories. To achieve the grades I needed for medical school, I would have to work a lot harder. Although it was tough to admit that’s how it was. Already, I had the reputation of being conscientious, which was embarrassing, yet I could live with it so long as I reached my goal of being a doctor.
I’d brought my physics book and a pad for scribbling. Physics was my least favorite subject because frankly I was bad at it but knew if I conquered it at college, I wouldn’t need to study it in medical school. It was worth getting on top of early. I’d worked through a series of questions before being distracted by a movement outside, where it was drizzling again. Two people were walking together in the rain on the far oval making me wonder why they hadn’t taken umbrellas. As they crossed the oval and came closer, I saw a boy and girl with linked arms. Like a model, the girl wore leather boots, a lime-colored coat and her long hair hung over her shoulders while he wore a black jacket and jeans. Although the rain was falling harder now, they stopped and hugged. As I gazed at them through raindrops hitting the window pane, the scene blurred like a watercolor painting. He pulled her dark hair back from her face and gave her a kiss. Now the image looked like a scene from a romantic film. I was happy for them. Sighing, I tried to focus on the physics problem, but curiosity got the better of me. I wish it hadn’t. The couple were closer now and I could see their faces clearly. Flynn and Anya were walking back to the main building.
Shock spread through my body followed by a wave of nausea. Overwhelmed, I stood on wobbly legs and rushed to the library window to make sure I hadn’t mistaken Martin for Flynn. After gathering my books, I ran through the library not caring that the librarian was watching me over her glasses. I sprinted across the jasmine-covered walkway and through the back entrance to the stairs. Without stopping, I climbed two steps at a time all the way to the women’s floor. When I reached my door, I noticed Martin coming in my direction wearing a white hoodie that was obviously dry. There was no mistaking it; I’d definitely seen Flynn outside. Gaping like a goldfish, I tried to slow my breathing.
‘Lily, I’ve been looking for you. I didn’t see you at breakfast. Have you seen Anya?’
I folded my arms while trying to stay composed.
‘Are you okay?’
‘Fine,’ I managed. ‘I’ve been in the library ... and out of breath from climbing the stairs. Might be coming down with flu.’
‘But you’re coming to Wicklow with us, aren’t you?’
‘No, sorry, I’m not well enough.’
He seemed disappointed. ‘Is there anything I can get you? Aspirin, lemons, tissues?’
Only a lobotomy would erase what I had seen. ‘Will you tell the others, please?’
He looked uncertain and concerned as I unlocked my door.
‘I’ll be fine ... just need to rest,’ I lied. Once safely in my room, I locked the door and threw myself on the bed.
Flynn was my first real boyfriend, although we had never used the words boyfriend, girlfriend or love. I thought it was understood. How could I have been so stupid and naive? How long had Flynn and Anya been an item? My tears began like a storm cloud threatening to burst. It was unbearable. A series of images kept playing in my mind of Flynn laughing, talking, hugging, kissing ... They were all lies, while I was an idiot child dying inside.
Now I knew Flynn Cooper was a mirage. He probably held off telling me because of Mom’s death and had grown chicken-hearted since then. How long had he and Anya planned to string me on and keep this lie going? What a pair of consummate actors.
Before Flynn had come along, I was independent. Sure, I’d often felt a little lonely and out of step with the others at school and their relationship dramas. But I’d honestly believed true friendship and romance would come once I was through medical school and had the time to devote to someone special. He’d been a crutch to get me through the worst weeks of my life, but now I had to be strong and stand on my own two feet again. I could and would do it. There was no way I’d let a man define or diminish me.
Angrily, I threw clothes, shoes and books in my bag. This time I refused to be a victim and succumb to misery. I would walk from here if I couldn’t get a lift. I didn’t care how long it would take to get back to Wicklow. I’d walk into the night if necessary. I had enough money from the couple renting my house to stay in a motel to think about my next step. Maybe I could catch a bus back to Florida and cut every tie with this wretched place. There was no way I could stay with people who had pretended to be my close friends yet had betrayed me so completely.
When I’d calmed and regained composure, I headed for the foyer. With luck, I could make an easy getaway before I was spotted by anyone. Most people would assume I was going home for the weekend. I’d almost succeeded when a male voice called my name.
‘Lily.’ The voice echoed in the foyer.
I turned slowly to face the dean. ‘Hello, Dean Ruberio.’ It was like being caught in a spotlight.
‘Please call me Alexis.’
I smiled weakly.
‘I hear you’re unwell.’
I was stunned and unsettled news had traveled so quickly and especially that he knew.
‘Don’t look so surprised. We ask students to sign out at the desk.’
I tried not to seem disgruntled.
‘We’re not your keepers. It’s just a security measure in case someone goes missing or doesn’t make it home after the weekend.’
I remembered the woman who had been murdered in Wicklow and realized it was a reasonable practice.
‘Your friend Martin mentioned to Mrs. Hasham that you weren’t going with them and asked if someone could check on you.’
Friend? I wondered about Martin too. Surely he knew what was going on in his twin brother’s life especially as Flynn had said they were close. I relaxed a fraction as I saw a way out. ‘Actually I’m much better. I thought I might go to town.’
‘Indeed, how are you getting there?’
Caught.
He glanced at my overstuffed bag but said nothing.
My face betrayed me by heating up.
‘Before you head off, would you be able to spare a few minutes for a cup of tea and chat?’
Like a compliant but wary child, I nodded.
After he welcomed me into his room, it was like stepping back in time. A large desk sat in front of arched windows overlooking the front lawn like those in the library. On the other side of the room, chairs and a brown leather sofa sat around a crackling fire in a semi-circle. Floor to ceiling bookcases lined the room, and a large globe stood in the center like a symbol of tradition and stability. It was a glorious room I would have enjoyed exploring if I wasn’t on g
uard.
‘Nice room.’ Struggling to think of something to say, I noticed a pot of tea and plate of biscuits sat near the fireplace. Had he seen me coming?
‘Please take a seat by the fire.’
I chose the green and white wingback armchair closest to the door for a quick escape.
‘How are you settling in, Lily?’ His accent was stronger than I remembered from the formal dinner.
‘Very well, thank you, Mr. Rub ..., I mean, Alexis.’ It was ridiculous calling someone so young Mr. anything.
His dark blue eyes were intense. ‘Are your courses going well?’ Like so many of the Wicklowians at Anubis, Alexis was tall and handsome with the same chalky complexion and dark hair. It was as though they had sprung off a factory assembly line.
I nodded and thanked him for the tea he handed me as a wave of relaxation swept over me.
‘I hear you have medical aspirations?’ He spoke like a much older man.
‘Yes, as long as I get the grades.’
‘Wonderful.’ Sitting on the old leather sofa, he stretched his long legs in front of the fire.
The clock ticked loudly, its rhythm calming and mesmerizing.
‘I’ve had time to read a little of your history.’
My body betrayed me by flinching although I should have seen it coming. No doubt Mrs. Allan from Wicklow High had been contacted as I had included no personal details in my application. Did he want me to elaborate? In awkward silence, I waited for him to make the next move, yet he didn’t seem bothered.
‘I was saddened by your story. Are you coping?’
‘I think so.’
‘You were incredibly brave to tackle finals while dealing with such devastating grief.’
Alexis sounded genuine, but what would I know about reading people and their behavior? Look at Flynn and Anya, snakes in the grass posing as friends.
‘When my mother died, I was about your age and left Lithuania and everything I’d ever known to begin a new life here. It was very difficult, but believe me, Lily, life will get better, I promise. Use the strength you’ve already discovered and keep moving foward.’
‘Thank you.’ Tears prickled my eyes as I decided I liked Alexis Ruberio. With his lovely relaxed nature, warmth and calming voice, he was someone I might confide in.
‘If you need help, we have a counselor who visits through the week. You could make an appointment through Mrs. Hasham and if you ever need to talk, my door is always open to all the students at Anubis College.’
‘I will.’ And I think I meant it.
Following my chat with Alexis Ruberio, he showed me to the office door, and I found my anger and turmoil had eased enough to walk back upstairs.
‘Changed your mind about going to Wicklow for the weekend?’ he called in a lighter-hearted tone from the foyer.
‘Yes, the weather looks like it’s setting in. Maybe next week. Thanks, Alexis.’
‘Excellent.’
I hoped he was right about life getting better. As I climbed the steps with a heavy heart, I reminded myself how strong I was and how I would become even more so in the coming year. Medicine would be my salvation, delivering me from sadness and loss and carrying me to a real and positive future. I ran the image through my mind of me in a white lab coat with a stethoscope dangling from my neck—cool, efficient, loved, successful ....
One day Flynn Cooper would regret losing me. By then I’d be living on that sunny beach in my luxurious beach house and I’d have my pick of real men.
* * *
CHAPTER 10
The Chair
Surprised by my ability to cope with my separation from Flynn, I didn’t whisper a word to him or Anya about seeing their rainy rendezvous. When they returned from Wicklow, I pretended I’d recovered from the flu, but from that moment on I kept Flynn at arm’s length by ducking, weaving and making excuses. As the days passed, I noticed the hurt and confusion growing in his eyes, yet I didn’t relent and secretly enjoyed it. A week later, Flynn confronted me.
After dinner I’d filled the bath and thrown in some of the scented bubble lotion Anya had given me. I removed my robe and slipped into the warm water only to smell lilies again. Maybe it was all in my head. Closing my eyes and emptying my mind, I let the warmth and scent carry me away until startled by the door handle rattling.
‘Here you are.’
‘Flynn, what are you doing here? How did you get in?’ I could have sworn the door was locked, yet he didn’t have a key.
‘Sorry, did I surprise you?’
I scooped the bubbles over me. ‘You can’t just barge in here.’
‘The door was unlocked. When you didn’t answer, I was worried.’ Flynn perched on the edge of the bath with his back to me. ‘Look Lily, I’m really worried about you. Are you okay?’
Seething under the bubbles, I wanted to kick him through the wall. ‘I’m fine.’
‘Is it something I said or did? Please, I know something’s bothering you.’
I suppressed a laugh.
Flynn stood and walked behind me.
‘What are you doing?’
I felt his fingertips on my neck like soft electricity and his warm breath in my ear. With gentle hands, he stroked, squeezed and released my shoulders. ‘Just relax.’
For a few moments I was helpless and intoxicated. Inhaling deeply and with huge will, I jerked away from him and the spell snapped.
One of his hands slid further.
‘Stop! Stop it right now and give me the towel over there.’ If it had been a month earlier, his advance would have been welcome, but now I was enraged.
Flynn retracted his hands immediately and scurried to the rack where he grabbed the towel and then handed it over. ‘I’ll wait in the bedroom.’ His tone was sheepish.
I didn’t care if he’d changed his mind about Anya because it was all about trust. As far as I was concerned it was too late.
Dripping with water, I wrapped the large towel around my body and stormed into the bedroom. Flynn stared at my bare shoulder with a strange expression, his eyes wild and mind seemingly in another world.
‘Get out! Get out!’ I screamed, no longer wishing to hear any feeble excuse or attempt to placate.
Jolted from his trance, he backed up to the door. ‘I’m sorry, Lily, I didn’t mean it.’
He didn’t mean it? Walking with Anya in the rain or staring at my bare shoulder like a hungry wolf? In any case, it didn’t matter because I was finished with him. Tomorrow I had my first counseling session with Dr. Leah Acres and hoped she could shed some light on the obvious flaws in Flynn’s cold reptilian brain.
* * *
Mrs. Hasham had booked me in to see Dr. Acres in a free period after biology class, so not wanting to miss a moment; I rushed across campus. The counseling room was tucked in among the old residences behind the library. Hurrying down a dark corridor, I almost bumped into Martin coming from the clinic.
‘Hi Lily, I haven’t seen you for a couple of days. You weren’t in our psych class yesterday.’
‘I’m still getting over the flu. I’ve got to see the doctor,’ I lied. ‘Are you okay?’
‘Fine. Just getting some shots.’ He grinned disarmingly. ‘Don’t want to catch the flu.’
I nodded. ‘I’ll see you around.’ Although I liked this caring side of Martin, he possessed the same DNA as Flynn and was doomed to be bad news too. Although probably unreasonable, I was determined to keep clear of both Coopers. I knocked on the clinic door and was greeted by a pear-shaped, elderly Asian woman in a lab coat with flawless, makeup-free skin and her hair pulled back in a taut bun. She fitted my expectations perfectly, so I immediately relaxed.
‘Hello, Dr. Acres, I’m Lily Winter.’
She smiled and welcomed me into the room.
At one end of the office was a standard desk and examination couch, but at the other end was a dental chair, drip stands, cabinets and a huge refrigeration unit.
‘My apologies, I’m sharing faciliti
es with the college dentist and the kitchen, so it’s a little crowded.’ She smiled as though it were a joke.
Anticipating her questions, I tried to deflect attention to her. ‘Have you been here at Anubis long?’
‘Since it started about four years ago. I’m only part time because I spend part of the week in a medical practice in town.’ Her quiet voice and calm demeanor soothed me.
After she’d taken details and delved into my history, she looked at me directly and spoke in a soft voice, ‘You’ve been through a lot, Lily. I’m truly sorry for your loss. No one should have to deal with the tragedies you have alone, but I can see and hear you have amazing strength. The fact you’re here at Anubis fighting for your dreams so soon after enduring devastating tragedy tells me so much about your character and resilience. I’ve no doubts you’ll make a great doctor.’
‘Thank you.’ Her words of encouragement and compassion fell into the cold and shadowy recesses of my mind, lighting and warming them.
‘Would you to like to talk about your parents?’
I looked away. ‘Not really.’ It was far too soon and perhaps would always be.
‘That’s okay, Lily, you don’t have to. Perhaps you’d rather tell how you’re getting on at Anubis.’
‘Yeah, sure.’ I talked about Flynn although I didn’t give his name. Anger was something I almost relished in contrast to grief and emptiness. I explained how we’d grown close over a short time, but I was now feeling betrayed by my closest friends. Dr. Acres conveyed warmth and sympathy in a motherly way that helped me reveal my innermost thoughts and fears.
‘Should I confront him?’
‘I don’t know if you need to confront your friend. How about just talking to him because there’s a chance you misinterpreted what you saw.’
Dr. Acre’s suggestion seemed logical but filled me with anxiety as my mind jumped to an imagined picture of a contrite Flynn begging for forgiveness. Right now I preferred the image of me poking his eyes out.