“I need to find my strength again.” It’s like it vanished into the air.
“Ellie, baby girl. Sit, and I’ll get you something to eat. Run you a bath, anything you want. You don’t have to talk to him, sweetheart. You owe him nothing. You owe yourself everything. Don’t you let that beautiful mind of yours take you back to that night, do you hear me? You are strong, a survivor.”
Renita is here. Oh, thank God.
She must have caught the first flight home she could get.
I barely remember Norah calling her last night. The last thing I recall was our neighbor Eric helping me out of the car, and up the stairs and the minute my feet hit the landing, I ran to my bathroom, dropped to my knees and threw up. I sobbed while Norah held onto my hair and held me, and Eric apologized over and over that he thought I knew Logan was married. He carried me to bed, and I bawled into the crook of Norah’s neck until I couldn’t see through my bloodshot and puffy eyes.
“I’m sorry once again, Ellie.” I hear Eric as he continues to speak, but I’m not sure what he’s saying. It sounds distant and muffled.
Panic.
It’s clawing up my chest and squeezing.
I clamp my eyes shut, my mind searching for anything to grasp hold of and hang on. I see nothing but the painful scars Whitney split open, and here I thought if I saw her again, I’d stand my ground and kill her.
I have to get out of here. I need to run far away.
Fear rushes through my veins, and a strange, intense sensation rises and slithers down my legs. I swallow hard, body shaking out of my control in a shroud of fear.
What if Shadow knows where I am? What if he’s standing outside the door? What if he comes after me in the dead of night?
An invisible hand clasps over my mouth, and in an instant, I’m back to that night, the night where I was raped and beaten.
I gag, my skin itching to be clean.
I recall how my body jarred with each dirty thrust that tore through me, how the pain seared through my skin and took away every feeling of safety I ever had.
It was brutal.
My death sentence. That’s what it felt like, and I escaped it for so long. Now it’s back with a vengeance that rips right through my core of strength.
Anxiety.
I can feel it constructing like a snowball in the pit of my stomach. Rolling and rolling as it grows into a giant ball that smashes against my insides and takes the air out of my lungs.
It slams into my heart, building a wall that cages in dread, horror, and that ungodly emotion that never goes away.
Terror.
I’m surrounded by these emotions. I can’t get away. Can’t claw my way out.
They are uncaring and controlling and drowning me.
“Ellie, are you alright?” someone asks.
No. I’m not. I think I’m in the middle of a panic attack.
“Help,” I squeak, having no idea if anyone hears me or not — my legs wobble. Everything inside of me goes tight.
I feel my ribs crowding as if bound by ropes, straining to inflate my lungs. My head is a container of disarray spinning and spinning and pushing my mind into blackness.
I want to run far away.
I turn to face Eric, Norah, and Renita, the three of them giving me sympathetic eyes.
“Help me; I can’t catch my breath. Oh, God. He’s coming. Shadow is coming.”
Everything begins to spin, and it feels as if the ground is giving away under my feet. I collapse onto my hands and knees, my breathing shallow and quick.
Not long ago, I wondered how much more I could take before I broke.
I’m breaking, and until Whitney and Shadow are both dead, I might never be able to put myself together again.
Chapter 4
Logan
“I asked you to kill Shadow, and I expect you to follow through. There is nothing I won’t do to keep Ellie safe from that evil. That includes taking out your wife if I have to. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
I sit here like the bastard I am, trapped in the chair by a stare from the woman sitting on the couch directly across from me. Renita has her hands clasped in her lap, her mouth set in a hard line, and those amusing words are the first she’s spoken since showing up at my place an hour ago. Of course, with the detail I have on her, I knew she was heading my way. Half expected it anyway. The woman is much like me with protecting those she cares about.
When I opened my front door after I told the guards at the front gate to send her up, Renita stood in front of me and told me I had one chance to make her believe I wasn’t conspiring with Shadow and Whitney. She didn’t give me an ultimatum, didn’t tell me whether Ellie knows she’s here, she waltzed in and took a seat and hasn’t moved.
Without hesitation, everything between Whitney and me poured out of my mouth. From the day I met her until the other night when Ellie found out the truth. The only thing I left out is the sordid details.
“If you’re wanting to know if I’m planning on killing Whitney, the answer is yes. As soon as I know she isn’t pregnant. I had to see Ellie first before I did anything else.” Whether she believes it or not, that’s the truth.
Renita’s shoulders slump, and she raises both hands to her temples rubbing them in slow circles, her mask of strength slipping away a bit as her throat moves and she swallows against what I’m assuming is worry and anger. It’s obvious she doesn’t trust me, I mean why the hell would she after what I’ve done, but fuck if I’m not going to do everything to rectify that.
Earlier today, when I tried to get Ellie to open her door and talk to me, Eric, one of the club’s bartenders and a good friend to Ellie and Norah, came pushing through the door leading to their apartment and told me to get the fuck out of there. That I had done enough damage, and even though he has every right to be pissed, there was no way in hell I was listening to him, or anyone else, keep me from Ellie.
I had him by the collar and was ready to knock him out. That is, until I glanced up the stairs and saw Ellie on the floor, her knees to her chest, arms wrapped around them as she rocked back and forth. Tears were streaming down her face, and Renita and Norah were trying to calm her down as she screamed words that will haunt me until the day I die.
I released my hands and dropped to the ground.
“Don’t let them hurt me.” She repeated over and over.
Ellie’s suffering, her sobs and pleas charred through me like white-hot fire. Scorching and ripping me apart.
I must have caught her eye because when she looked at me, I forgot how to breathe, and I lost my mind as well as my soul when she said, “I don’t want to see him. Someone make him leave.” Ellie’s tone was filled with terror as she stared at me with unfocused eyes.
I needed to pull her into my arms and comfort her, to make her understand, but when she let loose a terrifying cry, I took several steps back until I made sure she couldn’t see me. Eric didn’t say anything more. He shook his head and slammed the door in my face.
I wanted to shout a thousand apologies, to tell her to let me carry the pain and never see her look broken and beyond my reach again.
I didn’t.
I came home, called each floor manager at the club to make sure they could handle things for a few days and relieved Gabe from making sure Whitney didn’t use her sharp teeth to break free from where I had her tied up, gagged, and caged like a stray dog outside with fleas.
I was about to bring Whitney in for a bit more torture when Renita showed.
“After what you put Ellie through, why should I believe you?” Doubt trips through her voice. I hear it loud and clear. This hard woman, who threatened to kill me a few weeks ago if I hurt Ellie, needs a bit more reassurance. Can’t blame her for that. After all, I’m the one who crashed her girl’s world. Left her thinking the worst in me.
If I thought I was a piece of shit before, pretty sure I smell like it to Renita right about now.
“If you don’t believe me, you can see for y
ourself.”
Standing, I pull a key out of my pocket and bend forward to hand it to her. Taking it, she lifts her brows, studying it briefly before she says, “What is this for?”
This isn’t the time to chuckle, can’t seem to stop myself when I think of how stupid Whitney is and the predicament she’s in. She’ll be smelling this place up if I don’t get a move on and find out if she’s pregnant. I’d let her rot and get eaten by wild animals if I didn’t have an end goal.
Ellie. I need her like nothing I’ve ever needed before.
“Whitney is tied up and sweating her ass off in a dog cage on the other side of the pool house. If I cared about her, do you think she’d be out there stinking up the air? Plus, you don’t have a choice not to believe me, Renita. If I don’t kill Whitney, she’ll never let Ellie have peace, and I’m not about to let that happen. I fell for a woman I should have been honest with from the beginning, I will never forgive myself for hurting Ellie, but I’ll be damned if I let Whitney live.” My voice is hard, filled with determination.
There’s no need to elaborate as to why Whitney has to die. Renita knows better than anyone the life Ellie lived before and leading up to what Shadow did.
“I’d invite you to come to watch, Renita. You might be a hardass, but what I plan on doing to Whitney won’t be done with a single bullet to her head.” I haven’t quite figured out how I’m going to end her life. Only thing I know, it won’t be a clean death.
“I’ll pass. If I see that psychotic woman, I’ll kill her, and by the story you just told me, it sounds like you should have the honor of putting that woman out of her misery. Do me a favor and bury her alive. Scalp her. I don’t care how you kill her; you make sure it gets done. You make sure she feels helpless and pain. Don’t you go easy on Whitney because she’s a woman.” She hands me back my key. Lips are vaguely showing a hint of a half-smile. Her way of thinking boosts my lips into a grin.
Renita had my respect before; she built it more by getting a small laugh and a smile out of me when not a damn thing about the mess I’ve created is funny. Except Whitney dying, of course.
“You don’t have a thing to concern yourself about when it comes to Whitney, Renita. She’ll get what’s coming to her. I’m straying off course here. How’s your sister?” Word got to me Renita flew back from taking care of her sister who broke a leg and an arm. I might be a piece of shit, but I’d be an asshole if I didn’t ask.
“She’s more concerned about Ellie than she is herself. I’m working on trying to get her here, and before you offer your help. The answer is no. I’ve been taking care of my own for years. I do appreciate you asking.”
I wasn’t going to offer help, but now that she mentioned it. I’ll have her sister here as soon as I can.
Renita leans forward, and goddamn the look on her face is filled with something I can’t quite put my finger on.
A lesson, that’s what she’s about to deliver.
“Let me tell you a little something, Logan, just because you’re going to kill the spawn of a poisonous snake and protect my girls and me from a man filled with more venom than Whitney and her mother combined. Does not give you the right to toss the word choice in my face when you made a bad one. If you choose the wrong fork in the road, you turn around and take the right one. You do not steer someone else in the direction they shouldn’t have to go. I despise your way of thinking. I can’t even fathom the lifestyle you live. I loathe the choice you made to marry that monster, and I should hate you for what you’ve done to Ellie, but for some ungodly reason, I’m choosing to see past your poor decisions. I won’t look past another bad one when it comes to Ellie again.”
I knew I liked Renita for not only taking Ellie in but also because this woman doesn’t pump sunshine up someone’s ass.
Renita is strong and outspoken. A dark angel who hides her wings well. A woman who just handed my ass to me.
“You’re right. I won’t argue with you. I respect you too much. I also care about Ellie more than you believe right now. My lifestyle choice is something I won’t apologize to you or anyone. You have a right not to like it, same as Ellie, but you’ll get this once from me, and that’s it. I gave up the whoring before I met Ellie. The only way I’ll give up working is if Ellie asked me to. We both know she never would.”
In a way, I wish she’d toss out the ultimatum. I’d snatch it before the words hit the air.
Shame and blame. My best friends come back and spread through my chest like wildfire, searing me from the inside out as I think about my actions.
“She wouldn’t and do you know why? Ellie isn’t the type to judge. She’s the type to love with her whole heart. She deserves someone to give theirs back in return. You trampled on her soul. You tell me what kind of man does that?”
Something cold bathes my veins; my chest squeezes painfully. Guilt slithering out from the depths of my disgraceful despair, both so damn strong I’m certain I don’t have the strength to handle the way I hurt Ellie.
“A coward.” My voice is calm when I’m the opposite inside. Ellie makes me feel as if I haven’t been fully awake for years. I’ve been walking around half dazed while making choices that could cost me her.
Regret slides right into my bones.
“Fair enough. I want to add that doubt doesn’t belong inside of you, Logan. You might want to keep that in mind. Doubt is a traitor. It stirs the emotional pot and it’ll piss all over you if you let it. Now, tell me about Shadow, what are your plans for him? Does he know where Ellie is?”
That same question has been spinning in my head for hours. I’m not prepared to talk about Shadow, not until I find out who is helping Whitney. It could be him doing some dirty work from inside for all I know. I have a feeling in my stomach it is. The cocksucker doesn’t have any friends on the outside. Doesn’t mean he can’t manipulate people as well as his sister, and until Rocco gets word from his source, I’m stuck trying to pry it out of Whitney. She won’t cave, not after the hell I’m putting her through.
“I don’t know if he does or doesn’t. Not yet anyway. Shadow will get what’s coming to him, Renita.”
Worry strains her eyes and she blinks away tears. There’s something else there too, something I’ve seen staring back at me for years.
Fault.
Shit, it stings seeing Renita’s eyes shine with it and mixing with those tears that slowly start to fall. About sick of those of us who have no control over others taking the blame, especially coming from a woman who should feel the opposite.
“At least we have several months to figure his plans out. The security on us now is for what then, the women from your club? Don’t lie to me, boy. Not ever again.”
“Yes.” I let the partial lie roll off my tongue without feeling guilty. I won’t give Renita anything more to worry about. Detail will stay on them all until I know who is working with Whitney.
Besides, my phone blew up all through the night with texts from a few women asking if it was true that Whitney was back. Sticking their noses into my business wondering if the two of us were working things out, and what was to come of Ellie. I didn’t answer a single one. I blocked them all. Fuck ‘em, I don’t owe them shit.
That’s how these gold-digging bitches are though. They dig around and pester until they find out information or make shit up. They want what they want, money and power, and the ability to live in a world where they can have their cake and eat it too. I don’t trust a single one of the regulars I fucked before Ellie. Even though none of them have harmed her or said a word, it doesn’t mean they won’t do everything they can to see she doesn’t come back around.
I knew the women I fucked were predatory, I’ve seen them in action with Whitney. She didn’t give a shit because she was one of them — a specific breed who will fuck anyone to get ahead. It wasn’t until I started seeing Ellie that true colors came out of a few of them. It started with Lauren on the day of Lexi’s birthday party. She and others believe they are entitled to own some
thing that never belonged to them, and they will stop at nothing if they think it will bring me back to them.
Renita blows out a sigh, her stiff shoulders sagging a little and her lips start trembling. I have a feeling she’s about to dump that fault in my lap.
“When Norah called to tell me what happened, the first thing that ran through my mind was, I have to get to my girl; if I don’t, I’m going to lose Ellie to her past again.”
Just hearing her say that rips me apart.
“I was there when her mother married Ellie’s father. I knew from day one Whitney and Shadow were full of an incurable sickness. Those two kids and Elizabeth had evil in their eyes. Snakes like cobras, uncoiling with heads popping up, and tongues hissing out. I didn’t dare turn my back on them, or they’d strike me dead. Every day they made my blood run cold. I watched them like a hawk. I did everything I could to keep my eye on Ellie, and when her father died, they bit, and they destroyed. I lost my mind worrying about what they might do to her until I had her in my arms again.” She pauses to catch her breath while I struggle to breathe.
“When Ellie came to live with me, I was set to have both girls switch schools. I didn’t want either of them around Shadow and Whitney. Ellie refused. Told me they were not going to push her around. Whitney tried like hell to break Ellie. Shadow stalked her, he followed her, he scared the hell out of her, but she never let it show. You’re aware of all this, Logan. I could sit here until daybreak telling you things. None of it will change what they did to her. None of it will take away the guilt from my soul that I didn’t protect that girl. They broke her once. I’ll be damned if I let them do it once more. You find out what that son of a bitch has planned, and you take him out before he gets to her. Snakes are afraid of humans, but they’ll kill you if you threaten them. If Shadow knows about you and Ellie, you’re a threat to him. Cold-blooded does not mean stupid. He is far from it.”
Undone (Unbound Trilogy Book 2) Page 4