“That bad, huh? JoAnn told me that Jess wrote to her about what a wonderful singer I am, but she wasn’t sure if she should believe it, because Jess is tone deaf. She said actual deaf people aren’t as tone deaf as Jess is.”
“Yeah, she really is that bad. But I love her, so I listened to her as if she wasn’t breaking my eardrums.”
Kendall laughed, shaking his head. “I don’t know that I could have done that, even out of love.”
“Well, when you love someone, you want them to be happy. I knew it would hurt her feelings if I ran screaming into the night, so I listened and smiled.”
“I guess that’s true.”
Theodore looked at his friend. “Exactly where is this going, Kendall? What do you hope to achieve with this conversation?”
“I don’t know. I guess I wanted to figure out whether I’m in love.”
“How am I supposed to answer that? I don’t live inside your head! How do you feel when you’re apart from her? Can you imagine spending the rest of your life with her?”
Kendall nodded. “Sure can. I can imagine having her at my side, playing her fiddle, every day for the rest of our lives. I can imagine children and grandchildren.”
“Sounds good. Now try to imagine your life without her in it.”
“I’d rather not.”
Theodore smiled. “I think you have your answer.”
“I guess I do.” What he didn’t know was how he felt about it. Should he be in love with a woman who couldn’t cook or clean? All she seemed to do really well is play music and sing. And kiss. Wow, the woman could kiss. And when she smiled at him, he felt like the sun had come out after a week of rain.
“Are you going to tell her when you get home?”
“Shouldn’t she tell me first? What if she doesn’t love me?” Kendall couldn’t imagine baring his feelings like that, only to find out she didn’t return his love.
“I think it’s fine for you to tell her first.”
“How did you know Jess loved you?”
Theodore sighed. “Well, you have to remember that I’ve known Jess since she was a little girl. She followed me around at recess with lovesick eyes, and one day she followed me home from school. She made up some kind of crazy excuse, but I knew then she had feelings for me. Some women are fickle and love ten men in a lifetime, but not my Jessica. I knew she was in love with me from that day on. When Mom brought her out here to marry me, Jess thought I’d already agreed, and she was mortified.”
Kendall tried to imagine JoAnn in the same situation, but he couldn’t. JoAnn would have turned right around and gotten back on the train, or stolen a horse, or tried to train Mickey—err, Monty Moose to wear a saddle and carry a passenger. “That must have been really hard for her.”
“I didn’t handle it well either. But we spent time together during the week she was forced to stay here, and we made it work. By the time Thursday rolled around again, and the train came into town, I knew I couldn’t let her go. Ever. We belong together.”
“I’ve thought so since the moment I first saw you two together. And from the first second I tasted her bread.” Kendall sighed. “Someone needs to teach JoAnn to cook the way Jess does.”
Theodore looked over at Kendall for a moment. “Be careful about asking her to get better at things. I worry that it will make her feel as if she’s not good enough just the way she is.”
Kendall shook his head. “Not my JoAnn. She knows I think everything about her is perfect.”
“I hope you’re right.”
After her cooking lessons for the day, JoAnn went out to the woods and practiced target shooting. She’d never actually loaded the gun herself, but Kendall had shown her how twice, and she was sure she could handle it.
When she squeezed the trigger the first time, she remembered why she hated shooting so much. The gun kicked back at her, making her hand throb. Never mind, though. Before Kendall took her shooting again, she would be proficient with his handgun. She hoped to never have to shoot a living creature—but if she had to, she’d be able to, and that seemed to be the most important thing Kendall wanted from her.
As she fired over and over, she kept missing the target. As she loaded the gun for what would have to be her final time that day, she grumbled under her breath. “He hates when I shoot with my eyes closed, but that’s the only thing that works for me. Let me see if it was just a fluke, or if it’s a consistent thing.”
She aimed, closed her eyes, and shot. Her mark was right there in the center of the target. Again and again, she shot with her eyes closed, never missing. Well apparently, that was the only way she could shoot, and Kendall would just have to be proud of her that she could do it at all.
As she thought it, she knew she’d come back and try over and over again. She wanted to make him happy, and shooting with her eyes closed didn’t accomplish that.
She made sure there were no more bullets in the chamber and tucked the gun into the waistband of her skirt, wondering what her mother would think if she could see her. She cooked every day, played the fiddle, and shot a gun. Her life was so different here than it had been back in Ottawa, so much fuller and richer. She wouldn’t go back to being the pampered daughter of a businessman for anything at all.
As she rushed back to the house to start supper, the sky opened up and the rain poured down onto her. She stopped where she was, shaking her fist at the sky. She would be soaked to the skin before she got home, and drying and changing her clothes would take longer than she had available to her. Supper would be late. How could she possibly be the perfect wife her husband needed her to be by fixing supper late?
When Kendall walked into the house an hour later, JoAnn’s wet hair was drawn up into a bun. He looked at her for a moment, feeling the love wash over him. She was the most important thing in his life, but he didn’t know how to tell her. How had she become more important than work and music when he’d only known her ten days? There was something awfully special about her that he couldn’t turn away from.
He walked to her and swept her into a kiss, pleased when she clung to his shoulders. “Supper’s going to burn if you keep doing that!” she said, laughter in her eyes.
He sighed. “Sometimes supper doesn’t matter as much as kissing my wife.”
JoAnn laughed softly. “Tonight it matters more. Get your wet clothes off before it’s time to eat.”
“How long will it be?”
“I got caught in the rain too, so I got a later start than I wanted. About thirty minutes or so until it’s ready.”
He nodded, walking toward the bedroom. “I’ll change then.”
While he changed, JoAnn worked on the dinner she’d so carefully planned. Pork chops, mashed potatoes, carrots, and fresh bread. It was her first time frying pork chops, and she hoped she’d done it right. She was nervous, because she wanted everything perfect for him, but whether that would happen was up to chance. She’d done what she could.
Kendall picked up his guitar after changing, sitting down at the table to strum a song. He now knew the names of all the chords he’d been playing for years, and he couldn’t wait until they had their next music lesson. Now he could not only play, but he knew what he was doing as he played as well. Who could ask for more?
JoAnn set the table while he played, trying not to be distracted by the music. What was wrong with her that she couldn’t listen to music without singing, dancing, or grabbing an instrument? Other people could just enjoy it, so it had to be a problem with her.
As soon as the table was set and the food on it, she turned to him. “I made something new today, but Jess helped me, so I think it turned out all right.” She was always worried when they sat down to the table. She had to be perfect so he would love her.
Kendall grinned at her, taking her hand and pulling her toward him. “I’m sure it’s as wonderful as my beautiful new wife.”
JoAnn smiled, but inside she felt terrible. She was anything but wonderful, and she should be. For Kendall.<
br />
9
For the next couple of weeks, JoAnn put all her efforts into cooking, cleaning, and learning to shoot. There was one event where she and Kendall had played music for the others, but that was really the only time she’d picked up either of her instruments. She even stopped singing while she was working around the house as she concentrated on her chores, knowing that they needed her full attention if she was going to be the best wife she could be.
They’d been married for about three weeks when Kendall came home at the end of a long day to find supper waiting for him on the stove, and JoAnn sitting at the table, her head resting on her arms. It took him a minute to realize she was sound asleep.
He contemplated for a minute about whether or not to wake her, but finally decided that he needed to or she’d be very uncomfortable. Her neck would be stiff if she slept that way for long. “JoAnn?”
She jumped at his voice. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to fall asleep. Supper’s ready.” She was mortified. It took so much effort to keep the house perfect at all times that she had fallen asleep waiting for him. She sprang out of the chair and hurried to the stove, stirring the chicken and dumplings.
He caught her shoulder and pulled her to him, holding her close. “You don’t have to be a perfect wife, you know.”
JoAnn felt tears spring to her eyes. If he was telling her she didn’t have to be perfect, that meant she was still falling very short. She’d have to double her efforts. “I’m sorry it wasn’t ready.”
He cupped her face in his hands, kissing her softly. “Supper smells good.”
She bit her lip nervously. “I hope it is good. I tried to make chicken and dumplings again, but this time I had Jess stand over me. Her recipe is quite a bit different from Miss Hazel’s but Theodore assured me that Jess’s is much better.”
“I’m going to be happy either way, I’m sure.” He was pleased she hadn’t given up on making the dish. One of his favorite things about her was how she didn’t admit defeat. She just kept trying.
“Unless I poison you!”
He chuckled. “I don’t think you’ve ever poisoned me.”
“You don’t think? That means you’re not sure! Did I make you sick with some of my cooking?”
“You need to stop being so nervous! Your cooking gets better every single day. I’m sure I’ll be happy with how wonderful it is.”
She frowned. “I hope so.” She waved him toward the table. “Did it rain a lot today?”
He shook his head. “No. Not where I was, at least. Did it rain here?”
She nodded. “I had clothes on the line, and Monty Moose came and played in the clothesline again. I don’t know why he likes our wet clothes so much.”
She put a big bowl of the chicken and dumplings in front of him and handed him a spoon. Watching him with her breath held as he took the first bite, she could finally breathe when he nodded at her. “Very good.”
“I’m so glad!” She got herself a bowl and sat down across from him, absolutely relieved. She felt like she was finally not a failure at the wife thing if she could cook the meal that she’d messed up so badly the first time. Of course, not being a failure was far from being perfect.
While he ate, he related the story of a pig that had gotten out of one farmer’s pen and run through another farmer’s wheat fields. “I wasn’t sure the second farmer would ever forgive him.”
“What finally happened?”
“The farmer with the pig agreed to build a better pen before the end of the day, and he’s going to pay restitution to the other farmer. It’s not fair for the second farmer to lose money because the other man didn’t build a good pen.” Kendall shrugged. “It was actually pretty simple once everything was said and done, but the men couldn’t come to the agreement on their own. It’s a good thing there are Mounties in the area now. That could have ended in blood. Men don’t allow anything to mess with their livelihood.”
“Well, I’m glad you got it sorted out. Such big problems you deal with.”
He shrugged. “You know, it’s what a Mountie does. No problem is too big or too small. There’s been a rash of stagecoach robberies as well, so I think I might have to grab one of my fellow Mounties and go and check out the area. Another coach is due that way on Monday. Maybe Theodore can go with me.”
JoAnn took her first bite of the chicken and dumplings, happy that he hadn’t been humoring her…they really did taste good. “Are you closer to Theodore than the others?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure I’d say that, but I have spent more time with him. He was the one who trained me for the territory when I arrived. I was assigned to Vancouver when I first graduated from the academy.”
“Oh! I didn’t realize this wasn’t your first assignment.”
He nodded. “I’ve been a Mountie for six years, but I’ve only been here for a few months.”
“Do you have any desire to move North to work with the natives?”
He shrugged. “That was the goal of a lot of the Mounties that I trained with, but it was never really mine. I’d go if I was asked to. Really, I’d do anything I was asked, of course. It’s part of the job. I really like it here, though. I like the camaraderie of the other men, and that’s not something I’d get in the North.”
“Because the territories are so spread out?”
“Yes. And few of the Mounties who go North take wives with them. The climate there is very harsh and difficult on women. The mosquitoes alone make most women turn tail and run.”
She sighed. “If you go, I’m going with you. I might not be the bravest woman in the world, but I could do it. I promise.”
He reached out and took her hand in his. “I’m not leaving you.”
“Good, because I’d have to chase after you.” She smiled at him, wishing she could just tell him she loved him—but she couldn’t until she was the wife he needed her to be.
After supper, she washed the dishes while he played, and then she sat down for a music lesson with him, listening to him play the different chords and naming them all. He’d already mastered the treble clef, and it was time for him to move on to the bass clef.
After she’d introduced the basic notes, she hid a yawn behind her hand. “I’m so tired. Jess is going to work with me on some new meals tomorrow, so I’d better sleep.”
“But…I thought we could play some music together tonight.”
She shook her head. “I’d love to, but I just can’t keep my eyes open.” She stood up and stretched. “Are you going to come to bed right away? Or are you going to play for a while?”
He shrugged. “I’m not tired enough to sleep yet. I think I’ll just play.” He watched her as she went to bed, missing the wife who played music with him every night. Despite her promise that she would move North with him, he could feel her slipping away from him. They no longer did the things that had brought them together. It was as if music no longer mattered to her, and he hated that. It was their strongest bond.
JoAnn woke early the following morning, forcing her eyes to open before she was ready. She hated mornings. If she were queen of the universe, she would ban them all, and days would start at nine in the morning instead of five.
She quickly washed her face and dressed, going into the kitchen to make a special breakfast for Kendall. Jess had taught her to make omelets the previous day, and she wanted to show off her new skill. She had saved some leftover ham in the icebox, and she was happy to be able to use it in his eggs.
When Kendall woke, he walked into the kitchen, smiling when he realized she wasn’t making pancakes. Lately the pancakes had been interspersed with different breakfast foods, and though he missed the culinary delight, he’d enjoyed the variety. Of course, he’d have eaten pancakes every day of his life if that was what she’d needed him to do. “What are you making this morning?”
“Ham and cheese omelets. I thought they’d be a nice change. The coffee’s ready. Sit down and I’ll pour you a cup.” JoAnn was unsure why the man,
capable Mountie that he was, couldn’t pour his own cup of coffee in the mornings, but she’d been assured that it was her job to pour it for him. So she did. She’d do anything it took to make him happy.
Kendall gladly accepted the coffee and smiled at the omelet. “You should make pancakes tomorrow morning,” he said.
Jess frowned. She’d worked so hard to learn to make new things, and he only wanted her to cook the things she’d been able to cook when she arrived. She wasn’t sure what she was doing wrong, but she’d work harder. Surely soon he’d see that she was the perfect wife for him.
Kendall rode out with Theodore on Monday morning, trying to surprise the stage coach robbers. They always seemed to hide in the same place. “I think JoAnn wants to go back to Ottawa,” he said, as they rode off to the ambush spot, hoping to find the men who were causing so many problems.
“What makes you say that? Jess told me she’s doing everything she can to be a good wife to you.”
Kendall rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s just the thing. She was a great wife when she got here. She played music with me, and we enjoyed each other’s company. Now all she does is work. Dinner’s on the table when I get home. My clothes are always in perfect order. Do you know when we went shooting yesterday, she hit the target ten times out of ten? Of course, she still won’t open her eyes when she shoots, but if she’s hitting the target every time, I can’t complain about that, right?”
“Why do you want her to shoot?”
“I think she should be able to defend herself. Especially with Monty Moose wandering around.”
Theodore shook his head. “That stupid moose. I wish Jess would let me shoot him so she could make me a delicious moose stew…but she said he’s a pet and we can’t shoot him. Why can’t she be like a normal woman and get a puppy?”
Kendall shrugged. “No idea. I can say the same for JoAnn, though. All the ladies think that stupid moose is a pet. Don’t they realize he can’t sit on their laps?”
“I guess not. The female mind will always be a mystery to me. I swear I think they lie awake at night trying to think up ways to confound us.”
RNWMP: Kendall (Mail Order Mounties Book 1) Page 8