by Jen Robyn
Sighing once, her father’s temper faded. “I’d like to believe that, pumpkin,” he replied gently. “And despite the fact that I’ve worried that boy is too aggressive, I’ve never stood in the way of your friendship before. But Julie, he is several years older than you are. If your mother was still alive, I’m sure she would have explained all this to you, so you’d understand my concern.” She blinked once, but said nothing.
“Pumpkin, I love you very much. You’re young and naïve, and I just don’t want you getting hurt.” Lowering her head, Julianna blushed. Her father was never one to mince words. “Do you understand, sweetheart?” She gave a quick nod and he hugged her, patting her back.
“Does this mean I can’t see Roger anymore?” she asked softly.
“No,” he sighed. “I suppose you can see him. Just make sure it’s during daylight hours, and no more creeping into your bedroom. Otherwise I will throw him out the window next time. Fair enough?” She smiled slightly with another nod. “All right then,” he replied, kissing her forehead. “Now why don’t you get some sleep? We’ll talk more about this tomorrow.” As he was leaving, he turned once. “And before you go to bed… please pick up all those feathers.”
Julianna glanced at the mess strewn across her bed and groaned, just before proceeding. It was only when she heard a low whistle that she dropped the feathers she held and raced to the window. Roger peered in from the ledge, glancing once around the room.
“Your father’s gone, right?” he murmured.
“Yes,” she whispered, “but you can’t stay here. When he gives a warning, he means it, and I don’t want to be responsible for your being tossed from a second story window.”
“I’ll go, but only so I don’t get you in trouble, Julie. And to be on the safe side, I’ll keep away for a few weeks to avoid your father’s wrath. That should settle things down somewhat.”
“Well, if you feel it’s best.”
“I do.” He gave her a knowing smile. “Trust me?”
“Always,” she said solemnly.
He leaned forward to give her a quick kiss. “See you in a few weeks,” he replied, grinning before heading back to the ground.
As he waved and ran off towards his house, Julianna waved after him with starry eyes. He loves me! her young mind echoed happily. And I’ll love him forever, she vowed, slowly shutting her window with a blissful smile.
*****
Julianna smiled at the memory.
That was many years ago.
After that evening, Roger didn’t cross the line of friendship again, as if it had never happened. While this saddened her at first, their bond of friendship still seemed strong, so she assumed time would restore the rest eventually. She even shrugged off the occasional jibes from her friends regarding her ‘older boyfriend.’
But as often happens with childhood friendships, time steered them down different paths, leaving her feeling lost when he went off to college. They corresponded for a while, but as their lives grew busier, the letters grew fewer. And when Roger’s family moved to a different neighborhood, ultimately they lost touch with each other completely.
Which was why Julianna was so surprised at what happened four months ago.
*****
Why do I let her drag me to these things?
True, her close friend Marybeth meant well. But every time Julianna came to these silly gatherings, she could count on having to force at least one plastic smile for an unknown guy who would be interested when she wasn’t.
At twenty-five, all shades of her teenage years had vanished, replaced by a very attractive woman. Although she was happy with her looks and wouldn’t change them, sometimes the unwanted attention she got left her wanting to become a hermit.
While the music blared in the main room, Julianna sneaked over to a quieter one, resting her head against the armrest of a sofa. And silently counting the minutes until she could leave.
Staring at the floor absently, she heard an unexpected voice.
“Doesn’t look like the floor’s moving tonight, no matter how hard you stare at it, Julie.”
Gasping with wide eyes, Julianna bolted upright and would have fallen over if she hadn’t already been sitting. “Roger?” she gasped. “What are you doing here?”
“Same as you I imagine. Heard there was a party, and got dragged here, right?” At a loss for words, she simply nodded as he sat beside her. “Been a long time, hasn’t it?”
“A lifetime,” she agreed absently. “Are you with someone?”
“Not anymore. How about you?” She shook her head but retained a look of curiosity. “I just got out of a relationship a month ago, so I figured I’d start socializing again. Never thought I’d find you here.”
“Small town,” she laughed.
He smiled, reaching out to clasp her hand. She returned the gesture, their eyes speaking volumes, erasing the years of separation.
“It’s good to see you again, Julie,” he said quietly.
*****
After that evening, everything seemed to fall into place for them. Their conversation that evening led to their dating, and for a few months, Julianna starting enjoying herself again.
But then a rift developed, when it became apparent that each had a very different view on what they wanted from their relationship.
One evening at Roger’s place, Julianna was surprised to find he’d set up dinner, complete with candles and soft music. The evening had gone well, until she got ready to leave.
As had become the norm, Roger tried to persuade her otherwise.
Julianna smiled against him, gently trying to keep him at arm’s length. “Roger, you know how I feel about this.”
“And you know how I feel about you,” he murmured against her mouth, silencing her protests while threading both hands through her hair. “Stay with me tonight, Julie. I promise it will be wonderful for the both of us.”
His kisses temporarily swayed her, only reminding her of how persuasive he always was. Part of her yearned to give him what he wanted, yet there was still another part that was hesitant. Although waiting for marriage seemed strange to some these days, Julianna felt strongly about wanting at least an engagement before giving herself completely to anyone. Or at the very least, to know the person she was with loved her. He’d never spoken the words.
“Roger, not tonight,” she broke in, pushing against his chest this time. Beneath his impassioned gaze, there was no mistaking the look of hurt. “I know you want me, and I’m not saying a part of me doesn’t want you too, but...”
“But you’ve been saying that for two months,” he sighed. “Julie, for the thousandth time, it’s not like we just met. We’ve known each other for years. Since we were teenagers, in fact. What is it you want?”
To know you love me, her heart answered, though she couldn’t tell him this. Either he loved her or he didn’t. And at this point, she wasn’t sure. Asking for the words wouldn’t necessarily bring an honest response.
“I need more time before jumping into something serious,” she replied finally.
“Fine,” he said heavily. “Whatever you want. Maybe we should just call it a night.”
She didn’t want to simply leave it at that and tried to make him understand how she felt, but the negative tension in the air only got worse, ending up in a loud argument, ruining what was left of the evening. They parted without even saying good night.
They didn’t speak for a week afterwards.
*****
While apart, Julianna had time to think about the situation and regretted what had happened. She decided to try and make it up to him, although her older sister Crystal tried to convince her otherwise. Being more objective, she’d never trusted Roger herself. But since Julianna had known him for so many years, that time worked against her cautions, and Crystal knew she couldn’t stand in her sister’s way.
Julianna went over to Roger’s apartment unannounced. Knocking on the door, she was surprised when he didn’t answer ri
ght away, since his car was outside. She knocked again and finally the door opened.
Roger was there, bare-chested and in his sleepwear, emphasizing his muscular figure. His brown hair was slightly askew, while his slate blue eyes seemed to light up with surprise. Out of instinct, her heart skipped a beat, but she calmed it quickly.
“Julie,” he replied, rubbing his eyes once. “What are you doing here?”
“Oh, did I wake you? I’m sorry. It’s only nine, and since you’re always up past midnight, I didn’t think it was that late.”
“No, no, it’s fine. What’s up?”
“Well, I really hated the way we left things. I suppose you’re right that a relationship can’t remain at a standstill forever, and…”
“I know what I said,” he interrupted, reaching out to take her hand. “But I probably shouldn’t have pushed so hard either. I didn’t mean to put you down for your beliefs.”
Now he sounded more like the Roger she’d fallen in love with. Crystal would certainly be surprised at his words! Her heart buoyed, she continued, “In that case, maybe we could just forget the other evening, and try again?”
“I’d like that very much,” he whispered, leaning forward to kiss her.
She put her arms around his neck, gazing into his eyes happily.
“Roger?” an agitated voice called out. “Are you going to keep me waiting here all night? How long does it take to answer a door?”
Julianna felt her blood turn cold, eyeing Roger with confusion. “Who’s that?”
He shook his head, growling against his hand. “Nobody,” he murmured, moving towards the hallway while trying to pull the door shut behind him.
She wouldn’t let him, pushing past him to catch sight of a pretty brunette emerging from his bedroom, wrapping his robe around her.
“Who are you?” the woman asked.
Glaring at her briefly, Julianna tried to force a smile. “I’m his girlfriend, unless there’s something he neglected to tell me last week.”
“Must be, if you’re the ‘ex’ he mentioned.”
Feeling her cheeks burn, she turned to Roger with a mixture of hurt and anger, and shook her head. “It certainly didn’t take you long to find someone else more compliant. It would have been nice if you’d let me know we were through first.”
“Julie...”
Not wanting to hear anymore, she strode back to the hallway, but he followed her outside, this time successfully shutting the door.
“Julie, wait a minute,” he insisted, grabbing hold of her arm. “Let me explain.”
“Oh, come on, Roger. I may be naïve, but I’m not stupid. She was wearing less than you were when I walked in.”
“Okay, so I’m human. After the last time I saw you, I assumed we were broken up. Marilyn’s an old friend, and she just came over to comfort me.”
“W-e-ll…” she replied, forcing a bitter laugh. “How could she fail with that particular method?”
His eyes narrowed in anger. “Hey, it’s not my fault if you decided to suddenly drop by unexpectedly. And I’ll thank you to leave Marilyn out of this. She’s not to blame for what happened between us.”
“Oh, and I suppose here’s where you blame it all on me, right?”
“Well, if you hadn’t put up that wall of ice for the past month, maybe the other night wouldn’t have happened and we’d still be together.”
“I see, so just because I wouldn’t sleep with you, that’s reason enough for you to dismiss our relationship like it never meant anything.”
“You’re the one who brought that about, sweetheart, not me.”
Before she could reply, he turned his back on her, heading inside and slamming the door.
Julianna was a wreck when she got home, although Crystal wasn’t surprised. A week later, her friend Marybeth found out that Roger was now living with Marilyn. So much for her being just a friend!
Her family and friends worried about her reaction, but Julianna merely shrugged off their concern, busying herself with work.
It was only when she was alone that she let the tears surface. She wrote in a small journal to comfort herself, transferring her inner pain to it.
She’d initially written of happier times between them, but now there was only sadness. After a brief time, she stopping writing in it completely, locking the journal and hiding it in the bottom of her jewelry box. As if she could lock away her pain in the process.
Now almost two months later, she wondered if she’d ever get used to the emptiness she felt.
So far, the answer remained ‘no’.
*****
No one in the hallway.
A clear path to the water fountain.
Breathing a sigh of relief, Julianna strode towards a few moments of peace and refreshment.
Until someone suddenly bumped into her from the nearby conference room.
“Julie!” the person said amiably. “Well, isn’t this a coincidence?”
No more than the other three times this month, Julianna thought with a sigh.
The water would have to wait… again.
“Marybeth,” she acknowledged.
“It’s been a while since we’ve chatted.”
“Yes, all of a week. Now if you’ll excuse me, breaks aren’t that long.” Before she could leave, Marybeth stepped in front of her.
“Come on, Julie. We’ve been friends too long for you not to satisfy my curiosity. When are you going to kick that seductress out of Roger’s life for good?”
Julianna fought back a glare. “Never. Roger and I are history. That’s it. End of story.”
Her friend’s smile became catlike. “For now,” she chimed.
“I’m heading back to my desk.”
“Oh, Julie,” Marybeth crooned after her. “There’s something I’ve been meaning to tell you for days. It concerns Roger.” Julianna stopped walking, wondering at the odd tone in her voice.
“What’s happened?”
“At the last few gatherings, he showed up alone. It would seem things aren’t going as well with Marilyn as he wanted everyone to think. She walked out on him over a week ago.”
Her long-buried emotions stirred at that, but Julianna wouldn’t let them get control this time. “That’s his problem. Now if you’ll excuse me.”
“Julie, he misses you. There isn’t one of us who can’t see it. Don’t you realize there isn’t a single woman we know who hasn’t wanted to go out with him? But all he ever does is ask about you.”
Wanting to protest, Marybeth wouldn’t let her interrupt. “Ever since you had that fallout last July, he hasn’t been himself at all. When he did show up with Marilyn, they’d usually find excuses to be in separate rooms, unlike when he used to spend every moment with you.”
Momentarily forgetting her anger regarding Marilyn, Julianna nearly smiled. “I never could understand what he saw in her. I’ve heard them say she acts like an absolute Medusa, like Almira.”
At the mention of their boss, Marybeth’s eyes narrowed. “Almira is Medusa. Stone face, stone heart.”
“Was there a point here?”
“You’re underestimating yourself, Julie,” Marybeth continued, “but take it from me, you’ve got him hooked, even though he hasn’t said anything yet.” Folding her arms conspiratorially, she whispered, “Besides, having a boyfriend helps to keep the other jerks away.”
Her friend certainly spoke from experience, dauntlessly persisting in her quest for the ideal man. Julianna knew how difficult that particular challenge could be, though admittedly, Roger had always been highly attractive.
Shrugging off the thought, she shook her head. “I wouldn’t need Roger for that fortunately. If I did have a problem with an unwanted suitor, I’d just chain the door and threaten him with my ferocious hellhound guard dog.” Upon Marybeth’s glance of skepticism regarding her playful dog, she shrugged once. “Okay, so Shadow’s too cute for that, but she does sound like a hellhound sometimes.”
“You could alw
ays borrow the kids next door, and claim them to be yours and your husband’s,” she suggested. “Might give a hint to Roger at the same time.”
Julianna smiled. She’d wanted that once.
She shook her head immediately against the thought.
“No, I’d just as soon hire bodyguards, and have them toss him into the neighbor’s pool.”
“Or better yet, simply record and amplify Shadow’s barking to scare him into the neighbor’s pool.”
Breaking into laughter, they never noticed their boss’ approach until hearing the tapping of her heeled shoe. Marybeth caught on first, tugging on Julianna’s sleeve to gain her attention. The domineering nature of their boss didn’t make it any easier to face her with completely serious expressions.
“Miss Thompson,” whispered Julianna, struggling to cover her mirth with a cough. “We were just about to return to our desks.”
“Were you now?” drawled the older woman.
In her early forties, Almira Thompson was the epitome of business, business, and more business. From her straight prim haircut, her overdone makeup, and her assortment of never-ending gray ‘executive’ business suits, the woman was a human business machine in high-heels. If she even suspected a lax attitude, she’d use a practiced cold stare to wear down any employee. One could always tell she was angry when her eyes squinted and her bright red lipsticked mouth was drawn into a tight line.
She was all that now with an equally red angry face.
“Yes, we were just discussing the merits of the company pool,” added Marybeth, causing Julianna to smile again.
Almira’s eyebrows shot up. She took a step towards the culprit with an intimidating smile. “Something funny you’d care to share with us, Miss Sherborne?”
Julianna shook her head quickly, coughing again to regain her composure. “Not really, Miss Thompson.”
“Then why don’t you and your sidekick return to your desks before you’re sent home instead. Now!” Glaring for emphasis, she spun on her heel and strutted down the hallway. Marybeth made a face and imitated her movements. From around the corner, Almira’s stern voice called out, “I’d take that as a warning if I were you, Miss O’Neill!”